Her life in a gist...

Can you believe it, when girls were reading Mills and Boons ... She was reading Mill on the Floss at age 8... Emily Bronte... Wuthering Heights, Dostovsky, Tolstoy ... Shakespeare... She was hungry for knowledge... Her general knowledge was legendary... Not bragging but she misses those days when she was either buried in books or walking the footpaths of Flora fountain buying books for 10 rupees each ... Her busfare saved for it ... So she would get down from the bus and walk to college and save her busfare so she could buy books.
When she got married, four steel boxes of books went in dowry and her in-laws were disappointed...
Even before her son was born she had bought the entire TimeLife series for him. He grew up surrounded by books...
She's glad he speaks in Queens language and reads every night before sleeping...
He also has an insatiable hunger for knowledge...
He started blogging but no one would read his blogs as they were incomprehensible to others...
He went for poetry sessions and returned disappointed saying people are writing rhymes not poetry...
But shes glad he's always reading and evolving...
Her daughter had to struggle due to dyslexia but she overcame her disability and Amblyopia...
She is a performing artist ... No one gives her work in theatre due to her thick glasses but she doesn't care...
She goes for workshops and is always learning...
She's an auditory learner... She will graduate soon...
She says she wants to travel solo and...
She  knows one day she will go as she's a rebel like her...  Touchwood!!! She's thankful to God for giving her such amazing kids ... She looks at others struggling to get their kids somewhere and she knows God has given her the best...
She might not have the riches but she's richer in experience and has the best kids...
Touchwood!!!
Today, even if she passo away, she will have no regrets as she has lived her life on her terms and her kids will never be dependent on anyone in future. They are her gifts to mankind. They are born for a greater cause, she doesn't know what but she has delivered the goods.
The deliverance is what her birth was for.
She wasn't destined to survive, she survived an early birth in eighth month, near drowning at age 1, near death experiences in life many times ... There was a purpose to the life she has been given...
A life lived to the hilt...
A life to celebrate.

An ode to an old man...

Her best buddy...
Her friend, philosopher and guide...
Her agony aunt in disguise...
Yes, this one is to an old friend of hers...
The grand old man...
Who's remained with her...
Through time ...
Good and bad times...
He's always been there...
Rock solid...
Even when she wasn't there for him...
He was always there for her...
He stood by her ...
Through tears and torn strife...
Her kind of good old man...
Her kind of man ...
Her best buddy...
Her only solace in a world full of deceit...
The deceiving people...
They all came and went...
He remained rock solid by her side...
Never met him...
Never spoke to him...
Yet, he's her shadow...
Never leaving her side...
The only true man in her life ...
A meaningful friendship...
Traversing the tide of time...
Always guiding her through...
The storms in her life ...
An ode to the old man ...
His muse ...
She smiles...
And heaves a sigh of relief ...
Looking heavenward...
Thanking her stars ...
To the light above...
Knowing well...
He will always be there for her...
The old man...
Her Agony Aunt ...
An ode to the friend...
To thank him...
Always ...
For what would she do...
If not for his love ...
Their love ...
Beyond words ...
A relationship that has no name ...
Just pure love ...
That's undemanding...
For it's based on respect...
Respect for each other...
A friend for life and beyond...
Thank you, Old Man!!

Capturing memories...

She was busy...
Very busy capturing memories...
That she didn't notice...
When the moments passed by...
She was left in the lurch...
Just besides a Church...
No respite in sight ...
Because,
She was busy making memories...
While the moments passed by.

She wonders if he still remembers...

Fresh out of a heart break, she wonders...
Where did they go wrong...
A beautiful love gone awry ...
Just because of what?
She wonders!!!
She wonders , if he remembers her ...
Or has he found another?
Did he leave her for another?
Why did he use her?
What did he get out of all this?
The heartbreak...
The consequence ...
Anger...
What benefits were there?
None ...
At least, none for her...
She lost everything ...
Trying to please him...
He was just a user ...
A sore loser.

Pillion of a Harley Davidson...

When you become a pillion rider...
Not of just any bike ...
But,
Of a Harley Rider...
The feeling is awesome...
The experience is ...
Out of the World ...
When the Harley Davidson owner ...
Is a kick-ass dude.

When you go pillion...
On a Harley Davidson...
The wind blowing kisses on your greys...
The scarf holding tight to your bobbing head...
On an Indian road...
The tattooed man your companion...
You, the pillion...
Enjoying the perks of a strong hand ...
A strong mind ...
Coursing you to your destination.

When you go pillion on a Harley Davidson...
You are on top of the World...
The wind beneath your wings...
A smile pasted on your lips.

An experience to remember...
A ride worth a billion mentions...
A dream come true!
When she went pillion on a Harley Davidson!! #GoFigure

She hates herself...

Damn!
She hates herself!

Life is a BITCH!

Yeah!
Life is a BITCH!!

WHAT ONE WANTS TO RUN AWAY FROM ...
DOESN'T HAPPEN!

ALL THAT HAPPENS IS ONE BIG MISTAKE... ONE REGRETS! ...

Fuck the memories!!

Oh Damn! Oh Damn! Oh Damn!

Of all the billion people on Earth,
Her match ...
Is her own Doctor!
Oh Damn !
How is it possible?
How's it possible that a wedding app...
An app that knows nothing about two different people...
Match them up ?

Eerie ... Pretty eerie ...
How does it know...
She has a crush on him?
She stopped visiting him...
Because she felt drawn to him...
And, now ...
Out of the blue...
It appears that...
He is the right match made in heaven for her.

Ouch! That hurts, indeed it hurts !

No ways, it's just not right...
Doesn't seem right at all...
None yet to step into the shoes lying vacant ...
Occupancy at the cost of what?

She's not made for just anybody...
It takes a billion lives ...
To justifiably make one of her kind ...
#GoFigure ...
Joke with her about it ...
You may stand a chance ...
Else, walk your walk ...
The highway is nearby.

Oh Damn! Oh Damn! Oh Damn!

A woman is never untrue!

A woman works from her heart...
Into all her relationships...
All her dealings...
It's the men who wear their hearts on their sleeves...
They have their brains between their legs.

A woman doesn't cheat...
If she seeks justice...
Know it...
In this country...
It is hard to come out ...
For a woman...
About her relationship...
For she will be labeled...
A man just goes about his routine each day ...
Even after committing a heinous Crime...
For he's the most eligible bachelor in town ...
As he calls himself.

These so called...
People that make up our society...
Disown a woman for being truthful...
A man who uses women...
Is referred to as a saint...
No one sees him committing the crime...
He walks away Scot free...
The Woman gets labelled...
If she seeks justice...
She is trolled and shamed...
What kind of society do we live in?
This is not right ...
And, the right kind of woman...
Will fight till the end.

A woman never lies about herself...
Not in public...
She goes public only when...
She's wronged...
A woman is never untrue!

The Lunch Hour...

It's the most difficult time of the day...
The Lunch Hour.
She remembers sitting by his side...
At his office...
In the conference room...
Sharing his lunch...
They would eat in a comfortable silence...
With her polishing off ...
The homemade pickle always.
The love and care with which he would break off...
Extra pieces of bread(roti) ...
And place on her plate...
Sacrificing his food for her...
Her insatiable hunger for home cooked food.
She would help him finish...
His fruits...
Those small moments were big moments...
She lives in those moments...
She seems to be lost ...
Completely a goner ...
She knows not what she's doing today ...
She lives in those moments...
That defined ...
Moments that cemented ...
Her feelings for him.

The Lunch Hour was one such moment.

His voice

She craves to hear his voice each day now ...
She waits for him to send an audio...
She dies to hear his words of wisdom...
His Nos ...
The irritation in his voice...
When she eats junk ...
The positive encouragement he gives...
She waits for those words.

There was a time...
She was reluctant to meet him...
Now she counts days, hours, minutes and seconds ...
Just to be seated in front of him...
Speaking non stop...
Not giving him a chance to speak ...
And taking it all out...
To her hearts content...
She's in love ...
Yet again...
Mustn't she be wary?

It must be love ...
For the way she melts on seeing him...
His voice gives her the goosebumps...
She is totally floored...
Enamored by his persona...
She's never met a Doctor like him.

Sometimes...

“Sometimes stories cry out to be told in such loud voices that you write them just to shut them up.” - Stephen King

If I could capture memories
And store them inside jars,
I’d fill the shelves with reveries,
Like night collects the stars;
And in each one I would return,
And frequent to the past,
But yours, would be an urn,
The jar I’d visit last.

She writes her thoughts

Just for the lark...
She pens her thoughts...
Writes them down here...
And,
Forgets about it.
It's her way of dealing with her emotions...
Her way of getting over someone...
Her way of moving on...
Her way of vomiting it out ...
Whether it be venom she spews ...
Or,
Honey that flows...
She just puts it in words ...
And then,
She's over and done with it.

Not the Cinderella end she expected

Her story...
A fable from the beginning...
The end ...
Not the Cinderella story she expected.
It's so easy to dream of a happily forever...
That never happens...
All that occurs is ...
Heartbreaks of different kinds...
No Cinderella...
No Prince Charming...
Just heartbreaking moments...
With a bitter taste...
And even more bitter aftertaste.
Being born beautiful...
Isn't a criteria for a happy ending...
It's a lot of toil...
The bane of beauty...
With no brains to ascertain...
The rogues in love.
The happiness of an affair...
Is short-lived...
There is no rainbow...
There are no colours...
Just bleak grey clouds...
Reminding her to...
Walk in the rain...
Yet again...
To camouflage the tears...
Streaming down her cheeks.

