Walking into an oblivion ...

Barefoot ....
And bleeding ...
Tattered.....
And torn ...
I walk into the oblivion ...
Towards the crimson horizon ...
Oblivious of the stares ...
Couldn't care for the looks ...
The whispers and sniggers ...
They don't matter ...
All that matters is ....
I am walking into the oblivion ...
All alone ....
The partner left behind ...
The one who promised left far behind .....
A lonesome picture ...
But, a woman of grit ...
And determination ....
I walk on ...
Thorns digging deep in my heels ..
Stones scraping my feet ...
Yet I move on ...
A tear or two shed here and there ....
For a love lost forever.

It was beautiful while it lasted ...
Walking into the oblivion ...
I spot the moon ....
Bright and beautiful ...
One which we saw always...
He from his abode ....
And me from mine.

Same moon ....
But just one person ...
A damsel...
Walking towards it.

A free bird ....

I want to sing like the birds sing, 
not worrying about who hears or what they think. ~ Rumi

I am a free bird ...
Roaming the skies ....
Flitting from branch to branch ....
Chirping ....
Singing the song of a lark.

I am a free bird ...
Do not cage me ...
i am born to be free....
No bondage ....
Just an adage ....
Steer clear ...
I love not thee anymore ....
I can peck ...
I can scratch ....
Nevertheless ....
I am a free bird anyway.

I have always followed my heart ....
Even when you entered my life ...
I followed my heart ....
I gave a damn about what others thought ....
i believed you ...
I gave you the command of my ship ...
You failed as a Captain ...
Your navigation skills a zilch ...
I saw no land in your reign ....
I see no land anywhere ..
Water water everywhere ...
But, not a drop to drink.

A free bird I am ....
With free thoughts ...
And, freedom of speech ...
You cannot cage me ....
Let me fly away.

Eden ....

My garden of Eden ...
Was trampled upon by you ....
You poured poison in my water canal ....
You ruined my tulips ...
you stamped upon my lillies ...
You plucked the petals from my roses ...
How can I spare you?

Nah.... you deserve no mercy .....
Painful existence is to be yours for life ...
Each moment ...
Each scar reminding you of me ...
And my garden of Eden you trampled upon.

So much venom ...
So much pain ....
The heartache to endure ...
How can you escape ...
Your fate ...
Is in my hands.

My garden of Eden will rise again ....
From your flesh and blood ..
I shall irrigate and fertilize it ....
My garden of Eden ....
Your death Bed.

My mind tells me to give up, my heart won’t let me.

What to do ?

My mind tells me to give up, my heart won’t let me.

Mind over matter ...
Heart over matter ....
Confusion .....

Flowers from the heart of a true lover .... A love story never told before ...

This is the story of a man and a woman who loved each other truly ...

The story of pure love .....

She loved flowers ...

His garden glows with these flowers and the creation of God and love .....

She worshipped him and he loved her ...

A pure love ....

A true story ...

The flowers are witness to his undying love for her ...

They can never be separated ....

Ever ... ever ...

They are one through their passion ...

The vibrant and bright colours ....

Telling their love story ...

He was inexpressive via words ...

But he expressed through his garden of love ....

Today, I share their love story through his labour of love ....

The flowers from his ....

Garden of Eden ....

A tribute to Maa and Daddu ..... 

Flowers from the Garden of Love .....

Look for the answer ...

In your question ..
Lies the answer...
I asked a question...
Why me?
You didn't give an answer ....
So, I keep asking the same question ....
Why?
The answer lies within me ....
Yet, I want to hear you say it.
Till you don't answer ....
This struggle and conflict will go on ....
There won't be an end to it ....
We shall both suffer ....
The rest with us in silence.

There is no looking back ...
Nor is there something to look forward to ....
Just an answer...
And, all would be resolved ...
But, an honest answer...
Is all I need from you.

But, you don't give the answer ..
I want to hear ....
So, the war of the roses goes on  and on.

Look for the answer to this question ...
Within you Darling ....
The answer lies with you  not me.

Tip of the Iceberg ...

This is just the beginning ....
There's more to come ....
Just the tip of the Iceberg ...
There's lots beneath the surface ....
They say a woman's heart is like a deep blue Sea....
The depths of which not known to man ...
So guess... what more secrets of yours ....
Are hidden deep within ...
Secrets that can destroy your whole World ....
Wake up Sunshine ....
Before dusk dawns in ...
And all is lost ...
No hope left for you.

