Ahem...

A new  way to start the story again is not to rewrite anything ....
It was just a post ...
A musing ...
I have lived my life to the fullest ...
No regrets.

watch..

Daddu... watch the videos ...
Itz the kids when they were younger 

.Some blogs ....

Some blogs are only meant for you and some for some MF slugs and sluts who have ruined my life ..... Ignore those.... facebook has it all

Lights, Camera ... Action ... Pack up...

Strobe lights....
Bright lights...
Flash lights ...
My gawd.... when will all this end ...
Yeah, the diary of a celebrity ...
I know ...
It becomes difficult to move around ...
One word and it is news ....
Makes headlines ...
One step outside ...
And. heads turns....
Oh! It's a great responsibility to be a headturner ...
A celebrity ....
You still don't know me ...
I wear a mask and move ....
The mask removed will put you to shame....
You gave up on the best...
Lights, camera, action ......
And, Now....
Pack up.....Mask has to be put on ...
So the World doesn't recognize me.

How To Take An Interview!!

Numb....Sync Masta Style

Numb....Sync Masta Style

How To Take An Interview!!

Given Up...SyncMaster Style

Numb....Sync Masta Style

A new start ...

A new beginning ...
New friends ...
New relations ....
New status ...
New found everything ....
The past a bleak past now ...
Just a scar ....
That will get wiped out with time....
Crazy ... it may seem so ....
Cupid played his part ....
Now only time will tell ...
Whether the hot headed male ...
Will ever head this way.

Like his style ...
No nonsense ...
Just himself ...
Np pretenses ..
It's not yet begun ...
Yet I feel bonded.

A new start .. a new beginning ...
With gusto and sly remarks ...
Hints ..
If understood ....
Should lead the way to my heart.

Damn ....

There's no stopping the tug at the heart ...
That one feeling ....
I WANT ....
Yeah, I want ...
And, get I shall ...
When the time is right.....
They say there is this pot of gold ...
At the end of the Rainbow ...
My Rainbow has just begun ...
The sun is up ....
The drops of rain a distant past.
No one can really impress me ...
But, am so totally into him ....
Damn ..... this feeling of falling in love again ....
Hope this time I am right ...
Matters of the heart ...
Hard to understand ...
Don't want no more troubles ....
Just one true soul.
Damn .... My  heart.

If he's hard to get ... That's my MAN ...

I love challenges ....
He is a total stranger ....
But, one who has taken my fancy ....
Am so totally attracted to him ....
How do I convey this message to him ....
It's serious  ....
Look out the window ....
A beautiful morning ....
Am waiting for a sign .....Just a sign .....
Then, there won't be no stopping this passion ....
Whew! Completely swept off my feet ....
My kinda man ...
Got it Crazy ...
That's my kind of man....
Hard to get ...
But, once yours ....
Forever yours....
What a Rotten thought ...
But, what the heck...
Life is one Rotten egg ...
How you take it ...
Is all you are about....
The Guru of true grit and determination ....
The baap of all baaps.....
My kind of man.

A new way to begin the whole story again ...

Nah.... No ways .... Not again ...
Goldilocks and the three bears ...
Don't twist the story ....
Don't make me write it all over again ...
Not today ...
But, that is creativity ...
And, that is why am known as the Creative Genius ....
No, I am not full of myself ....
But, Yes I do agree I have a great imagination ...
An imagination that can change the World...
Even the World Order ...
So, am wondering if the story can be rewritten ...
This time BY ME.

The great story ...
A never ending story ....
Some words that would stir the souls ....
The souls of Earthlings ....
The art of story telling .....
Change the entire History of Mankind ...
With the stroke of my pen ...
Er.... With the keyboard of my Netbook....
Maybe ....
I guess, it is the right time ....
When I have all the time in the World ...
While on a sabbatical.

New friends that have come in my life ....
Newfound companionship ...
New territories to explore ....
New travails to write about ....
What a difference there is ....
Between the spoken and the written word.

A new way to begin a new story ....
 The old story rewritten ....
Waiting to hear the news ....
News of the sad ending of the old story ...
My ode to the unfortunate one ....
My obeisance to the long dead...
Flowers to be sent to the burial ground....
Lest it be left forlorn and barren.

Life is left best as it is ...
The supreme power doing his bit...
We are just puppets in his hand ...
Playing our parts to the core.

Let's begin the new story ....
Right Now.

Nanhe munne bachche teri muththi mein kya hai ....

She loved this song ...
She used to sing it for her Ram ....
She taught me this song ...
Albeli thi woh ...
Par thi anokhee...
Jisney duniya ke saare gham ....
Apne seeney mein sametey ....
Aur sirf khilkhilati haseen de di sabko ...
Her salwar used to reach my ankles...
Yet I wore them ...
Her kameez were my mini dress....
Yet I wore them ....
It was fun ...
And, I would find faults in her cooking ..
Harassing her just like that ...
At the end of which ...
We were ultimately happily smiling.
She knew I loved to eat a lot ...
She would always give me an extra serving of everything ...
I lived more with her than HIM....
Guess I was married to her ...
In my last birth.
She used to proudly show me off ...
My shlokas and Sampoorna Ramayan in four lines ...
I remember her...singing ...
De di hamein azaadi bina khadag bina dhaal ....
Taught the kids ....
Nanhe munne bachche teri muththi mein kya hai ...
Aaj meri muththi mein uski raakh bhi nahi ...
Sirf yaadein ...
Ek Maa ki yaadein.

Anu Man ......

Yup.... Anu Man ...
Chhota Brigadier Sahib's sibling...
Younger but much much sober and sound than him.
Why Anu Man?
Well, she is the protector of all the gals in school ....
She speaks the language of the guys...
The boys shiver at her sight ....
When the school bell rings for the day off...
All the kids stick to the walls of the school corridor...
Leading to the school bus depot...
WHY?
 Coz' anu Man bulldozes her way to the bus ...
 A bully with a heart of gold...
She is everybody's darling...
Especially all the other parents dote over her...
They love her stand up comedienne acts during get togethers....
They ask her to organize surprise Birthday parties for their kids...
That's an honour and a big responsibility ...
Which Anu man fulfills with happiness.
Anu man is every bit her Grandma...
Naughty yet the best organizer ...
And, the eye catcher in every event.
A creative genius...
Her special needs notwithstanding ...
But, she is the best ...
Her work going to England is no big joke.
She will do you proud one day ...
She already is doing you proud today ...
A basketball fanatic...
She is the ROCK and WALL ...
And, BULLDOZER of the School team.