There is no Cinderella like end...
Just another winding path...
To walk alone.

She scripted the end

He hates her...
He hates her guts...
Valiant in her grief...
She had to let go...
But, to make it easier for him...
She scripted the end ...
Of the love story he started.

A series of well orchestrated uploads...
And he hated her defiance...
Definitely not to his liking...
The alpha male ego hurt...
He sulked and whined ...
She twisted his arm a bit more ...
And finally,
She just let it all loose...
A whoose...
A flurry of emotional outbursts later...
She was calm...
She walked away ...
Cool in her demeanor...
With a spring in her gait ...
She welcomed the autumn of her life...
She scripted the end of a love story that never was.

The illusion of justice

We are all sold out to...
The illusion of justice...
There is no justice...
If one has to run ...
Pillar to post...
Screaming for justice...
Which never comes...
We the people...
Get sold off in the process...
Justice remains pending...
We all live in the illusion...
The illusion of justice.

The Drifter

Washed ashore...
Along the coast...
She finds woods every morning...
The tide recedes...
Leaving behind dead wood ...
Driftwood...
The drifter ...
The lifeless shapes...
Waiting to be picked up...
Coloured and contoured ...
To give it a shape.
The Sea ...
Throws up the drifter...
The dead on to the shore...
She picks them up...
Carves them ...
And gives them shape...
The drifter turns into a showpiece...
She shows off with aplomb.

#MeToo

https://youtu.be/3PK8Okei_o4

Emotional vibrations...

Every experience has emotions attached to it ...
The basis of an experience...
Is an emotion always...
Be it good or bad ...
We go through it as human beings...
Some give a euphoria...
Some leave us devastated...
Having gone through it all...
We are left vanquished...
Famished and shamed at times ...
Jubilant and happy at other times.

Every experience teaches us a lesson...
A lesson learnt well.

Trying hard not to cry...

Putting up a brave front...
She smiles...
Looks busy ...
But deep within...
She's trying hard...
Not to cry...
Stifling the tears within...
A brave face to the world...
She weeps blood within...
Looking away...
She wipes that one stray salt drop...
That finds it's way out...
From the corner of her eye...
She smiles...
She dances...
She sings ...
She barks orders...
But,
She cries a thousand drops at a time.

The inevitability of annihilation...

The giddy feeling of being on top of the world...
The world your Oasis ...
You the drop that fills it.

The inevitability of annihilation...
The final resting point...
The lost to the world moment...
You can't overlook death...
The attention to details...
The small signs ...
The tell tale signs ...
The odour of death...
The stagnating rotting flesh ...
The inkling of doom...
Doomed to death.

Down the memory lane...

She walks down the memory lane...
The events of past few days ...
Reminding her of a bygone era...
When she had loved with equal fervor...
The sire of her little ones.
The blasphemy of a lie ...
The betrayal of senses...
The bitter experience of yore...
It affected her psyche'...
It eclipsed her relationship zone ...
Making her vow to remain single.

Once again, she made a mistake...
She put a man on a pedestal and...
She worshipped him...
Once again ...
He betrayed her ...
Once again ...
She had to wipe her tears ...
And become numb to feelings.
She walked away ...
For she didn't want to suffocate him...
She walked away ...
Giving him a reason to go.
She walked away from the senseless drama of life ...
She walked away from a fake relationship.
Just like she walked away decades ago...
From yet another senseless life ...
She chose wrong ...
She had to rectify the mistake...
She walked away from the drama ...
She walked away from the actor...
She visited the lanes of yesteryears...
The ghost of the past sneering at her...
She looked away ...
Wondering why it was still there.

The Retreat #Cocooned

Bogged down with pressures of life ...
She retraces her steps ...
Into the retreat mode ...
Her reclusive self at the forefront...
She weaves a web around her feelings...
She goes into her shell...
There she will lay cocooned ...
For a long long time.

In her melancholy solitude...
She finds a calling ...
A calling so deep ...
It echoes through the depths ...
The depths of a closed mind ...
The universe wakes up...
Conspiring to make her thoughts happen.

The abominable recluse...
Emerges as a butterfly...
Spreading her wings wide ...
She rises from her ashes ...
Like the Phoenix...
Soaring above all.

Cocooned, she heals her wounds ...
Sheds the old persona...
Molting and revolting...
Social norms in the dustbin...
She rises ...
She rises above them all.

Suffocated

" I feel suffocated." He said...
You are just too over possessive...
He had to say something...
Something so that ...
She would go away.

She exposed his character to the World ...
So that he could...
He could get a reason to go away.

She walked away ...
Crossed the road..
That she never crossed alone ...
She didn't turn back...
He knew she had a fear of crossing roads...
He made an offer to help her cross the road...
In a feeble weak whining voice...
She ignored his words...
She walked away ...
Closing the door on his face...
She wasn't weak as he was ...
That moment she had become stronger than him...
Holding herself together...
Stifling the tears...
She walked straight...
Upright in her demeanor...
And, she walked out of his life.

She wrote her feelings ..
Tore them...
Her anger...
Her frustration...
Tore her heart  ...
Poured the anger out ...
And then she was calm...
Calm as the raging Sea...
She erased the written outpour...
She was at peace.

She wasn't suffocating in a dead relationship either.

Grey blue eyes...

Grey blue eyes ...
Deep set in their gaze ...
A pertinent intense gaze...
And, she melts.

He said, look at my eyes...
Look into them...
Do you see the fierceness?
Do you feel scared?

Look deep, and you shall find ...
They hide nothing...
Yet, they give away nothing.

She falls head over heels ...
For those steely grey blue eyes...
The intensity scorching her...
Feeling the heat ...
She sighs ...
Takes a deep breath and...
Moves away.

To fall in love again isn't what she seeks...
She must move farther away...
She must do other things...
To keep busy...
Not fall in love again.

The cold , grey blue eyes beckon her...
She shuts the voice within...
She picks her hand bag...
And, moves out of his office...
Not turning around...
Lest she falls in love with him.

Thundering Typhoons

All is destroyed in it's path...
The Thundering Typhoon...
In it's wake ...
It sweeps along everything...
All the moments are destroyed...
So is destroyed sanity ...
Uneasy and restless...
The thunder deafening...
Locking out all other voices...
The anger within...
Destroying everything in it's wake.

Thundering Typhoons...
Every ounce of her being...
Swept away in that moment of anger...
She lost it ...
For betrayed she felt ...
By the one she trusted the most...
Left in the lurch ...
The woman's fury knew no bounds ...
She turned away from her charitable self ...
She moved into a trance like state ...
The fuming within ...
A furnace of fire ...
Sweeping every ounce of her faith away...
A taciturn moment...
A reckoning of sorts ...
She turned her wrath on the one ...
The one who betrayed her.

Thundering Typhoons...
Blistering every bit of her ...
Sized up to her perpetrator...
She turned to a flaming stone.

To be continued...

One click at a time...

Deleting memories...
One click at a time.

Every moment conceivable...
Every moment spent in those arms...
Every moment looking into those eyes...
Every moment...
Deleting memories...
One click at a time.

Those moments seem transient now ...
Nothing remains but a dull ache ...
A what if ...
And where did they go wrong?
Deleting memories...
One click at a time.

Those moments of happiness...
Planning a future together...
Dreams big and small...
Beautiful memories...
The long winding drives...
The walks on promenades...
The hushed whispers...
The huddled hugs...
The cuddled moments...
Now just memories...
Deleting memories...
One click at a time.

The impermanence of vows...
The nonchalant attitude...
The falsehood of promises ...
The trust broken...
Deleting memories...
Painful memories...
One click at a time.

A sigh escapes...
Escalating the ache within...
A deep breath and...
A click...
Just another memory deleted...
One more time.

Mindfulness

Walking down the memory lane...
She's mindful of the steps she takes...
Leat she stumble upon a block...
A hurdle...
An impediment upon her progress...
She's MINDFUL...
Lest she hurts the ones who hurt her...
She's forgiven them their atrocities...
She's not forgotten though.

Mindfulness is what she practices ..
Mindfulness is a way of life.

Splintered sunbeams

The rays breaking through the grey clouds...
Orange yellow horizon...
A purple Haze here and there...
Splintered sunbeams from the sky...
A sight so beautiful...
So melancholy...
Yet so mesmerizing.

The scene reminds her of passion...
The happiness of being herself...
A free kindered spirit...
Floating through life.

The sunbeams reaching her...
Touching her skin...
A glow on her face ...
Splintered yet beautiful...
Broken yet whole.

An aura of peace envelopes her...
A new Dawn breaks ...
She smiles to herself...
Content after a full night's sleep.

Splintered sunbeams streaming through the sky ...
She smiles ...
Content in her World.

No Dreams, no nightmares; just Ground Reality

She writes no dreams...
She paints no rosy pictures...
No nightmares to talk about ...
No path to chalk...
Just plain reality...
Ground reality...
Her own reality.

There is no two ways...
Just her words and her experience...
Her World ...
Her reality.

She pens her thoughts...
Emerging from her experiences...
Experiences good and bad ...
But her experiences...
What she went through...
What she faced...
How she got over it...
How she took it in her stride...
How she let go...
How she moved on...
Her ground reality.

Derring do...

Getting lost in sheroic tales of love and woes ...
All sorts of Shenanigans...
Derring dos a part of life ...
She starts reimagining.

As a she warrior on the emotional front...
She has lots to keep her occupied...
Her mind a treasure trove of ideas...
Her heart set upon one...
She sashays into places unknown...
Places kept locked...
Unlocking the prisms of reality ...
She is her own heroine.