You can't fathom the extent .....
To which my rage can reduce you to ashes ....
Again I repeat ...
One who lives in a glass house shouldn't ...
Throw stones at others homes ...
In this process ....
You will only destroy your own World ....
Nothing will be left ...
No past, no present and no future ...
An empty house to go to ....
No one left to greet you ...
Just photo frames ...
With people staring at you ....
Asking .... Why did you do this Diploo?
And, Diploo won't have a reply ....
Just a sad forlorn long face .....
His solace his porn movies .......
On his gadgets to keep him company...

I have nothing to gain or lose ....
You took it all away .....
Your happiness counted for you ...
Today I ask you to return my peace back to me ....
Return the piece of me you destroyed ....
Can you?
No, you can't ....
and yet you remain unrepentant and stoic ...
Then, I have no choice but to continue the battle ...
all is fair in love and war ....
And if it is war .....
So be it......
If  being adamant is your stance ....
You know me well enough ....
You can't break me ...
My words slice through you each moment ...
They say ' Pen is mightier than a Sword' ....
I shall continue using my pen .....
Freedom of speech is what I shall use ....
You can try your best ...
I won't bend as always ....I shall bring you to your knees time and again......
There's no looking back ...
I have my resolve ...
As strong as Titanium and steel ...
You know me ...
Am the iron lady ....
You loved that quality in me ...
You shall experience it first hand as always ....
My words are steel pellets that will hurt you always ....
You won't live, yet you won't die.

So far you have seen the tip of the iceberg ....
There is lots beneath ....
Wait for the volley to begin ....
Then there won't be no looking back ...
Just marching forward ....
The Army never turns it's back ..
It marches on destroying anything that comes in between.

Iceberg ... that destroyed the mighty Titanic ....
What are you?
Just a mere criminal ....
You are over and done with all your conniving ....
Time for annihilation....
Icy cold waters to freeze you to death ...
Slow and steady ....
But, very painful.

This is just the tip of the iceberg .....

SPARKLE!!!!

Sparkle... sparkles with your timeless love ...
Sparkle knows .... your love was true ...
Sparkle knows ... you  still love her....
You don't have to say it ....
Sparkle .... just knows.
Know it for sure ...
Sparkle will always be there for you ...
All you need to do is ...
Call her ...
And, She will break every barrier ....
Every bondage .... just to be with you.
You have loved Sparkle truly ....
And, Sparkle hasn't forgotten ...
She is there for you ...
Others have come and gone ....
She has no regrets for them ...
But, she will break all the rules Just for YOU ...
Every music reminds her of you .... That you selected and played ...
That you suggested ...they still resonate within her ....
Music man you are Rumi ....
You are Ghalib ...
You are the essence of folk lore ...
Your Ektara and Sitar ...
Her visions ....
You play music in her visions ....
Especially when she is down and out ....
Unspoken words ....
Yet so explicit and known.....
You are the Maestro ....
She is the danseuse...
You both are what life is all about ...
You both are what true love is all about ...
Sparkle awaits the signal from you .....
She will wait forever.

Ummmm .... What a sight it would be ....

The roar of the Lion ....
Reduced to a whimper ....
Ah! Pure bliss....
Ooh... What a feeling ....
Hearing that voice again ....
But, this time ....
Whining .... and just a weak shadow of it's heyday bellow....
Where's the music man gone now?
What a sight .....
Felt pity ....
Like for a mongrel ....
A street dog ....
Who hasn't eaten for days together.....
Aah! ..... The so called man ....
Reduced to pulp.....
Now, where is the over confidence dear?
How do you face the World now?
How do you go in front of the same people who used to call you Sir with respect?
Do they still respect you?
Nah.... they work for the salary ....
Not you anymore....
No one works for a beggar ...
No one works for you know who ....
The word you said so meekly today.

This is the beginning of an end .....
Ever heard of the African Mumba?
Google ... read something ...
Educate yourself ....
An Elephant's memory never fades ....
A snake captures it's tormentor image in his vision ...
Know it ....
They are all dangerous ....
They are not so when they are your friends ....
But, you rub them the wrong way ....
And, all you get is ....
You know what ...
Trampled upon, thrown hither tither ....
Or plain bitten to a horrific death.

Never cross my path again dear ....
For, I haven't forgotten ...
I shall never .....
I remember 10th August 2012 ....
It was a memorable day ....
What a sight to see ....
The same hands that caressed me ...
The same fingers that ran lovingly through my hair ....
In cuffs ....
A beautiful sight indeed....
I cried deep within ...
For the lost love ....
But steeled myself for justice ...
Love is in one place ...
And, correcting your loved one is another ...
You did wrong ....
I had to teach you a lesson ....
That doesn't mean I don't love you ...
It means I love you ...
So, I won't allow you to do anything wrong again ....