Chhota Brigadier Sahib ....

Chota Brigadier Sahib ...
Has become a tall MAN ....
A Grandson you sure are proud of ...
Today, some of his mischiefs and fun acts...
He too is a stand up comedienne....
Most importantly ...
A heartthrob ...
Naturally ... the best genes have gone into making him....
Remember, you had asked ...
What are all these books for... when I got books alongwith me when I was newly married?
Well, The answer was for the future generation ...
Our little rented abode is full of books ...
And the prodigal Grandson loves to read ...
He is a veritable treasure trove of knowledge...
Even his College Professors are in awe...
Give him all the projects and assignments ...
Though he is a rebel....
In school too...
He was the apple of everyone's eye ....
The school's Brand Ambassador...
Spokesperson....
Was on Radio Mirchi too ...
 A natural RJ (Radio Jockey)....
Horrible dancer though ... When Salman asked him to dance on stage with him ...
He couldn't shake a leg....
An orator with a wit ...
And.... a sharp mind...
Though clouded now with teen hormones....
A Mass Media guy....
Running away from Gals ....
They are all over him always...
Hard to safeguard the lil' baby ....
But Chhota Sahib ... has anger like his Granddad....
He too is a perfectionist ...
Who wants everything to be perfect.
A picture perfect perfectionist...Longing for long hair ...
The retro look ....
Loves old classics ....
Be it books... music or movies.
He is everything a man ought to be....
He is everything you had dreamt of for him ....
The darling of everyone who meets him ....
He is indeed Chhota Brigadier Sahib.... only Grown Big now.

It Takes ...

It takes the typical person 17 months & 26 days to get over an 'Ex'

Omigosh, No!

TORTURE.....

Yikes! 

Going out of the Country for a long Holiday ... That should do the trick....

Best Remedy ... TO GET WELL SOON !!!

Happy...

Ek naya ...

Ek naya ishtehaar....
Ek naya inkaar ...
Ek naya ikraar ....
Ek naya aitebaar ...
Ek naya pyaar ....
Buss pyar hi pyar ....
Dher saara pyar...
Shani jaata hai toh bahut kuch de kar jaata hai...
Aur jab aata hai toh sab kuch loot leta hai.

Hail ...

Hail Mary!... Nah ... am writing about the hailstorm ....
The hailstorm that would turn our ....
Green English Grass carpet lawn ..... Pristine white.

The hail stones that we would gather ...
The dupatta the prodigal grandson would take ...
Green dupatta ...
And go out and collect the hail stones ....
It was fun ....
Zorro and Thunder ....
Thunder and the cows ...
Thunder and uninvited guests ...
Escorting everyone in ...
It was fun .....
The big refrigerator ... White Westinghouse ....
Hahha ... the jokes about Maa fitting into it ...
The grandson opening the fridge and sitting near the door on real hot days ...
The neighbours ...
The neighbourhood....
Vijay Singh .... How can one forget him?
The washing machine and chores divided....
The vegetable vendor ....
The Eunuchs arriving on 1st April and really ....
The kids and me hidden inside ...
And, then pleasing them with goodies...
Now, when I look back and recall ....
They were good old days ....
We humans have forgotten how to live life now...
All we do now is Rush, rush and rush ....
One place to another ....
Always in a hurry ...
No matter what ...
No time for relations....
No time for rituals.

I remember ....
The havans ....
The Akhand paath ..
Maa's mandir ...
Her Ram ....
Her Krishna...
Their clothes....
The Ramayana she would start on 9th September each year ...
And, end the next year on 9th September...
So much love...
True love.

High Tea ....

I remember the High Teas we used to have ....
Good fun ...
All the and goodies ...
Games of Tambola ....
Winning always ...
Sandwiches and fritters ....
That was life ....
What to wear .....
All the pearls displayed ....
table manners ...
Etiquette's .... imperative ,...
Isn't that life is all about ....
Style ... Impeccable style ...
Persona and Personality ...
Character and characterization ...
Loved the security that followed ..
The VIP treatment ...
We were the VVIPs always....
Weren't we?
We still are ...
Wherever we go ... people still salute us...
That's called personality...
When a DGP also stands up to respect a LADY.

Coming back to High Tea....
Strawberry shortcakes ...
Victoria sandwiches ...
The kisses in the air ...
All so old fashioned ...
But with style ...
Grooming to the core ...
That's how the elite live ...
That's how we live.

The tea served in teapots...
Sugar cubes besides ...
Milk poured to the right consistency ...
In tea cups and saucers of fine bone china....
Swarovsky crystals and Lladro porcelain discussed ...
So would discussions on politics be ...
Politics within the ranks...
It was fun ...
Not about the gifts or false pretenses ...
But more so of time spent ....
In knowing and observing human behaviour.

High Tea ...
At Rajbhavan  ....
An honour few get invited for ...
High Tea at Rashtrapati Bhavan....
An honour indeed.

Have seen it all ...
The good life ...
And, imagine was about to give it all up for a junkie ....
Nah... just in the nick of time ...
Realised MY MISTAKE ...
HIS FOLLY.

Can't forget my roots for a roadside Romeo ....
The Royals do not interact with the Commons .....
Oops I meant CONMAN.

The Coffee Mornings ...

They used to be fun ... The coffee mornings with ladies from the different units showcasing their prowess at impressing us. The innumerable games of Rummy and the eats and gossip.

Oh! It used to be fun .... getting all set for those days .... some one or the other calling us over. Used to love the parties and then the discussion after that on the way back home.