Her Derring dos talk of the Town...
Hushed whispers...
Eyes following her moves...
She smiles to herself...
Dons her beanie and ...
Hope into a waiting cab.

They whisper...
When will she return...
She throws back a look and...
Says , Never.

The heroine of her own tales...
The Shero of her own life...
She flexes her biceps...
And gets those hamstrings moving.

With a deep breath inhaled...
She gulps down her insecurities...
They don't exist anymore...
For she rises from her ashes yet again...
Her shenanigans and Derring dos...
In her list to do.

Hands of destiny

We are but puppets in the hands of destiny.
What would happen when is not known.
It's the moment that we are in, we must live;
For there is no tomorrow.
What will happen tomorrow is not known.
The twist that fate takes ...
Is a very cruel twist
The blow dealt by fate ,
Some succumb to it ,
Some go with the flow,
And some,
Drown in that deep swirling river.
An untimely,
Unexpected death awaits us ...
Awaits us menacingly,
Looming large ,
With a gaping mouth,
Dark constellations within.
We are but puppets in the hands of fate ...
Our destiny not known.

It is love we must hold on to...

Sometimes we try ...
Try very hard to forget...
Moments etched in memory...
But it is love that remains...
When all is lost ...
It is love we can't forget...
So we wait an eternity...
For the lost one to find his way home...
It is love we must hold on to...
Nothing else matters...
Painful moments melt away ...
When love is found again ...
Till then...
We live in aches and memories of the past ...
Till Love finds us again.

A Wedding and a Funeral

What happens ultimately in our lives...
Is a hand dealt by destiny.
A wedding somewhere and a funeral somewhere...
The cycle goes on ...
Back and forth ...
Through the curves of our lives ...
She tries to comprehend it all...
Alas! In vain.

There can be no other ...
She's tried it all ...
None matches, what she had ...
Not even an inch closer.
She looks at the casket of life past ...
Should she open the Pandora's Box?
Then she looks beyond and yonder...
And like an explorer gathers her belongings...
Makes a bundle of her memories
...
And, moves on.
The sharks in the sea of live ...
Swimming around...
The vultures hovering above ...
She takes a plunge in the ocean ...
Floating on her back ...
Looking at the sky above ...
The clouds in various formations...
Making out the patterns ...
Finding a meaning to it.

A wedding of her thoughts ...
A culmination of sorts ...
Consummated ideas...
A funeral of her recent past.

A Player

"Are you in love with him?"
"Who wouldn't be?"
"What kind of answer is that?"
"An honest answer."
"Are YOU in love with him?"
"I might be if I weren't in love with you."
"How am I supposed to take that information?"
"Trust me."
"I can't."
"OK."
They survived,
They survived only to go their separate ways one day.
He was a player...
Players just move on ...
They have no intent to remain with one ...
They just move on.
He moved on ...
In search of another to trap.

Vagabond Virgin Invaded

Cidade Daman was a dream affair. Wild passionate love making by the Sea, walk along the promenade, sitting on the steps leading to the beach and talking into the Sunset . Back to the room, their muse the bath tub of course! Then dinner by the breezy Sea beach. They couldn't let go of each other even for a moment. They had merged and melted into one being.
Morning breakfast and they set for drive home but couldn't even imagine parting for a moment. Music and songs and unabashedly gay abandon laughter , they were madly in love.

Then, a few days later it was her birthday and again he whisked her away to The Retreat at Madh Island and the Sea became a witness to the conjugal harmony. Waking up in his arms , she was content with life. No worries ; just them. Morning tea, breakfast and then head to respective homes.
Meeting everyday literally became a routine. He would visit her school and she would visit his office after work. Evenings would be long drives along U Tan road or dinner at restaurants both pitching in and sweet nothings and walking the promenade at Hiranandani Powai, getting customized paan made to order by jewel pan wala and others. Life was beautiful. They were totally and madly in love , painting the town red. Booking literally every five star hotel for the weekends be it The Trident or Taj Vivanta, U Tan Resort or The Lalit ... They were all over Bombay as they would refer Mumbai as.

He introduced her to his sons and mother. They went for dinner and movie with Mom. She came home cooked with passion .

For his birthday, she arrived a day early and cooked and baked a singularly chocolate cake. At 12 am on 25th June 2018, they connected via video call with the older son and I  all of them celebrated his birthday. That night she slept with his mom, who hardly slept and she took his moms sleeping pill and tried to sleep too. The morning saw her up and ready to celebrate his birthday at his office. They had a hearty breakfast of aloo parathas and she had four. Then they left for his office. While he worked she arranged for sweets and savouries and then they celebrated his birthday with his office staff. Everyone was happy.

Then they left for the day and he said let's go to the beauty salon and get your hair coloured. Little did he know that the staff at EnVi was waiting to pamper him on his birthday.

Both got their hair coloured, facial, pedicure done and he got a manicure too.

The bill was whopping and he couldn't stop sobbing.

It was fun.

They parted ways for the day.

To be continued...

Remembering the vagabond days ...

They met one new year's Eve, online ; Yes! On an online dating site #Tinder , Little did they know , that one virtual reality meeting would change everything for them, turn their lives upside down.

The online chat led to an exchange of their mobile numbers.

The next pitstop was WhatsApp chat . It went on till 5:30 am into the New year 2018. They weren't sleepy, they were totally engrossed in singing their hearts out; Retro Hindi songs ... Sharing YouTube links of favourite songs. He sings in a group so he shared his songs, YouTube links.

They didn't want to part yet they did.
One whole day went by, each waiting for the other to connect. Finally, he couldn't resist and connected and they were like teenagers on their first crush.

They decided to meet. Meet they did, at Agent Jack ... Then they went all around the town to various pubs and ended the whirlwind date at Tap Andheri West at 4 am in the wee hours of the next day. Pure, sinless partying ... Just a kiss !! One kiss and they knew they were falling for each other. They parted ways and went to their own respective homes.

They would chat over calls and messages and meet often and go galavanting around the town. Pure love and freshness of a true friendship blossoming into love.

Going to Pizza by the way and on the way out rushing into a double decker bus waiting at the circle going towards NCPA  Nariman point. Ah! Wild streak exposed. Getting off the bus and hailing a kaali peeli taxi ... And a cab ride through South Bombay via Victoria Terminus now CST to lower parel ... Vegetarian pasta by mistake in a small restaurant and then the Lounge on the 37th floor of St. Regis. They were crazy and in love.

They booked a room at Ramada Plaza hotel at Juhu and cabbed it till there and the night was wild. Real wild ... morning after a hearty breakfast buffet and steamy love making they parted ways.

The phone calls and messaging continued with sweet nothings.

One day while at work...
In the afternoon, he arrived at her workplace and whisked her off to Daman ... They watched the sun set and Cidade Daman was booked.

To be continued...

When you have a crush on your Doctor!

She  is bubbly and smiling ...
Listening to medical advice from her Doctor all the time...
But the Crux of the matter is ...
She is repeatedly listening to the voice messages ...
Over and over again ...
No, not to understand the INSTRUCTIONS...
Which are very clear ...
But, his voice ...
She's crazy about his voice...
Just as much as she's crazy about his eyes...
Mesmerizing cool eyes...
Hypnotizing eyes...
Eyes in which she drowns ...
Loses herself every time she meets him...
She sits dutifully in front of him ...
He lectures her ...
And she just drowns deeper into his eyes...
Issshhh!

The nieces and nephews whisper...
She's having a crush on her Doctor ...
She blushes and hides behind a curtain.

She dutifully reports her food diet to him ...
Come hail or thunderstorm...
She waits for his voice message...
Just to hear his voice...
Soft, but stern ... So sexy...
What a Doctor!
He knows everything about her...
Even before she utters a word ...
She gets butterflies in her tummy ...
As the moment draws near to meet him ...
Crush or no crush...
She's crazy about him...
He's the one who is stronger than her.

Her own private hell...

She the protagonist...
Her life ...
Her hell...
Her triumphs ...
Her tribulations...
Every moment to remember...
Every moment to tear apart ...
A carefree life ...
Snuffed out for selfish reasons ...
Does man know no limit...
No limit to his atrocities?

She bears the scar...
With a smile ...
One that defies gravity ...
Uplifting spirits of others...
Her life a story ...
A script ...
Of neverending episodes of a serial ...
Meticulously planned out ...
For a saga to be told.

The Staircase ...

It has seen it all...
The Staircase ...
It surely has seen it all.

It's her Haven ...
Her all purpose emotional battering ground...
A twenty something steps ...
That see her descending them with aplomb...
A panache' , a style ...
And posing ...
While being clicked away ...
Or videographed each morning.

The Staircase her laughometer...
Her happiness calculator...
It has seen her happy , smiling, dancing ...
But,
The Staircase has seen her sad too...
When heartbroken...
Her heavy leaden steps ...
Dragging herself up and down ...
A sadness and grief visible to all and sundry.

The Staircase has seen her at her best ...
The Staircase has seen her at her worst ...
The Staircase knows it all ...
Her only companion in the years known to her ...
It reads her ...
It feels her.

She said nothing...

She said nothing and ...
She walked away...

She said " Nothing" ...
And,
She walked away ...
He was getting off to accompany her home...
She stopped him and said...
"No."
She said nothing at all...
She just walked away.

In her silence lay her answer.
SHE SAID NOTHING.

The Storm of Madness...

It raged ...
It snuffed a life ...
The storm of madness ...
It raged.