I will never let you do any wrong again ...
That's my promise to you ...
I ensured it.
Now, go home and relax....
You have a family that loves you ....
Never break their trust again.

You are a free bird ....
I am flying away ...
So you can be with your flock ...
I have miles to cover ....
Places to go ...
Before I sleep ....
A long sleep dreaming of you ...
Coz' that's the only place.....
I shall meet you away from prying eyes ....
Away from evil eyes ...
Just in my own vision ....
My own eyes ....
That is enough for a lifetime ....

Umm... What a sight it would be .....
A World of our own ....
A figment of my imagination NOW.

Wanna know my mood today?

If you really want to know ...
Want to know ....
How your day with me is gonna go ....
Read my blogposts....
Yep..... That's where my present day....
Present moment feelings are expressed ....
So explicitly .....
That it gives goosebumps to the person ....
Who is reading it ....
And, sleepless nights ...
To the one who knows it is for him or her.

This is the best way ....
To take it all out ...
Early morning ablution ....
Expel the shit outta your system....
Rather than let it sit in there ....
and rot and cause stink and decay ...
Just let the steam out ...
So that you feel better ...
I meant, I feel better ....
And, it helps move on.

These memories remain ....
But, later as scars only ....
So best is to take it all out ...
An outbursts ...
And then there is calmness ...
Pure serenity and bliss.

The last couple of months ....
I have had no peace of mind ....
The heart broken ....
Trying to gather the pieces ...
And, then I just let go ...
Didn't bother picking the pieces ....
And, putting it all together ...
No more ...
Just let go.

Rightly said, When one thing is lost ....
Another is gained ....
I gained some experience ....
Saw the true colours .....of the so called Rainbow ....
The Land of colours ...
Showed me the that colours are just...
A figment of imagination .....
Rest is nothing ....
Nothingness .... A black hole ...
An emptiness within each being.
Each one tormented by their troubled souls ....
Each a sad being .....
To each his own then....
Coz' am moving away ...
Found my Nirvana .....
My Moksha ....
My AGNI.

Crimson tide ....

The tide came in today .....
All crimson ...
As though someone's throat was slit ....
And he was left to die ....To drown ...
In the deep blue Ocean.

The sky opened up ...
And it is pouring like hell let loose ...
Guess, God too is letting go ...

I remember him at this time ....
Sitting by the window sill ...
The walk by the Sea face ...
The walk on the beach ...
The walk on the hill ....
I tell AGNI the whole story ....
He has to know ...
To know from the womb itself ...
He twists and turns .....
As though wincing in pain ....
Seeing his mother so sad ....
But, that's life ...
Sometimes it throws lemons at us ....
Better make lemonade and have it.

But, frankly I have no regrets.....
Time spent with him was full of happiness at least ...
Momentary yet a fulfilled  love life ...
He brought a smile on my face ....
His hugs gave me a reason to celebrate ....
Crimson hues but beautiful horizon ...
He was my Sunrise and ...
He is my Sunset.

Today,  I raise a toast in his memory ...
A memory of a bygone era ....
Memory of a lost love ...
Memory of a beloved ....
I wish him luck ...
I wish him happiness ....
There is no looking back ....
 There is no fast forward either.

Crimson hues ...
Crimson tide ...
Waves crashing on rocks ....
Drops of salty seawater on my face ....
What do I need?
Nothing .....
Just the total recall is enough to last me a lifetime.

I am sailing away ....

Time for a sabbatical .....
Am sailing away to a far away land ....
Time to spend alone ...
All alone .... My space , my time ....
All alone with just AGNI for company ....
Time to go away and give AGNI the chance to survive ....
I shall be back ....
The movie hasn't ended yet .....
This is just the beginning ....
The Tip of an Iceberg ...
There is lots underneath ....
With time ... all will come out ...
Everything exposed ....
Now is the time to rest and recuperate ....
To come back with a vengeance ....
Kannagi Style ....
Who was Kannagi ?
A woman whose love for her husband burnt a whole city down ....
Know your facts ....
Time for some respite ....
And then ..... You know what ...
I can die for people I love ...
And, destroy the ones I come to hate.

I am sailing away ....
A long cruise ....
Travel with my unborn ....
And, then return with the prodigal son.

Poor Katrina Kaif .... He didn't spare her either ....

I dunno whether it is true or false ....
I took his word for it ....
Blindly believing him ...
Till his truth was revealed ....
Till I realized that he was a habitual liar ...
And attention seeker.