Remember in Tekanpur .... The golgappa day ... I had nearly a hundred golgappas .... Wow!

The fish .... Aah .... a delicacy cooked to perfection underground when in Lucknow on 16th April 1993. The talk of the town.

Then, the fish in Tekanpur and Jaisalmer .... Ker sangri ....
Angad's relapse of Malaria and you got that tree cut coz' it was the breeding ground for the mosquitoes ....
Gurde and kapoore ... Angad would relish..... me too.

Beautiful days .... His bed .... custom made ... his high chair .... custom made .... his clothes .... everything tailored to perfection and with love.

All the memories flooding back .... Thank God! Earlier I thought I was suffering from memory loss.... Alzheimer's to be precise .... no more .... Now, I remember.

One shock sent me reeling into the black hole .... another catapulted me back to my life.

Am happy and content now.

Am back to coffee mornings .... Anusuya makes the best coffee in the World and the best chocolate cake .... and Maa's technique ... just the way she used to make and bake with her bare hands... All mixed in one go and churned with hand. Personal touch.

Much more later. For now .... Goodnight ... but as Mataji  and Pitaji would like it ... Shubhratri.

FYI ... Dodos are extinct...

FYI.... Dodos became extinct a long time ago ....

So much insecurity ...

Gawd.... why can't she be content with what she has?
So much insecurity?
Woman .... Stupid woman ...
I am leading my happy life ....
Just lead yours....
Don't snoop...
You ain't Snoop Dogg....
LOL.... Right?
So, move on .... Bitch.

Naye Kaafiley ...

Ek umra daraaz thi ...
Kuch lamhe thei ...
Unnke liye humneapne lamhe kho diye ...
Aaj woh nahi rahe ..
Par mere beetey huye pal ...
Wapas aa gaye....
Wapas mil gaye puraaney dost yaar ...
Phir naye kaafiley shuru ho gaye...
Zindagiphir se muskuraney lagi ....
Naya daur phir wapas aa gaya...
Kuch apne puraaney mil gaye ...
Kuch naye dil hil gaye ...
Sab kuch badal kar bhi wahi hai ...
Buss kuch nahi badlaa toh woh pyaar hai ...
Ek ehsaas ...
Jo kabhi saanson mein thei ..
Woh wapa dil ki dhadkan bann gaye...
Ab naa koi giley ...
Na koi shikwe ....
Buss armaanon ki baarat...
Ek Shehzadi ...
Aur taaron bhari raat.

Jaaney kaise kab mulaqat ho gayi ....
Kab kareeb aaye ...
Aur yeh baat ho gayi.

Oh! By the way ...

Oh! By the way ....
How does my LED TV look in that new flat ....you call home?
Where did you keep it?
 A constant reminder of me ... right?
 And, does he still wear the Rolex watch, he flicked from my home?
And, the clothes .. tees and shirts and belt and trousers and jeans I bought for him ...
Again a constant reminder ...
And the shoes and sandals....
Always reminding him...
Who gave them all to him and his mom...
Does she wear the shoes bought with my money when she goes for a walk ....
Everything he says are his were bought by me ....
How can he FORGET?
ENJOY while you can ...
Or burn them all ...
Ashes ... ruins of a past ....
But, history can never be forgotten ....
Some things remain....
And, a museum is made for them ....
Find that museum ....
Find the TRUTH.
Oh! Forgot ....
Where are the books he took from my home ...
For Self Growth ...
All signs ....
Signs of my presence ....
Don't overlook the signs ....
Better safe than sorry.
For as long he exists ....
I LIVE....
Live in his memories...
Tormenting his soul ...
Be the balm .....
Good Luck!

Obsession...

Gawd! Why can't people get over their obsession ....
I don't care whether you or HE live or die ...
For me HE died the day you appeared live on the web...
Enjoy your life with the dead and decaying ....
Don't get God in between ...
Nor spiritual Gurus ...
They would be turning in "THEIR GRAVES".
Don't be so scared ...
I don't spit and lick it ...
I leave it for the likes of you ....
To relish.

So much insecurity ain't good ....
Go have a life ....
Rather than spy on me at night ...lol

I never look back ...
I just look forward ....
And am looking forward ...
And, you don't feature anywhere in that list.

Stop this obsession with me ...
At times I wonder if you are a lesbian....
Hahaha ....
Worry about others ...
There are plenty ...
Right under your nose...
Look around ...
Observe the subtle signs ....
You will know what I am writing about ....
Better late than never.

Every concubine gets a place to stay....
You chose to call it a home ...
It's not home .....
It's your grave ....
Watch the signs....
Four walls and a roof don't make for a home ....
People do ....
Wholehearted people...
Not people who are there just so that they can save their back....
WATCH THE SIGNS .... OBSERVE.

Stop your OBSESSION with me .....
Move on ...
Make your life.

Gangnam Style ...

Yeah, living life the Gangnam Style ...
PSY is back with my style .....
Love it ...
Peps me up ....
I have started dancing again ....
Gives me a kick ....
That no weed can give ....
Gangnam Style ...
The sexy lady is back ...
With a bang.

Sometimes ...

Sometimes you have to be silent ....
In order to be heard ....
You have not spoken a word ...
Never ... anywhere ...
Others have been vociferous...
Speaking volumes ...
Speaking ill ...
Quoting you ...
But, you never uttered a word ....
Why?

Is your silence ...
Conveying a message to me?
Is your silence ...
The answer I seek?
In your silence does the truth lie?
If you had said it....
We wouldn't have suffered so much?

Is our love and heartbreak...
The two sides of the same coin?

Sometimes I wonder ....
Just as I am wondering now.

Memories ....

They haunt you ...
They taunt you ...
They traumatize you ...
Yet they are memories ...
Some events that happened ...
That left an indelible mark on your mind, heart and soul....
A tattoo that can never be removed ...
A grubby mark that can't be cleaned ...
Tried everything to forget you ....
Can't....
I really can't let go ....