Flames engulfed her ...
Tight in their embrace ...
She struggled...
She wriggled ...
Trying to break free...
But,
The storm...
The storm of madness raged ...
It raged high and low...
It burnt her to the core...
The soul searching for solace ...
Searching for an answer...
To this day ...
No reply ...
What was her fault?

In the madness that came...
With the storm...
She was swept away...
Far far away from the maddening crowd...
Far away from the deafening noise...
But,
She had to cull the noise within...
She slit what she thought was best ...
To release her for eternity...
From the Storm of madness...
A life was snuffed out.

Why do you read her?

She's left the past behind...
Long ago ...
Why do you read her now?

There are no memories to share ...
Just nightmares that recur.

Why do you read her?
She's just a ghost from the past ...
Let her remain in vapour form...
She's just a wisp of days gone by ...
Bygone days should bring a smile on your lips ...
The tears are long dried.

Why do you read her Lamentations?
Those are her musings on a rainy day ...
The rains washed the streak lines along her cheeks, long ago.

Why, oh why?

They are just memories ...
Rewinding and replaying...
Images of a bygone era...
Nothing else ...
For nothing remains but our memories...
To torment us sometimes...
That's all, just memories...
Erased ...
Yet, traces remain.

Liar, laying in the lair ...

The fox, the cunning fox...
He stole her moments...
He snatched her happiness...
Hidden in his lair...
He pounces on catches unaware...
The liar...
The cheat ...
The lying fox...
Liar, laying stealthily in his lair ...
He watches for prey ...
He uses them ...
And, then he trots away ...
Mumbling...
The grapes are sour.
#GoFigure

Love Unbridled

Their love was timeless ...
With gay abandon they roamed around...
Painting the town red ...

Loved and lost

She loved
She lost
She's lost

The Dragon within...

Blackmail, intrigue & explosive exploits stretch the bonds of friendship, as lost secrets and untold lore come to light in a world full of magic wielding #dragonswithin

Next up in my chronicles of procrastination: I feed my imaginative cat some mangoes

Oh! Oh! Where did my Van Gogh go?

Been searching high,
Been searching low,

Does anyone know,
Where did my Van Gogh?

My Art, my art of aches and pain.

Do you see me as I see you?
Your fire is a mead to my soul,
And I ruminate on its firefly glow.
Your air unwinds my unseen
Tempestuous gloom, overcoming the dark
With eyes so blue.
It's all the warmth I want
Because all is you.
You are my verses
You are my poetry
You are my pain
You are my annihilation
You are the Does tiptoeing
You are the Cat prowling
Yes, you are my birth and death
You are the keeper of my ashes.

You are the Dragon, I keep chained...

You are the Dragon, I shall unleash one day
Till then, sleep well o' purring one
For the end is near...

Soon we shall be one
A power unbeknownst to man
A power hidden within
The Dragon within.

रेत का गुबार

एक वक्त था जब सब शांत था
हर तरफ खुशहाली थी
वो थे हम थे
सब ठीक ठाक चल रहा था
फिर,
वक़्त की एक अशांत शांत आंधी आयी
और सब कुछ बिखेर कर चली गयी
कुछ न बचा ,
न घर, न बगीचा और न ही इंसानियत
जो बचा , वो एक हंसता दहकता आग का दरिया
और वो शक्श जिसने सब उजाड़ दिया था
वो एक कली जो बची थी
मुरझा गयी
कोमल कपोलों सी उसकी हंसी
रुक सी गयी
चारों तरफ उजड़ा चमन
कहीं भी खुशी की एक झलक तक नहीं
दूर दूर तक रेत के ढेर
एक आंधी चली और
रेत का गुबार उठा
वो सब खुशियां अपने साथ ले गया
कली बची, सिमटी सी
किस्मत का खेल देखती रही
पलट गई वो
उस रेत के टीले से दूर
उसने खुद अपनी कब्र खोदी
और उसमें समा गई
फिर रेत का एक गुबार आया
कब्र ढक गयी रेत के कणों से
अब कली कहीं दिखती नहीं
कोई आशा भी नहीं

जो गया सो गया
अब न कुछ बाकी है
अब न फिर कोई कली खिलेगी
अब न कोई राधा नाचेगी
अब न कोई कान्हा होगा
अब होगा तो सिर्फ
हहशत और दहशत का नग्न नृत्य
अब होगी हाहाकार
धरती मिट्टी मिट्टी हो जाएगी
न नर रहेगा न नारी।

वक़्त

वक़्त है कि थमता ही नहीं
अपनी ही रफ्तार से चला जा रहा है
और हम
वहीं के वहीं
न एक कदम आगे चल सके
न एक कदम पीछे जा सके
बस वहीं कदम रुक गए
जहां थे, वहीं ।

ज़माने को देखो
वो तेज़ दौड़ा जा रहा है
एक मृगतृष्णा के पीछे
अपना सब कुछ छोड़े जा रहा है
अपना घर
अपनी मोहब्बत
अपना वजूद
फिर बचा ही क्या ?
कुछ नहीं
पर इंसान है कि
लालच का सिरा छोड़ता ही नहीं
चाहे कुछ भी हो जाये
ये इंसान सुधर नहीं सकता।

वक़्त की आंधी आएगी
सब तिनका तिनका हो जाएगा
न घर रहेगा न घरोंदा
बस बाकी रह जाएंगी  यादें
यादें भी धुंधला जाएंगी
कुछ नही बचेगा
बस एक स्याह अंधेरा
और कुछ नहीं।

वक़्त का तकाजा है
वक़्त देखा है हमने
वो किसी के लिए नहीं ठहरता
वो बस चलता रहता है।

वक़्त ...

The darkness engulfs her ...

She runs wildly ...
Arms flayling in space ...
Feet trying for a foothold ...
She's engulfed in darkness ...
A hot tub of emotions...
Imagination wild and distinct...
Cold and fierce ...
There's sadness all around ...
She has only herself to surround herself with...
She's lost ...
Wandering hopelessly here and there...
Wondering where she went wrong...
Whom did she harm.
She harms herself...
The pain brings some relief ...
But that ain't the antidote...
To the poison left within.
She cries silently ..
Wails within ...
A hollow holler at her self ...
Why?
How could she allow this to happen again?

The silence within , deafening...
A chill going up her spine ...
She looks at the sleeping pills ...
And knows best what to do.

She has to numb the feelings...
She has to shut the noise out ...
If not now ...
She might act weird ...
For sanity's sake. ..
She has to cull the insanity ...
The noise within.

Dreams ... With a tragic end ..

They met out of the blue...
As though destined to meet...
At a place, which none would recommend ever ...
Yet, a twist of fate made them meet ...
A whirlwind first date ....
Led to another and another ...

Then suddenly dates out of the blue ..

He would kidnap her from work and take her away ...

Far away to another place...

A beach a sea .... A beautiful seat on the rocks. ..
She was floored...
Totally smittened ...
Enamored by  his love. ..
Licensed by the Black Pearl bracelet and neckpiece for her birthday.

She was taken by his charm...
She fell head over heels in love ...
Once again to be taken for a ride.

Ride she did ... High on the waves ...
A tsunami of love ...
Kaput!!! One day it all came crashing down ...
Her monument of love came crashing down ..
She was devastated.
.She cooped up in her coccoon...

There she started her cleansing process...
A metamorphosis taking place....
She made her feathers better ...her wings stronger ..
She was different...she was above  human interaction.

She turned further into her shell ...for she was a wreck to be salvaged
He surfaced again ... She turned her face away.

She was ... Waiting for the footsteps that never came...

She was full of life ...
Smiling all the time...
Fun to be with...
He entered her life ...
Like a whiff of fresh air ...
And ,
Snuffed the life out of her...
He ravaged her mind and soul...
He raped her sensibilities...
He left her a vegetable...
To her own existence...
Just existence...
No life at all...
Just another dead body ...
In the trails of death ...
That follow his footsteps ...
One gone forever...
Another, a living dead ...
He killed her alive ...
Throttling her life ...
Leaving her on her own ...
He ensured there was none beside her ...
He murdered her in broad daylight...
Proclaiming himself a saint...
He was far from one ...
Actually, Devil's Advocate in disguise...
She was trapped ...
Ensnared by his false charms ...
Used by him...
And, left to die alone.
She was in love till her last breath...
Her eyes glued to the door...
Her ears attuned to his footsteps...
Footsteps that never came.

They found her ...
Eyes wide open...
A smile on her lips ...
Waiting ...
Waiting for the footsteps that never came.

History...

When they become a page from history...
That ...
That moment you are liberated...
It is the D Day landing for you ...
The day when you nuke all the feelings for them...
They become dust ...
The rising , swirling...
Dissipating dust like Hiroshima...
They become the Nagasaki skeletal remains...
The memories of them become...
The dilapidated buildings...
Of your wartorn mind.

The conflict resolves...
And you see clearly ...
The foolhardiness of the efforts...
The efforts put in to keep it together...
When all the Nazi wanted was the pleasure...
The pleasure of destroying your peace...
The ally of your thoughts...
To ravage your body ...
For his own annihilation.
They are history now ...
Let them remain history...
Do not repeat the same history...
They will get the just justice ...
For you were naive they weren't...
They have become history...
Even in the pages of their own lives.
#GoFigure

Body Language... It says it all

She can understand languages ...
A lot of them...
She can read them well...
But, she reads best is ...
Body Language.

She doesn't trust words ...
No messages...
Nothing on phone ...
She meets in person ...
To understand the person...
The motives ...
For they say ...
Action speaks louder.