 He used to say that Katrina Kaif was his first love .....
And he was her first love ....
Before stardom touched her ....
When she was a nobody ...
And, she left him for the starry lights ...
Breaking his heart ....
He showed photos of her younger self ....
He made them his Profile pictures .....
I believed him ....
He didn't spare her either ....
This man seems to be a habitual and perpetual liar ....
One who is a parasite ...
Thriving on women's riches ....
Using them ....
Till he is exposed ...
And, he sets on a journey ....
Of finding another victim.

When ... Oh when! Will he ever stop?
He roams the streets yet again freely now ....
Seeking a new face ....
A new victim ...
To bleed her to death.

Not so long ago ...

There was a  queen ...
Not so long ago ...
Empress of her World ....
The best in her field ....
A promising career ...
A great future ahead ....
Everything was going smooth ....
Till ....
He set his eyes on her .....
And, cast an evil spell ...
He ensnared her in his clutches ...
Lies and tall tales ....
He set the ball rolling ...
For her downfall ...
He had a windfall....
He took it all from her ....
He snatched her life .....
He sucked her dry ....
He a leech ....
Drained the colour from her life ....
The Rainbow turned into ...
A grey cloudy day .....
All was lost ....
She was lost ....
She wandered hither tither ....
Till she reached the end of the World ....
Just before the darkest hour seemed endless....
They say.... A ray of light emerged ...
The dawn broke the evil spell ....
A fire so intense ....
Fire ... AGNI emerged ....
The colour on her pale skin returned ....
The Sun came out shining bright ...
There was a reason to smile again ...
There was a chance to reign the World again.....
There was the promise of a bright and beautiful future .....
Once again .... She was the Princess ....
Once again .... she was all set to rule the World again.

The Not so long ago story ....
Became today's ongoing saga.

Troubairitz .....

Yes, I am Troubairitz .....
I invent my poetry ....
I write from my heart ...
I compose songs ...
I touch hearts.

I am no lame person ....
I ain't no saint either ...
I am human ..
And, human emotions I write about.

I weave dreams ...
Dreams are what I am made of..
Dreams are what I deliver ...
To every lost soul who visits me.

Dreams ....

AGNI .... in my arms ....

AGNI on my lap ...

Dreams ..... And I am dreaming my life away ....

My day begins with AGNI ....

My dusk and dawn is AGNI ....

 A sweet dream ....

About to come true ....

Motherhood beckoning me again.

Only one who has truly loved and lost ....

Can value the price of my dreams ....

Endless, seamless dreams ...

The end result of uninhibited love.

A careless whisper ....

All care to winds attitude ....

A child within ....

A dream about to come true.

Little frocks, tiny mittens ....

Gearing for a Winter child .....

Miniature sweaters and woolen socks ...

A creche' of wood ....

A melody to sing ....

A sweet lullaby .....

Baby blues ....

For the boy to arrive.

Sitting by the brook ....

Watching tiny fish flit in the running ....

Crystal clear water .....

I see a dream ...

I feel him within ...

Twisting ...

Letting me know ...

He is there ...

As eager to meet me ....

As I am to hold him close to my heart ....

My dream .... My AGNI.

My Red Rose Garden ......

The Garden ....

My  Red Rose Garden ...
Bleeding Red ... Roses so bright ....
Where does the colour on them come from ...
Ever heard of the Nightingale....
That thrust it's heart into a thorn ....
So the Rose that bloomed on it ...
Was a scarlet ...

The brightest Red....
The bleeding heart ....
Gave the Scarlet colour ...
The bleeding heart made the rose ...
The red rose ...
The epitome of pure and true love.

My garden blooms with roses ...
As red as my bleeding heart ...

For the thorns have embellished my heart ....
My heart ...
A sad thorny picture ...
Scarred ... bleeding ...
Yet feeding the blooming roses.

My Red Rose Garden ...
A beautiful picture ...

A sad story ....
My love story ....




An epic saga ...
To be told and retold ....
Down the ages ...
It shall remain ....
The story of true love ...
Endurance and sacrifice....
An example for all lovers ....
A story to be told ....
A fairy tale...

My Red Rose Garden ....
The thorns bleeding my heart ...
Yet the most beautiful garden ...
With the most beautiful Red Rose blooming within.

My Toys ..... Musings of a little girl ....

I still have my old toys ..... preserved ...
I still have memories .....
My toys are still as good as new ....
And guess what ?
I don't share my toys.

Once someone uses my toy ....
I discard it ....
Then IT has no place in my museum ....
But, I destroy my used toy ....
So that the other learns a lesson ....
What cannot be mine ...
Can never be theirs.