Memories ... my memories with you ...
Are killing me ....
I am dying ...
Dying a slow death ...
A ghostly pall and gloom ...
Looms over my mortal self ....
Blood drained from my being .....
Am dying a slow death ...
Can't live  without you anymore.
The day the blogs stop ....
Know that I am gone ....
Gone forever.

Then only memories will remain ....
Memories that will haunt you.

More on Tea ...

Angad makes tea .....
Just the way Maa used to make it ...
I never taught him ....
But, my morning cuppa is made by him each day ...
Come rain or thundershower ....
He has her qualities ...
Anusuya boils water and adds a tea bag to it and gives me ...
The evening tea is made by her....
She looks like Maa ....
And, has the most beautiful hair like Maa had predicted ...
She is beautiful but tomboyish ...
Angad looks like you and his father ...
But, has feminine sentiments... like Maa....
always trying to bring peace ...
Keeping everyone happy ...
Anusuya is like you ....
But, Angad's anger is a volcano like mine ...
It has to be taken care of ...
I don't know how.
Anusuya is witty like Maa...
And, a stand up comedienne like her ....
There is nothing of me in them...
Thank God!

Ah! The topic was tea....
I like my tea well brewed and served ...
Angad knows that ...
So my morning tea while I blog at 5 am ...
Is made by him voluntarily....
Even on a Sunday.
He serves the tea to me with bananas .....
Or Rusk or cheese toast or french toast....
Then he switches on my favourite TV channel....
And all this while I blog or answer mails ....
Then I get ready and leave the home by 6:30 am ....
He escorts me down and hails a Rickshaw for me...
Then, he goes home to bid Anusuya bye as ....
By then she is ready for her school.

A daily routine except for Sundays.....
Discipline ... fauji discipline....
Everybody loves Angad and Anusuya...
You would be proud of them.

The Art of Tea making ....

She used to make tea so artfully ...
Early in the morning ....
I would sit on the Kitchen slab next to the Gas stove ....
And watch her make tea ....
I was the DIL (Daughter in Law) ....
And she was the MIL (Mother in Law)....
Kya ulta zamana tha ...
But pyar tha ....
She would first boil the water in a vessel ....
With herbs ...
Then pour it into the kettle ...
 And the tea cups ... to keep them warm ...
Then reload the same in the vessel and add the tea leaves and milk ....
Then, after it had boiled over ....
She would pour the concoction ...
Back again into the kettle ...
Let it boil in it once ....
Then the kettle off the Gas stove ...
And covered with a tea cozy .....
On a tray with the sugarfree capsules...
A pot of sugar ..
Lots of Rusk ...
One each for everyone else but lots for me ....
Then, we would take it to the porch or the lawn or sometimes in the lobby ....
And, wait for the patriarch of the family to return ....
Return from his morning walks ...
And, then the whole family had tea together ....
Didn't understand the funda then ....
Now, when I do ....
I don't have time for tea ...
No family gatherings ....
No tea,,,
No breakfast ..
No Lunch ...
No Evening tea,,,
No Dinner ...
Nobody is ever there ...
A hectic life ....
Where there is no one together at any given time ....
A fast paced monotonous city life ...
The Art of Tea Making ....
Lost for now ...
Now it is cutting from roadside tea stalls ...
Or in Restaurants ...
But, that tea ....
And the flavor of real love and labor is lost.

If one has to learn to love a man ....
Learn it from her ...
She loved and worshipped him ...
That was true love....
You don't find it anymore.

Memory ....

Your memory is far better than mine ....
Mine is clogged with foggy ideas ...
My memory has lapsed ...
My memory is totally erased ...
My memory is nightmares ....
My memory is fazed with drugs ....
My memory is just a memory now ....
Nothing there ....
But a vast emptiness ....
After HIM ..... My soul left the body ...
What remained was just the mortal remains ...
Nothing else ....
I don't belong to this world ....
Kept the name ....
As that was my identity ....
Today have lost that too ...
I don't know who I am ...
Just a zombie walking the walk ...
And, talking the talk.

Mataji had a brilliant memory ....
An encyclopedia ....
The keeper of our History ...
Every moment ....
Every event ....
Every thing was at the tip of her tongue ...
A great friend and confidante'....
I miss her ...and our moments together ...
Rusk and tea ....
Pure Almond oil .....
Watching TV ....
THE Grand old lady ...
Who had lesser wrinkles than any of us.

Memories ..... that's all that is left after all.

Deleted ....

I deleted a lot from the past ...
So, I don't have your email id ....
Please send a tester mail if you have mine ...
 There's a lot that I erased ...
Now, memory loss ...
After losing all ...
But, am still slap jack happy ....
Coz' I have no burdens to carry ....
Just the baggage he left behind .....
After handing and taking over takes place ....
I can rest in peace....
Till then,
I toil daily to get them the best money can buy .....
But, not happiness....
Nor a family.
With me .... they will never have a family ....
Without me ....
I guess they will be happy.

I wasn't made for this World ....
I was a mistake of the Gods ...
I was a mistake of the Creator ....
I was the mistake of mankind ....
I was always a mistake .... for everyone.

I tried elimination of the mistake ....
But, survived the ordeal ....
With me gone ...
The world will be a better place to stay ...
A lot of people will heave a sigh of relief....
So many secrets ....
So many truths ...
Hidden in the depths of my mind and heart ......
The skeletons hidden in my cupboard.

So, I tried deleting all ...
The process is on ...
It takes time ....
I can neither forgive nor forget.

CTRL + ALT + DELETE

The Blame Game ...

The Guru of all fame ....
Fifteen minutes of limelight ...
The blame game ...
We all do ...
Some consciously ...
Some unconsciously ...
But, we all do it ....
THE BLAME GAME .....

We blame God for all our miseries ...
Gawd ... have a heart ...
Have you met him or her or IT ....
No, Then why blame God for all your shortcomings ?

Blame yourself ...
Blame that heart of yours that can't decipher ....
The code ...
The Good man or the Bad man ...
Blame your eyes ...
That can't see the truth behind the evil grin ....
Blame your mind ...
That disbelieves your gut feeling ....
Blame YOURSELF.