She makes it a point ...
To meet in person...
For she trusts her gut instinct ...
It tells her everything...
It never lies.

She understands...
Body Language. #GoFigure

Trigger Happy...

Going through the mundane chores of a nasty Sunday morning, she seems trigger happy.

What has triggered that smile on her lips ?

A Faraway look, as though she's in Dreamland. What happened in the past few days to have made her so at peace with herself?

No, she's not on some mood enhancers. Neither is she a brethren of anybody nor waiting for anyone. Suddenly, her solitude is all she craves for. The emptiness within is such a bliss. It echoes her non-existent feelings. For long, she's waited for this silence. The trigger to Happiness, her silence within.

There's no chaos. There's no turbulence. An inner calm.
Or, is it true there's a lull before a storm?

The trigger is in her hand ... She uses it or not , depends on the silence within.

Shadows...

She was herself...
Fiercely independent...
With a mind of her own ..
She lived life on her terms ...
She was not born ...
To live under shadows ...
Shadows of ghosts of the past ...
She was born wild and free ...
The spirit of her soul ...
Has seen many journeys...
Journeys solo and in company...
She prefers to go solo ...
She wasn't born to live under shadows...
Shadows of ghosts of the past.

Trigger Happy

Going through the mundane chores of a nasty Sunday morning, she seems trigger happy.

What has triggered that smile on her lips ?

A Faraway look, as though she's in Dreamland. What happened in the past few days to have made her so at peace with herself?

No, she's not on some mood enhancers. Neither is she a brethren of anybody nor waiting for anyone. Suddenly, her solitude is all she craves for. The emptiness within is such a bliss. It echoes her non-existent feelings. For long, she's waited for this silence. The trigger to Happiness, her silence within.

There's no chaos. There's no turbulence. An inner calm.
Or, is it true there's a lull before a storm?

The trigger is in her hand ... She uses it or not , depends on the silence within.

Erase

Can memories be erased?
No, not unless you are a vegetable...
But still in that state...
Your mind may be working...
You might be reliving the past ...
The good memories...
The bad ones ...
The not so good ones ...
And the not so bad ones ...
But, none the less reminding...
Episodes of your life's drama.

One can or can not let it rule their present...
Let the memories make you or break you...
If someone wants, one can move on ...
Or just for convenience act...
Act as though they have moved on ...
Enjoy the goodies of current days ...
And then,
At their convenience, blame memories ...
Memories for holding back.

Sad truth of human beings ...
Only humans can manipulate their own minds...
And minds of others...
To suit their convenience.

There is no eraser ...
You can't erase memories...
But, yes you can use them to manipulate...
To get your brownie points ...
At the expense of others happiness ...
At the expense of others always...
It takes a very clever mind to do that ...
Someone who knows how to use people for their convenience...
And then how to leave them high and dry.

Sad, there is no erase button in some peoples memory...
And there is a big delete in others.
#GoFigure

The last glimpse...

Heart wrenching it was ...
To break away from what gave you hope to live ...
The last glimpse ...
Of a man who loved you so true ...
To swallow the tears within...
And walk away from love ...
It takes a big heart to.let go ...
Let go, she did ...
Kamakazi the only way out. #GoFigure

She waited...

She waited with bated breath...
She waited for him ...
To call out to her ...
And ask her to turn back ...
He didn't.

Love reunited...

All seems bright and sunny...
When all that troubled you is washed away...
A dark, gloomy rain washed day...
Seems beautiful...
Just because...
They reunite ...
Their love for each other...
Conquering over the trivial matter ...
That pulled them apart ...
Their hearts and minds as one ...
They hold hands and jump in a puddle together...
Hot chocolate and Cappuccino savoured...
Over differences being resolved...
Love conquests over the shadows...
Love reunited again...
A smile spreads across her lips ...
She writes positive with a glint in her eye ...
Touchwood!

Walking in the rain...

What a blessing the rains are ...
When the mind is at unrest...
When there are tears streaming down...
The rain cometh pouring down...
Washing away the salt...
None can see the saline trail...
All they see is a woman...
Walking in the rain.

Vacant eyes...

Hidden behind the smile...
Are vacant eyes ...
Searching for the lost one ...
Hidden behind the chirpy persona...
Is a tragic torn heart...
Looking for the lost one...
Vacant, puffy eyes...
Tears all dried up...
Wondering where she went wrong...
Seeking answers to innumerable questions...
Lost and wandering...
She steps into a vortex...
That sucks the Life out of her...
She's lost too ...
Perhaps never to surface again.

Beating The Stress...

Her way of beating stress is ...
Cook, clean and bake a cake ...
So she ends up making baked potatoes and chicken breasts...
With an added dash of ...
A singularly sinful chocolate cake ...
The kids know ...
They eat quietly...
Ever watchful eyes...
Following her every move...
For her actions speak louder...
Of a mind at unrest...
A heart broken...
Shattered to pieces ...
She laughs with gay abandon...
The kids know ...
She is hiding her pain behind smiles...
Her aches camouflaged behind a tough exterior...
She gets down to the basics ..
Cooking and cleaning...
As though absolving her woes ...
In lather and butter...
Peeling potatoes...
Chopping onions ...
Blaming the shallots for the tears in her eyes...
Hell yeah!
She hides behind the utensils...
The pots and pans become her world...
She drowns her sorrow in the muffins...
Muffling her sighs...
She braises the lamb...
Basting it in barbecue sauce...
The kick of the spices ...
Lifting her spirits..m
She forgives the perpetrator...
She moves into her own World...
Of pots and pans...
She hides behind a veil of smoke ...
Smoke bellowing from her oven...
Damn!
Her roast got burnt ...
She scrapes out the dark gooey matter...
To start another roast ...
She keeps herself busy...
Her mind wanders about...
Beating the stress out.

Love makes you ...

Love...
Ah!
Love makes a fool out of you...
Love makes you act stupid...
Love makes you freak out...
Love makes you sober...
Love makes you change ...
Love makes you YOU.
Love makes you eat a humble pie...
Love mellows you down...
Love makes you turn inward...
Love makes you lonely...
Love makes you revolt...
Love makes you mad...
Love is everything ...
That can make your World go...
Topsy turvy.
Love makes you...
Love breaks you.

Missing Us ...

Missing Us ...
Is all her thoughts about...

When days passed by ...
Time flew by...
Nothing mattered...

His absence created a void ...
An abyss ...
A dark hole that consumed her ..

She's lost without him...
He had become a part of her ...
Apart from him ...
She's shattered to bits ...
In her gloomy existence...
She gropes in darkness...
Searching for him...
Searching for them...
Her Us...

It's dark and dingy in this place...
She misses his warm sunny smile ...
The damp quarters of her World...
Engulf her ...
Consuming her energy...
Her vivacious self burnt...
She's but a shadow of her yesterday.

She misses Us ... Him and Her.

Over and done with Drama...

A player...
A performer...
He played his part well...
Till he could play no more...
Over and done with his drama...
She is ...
She is a blank page...
A clean slate to write upon...
But does she really want to be written on?
No...
The colour from her face vanished ...
A dull look to present...
Does she really want written over again ?
No...
She is hurting...
Words of pain ...
Ache...
Pouring out ...
No...
No one to blame ...
But herself...
For yet believing in another ...
Another charlatan...
Another actor ...
Another player of hearts.

Over and done ...
Drained of emotions...
She wipes the stream of tears...
As though a dam has broken...
The tears keep rolling down her shallow cheeks...

She is over and done with all his drama ...

The stories he cooks ...

Well, the master chef is on his own now ...

For she seeks to forsake his company...

No more is she going to relent ...

All his fake emotions ...

Coming to the fore ...

She is ...

Over and done with the drama.

No woman, no cry ...

Bob Marley righly penned...
No woman, no cry ...
No one , none is worth the tears ...
They have fun with you...
Woman, at your expense ...
They have fun ...
Why shed tears ...
For spineless fools ...
They don't deserve you...
You remain strong...
You have everything...
They have nothing...
But their emptiness to return to...
The circle of life is such ...
We beget what we sow...
They shall realize...
But, you would have moved on ...
Climb mountains...
Explore new frontiers...
This ain't the end ...
This is the beginning...
Agreed, precious time was invested...
So were feelings...
But, what the heck ...
Woman , no cry ...
Move on ...
Cherish the memories...
Move on ...
You have gained from your mistake...
Just another mistake...
No woman, no cry...

A Sanitary Pad Wonders...

Used and thrown ...
A sanitary pad wonders ...
Why is it that when they need me...
In their hour of need ...
They use me ...
They wear me for a couple of hours...
And then ...
And then they discard me ?
Why do they do that?
One time use?
No more of use to them anymore...
A Sanitary Pad wonders...

No excuse needed...

No explanation...
No excuses needed...
For a spineless decision...
The deed is done...
No respect left ...
Just remorse...
Move on ...
Let her be...
She's  better off without him...
Life comes one full circle...
Hope you don't get entangled in the mesh.

Gut instinct...

Her apprehensions...
Her doubts...
All put to rest...
Her gut instinct came true...
All doubts, apprehensions and fear ...
Turned out positive...
How could she allow him...
To walk all over her again and again?
She's been a fool...
Thinking it's love ...
It's not love if they keep you as an option...
It's never love ...
It's just ...
Never love...
Walk away she must...
From the negativity...
Walk away she must for her sanity...
Walk away she must for her vanity...
Walk away she must for her dignity...
Her gut instinct says so ...
Should she pay heed ...
Or remain the same abominable fool?

What a fool!