My toys are my possessions ....
They are mine to keep ...
Mine to play with ...
Mine to dress and doll up .....
The moment I sense another person's touch on it ....
My toy is of no use to me ....
But then it is of no use to anyone ...
I don't share my stuff with anyone ....
ANYONE means NO ONE ....
What can not be mine ....
Can NEVER be another's....

My Toys are my life ...
They reflect my choice ....
My Toys define me .....
My Toys pacify the child within me .....
My Toys are mine ....
They are exclusive ....
Different from others toys ...
They have always been so ....
And, I don't share my TOYS.

Soon, I shall be blessed with a new TOY ....
And, it shall be mine forever ....
Let you be warned .....
Stay away from my new TOY ....
Lest you try to snatch it from me ...
I shall ..... You know what ....
I don't need to spell it out ....
I just need to do the needful....
Coz' I don't share my TOYS ...
By now, you are well aware of the fact.....
I don't need to spell it for you....
My TOYS are mine and mine ONLY.

How would you feel ....
If I snatched your TOY from you ?
SO, Beware .....
Maintain your distance ....
Hold your tongue ...
Coz' Children can be very cruel ...
Especially, if their territories are tread upon ....
So, know it for sure ....
Am in no mood to share ....
My TOYS are mine ONLY ....
Lest you forget .....
Remember, recent events ...
There can be more such incidents ....
And, you wouldn't know where to hide...
Hide yourself and your TOY ....
Else, I shall come get your TOY ...
and, I don't use USED TOYS ....
I dump them in garbage bins ....
Coz' that's where they belong.....
TRASH .....

CHUCKY!!!!!

I was enchanted ....

You belong with me ....

Story of us .....

You are not sorry ....

Never ever ever .....

We are never ever ever getting back together again ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcMn_Eu-XTE

The Bump ......

It's showing ...
The bump ....
The little mound proclaiming to the world ....
Yes, Agni is very much here.

The feeling of fullness....
The feeling of Motherhood ...
Once again ....
The feeling ...... He is very much here.

Agni makes his presence felt ...
He kicks and turns .....
He moves around ....
He scratches my womb ...
He tells me ....
Mom, I am here ....
Alive and kicking.

Agni is growing by leaps and bounds ....
He is making his presence felt...
He is there for all to see ...
Safely ensconced within.

The Bump ... It is showing.

The Kick ....

Oui! ....
Felt a kick while listening to ....
The Lollipop song by his Daddy....
Agni is just like his Dad ...
Naughty and full of movement....
Daddy dearest ... going to be born once again ....
I just hope he doesn't turn out to be a ....
Mastermind criminal like him.

Agni is taking shape ....
Hope he grows tall like me ...
And not short like his Dad....
Hope he has righteousness ....
Not a slapjack sinister character like his Dad....
i just hope .... he is a healthy and bouncy baby ....
Full of smiles and giggles ....
And brings mirth and laughter in my life....
The way his Dad made me happy.... albeit only for a while ...
Till he left forever .... to be gone  and lost....
In a World ... where he will never be free again....
Imprisoned and chained to a woman ....
A characterless woman who duped him ....
Who blackmails him ....
Poor fellow! All I feel for him is pity ...
Pity for a soul lost ...
All his doing ....
For momentary pleasures and ...
Trying to make quick moolah.....
In a dubious manner.....
He sold himself to the devil.

He used to call me Moolah Baby ...
Now I know why ...
For all my Moolah ...
He took it all away ....
slowly he siphoned it alll ...
Emptied my purse and accounts....
Why did he need to do that?

I still don't understand ...
Can't a man go out work hard and earn Money?
Why does he need to cheat people?
Especially me....
I trusted him blindly ....
Gave him everything he asked for ....
Yet, he cheated me.
What will I tell Agni tomorrow?

For now...
Am happy Agni is hale and hearty....
But, tomorrow when he comes face to face ....
With the reality of his father ...
What will his reaction be?

On Letting Go ..... Some Quotes ....

Today I am amazed at the things our children have done and their wide range
of interests.  They are all living their lives and not the ones I would have planned
for them.  But I have learned that their lives are theirs, not mine, and in living
their own lives they have given me experiences and an education I would never
have had if I’d been fool enough to make them do what I thought they should do.

There are things that we never want to let go
of, people we never want to leave behind.
But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end
of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.

If only you could see that looking back into an incomplete and imperfect past, with regret, blame, guilt
or resentment is keeping you from the treasures that await you here now.
The past has gone.  You cannot rectify something that is no longer with you.

Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing
you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is
not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing
which keeps you from hope and love?

Letting go doesn't mean we don't care.  Letting go doesn't mean we shut down.
Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave.
It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment.
It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which
we cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means
taking care of ourselves.  And we do this in gentleness, kindness,
and love, as much as possible.

As I started to picture the trees in the storm,
the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the
storm don't try to stand up straight and tall and
erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown
with the wind. They understand the power of
letting go. Those trees and those branches that
try too hard to stand up strong and straight are
the ones that break.

To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore.  It doesn't
leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret.  Letting go isn't about
winning or losing.  It's not about pride and it's not about how you
appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.  Letting go
isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave
emptiness, hurt, or sadness.  It's not about giving in or giving up.
Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat.  To let go is
to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on.  It is having
an open mind and confidence in the future.  Letting go is learning
and experiencing and growing.  To let go is to be thankful for the
experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow.
It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will
soon gain.  Letting go is having the courage to accept change,
and the strength to keep moving.  Letting go is growing up.  It is
realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.
To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.

One wears one's mind out in study, and yet has more mind
with which to study.  One gives away one's heart in love
and yet has more heart to give away.  One perishes out of pity
for a suffering world, and is stronger therefore.  So, too, it is possible
at one and the same time to hold on to life and let go.


In the end these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you love?
How deeply did you learn to let go?

On Letting Go

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization that I can't control another.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.

Scarlette .... The colour he loves ....

The red lipstick on the mantle....
Reminds me of the time he bought it for me ...
Gifted it to me ....
I hate red colour ... But, I stilll apply it ....
Coz he took the effort to go buy it for me.

Scarlette is his favourite colour ....
Hence the scarlett car ...
He loves that car ....
It is his passion ....
How can I take it from him ....
No, I won't ....
It belongs to him .....
We bought it together ....
Just so he could come meet me ....
My colour is Silver ....
His is scarlette....
Scarlette car and scarlette  lipstick ....
I took to the colour .... just for him ....

Despite the animosity ....
That has set in ....
somewhere , my heart cries ...
Cries for his plight is not what I want to see....
His position is so sorry ...
Entangled and stuck in a web ....
A web spun by the wicked woman ....
Who today accompanies him .....
Poor man ....
He is in a dilemma ....
Hurting .....
The woman revels ....
She cheated him into believing her ....
And, now blackmails him into living with her.
I can't help him ....
He has to help himself ....
He has to be bold enough to say NO to her ....
He has to find the courage within ...
Else all his life ....
He will be her slave ....
And, a puppet in her hands.

Scarlette is the colour he loves ....
I know ....
Scarlette O'Hara .....
The classic story ....
Rhett Butler ...
All Gone with the wind ...
Yet, the wind has returned ....
History repeats itself ....
Scarlette  awaits upon Rhett Butler ....
The wound still fresh ....
The bump reminiscent of a rendevous....
A tryst with destiny ....
Destiny shall take its course ....
So shall the prodigal son ....
His rightful place in the family.

Winds of change have begun ....
So has the transition ....
The prodigal heir to be protected ...
The story to be told and retold.

Scarlette shall History be ....
Scarlette will be the western sky ....
Scarlette will be the sunrise ....
Scarlette will be the sunset ....
Scarlette willl be the Night....
Scarlette will be the moon ....
Crimson tide will bring forth ...
Vermillion for the forehead.

My confessions ....

My confessions ....are all about truth ....
They are the truth itself ...
Lest someone thinks ...
It is otherwise ... Nah ...
We live once ....
Let's live with truth ...
Rather than beat around the bush ....
And lie all the time ...
A life of lies is no life at all.
All my life ..
I have lived the TRUTH ...
Unjust word came in ....
When I realized that there were a few who were hurt by my blatant truth ...
Hence , it's a sort of an apology to those souls ...
Yet, Truth hurts ...
However hard one tries not to hurt ...
Truth breaks relations ....
Not an issue....
If the other person understands you well enough ...
If he/she knows you well ...
They also know that you mean no harm ...
It's your outburst ...
Your angst against a corrupt system ....
Your out pour against what they did to you....
If you were forthright ....
All this wouldn't have happened ....
But you chose to keep mum about it ...
You chose to do injustice ...
You chose your path ....
So, I had no choice ...
But to knock at doors ....
And look for you ...
And, ask just one question ....
WHY ME?
There wee others you could have duped ....
There were others you could have lied to ....
But, why me?
What did I do to deserve this?
I worshiped you like a Demi God....
I put you on a pedestal ....
Still you just walked away ...
Smiling and laughing ...
Into another woman's arms ...
The same woman you claim ....
Had cheated you ...
The same woman who was blackmailing you ....
Yet you walked away with her ...
No issues ...
But, you have dues .....
At least return what you took ...
At least return the honour you so conveniently soiled with your dirty feet.
My confessions are my own ...
They are my words ...
That shall echo for eons to come ....
Words that will warn others of your treacherous ways ...
Words that AGNI shall read ....
AGNI ... your very own....
 He shall restore my honour to me ...
In time to come....
AGNI shall be born ...
To destroy the evil ...
AGNI shall wage my war.