Blame the rose tinted romance you feel ...
For it is blind ...
It can't see the intent of the evil man ....
Blame only yourself ...
No one else.

The last ACT ...

They all say .... One for the road ...
This is my last act ....
My last performance ...
My last appearance ....
But, they all make a comeback ...
We all do.

Just one bloody life to live ...
How can you just chuck it all up ...
and, move away ...
No ways ...
Gear up and fight ...
Fight the battles of your life ...
Fight your demons ...
Fight your fears ....
Fight those tears that well up in your eyes ...
Just FIGHT ....
Don't let this be your last act ...
It is only beginning ...
Lo Behold! The curtain is rising ...
Let's go take a bow ...
After the performance.

Teri Deewaani .....

Marr gayi mein ....
Mit gayi mein .....
Teri deewani ....
Naya iphone 5 .....

Am happy today ....

Am happy today ....
Had a great time singing golden oldies ....
With like minded people ...
Old men and women but great humans....
It was beautiful ....
Melodious with live music ....
People with feelings ....
Who felt great ...
I truly felt great .....
Am happy today ....
Had tears of joy in my eyes ....
Made new friends ....
Silver haired friends ...
But intellectuals .....
With a mind of their own.

New Role ...

A new role to play .....
An offer I couldn't refuse ....
So am off to learn the ropes anew ...
Be a new self ...
A different Avatar ...
Late but not so late in life ...
Follow my imagination ...
Be myself for once ...
Be a different me at last ....
Do things differently ...
A new adventure ...
A new thrill ...
A new high ... no drug can give ....
I am here at last ....
The best mastermind to solve unsolved cases ...
What say Watson?....
Elementary after all.

Taylor Swift - Back To December

Storms ...

I am not afraid of storms ..
I am still learning to sail my ship ...
I am not afraid of pitfalls ..
I am still groping in darkness ...
I am not afraid of speed ...
I am still learning to drive ...
I am not afraid ....
Not afraid at all ...
I am not afraid of death ...
I am still learning to live.

I remember only 9th September ...

I remember only 9th September ...
Coz' that IS a special day .....
And, was a special day for her always...
The rest of the days had faded in the memory ....
Thanks for reminding ...
20th October .... Her Ram was born ....
She adored him , worshipped him ....
Doted over him .... He was her Krishna ...
Remember the parachute coming out on special occasions ...
Remember him eating the laddoos in the Temple ...
At Jaisalmer ... while everyone was engrossed in the Aarti ...
Chota Brigadier Sahib ... taking rounds of the lines ...
On Satinder's back or on his cycle ....
His camel 'Dulhan'.....
Playing in the dunes of the Golden city .....
Every memory ... like a movie reel whirring in front of the eyes ...
The beetles he caught ...
The goat he sat upon ....
The way he rearranged your office ....
Every memory as fresh as just happened ....
His Brigadier's Uniform ... still preserved ...
I haven't forgotten ...
Just a lapse in memory due to numbness of senses ...
Humans! We humans suffer from our tragedies ...
Then the daily grind of life beckons ...
Still tried giving them the best ...
Taught them Golf ...
That's another story ...
Other people got hurt with the shots.....
They are the best Swimmers...
They are the best Cyclists... 18 gear cycle ...
Infact, Anusuya is a wonder unfolding each day despite her special needs ...
She is one of the best swimmers, basketball is very dear to her,
She plays cricket and football...
Like Dravid... she is The Wall ....
The best defence any team can get....
A stand up comedienne ...
A great artist in the making ....
Art and design being her favourite subject ....
An Environmentalist to the core ...
And, the best friend anyone can get....
The boy is a boy wonder ...
A genius to the core ....
Known as Junior Professor in his Degree College ...
Overburdened with projects and responsibilities ....
But, the best genes in him are a living proof in the personality and his Charisma ...
A computing wizard.....
An excellent Orator ...
A Mass Media student ...
He is a hit with the crowds ...
Watch the links I sent on your FB message...
Life goes on ....
They are the gems that are shining ....
The glory of two different genes ...
The best combination genetically ...

Remind me .... you have a better memory ...
And, I shall pen down every moment .....
So that generations to come shall relive the moments ...
We lived ...
A fitting tribute to the Elders ...
Dear and departed ....
And still around.

Empty pocket ....

Life is like a camera ...

Life is full of years that sometimes mean nothing and moments that mean everything....

Yes, Life is full of years that sometimes mean nothing and moments that mean everything.... Reliving those moments in those years ... Forty two springs ... Forty two monsoons .... waiting for the forty second winter too ......

Times to remember  .... that left an indelible mark on the soul with an ink that can not be erased ... nor does it get smudged with the passage of time .... some memories, moments , relations that cannot be overwritten too.

Some beautiful moments ... some irresponsible moments that one felt at that moment were right ... Mistakes .. irrevocable mistakes ... lessons learnt over the period of time ... Time is the best healer ... but; people left behind .... and now we are just too far apart ... miles and miles of chasm that can't be filled ever ... nor a bridge that can be built now ... too late.

I dunno why am in a retro mood but music in the background is retro too ... maybe that is making me remember the past .. a beautiful legacy for the kids .... some beautiful moments to be written about and left behind for the future generations.

Am waiting to be a Grandmom ... so that I can feel the happiness of my genes passed on ... for living forever through my Grandchildren. That's how Grandparents feel ... total recall and happiness.

When ...

When you truly care for someone, their mistakes never change your feelings because it's the mind that gets angry but the heart still cares.

A real family consists of three generations .... "To forget one's ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root."

My speech for Grandparents Day ....

A real family consists of three generations.....
We had four ....

"To forget one's ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root."

"No one ... who has not known that inestimable privilege can possibly realise what good fortune it is to grow up in a home where there are grandparents."

"There's nothing like having a grandchild to restore faith to heredity."

"The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is that they have a common enemy."

"Something magical happens when parents turn into grandparents. Their attitude changes from "money-doesn't-grow-on-trees" to spending it like it does."