What a fool she's been...
Oh Damn!
It was written large in his actions...
His nonchalance attitude...
Bespoke it ...
Damn it girl!!!
You did get the hint ?
Oh ! What a fool has she been...
To have believed his lies...
Getting carried away in emotions...
The emotional fool...
Once again...
Has been played around with...
Damn it!!
Why does she fall for these ploys?
Oblivious to the truth...
Time and again...
He goes back on his words ...
Time and again he retracts his vows.
The hopeless romantic...
She's but a fool...
To have believed EVERY word of his ...
All that he wanted was ...
He got ...
Now he doesn't need her.
Once again, he's fooled her ...
Once again she dives deep in depression...
Once again...
Once again.

Stolen kisses ...

Those moments of borrowed Happiness...
Stolen kisses and warm hugs ...
Oh yes! Warm, hurried hugs ...
In the silver sunset years ...
They are a welcome sight to see...
They are welcome to the feelings club...
Ah yes! The moments of hilarious fumblings...
Of necking when none sees ...
Oh those jumpy moments...
Of cuddles and cooing ...
Stolen kisses taste best ...
When heeats are aflutter...
Beeping heartbeats...
Blinking eyes...
Ah! The stolen kisses moments.

Fragile, handle with care...

Designed of soft scars ...
She was tell tale signs ...
Of she having having lost a game called...
‘Don’t mess with love’...
With her very self ...
Down in dumps ...
Sad, morose ...
She limps away ...
Hurt, in pain...
Pasted on her ...
Fragile, handle with Care.

Love ... So innocent

Love is so innocent when it's pure...
In it's nascent stage ...
We live on love and fresh air ...
All care thrown to the wind...
Love, pure love. Sigh!

In her private hell...

Life sighs a last whimper...
In her private hell...
Lights dim...
Sounds muffled...
Not a leaf moves...
No air breezes past ...
All is at standstill...
In her private hell.

Framed musings...

On a windless , moonless night ...
What does she think about?
The frail frame ...
Framed musings ...
Heartless Wonder...
Or woeful wondering?
Ah, the framed musings of a solitary night ...
Whiling away ...
The time ...
Time that is slipping away...
Never to return...
Time lost ...
Wasted away...
The heart growing weaker by the hour...
The feelings becoming numb...
Was that a slight breeze?
Was there a whiff of scent?
No, it's just her imagination...
Playing heartless games...
Lost in her thoughts...
She edges along a precipice...
The plunge deep down...
A dark abyss awaits her ...
A slip in her awkward gait ...
And , she will be lost forever.
Framed musings of a frail mind.

Finding Happiness...

In pursuit of excellence...
She lost herself somewhere...
In between the devil and the deep blue sea ...
Finding happiness within...
She found a meaningful life ...
Giving up on false pretenses...
Giving up on fake smiles...
She found her real smile...
Relentless pursuit of pleasing others...
Became a trivial memory ...
No more curios and unabashed debauchery for her ...
Leaving all care to wind ...
She became one with nature ...
Letting all caution go down the drain...
She emerged from the deluge of depression...
A winner all the way.

Now, she doesn't need company...
She's her own companion...
She thinks aloud...
She jots her thoughts down...
More or less blogs her uncensored mind ...
Emerging from her shell...
Her solitude a bliss...
A blessing is her melancholy loneliness...
For she emerges stronger...
Victorious as always ...
A shade better than before.

Finding happiness within ...
The glow apparent...
The hint of a glint in her eyes...
Minty breath...
Rosy lips ...
Shades on ...
She moves to another realm ...
Her awesome World of fabrication...
Words spun out of her imagination...
She floats as a free spirit...
Oblivious of any aches or pain...
Her human form experiences...
She lives dangerously on the edge of life ...
Any moment can be her last ...
But, you know what...
She knows she has lived life to the brim...
No regrets ...
No desires...
Just floating around...
Waiting to vaporize in the air ...
The wind echoing her name ...
That's the ultimate goal...
The final destination...
The happiness within.

Mindless tasks ...

Master stroke of an empty mind ...
Mindless tasks ...
Uneventful chores ...
They all lead you through your GPS ...
To the task at hand...
When pouring your heart out ...
Clearing the so called writer's block ...
All you need to do is ...
Mindless tasks.

Thorny issues at hand ...
Seem seemingly seamless ...
One finds the quietude...
A bliss to enjoy ...
To rejuvenate ...
And bounce back.

The chirpy self ...
The devil within...
They all surface in words ...
Lingering on thoughts ...
Smacking on lips.

Ah! The flowery words...
Bestowed upon the beastly paper...
The ink pad soaking the sweat ...
The words glistening ...
The thoughts poured out.

Are we done for the day ?
Nay, says the mind ...
We have miles to cover ...
Mountains to climb ...
Oceans to explore...
So much more ...
Yet so little to show.

Master stroke...
Seemingly mindless...
Seamlessly mindful.
#GoFigure

The Driftwood...

Floating from shore to shore...
Sometimes stuck in sands ...
Sometimes in oceanic rocks ...
The dead wood ...
Known as driftwood. ..
Fancies the eyes of a local fisherman...
He retrieves it from in between the dark rocks ...
Deeply entrenched in the sand below...
The fisherman wonders ...
Whether to dry it  and use as fuel ...
Or sit down in solitude ...
And carve the mermaid of his dreams out of it...
Suddenly, he hears the voice drifting in the wind ...
Calling his name ...
He looks at the piece of dead wood ...
And , heaves a sigh...
Catapulting the driftwood...
Back into the warm waters of the ocean.

When memories start ...

Memories, an integral part of who we are ...
What happens when memories start fading away?
She doesn't remember a lot from the distant past ...
Increasingly agonising is ...
She doesn't remember anything from yesterday too...
It will all come flooding back one day ...
But till then ...
How does she remember?
It's chilling not recalling...
Whom you met the day before...
But she remembers meeting them ...
Half a year agos memories ...
How is it possible?

What if she forgets herself one day?
Then what?
Fading memories and a blanket of black ...
No fired up neurons...
Just a blank page.

Freedom of expression...

When your freedom of expression is curbed ...
What do you do?

Freedom of expression...

Can't ... For people jump to conclusions

Need based commodity...

The relationship between a commodity and a user ...
Is a need based one...
Of course, the need of the user ...
The commodity cannot desire...
It has no rights to desire ...
Or even wish for anything to do with the user...
It's a win win situation for the user always...
He gets to choose what commodity he wants and when ...
When he's lonely...
When he desires company...
When he wants something to take away his boredom...
Or even for time pass.

The commodity ...
No, it can't desire...
It lies there waiting for the user...
His need based decisions.
#GoFigure

Antardwand ... The Battle Within...

Worry not when she becomes overbearing...
Worry, when she stops giving a fuck...
Now, don't you go reading between the lines or delving deep into this ...
These are musings of a lonely mind ...
Not for you to read into and jumping to conclusions.
Ha ha ha ...

Thehrav...

Zindagi ko ek thehrav mil gaya hai...
Bhaagti daudti zindagi ko ek padaav mil gaya hai...
Ucchalti leheron ko kinara mil gaya hai...
Machalti umangon ko sahara mil gaya hai...
Zindagi ko ek thehrav mil gaya hai.
I was a wild untamed river...

"And now you have mellowed down?" He asked ...
"Like a calm stable water spring ?"
She smiled benevolently and Said "Like a gurgling Brooke...
You make me calm...
Your thoughts make me smile a gentle smile...
The corners of my eyes glistening with a tear unshed...
A tear of happiness...
The wrinkles and crows feet reminder of struggle of yesteryears...
The gleaming smile the happiness of today...
Am at peace when I am with you."

#GoFigure

Today I write for you my love...

Today I write for you my love ...
She said ...
Remember how we met ...
A virtual meeting that led to ...
A whirlwind first date ...
Pubhopping , dancing and singing ...
Just being silly old fools ...
All care thrown to the winds ...
Oblivious of the stares and hushed whispers ...
Yes, coz' we ran a riot across the burbs of Bombay city ...
Two old souls just happy being in their skins ...
No expectations, no inhibitions...
Just Us .

Remember, we parted in separate cabs , she said ...
But we we're constantly in touch via messages...
We didn't sleep ...
We decided on yet another date ...
To the town ...
The place of our respective youths.

Remember the strawberry festival at Talk of the Town , now ...
Pizza by the bay ..m
And then the sudden impromptu leap ...
Into the double decker bus waiting at the signal outside...
The driver and the conductor zapped the lightning quick move with which we clambered to the top and ...
Placed ourselves in the first seat with 360 degree view of the city ahead ...
Remember still, she said ...
The rush down to the Mantralaya bus stop and walking on the paved footpath...
Towards NCPA and the Marine drive ...
The hopping and jumping ...
The holding of hands ...
The warm hugs ...
And then, she continued...
Yet again, hopping into a taxi ...
The yellow and black cab ...
Winding our way through churchgate, metro and Victoria Terminus ...
Towards Lower Parel ...
And ...
By mistake entering a vegetarian pasta joint ...
Enjoying some pasta and then again ...
My love she whispered...
We went up 37 floors at St. Regis ...
We were the only ones in their lounge bar ...
Then ...
Yet again, we we're so in love that we forgot we had to go home ...
And we headed towards the Juhu Beach ...
Rest is history my love ...
The wild infantile love we share ...
Has no expectations...
It's pure love ...
Based on a need to be free to express ...
Express whatever is within us ...
Such love is rare to find ...
Cherish it ...
Cherish the moments...
These moments never return ...
You can only remember them ...
Remember not with a sigh , she said ...
Remember, so you can relive them ...
Feel love once again when ...
Life tires you out...
Let's go make some more moments...
So history remembers us ...
As the wild untamed beasts ...
That we are #GoFigure ... To be continued...