These confessions are for AGNI to know ...
For AGNI to fathom ....
The depth of emotions ...
To realize and to bring justice to me.

My confessions .... are our history ...
Yours and mine ..
So that our future generations can know ...
About your treachery and my fool hardiness.

AGNI .... The harbinger of all things bright ....

My sunshine .... My son ....
The one to survive despite all odds ....
He has shown strength ....
He has given me the strength ....
To let go and move on ....
For he shall be with me forever ...
Others won't be ...
But my son .... The fire within me ....
My AGNI .... shall remain ...
He is the bright sunshine ....
Which was eclipsed for a while ...
But he survived ....
A miracle indeed ....
They say ....
God has his own ways ...
And divine intervention  has made it possible ....
Made it a reality ....
The God Particle exists.

An accident I thought ....
Made me lose him .....
But he wasn't lost ....
He was hiding ....
So I could fight ....
So I could survive ....
So I could save him ...
He is my modern day Krishna ....
My saviour ....
My all ....
He will cut through all barriers....
He will see me through ....
With him by my side ....
I need not his Sire....
He is all that I desire ....
And the Lord ...
He fulfilled my desire.

Agni ..... My son ....
The harbinger of all things bright ....
My spring ....
My fresh lease of life.

The Torch Bearer ....

AGNI ..... The Torch Bearer ....
The apple of his Grandfathers eyes ....
The protected one ....
The one to carry forth your name....
The one to carry forth your forefathers name ....
For generations to come ...
I carry that lamp within ....
I carry that fire within ....
None else can give you that prodigal son .... but me.

The prodigal son is here to stay ....
He shall seek my justice ...
In time to come ...
He shall proclaim me to the World ...
As his Mother and bearer of his life.

Come hitherto my son ....
Come forth and claim what is yours ...
Your name ...
And destroy the enemy that has put me to shame.

The Torch bearer ....
The prodigal son .... survives and thrives ...
Safe and in good health.

The cravings .... And, the Lollipop song....

The cravings for bizarre food ....
Awesome ..... incredible ...
Agni wants to have fish and chips ....
And guess what .....
Am on my toes ...
Frying fish and potato wedges....
The baby has me eating out of his hands ....
When he grows up....
Am going to really show him what he made me do ....
There are times when he craves for canapes'....
Middle of the night .... Orange Ice lollies....
People around wonder ...
Why me ... a grown up lady ...
Consumes loads of ice lollies....
But, it's not me ....
It's Agni ....
The baby is always hungry ....
Hungry for strange food.

One day, he wanted Lemon cheesecake at 2 am in the night ....
And guess what .... I made it for him ...
I love my babies ...
And, Agni tops the lists in strange demands.

The cravings are getting stranger day by day ....
And, like his father , he likes....
The mediterranean salad with steamed chicken in it ....
Sprinkled with capers and a vinaigerette of mayonnaise too.

Like his father, he likes Jumbo prawns ....
Crabs .... and the steamed momos from Mings Palace.
All the traits of him ....
Doesn't let me miss him  a moment ....
He fulfills every desire of a woman ...
I don't miss him no more ....
Agni has filled the void...
He keeps me busy and entertained.

The moment I play the Lollipop song his dad has sung ...
Agni turns in the womb ...
Letting me know ....
He loves it ... His dad's voice.
When I reminisce about his Dad....
Look at his photos ...
Agni gives a kick ....
Shaking me out of my reverie....

My baby is on his way ...
To fill my days with laughter ....
Once again there would be happiness...
Just a matter of time...
Just a matter of time and patience.

For now.... it's the lollipop song in the background ...
And his Dad's favourite....
Fish and chips ..... on the menu for now.

When God closes one door ... He opens another ...

A movement within me ....
A twist and a turn ....
Below the abdomen ....
Making me feel his presence ....
That's my Agni ....
When God closes one door ....
He opens another ....
God gave me Agni in lieu of HIM.....
Am I glad ....
I am in seventh heaven ....
The mother in me joyous and fulfilled.