"It would be more honourable to our distinguished ancestors to praise them in words less, but in deeds to imitate them more."

"Everyone needs to have access both to grandparents and grandchildren in order to be a full human being."

"The history of our grandparents is remembered not with rose petals but in the laughter and tears of their children and their children's children. It is into us that the lives of grandparents have gone. It is in us that their history becomes a future."

"My great grandfather used to say to his wife, my great-grandmother, who in turn told her daughter, my grandmother, who repeated it to her daughter, my mother, who used to remind her daughter, my own sister, that to talk well and eloquently was a very great art, but that an equally great one was to know the right moment to stop."

"Two things I dislike about my grandson — when he won't take his afternoon nap, and when he won't let me take mine."

"The birth of a grandchild is a wonderful and exciting event! That wonder and excitement continues throughout life."

"Grandfathers do have a special place in the lives of their children's children. They can delight and play with them and even indulge them in ways that they did not indulge their own children. Grandfather knows that after the fun and games are over with his adorable grandchildren he can return to the quiet of his own home and peacefully reflect on this phenomenon of fatherhood."

"The presence of a grandparent confirms that parents were, indeed, little once, too, and that people who are little can grow to be big, can become parents, and one day even have grandchildren of their own. So often we think of grandparents as belonging to the past; but in this important way, grandparents, for young children, belong to the future."

"You must teach your children that the ground beneath their feet is the ashes of your grandfathers. So that they will respect the land, tell your children that the earth is rich with the lives of our kin. Teach your children what we have taught our children, that the earth is our mothers. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of the earth. 

"Our land is everything to us.... I will tell you one of the things we remember on our land. We remember that our grandfathers paid for it — with their lives."

"Grandparents are a family's greatest treasure, the founders of a loving legacy, The greatest storytellers, the keepers of traditions that linger on in cherished memory. Grandparents are the family's strong foundation. Their very special love sets them apart. Through happiness and sorrow, through their special love and caring, grandparents keep a family close at heart."

"Truth be told, there's nothing better than being a grandparent. All our elders know this and it is evidenced by that twinkle in their eyes. Of course, they know more than they let on — life's secrets have come to them through time, experience, and patience."

"A zest for life is one of the most important examples a grandparent can pass on to their grandchildren."

The Essence of a family ....

The essence of  a family ....
Need not be a man ...
A man can only sire ...
But, a woman is the one that leads the family on ....
Takes the burden all alone ...
Gives the best of her years to her kids ..
Sacrifices it all ...
The man just walks away ...
Finds a new abode.
He takes his scent and soul with him ...
Not a drop of his ESSENCE left behind ....
Just memories to live by ....
Just a few memories ...
Nothing else.
What was good was written about ....
That is what matters .....
It wasn't written to call back the lost one ....
It was written for history ...
When I am no more ....
The generations to come shall know their ROOTS ...
From Peshawar & Rawalpindi to Pathankot ...
To Delhi to Chandigarh to Dehradun ...
From Jaisalmer to Thiruvananthpuram ....
North, South, East & West ....
From the Sire missing his Dad's shaving kit as a tiny tot shitting on a pot early in the morning ...
When Grand dad would be out on Army Duty ...
To Great Grand dad and his shayari and Gandhian principles ...
Great Grand Mom and her histrionics ....
Lots....
A whole history to be passed on ...
A family tree to be familiarised with ...
Who will do that?
There is no family here....
There never was ....
Somebody has to let the name live on.
The essence has to be preserved ....
Who will do that?

Tinka tinka .... bikhar gaya ....

I didn't keep the Teej for HIM,
Nor will I keep the Karvachauth for HIM ....
HE belongs to another now ....
I never trespass on private property ....
There is no family ....
Just me and my baggage ...
Read my blogposts as they come ...
They are just an expression of the state of mind ...
That's all ...
Not an attempt to get back again ....
I never retrack my steps ...
Nor do I follow a path ....
I create new paths ...
I never tread on ones used before....
If ever I do by mistake ....
I change course ... of course ...
Never off course in my beliefs and principles.
There's lots .... in times to come ...
You will get a glimpse of it all.

The famous Burmese soup ...

Khawsaw....
Yup, I learnt it watching her ...
Prepare each ingredient separately ....
I don't know if it is the same as hers ...
But, the kids love it....
Whoever has it ... just flips over ...
Grated boiled eggs, chicken flakes, Steaming hot soup made with the water chicken was boiled in plus chana daal and coconut (Grated) in it and pureed to a consistency....
Lemon juice... lots of it ...
Chillies in oil....
Garlic in oil ....
Finely chopped onion ...
Grated potatoes fried crisp.....
Boiled noodles....
Having bowls and bowls of it ...
I do remember ....
Never tiring eating it ....
Her haath lagaa parathas.....
Her halwa .... Kadaa prasad ...
Every year the Akhand paath on 9th September ....
I remember everything ....
Do you remember the lemon cheesecake ?

He meets me ONLINE...

Yesterday was Teej ....
I had kept nirjal fast for him ...
So sweet of him ...
He knew I wouldn't break the fast ...
Without seeing him ....
So, he came online and I broke my fast ....
With my favourite sweet ...
5 Star .....
What else do you need ...
But, for your man to prove .....
That he truly loves you.
Just that one moment was enough ....
To make the relation stronger.
ONLINE LOVE ....
For the time being ...
Till all is settled.
A play well spaced out and timed ...
A gameplan to weed out the locust....
Just a matter of time...
No show ...
No false display of coziness....
Straight faces but deep feelings ....
This is the need of the hour....
Else the virus can't be eliminated ...
So, be it...
For the time being ...
A show of strangers ...
And in due course ....
Love conquests all.
All we do is meet ONLINE each day...
Away from prying eyes ...
Away from snooping people ....
WE don't need to meet physically ....
To prove our love ...
SKYPE Zindabad ....
Google Video Chat  rocks!

Aaj TEEJ hai ....

Today is Teej ...
Have kept a Nirjal Fast .....