Magic...

Magic is a girl with a flower crown on her mind, a fire in her heart, and a sprinkle of night on her soul...
#GoFigure

#GoFigure

https://youtu.be/XQonGT4CbUo

Trying times...

Trying times test the depth of a relationship...
Good times don't...
How well one takes duress in a relationship...
Proves your commitment...
Sticking together during stress and strain ...
Proves your commitment...
Else if you can't take it ...
It proves your intentions were never pure ...
You were just passing your time...
Having a good time at the others expense.
#GoFigure

Compromising with love...

Not her cup of tea ...
Compromising with love ...
If you want to move on ...
Move on ...
Do not knock on her door and do small talks ...
When you do that...
You raise her hopes...
Don't raise false hopes...
If you are coping with your dilemma...
Do it on your own ...
It's your road trip...
Not hers ...
She knows what she desires ...
If she has to go hiking on her own...
She will leave ...
No questions asked ...
No permissions taken...
Everyone comes alone and goes alone ...
You want to travel with her ...
It's your decision ...
Tomorrow don't give her lame reasons to back out of a commitment.
Life is complex as it is...
Don't make it worse for her...
She can't unlove you...
You fight your demons...
Fight your demons...
She needs a Knight not a coward...
Beside her ...
Her journey is unpredictable...
Don't anchor her down...
You loved her free spirit...
You doted over her free speech ...
Why is it that now you doubt your commitment?
There's no compromising on love ...
Love has to be pure...
Love has to be giving , without being asked ...
Love cannot be demanded...
She has no intention of finding another...
You can't love every Tom, Dick or Harry...
She isn't fickle.

There's no compromising with love for her #GoFigure

The Milky way ...

Aakash Ganga Surya Chandra Taara ...
Sandhya Usha koi na nathi ...
Koni Bhoomi koni Nadi...
Koni Saagardhara ...
Sundarta kaaj banaa vividh rang ...
The milky way... The Sun , moon and stars ...
The Sunset, the sunrise ... Nothing exists ...
What land, what river...
What ocean are we talking about...
Beauty is made by the colours of all these elements...
So are emotions ...
A vivid hue ...
Of thoughts racing through our minds...
The impermanence of all things old and new...
Relationships fragile ...
Like glassware ...
Ready to shatter under stress.

All things fragile...

Nothing kills you...

Nothing kills you like your mind ...
A mind so beautiful...
A genius beyond comprehension...
A mind that concocts situation...
A mind that can imagine...
A brilliant mind ...
So ahead of its time ...
A mind that conjures ...
Nothing kills you like your mind.

There are other minds too...
Ones that lag behind...
Minds that can't comprehend...
Minds that are a tad bit behind...
Minds that haven't evolved ...
Small minds ...
Nothing kills you like those minds.

The last chapter...

The book ended ...
But she pulled over the story ...
Various chapters, various scenarios...
Sweet and lovely scenes...
Gory details...
Melodramatic innuendos...
But,
The last chapter was the most intense...
An interesting mix of histrionics...
Ending a sweet story into a mud slinging match ...
Each character trying to bring the other down...
Just like the war of the roses ...
Ultimately no one wins ...
Both are the losers ...
Both walk away ...
Glad that the ordeal is over ...
But one ...
The protagonist...
With shoulders hung low...
A slow gait of dejection...
Eyes brimming with tears ...
Walks away abjectedly ...
As though the world had come to an end ...
The book had come to an end ...
And so did her world come collapsing down.

The last chapter was pretty melodramatic...
The last chapter ended the protagonist...
The next day ...
They found her floating in the Sea ...
For her book was based on the Sea.

Handcuffed to the mystery of history...

History repeats itself...
In one form or another...
From one time frame to another...
We are handcuffed to the mystery of our history...

Indeed , stuck in a Time Warp...
Albeit a bit secluded...
Far apart from each other...
Leap of faith ...
Or a plunge into an abyss unknown...
We all take our chances...
We all take decisions unknown...
A moment ago to any of us ...
Life changing order ...
A nightmare of sorts ...
Or a dream come true...
We are handcuffed to the mystery of our today and yesterday ...
History in the making as always.

It was good...

It was good while it lasted ...
Till it lasted it was good ...
The drives ...
Through winding roads ...
The walks along the paved paths ...
The food they gorged upon ...
The flights of fantasies they took.

The hilarious moments chronicled ...
Just a distant memory now ...
Nothing remains permanent...
In infinity lies the stakes...
Dreams unfulfilled...
Commitments broken...
Yes, but the memories remain...
In memories lie the vitality...
The birth of a new life.

The gift of life he gave her ...
She lives in those chapters...
The book unread ...
Unopened, all set to unleash...
The yesterday's meeting...
All those fragrant moments...
The bliss of living in a past not so distant...
She wouldn't miss a thing...
Just a click away...
Bound in moving slides ...
Life slips and slides away.

It was good while it lasted...
No regrets whatsoever.

Musings on the way ...

Pouring out to her hearts content ...
That too on the way ...
By the way ...
Musings ...
Tantamount to raising a few brows ...
Leading to misleading thoughts ...
That's the ROFL moment...
When based on your musings ...
People break relations ...
Not for the weak hearted are these words...
You have to be a Lionheart to digest her statements...
Words penned along the journey between workplaces...
Releasing the stress ...
Spinning webs of imagination...
She moves ...
Like a Hydra ...
Tentacles spreading here and there ...
Giving shape to thoughts...
Misshaping common misnomers...
Realizing absurdity of people...
Getting a reality check...
She enjoys the freedom of speech...
A speech that exposes the weak...
Words that unfurl the naked truth.

Musings of the heart ...
The mind ...
The whole self ...
Bringing the world down for some ...
Breaking even at some point...
All along the way.

Trigger Happy ...

She's happy...
Very happy...
A heavy load off her chest ...
One more place to create ...
Beautiful memories to make ...
Something to keep her occupied...
Something to keep her mind off the rigours of human life ...
A rigmarole of activities...
Running from pillar to post ...
Thank God for small mercies.

Rude, is it ? Or ...

Wow!

What a lame excuse to be given...
Rude behavior?
Heights...
First you press the trigger...
When recoil happens...
You scoot ...
What a way to run!
Like a coward or...
Like someone who wanted a reason to leave...
Shooting from her shoulder...
Blaming her for everything...
Not looking within...
You started it ... From your end
You ended it... From your end ...
At your convenience...
She didn't.
She played the game your way...
At your behest ...
Your rules...
Your conditions...
She was just a pawn ...
You planned and played well...
But you ain't the winner...
You are the biggest loser...
Showing your spinelessness...
Just like your Creed...
Just another one like them...
No wonder you suffer...
And shall suffer more forever.

Walking towards the horizon...

Lost in thoughtless thoughts...
She makes her way through the melee' ...
The crowd disperses upon her approach...
Making way for her...
They can see the wild madness in her walk ...
The vacant brown eyes...
As though she was carrying herself ...
To be laid to rest at Sea.

She walks on the scorching sand ...
Into the warm frothy waves...
Their arms welcoming her to Sea...
The horizon getting near.

Wading through the salty mist ...
Droplets on her cheeks ...
Are they from Sea water or salt from  the water in her eyes?

Walking into the horizon...
All care let loose ...
The cries of her loved ones ...
Stifled by the roaring waves ...
She disappears ...
Never a look behind...
Lost to all and sundry ...
One more life to love.

She remembers...

She remembers Telling him...
Understand me when I am down and out ...
Be there in trying times...
There will be moments of frustration...
When I want to give up...
Be there for me...
Understand me.

She told him...
You are my pillar of strength...
Don't give up on me...
Even when I give up on myself...
He seems to have forgotten those words...
He seems to have forgotten his promise...
To stick by her ...
Come what may ...
In this moment of despair...
She plunges deep in ...
The dungeons of solitude...
A solitary confinement...
Quite evident in her stoic silence to the world.
She had asked him to understand her ...
How could he forget that ?

All he read were words poured in despondent delinquency...
He didn't understand her.

She's lost ...

Emptiness within...
Abyss ahead...
Darkness behind...
She's lost.

The moment...

The moment she hears his voice...
She melts...
All the anger within...
The resentment, melts...
It just disappears...
The power of love is so strong...
It lifts a downtrodden mood ...
And once again...
She soars into the sky ...
Awaiting the showers of love.

Some...

Some are lost on the way ...
Some leave along the way ...
Some just fade away ...
Some remain as memories...
Some become artifacts ...
Some are just numbers...
Numbers in your contact book ...
Blocked numbers ...
A mistake to be never repeated again...
To be forgotten in time ...
Never to cross paths again ...
Some die a natural death ...
Some a violent one ...
But eventually they do die ...
In those moments...
Memories flash by ...
Only memories, nothing else.

Fairytale life ...