No more lonely days ....
No more pining ....
Just getting the wool ...
And knitting needles ....
Agni would be a Winter Baby ...
He willl need warm woollens ....
Wish Pammi was here .....
She was the best when it came to knitting.
Miss you Maa....
Didn't meet you in your last days .....
But you loved me and I know that ....
You are with me even today ....
Watching over me ....
Agni will be protected by you .... I know.

Oh.... A movement ...
A tiny movement ....
Making me aware of his presence ....
My days are blessed ....
Need a lot of rest ....
Lest Agni be stressed ....

God closed the doors of hell for me....
So that I could enjoy the fruits of labour ...
Alone ... but blissful...
No tension ....
No treachery ....
Pure love and joy.

Another four months ....
And I shall have my bundle of joy ...
Cradled in my arms ....
My son ....
My life ....
Yes .... mine .... and ONLY MINE.

God has given the gift of life to me ....
I shall cherish it forever.....
He saved my unborn ....
So I wouldn't be forlorn.

The Stork is arriving ....
With the bundle of joy ....
I am waiting ....
I am happy....
I am blessed.

Agni .... some more .... at his best ..... Healthy and safe

My baby .... My dream ....

AGNI ..... Week 18 ...

AGNI .... In the 18th week .... A handsome boy indeed ...

AGNI lives and that's my justice ....

Suddenly, there was a movement .....

Something I had lost ....

Was found ....

Agni .... moved .....

He moved within me....

And all this time I thought ...

I had lost him ....

He was deeply ensconced and safe ....

My joy knew no bounds ....

Am fulfilled ....

The life within me lives ....

I forgive the culprit now ....

Coz' I have a reason to live ....

A reason to live happily ....

With my memories and my Agni ....

Forever happy ....

No other to share him with me ....

Just me and my three babies.

A news that sets my mind free....

That sets me apart ...

Time to pack my bag ... 

Lest the enemy harm my unborn now....

Time to move into the mountains....

Till my love takes full shape ....

And blossoms ... into a handsome lad.

Time to take Agni away ...

Far away from this mayhem....

Into safe realms ....

My world ... my life.

Agni lives and that's my justice.

When God closes one door ...

He leaves scope for another to remain open ....

This one is ajar .... forever now.

My Agni in healthy condition ....

What else can I ask the Lord for ....

He has given me my justice on a platter.

Agni moves and lets me know ....

He makes me aware of his presence ...

What else can a mother ask for.

Within me my baby lives ....

Within me a life thrives ....

No time for trivial pursuits now ...

Time for birthing to take place ...

Time to search for a safe haven ....

Time to move on.

Five months on .....

He has taken shape ....

A healthy boy ....

A handsome lad ...

Four more months and ....

We shall be blessed....

Blessed with the joyous cries of a newborn ...

Blessed with a wizard ...

A culmination of beauty and brains.

Agni ..... My Abhimanyu ....

My saviour from the blessed Lord.

INDIA IS LOST FOREVER ....

Yesterdays verdict proved it all ...
What from time immemorial people have been saying ...
The Law sucks ....
The Law keepers are worse ...
They suck the blood out of the victims ....
They are vampires ...
That thrive on the common mans blood.
They side with the criminals .....
They overlook facts and figures ...
They destroy evidence ...
They destroy every ounce of humanness in us....
They are blood sucking leeches ....
The ones representing the criminals ....
They are the ones who rape their own mothers ...
For they have no conscience ...
They deserve no mercy ...
All of them ....
Deserve to rot in hell ....
Hell it is for them ...
To hell with the LAW AND THE LEGAL SYSTEM ...
THE COUNTRY SUCKS ....
THE COUNTRY STINKS ...
THE COUNTRY IS IN THE HANDS OF TYRANTS....
I AM NO MORE PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN..
INDIA IS LOST FOREVER....

Every dog has his days ...

Today was your day ...
Guess what?...
And I  granted it to you ....
This is the beginning of the END....
Every dog has his day ...
At least dogs are faithful ....
Can't call you a dog.f
Saw your tearful mother ...
Saw  your cheerful daughter ...
oblivious of what was happening ...
I felt pity....
And kept quiet ....
They shouldn't suffer for your crimes ...
The time for your annihilation has come ..
Then there won't be anybody to offer you water even...
You bribed the law ...
They too shall pay a heavy price for it ...
For every dog has his day ....
Enjoy the day ....
For the wheels are turning ....
They will crush every bone in your body ....
They will mince your flesh ...
Your blood splattered every where...
No one to save you...
As all shall share the same grave as yours.