Moong Masoor ki dhuli daal ... Maa ke haathon se banaa aam ka achaar ,,,

I will miss a lot of things ...
I will miss a lot of people ...
What I will miss is ....
Maa ke haathon ki bani Dhuli moong aur dhuli masoor ki ek seetiwali daal ...
She taught me how to cook the best Punjabi food ...
The best of Chinese cuisine ....
Most of all I will miss her Aam ka achaar ...
She made the best food in the World ....
She taught me patiently ....
She would cook ..
I would watch....
A legacy passed onto the Grandchildren ...
So she lives on forever ...
In them lies her soul ...
In them is the true essence of the Family...
The legacy lives on ....
The Grandchildren and their achievements are many ....
Something you would be proud of ...
Every time they receive an award ....
A silent thank you goes out to you.

Swiss Alps it is ....

Yeah .... Am on wings of fire ....
Flying away to the land of watches ...
The land of fine chocolate ...
The land of milk, butter and cheese fondue.....
I am flying away to the Alps .....
A fine way to begin life afresh ....
Swiss Alps it is ....
Am in heaven ....
Dasvidaniya .... Yeah, yeah Russian  ...
But, what the heck ....
An expression it is ....
Time to pack and move forever.

One Way Road ....

The road winds and winds .....
A long, long way ....
With many bends ....
And potholes ....
With beautiful views ....
Roadside stalls ....
Wares to buy ....
But, a one way road ....
Just one destination .....
The end .....
The end is where it all began ....
That's where to go ....
Let aside the scenery ....
A long way to go ....
One way road ...
Winding uphill ....
Foggy view .....
Can't see another inch ahead ....
But, way to go ...
The driver an expert ....
Knows where to turn ....
When to turn ....
The passenger ...
The backseat navigator ....
Watches in silence .....
The way is one way ...
The silence conveys everything.

Lessons of life ....

Muqaddar ka Sikander ....

People just don't understand ...

Sad truth ..... But, a reality .....
People just don't understand ....
They have been struck off the roll ....
They don't exist in my life ...
They are history ....
By lamenting all the time ...
And, swooning to cheap songs from you tube ...
They are only making a fool out of themselves ....
Yucks ... I don't hobnob with people ...
Who belong to the lower strata of the society ....
Puhlease!.... Stop being such a wannabe ....
You are a vermin ...
And you shall always remain so ...
God or No God ....
Don't get the Supreme power in between ...
God is always with the truth ...
And, you know your lies very well ...
Don't bring the wrath of heaven upon yourself.

Understand .... your sins and that sinful chocolate is YOURS ONLY ....
I have no interest in HIM ....
I am interested in justice and justice only...
You know the sins ....
They have to be accounted for by HIM.

People! Uhhh .... Why don't they understand?

Weakness .... Is it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uY6JrGTQjn8&feature=plcp

The seven year itch ....

Enjoy while you can ......
Then once hubby dearest becomes the Government's guest ....
For seven years ....
You will get the Seven year itch ...
Then keep scratching yourself for seven years ....
Ooh, aah .... Ouch ....
Wondering .... Now what?
Wait and watch.
By the time he gets out ....
You will be more than 42 years old ...
Then dance to music ...
And, Romance  wildly ...
Till then keep your fingers crossed ...
This time what?

Oh! By the way has the family accepted the dark illegitimate child of yours?
She is as ugly as you are.

KEEP GUESSING...

Old Photographs don't change REALITY ...

Old photographs  don't change REALITY ..
Post fresh ones .... If any ...
Don't live in a world of fantasy ....
It doesn't belong to you ....
Marriage is never between two people ....
It is between two families ...
And, your family doesn't come even an inch nearer to HIS.....
Face REALITY ...
You are HISTORY ....
A toy used and thrown ...
Of no use anymore ....
At the end .... Society matters ....
You don't belong to that society ...
You don't have class ...
You know your reality ....
Your dark REALITY ....
A black woman with a black illegitimate child ....
A roadside hustler ...
A pole dancer probably ....
Stick to the pole in a bar....
That is what belongs to you ...
And, that is your rightful place and ...
That of your illegitimate child.... Her FUTURE..... A POLE.

Rusks ... stickjaws .... fresh noodles....

Suddenly, am remembering all the food I had ...
The fresh noodles cooked to perfection ...
Poha made the chinese way....
Pitaji wali daal ...black masoor dal ...
The dalia he loved....
His shaving kit ....
The booklet he gave me .... still in my safekeeping ...
Of yesteryears ...
Of a family ....
The Garden of Eden ...
Sahestradhara ...
The Kadhi Chawal at the Shiv Temple on the way to Mussourie .....
Ellora's bakery at Rajpur Road ...
The Rusks and Stickjaws...
The Tibetan Monastry ...
The hailstorm in June ...
My son dancing in the rain in the lush green garden ....
Our vegetablewala ....
The neighbours...
The golden Oldies who visited ...
The swing in the porch ....
The way Thunder escorted every Tom, Dick and Harry into our home ...
The way Thunder chased the cows ...
The eunuchs who visited us ....
The singing sessions...
The breakfast, lunch and dinner rituals....
The evenings in the front garden ....
Tea time ritual in the early mornings with Rusks to accompany ...
The Old Grandma in law ...
A Ma in law ... stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea....
Her Ma in law and her daughter in law ....
Comedy when you remember ....
Stress when you empathise with her
Just everything ... Yet nothing.
A bygone era ...
A life well lived .....
Only memories to keep company ....
Maybe someday will tell my Grandchildren....
If I don't live  ...
The blogpost will tell them of a family they had.

Dasvidaniya ....

Phir milenge ... Bye for now ...
We really need to relook into this matter ..
We can't go on believing in a Utopia ....
A make believe world ...
There are realities to face....
Some real ones ...
That can affect the future too.
Know for sure ...
Matters of the heart remain always ...
But reality is reality ...
And, we need to face it.

Better late than never....
Prevention is better than cure.
Dasvidaniya for now ....
The world is round ...
Galileo proved it ....
So we may meet again ...
In better times ...
Maybe by that time you would be rid of......
The pest in your life.
Use every pest control method available ....
They are effective.