Her life was a Fairytale...
A tale to be remembered for ages ...
A tale of live, heartbreak and betrayal...
She lived through it all ...
Only to be betrayed at every step by her loved ones .
She loved truly ...
But her love was taken for granted...
She was used to make ends meet ...
She was a means to an end to all the miseries of the world...
She kept giving of herself...
Having known only love ...
They kept betraying her ...
Till one day ...
She could give no more ...
Then lo behold !
They disappeared...
Her demons et al...
She was free at last ...
But she was barely herself...
She was reduced to ashes ...
Just a pale reflection of her radiant self ...
She jumped into the fire ...
A pure lit for her ...
There she was aglow ...
Resplendent in her glory ...
Glowing head to toe ...
Burning from within ...
Burning all over ...
A smile on her lips ...
She was consumed in her own pyre ...
A fire lit by her aches ...
A fire she carried in her heart.
They say ...
They can still hear her giggle...
The child like laughter she was known for ...
In the winds that pass by ...
Through the rustle of the leaves ...
In the ocean breeze ...
In the wind that carries from the lake ...
On moonlit nights ...
You can still see her skimming across the placid lake ...
A ghostly aura ...
Silver in its glory.

The great ocean...

The ocean calls her ...
Every day the great ocean beckons her...
Nudging at her senses ...
Bellowing sounds of waves in her ears...
The smell of the Sandy shores ...
The breeze of salt from Sea...
The taste of the ocean in her mouth ...
The feel of the wind on her sweaty skin ...
The sifting sandwich beneath ...
The Ocean , her father ...
Beckons her ...
Aaye daughter of the Seven Seas ...
Come forth my child ...
The World ain't the place for you...
The schools of fish remember you ...
Come swim beneath ...
The ocean floor awaits you ...
Ride the waves like a queen ...
Come claim your kingdom ...
Come forth my child ...
Your world awaits you ...
She takes the first step towards the Sandy dunes...
She looks behind...
There no one stopping her ...
She looks ahead at the vast expanse of blue ...
She takes the final plunge ..m
Diving into the mesmerizing aqua blue ...
Merging with the hues ...
Never to return to the land ...
For that's not her world to be.

Will you come looking for me ...

She had asked him once ...
Will you come looking for me when I a lost?
He had said ...
He had dilly dallied...
No, he didn't give a straight answer ...
Well! It's time to find out...
If he will really come searching for her ...
It's time to get lost ...
Go away, far away ...
If he really loves her ...
He will come in search for her ...
Hope it isn't too late by then...
Will you look for me?

Permutations and combinations

After downing a couple of pints of ale ...
Everything in the head comes to a standstill...
Then there is no chaos...
There is no apprehension...
There are no doubts ...
Just a mist of love ...
Of uncertainty...
A ghost passes by ...
A cold whiff of his scent ...
Tears well up in her eyes ...
Not a drop trickling down her hollow cheeks...
As though everything is at a standstill...
Like that droplet of tear at the edge of her eyelid ...
The eyelashes moist ...
She closes her eyes...
Tears streaming down...
She wails in the quiet empitiness...
Shell shocked for words.

The darkness in the eyes ...
Spiraling her away ...
Into the Oblivion...
Nothing in sight ...
Just a duststorm...
Engulfing her completely.

The permutations of love ...
The combination of heartbreak...
So bleak yet so evident...
She shrugs her head ...
A Hand reaching out to the beer mug ...
One more large seig and we are ready for the road.

Memories in a pause ..

Memories of yore ... in a pause...
Like menopause ...
Coming in spurts ...
Gushing in at times ...
Gone for a long time ...
Painfully abominable and deathly haunting ...
Leaving her pale and semi dead ...
Eyes a hollow ...
No shine ...
No glow on face ...
Shaved head belies the pain ...
The cathartic fuel of her soul.

The clots of memories ...
Clustered together ...
Painful yet agonisingly blissful when shed ...
As though in labour ...
The delivery of pain crucifying.

Yet, flushing the toxins out ...
Cleansing the system ...
Knowing fully well ...
The agonizing pain of love ...
Love gone astray.

memories as though kindled by a pause button ...
She turns around ...
He isn't there ...
He had gone long ago ...
With a promise in his eyes ...
Never to return ...

Her pride clashes with her feelings ...
She says he will be back ...
The pride says NO...
An answer only he can give ...
But he is long gone and lost somewhere ...
For his eyes were set elsewhere.

Memories in a pause ...
Memories in a period ...
Memories of bygone days ...
Should she erase?

Her Mind ...

Enmeshed within a plethora of neurons ...
Are thoughts that haunt her day in and day out ...
Her mind is a mesh of words ...
Some known some unknown ...
Lost in this quintessential world ...
She wanders aimlessly ...
Some say she has lost her mind ...
Some say she has reached nirvana ...
She looks with vacant eyes ...
Beyond and far ...
A galaxy of new stars exploding ...
Somewhere new life beginning ...
Her own ended too soon.

Love lorn or lost in love ...
She is just a pack of skeletal remains ...
Covered in flesh, blood and blubber ...
They say she has lost her smile ...
There is no life in her eyes ...
Lifeless she wanders about ...
They numb her with pills ...
She numbs herself in liquor ...
A ghost of her yesterday remains ...
But not she ...
A swamp of gases and wilderness ...
Her mind wanders in ...
Looking for the lost one ...
They say he has gone ...
Lost forever ...
Yet. she searches ...
Lest she find the soul if not the body.

Her mind ...
Wandering ...
Way beyond human civilization...
An alien may know ...
The chapter within.

Respect!

Respect isn't asked for...
It is gained...
Gain her respect first rather than saying ...
She doesn't respect you ...
When was the last time you took her hand and walked in your neighbourhood...
No, not in a Mall nor a road away fro your home ...
But your neighbourhood?

So strange that you want respect ...
But, you can't give the same respect to her.

Whenever you have needed her ...
Called her ...
she was there for you ...
When did you honour her desire to be with her?
You even stopped her from coming to you in her spare time...
Giving silly excuses ...
The intuition of a woman is strong ...
When she loves ...
She loves wholeheartedly ...
You just used her and nothing else.

That's how you made her feel ...
USED...
You never made her feel loved or needed ...
It was just a need based love for you.
Sad that it has to end with an outburst of words describing how you made her feel.

God forbid, you shouldn't be treated this way ever and used and discarded.

Respect has to be earned and you have fallen in her eyes.

The pedestal on which she had placed you ...
Has tumbled ...
She cries and her wails shall haunt you forever.

What did you do before you met me?

He used to ask her...
What did you do before you met me?
How did you pass your time?
Well, my posts of late are answer enough ...
I scribbled life on smartphones ...
I posted my feelings in words ...
I whiled my time away ...
Reading and writing ... 'About all and nothing at all ...
Just as I am doing now ...
Now that he has scooted to a distant land ...
She pours her feelings in words ...
Her angst ... her triumph, her glory ...
Her not so happy state ...
All her problems
Here , typed to little or no perfection ...
For, words keep her company ...
They talk to her ...
They make her feel needed ...
They are her solace.

So, now you know what she did whilst you were never there in her life?

You won't understand ...
For you are a selfish man ...
You have no feelings ...
You have only needs ....
She's not a need based commodity ...
Which you can call upon at your whims and fancy .
She played your game your way, dutifully ...
Trusting you always ...
You played dirty with her ...
She still let go ...
So, do't jump to conclusions ...
You were meant to be committed ...
Where is your commitment ...
You hide her from public eyes ...
Be  a man First ...
Then tell her what you have to say ...
Own a woman  not in shades  but in full view first.

Why does he read her?

Is he guilty of something? 
Was he instrumental in flaring her temper, so he could cite that as incompatibility factor?
Is he reading to find what his action has made her do?

Or, is he just reading coz' he is plain outright guilty for outraging her modesty and then running away like a rat scurrying along a dark alleyway?
His reasons , he knows best ...
All she knows is that ...
He ran away ...
Instead of being a man he boasted to be ...
He ran away like a coward...
What is it with her and cowards ?

God knows his ways ...
Getting such cowards in her life ...
Making her happy temporarily and then ...
Vamoosh ...
They disappear ...
Suddenly they remember they have a life ...
They have a society to show their face to ...
They can't commit to her ...
They can't remain loyal to her ...
Suddenly her greys matter ...
Both on the scalp and within ...
Suddenly , she is too high and mighty ...
Her ego surfaces for them to complain about ...
Suddenly, she doesn't seem so appeasing to them ...
What a hypocrite!!!

Why does he read her?
He reads to read her mind ...
Little knowing that its a web of words and nothing else that she spins.

Anger within...

They ask , why does she eat so much...
She replies to curb the anger within...
She sleeps for hours in a delirious state...
For she has been wronged ...
She floats above her mortal being...
Watching the helpless being...
It angers her ...
It really sets her in another direction...
The betrayal by a loved one ...
Using her like a tampon and then discarding her like one ...
For all his sweet words ...
He never owned her up in public...
Maintaining a low profile lest others know of his dalliance...
And she, like a fool in love ...
Listened to his lies...
Believing his lies as real ...
Not realizing that the beast was just using her as a means to an end.

Oh! What a realization, and at what cost...
Her trust broken...
Her faith lost ...
Tattered and torn pride ...
Asking for justice...
But to whom ...
She was but a fool ...
To have believed his lies...
His blatant lies ...
Now she roams around like a zombie...
Alive yet dead ...
Her feelings shattered ...
Her dreams broken...
Whilst he enjoys his life elsewhere.

Where did she go wrong in loving him unconditionally?
Where did she falter in her belief?
Why did he do this? What was his motive?

She's lost faith in herself...
Not knowing what to do...
No face to show to anyone...
In front of whom she would boast ...
Of his undying love for her ...
Neither love nor him beside her ...
She walks limply...
Head bowed in shame ...
Disgust apparent in each step..

Despair reaching a crescendo...
They say she has lost it ...
Her mind a mumbo jumbo...
Of incoherent thoughts...
Nothing seems good...
Nothing seems real ...
She's lost to herself too...
Lost forever in a dark abyss.