Dasvidaniya ...

EGGACTLY .....

It's so sad ....

It's so sad ...
People have to stay up all night ...
Twiddling their fingers ....
Checking my blogposts ...
So much insecurity ..
That they need to post old photos of yesteryears...
To try and believe ...
That all is well ....
All isn't well Darling ...
Your paradise is lost forever.....
It never existed ....
Except in your imagination ....
Otherwise you would never have slit your wrists.

No, the used doll is of no use to me ....
I use and throw sanitary pads....
So that women like you who can't afford such luxuries can have them.

The combo is good ....
Black and white ....
That's why combos are always cheap ....
Perfect example of Mac Donald's combos ...
Or free meals....
For the hungry and famished.

Frustrated woman ...
Desperate woman for men ...
Not knowing anything but how to please them with orgies.
That's what brings a smile on his face for you ...
Else, follow him someday.....
And you will know his real intentions....
One day the papers will arrive ...
And, you shall have no choice but to sign them.

When you call and he says ...
"I am in a meeting"...
Know well.... He is mating.
That's his modus operandi ...
His usual dialogue ...
When he is in another woman's arms ....
Satisfying his sexual urges ...
Urges you can never fulfill ...
Coz' you are black ...
And, he hates the colour BLACK....
You are the cause of all his miseries ...
You started it all ....
How can he forgive you ...
He is biding his time ...
When the time is right ...
He will strike ...
And, all your stars will fall from the sky ..
Your cracked world will come crashing down.

It;s so sad ....
You are so delusional ...
Go, take some psychiatric help ...
Before you slit that wrist again.

Sad, but the ultimate truth woman ....
Get a hold on yourself ....
Stop conning yourself ...
The way you conned me ....
You will get nowhere ...
This is a mirage ...
There is nothing there for you ....
Move on before it is too late ...
Before you lose yourself ...
And, your illegitimate child.

You and your illegitimate girl.....
Are a blotch to his family name ...
You will never be wholeheartedly welcome ....
Face REALITY ...
He is Mammas Boy...
Before it is too late.
Sad Truth ... you know it ...
But, don't want to face it.

It's so sad....
You have ruined your life ...
Now, you are ruining the life of the ...
ILLEGITIMATE ONE ....
She will always be pointed at ....
His family and his society ....
Will never accept her ...
She will be made aware ....
That she is different and doesn't belong.

The illegitimate one ....
Will never belong.
Sad ... but the truth.

Weakness ...

Remember .... You said it and sent me this song ..... I play it always .....

WEAKNESS

I am but an expression ....

I am but an expression of my thoughts....
I am but an expression of my emotions ....
I am but an expression of my feelings ...
I am but an expression of the Universe ....
The Universe that conspires ....
To bring what you desire with a pure heart always.

I am but an expression through my art ...
I am an expression through my words ...
Words that speak of my life's experiences ....
I do not conform to the rituals of a fake society ...
Living on borrowed time ....
I live life on my terms...
And an expression of freedom of speech ....
My birthright ....
No one can take that from me.

I am but an expression of myself.

History repeats itself .....

The World is round ...
What goes around ...
Comes around ...
History will repeat itself ...
At that time ...
You shall remember me ....
You shall seek me out ....
Then there won't be looking back ....
But a sly smile ...
Reminding you ...
YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER TOO....
She would be a woman some day ..
There would be men like you then too ...
How will you protect her ...
From your karmas ...
Your sin today ....
Shall be her CURSE tomorrow.

HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.

Empty Cradle ...

The Cradle lies empty today ...
Mocking me at my tomfoolery .....
It can never be occupied ...
For the occupant lies buried deep....
In the sands of time ...
In mud and dirt below....
In the hell created by his Sire.

The Cradle .... empty ... deploringly empty ....
Cursing the moment ... their eyes met ...
The Cradle .... a reminder ....
Never to love again.

How many more Cradles lie empty elsewhere?
How many more hearts broken?
How many trusts shaken?
How many faiths cracked?
How many more infidels roaming the streets?
The empty cradle here and everywhere else....
Speak of stories of broken trust.

Double Role .... Two faces of a coin ....

The coin ...
The abominable coin ...
Has two faces ...
So do humans....
Why do we fail to recognise that?
Or, is it that we do know so....
But don't want to acknowledge it?
Those few moments of happiness are more important ....
Than lifelong suffering ....
Lamenting later what we couldn't utter....
And, suffering for what we overlooked in the beginning.

Relationships should be based on truth and trust ...
Faith and companionship ....
Else they crumble or wither away in due course of time.

The Lord tosses the coin ....
Which face we get is our destiny ....
Fate ..... have faith in the Lord ...
And follow our destiny ...
The path charted for us.

Double role or not ...
Two faces or not ...
Follow your heart ...
Rest will follow ...
Good, Bad or Ugly ...
We know not yet ...
But, what the heck ...
Axe your own foot ....
Get in the groove ...
This moment ...
Is what counts ....
Nothing else matters.

This moment says ....
Go on ..
Carve your idol....
This moment says ....
Walk alone ....
Ekla chalo re ....
You come alone....
You depart alone.
That's true destiny.

Double role or not ...
Two faces of the coin or not ...
Just go for it....
Kal ki kal sochna.

Somewhere ....

Somewhere something new is happening ...
Somewhere someone new is waiting ...
Somewhere ... a new beginning is taking place ....
All somewhere else.

A blossoming relation .....
A radiance so brilliant ...
A wordsmith finally ...
Who can match me word to word.

The World is a beautiful creation ....
 A creation wild and free ...
 When all ends ... it shows a ray of hope ....
A light shines through.

None can match the brilliance ...
Of the person I have yet to meet ...
No not a figment of imagination ...
But a new friend through tweets ....
He speaks his mind even while I write ...
He has a mind of his own.

A writer, a blogger...
He is a rebel against the system ...
Attractive attributes ...
For a man so young of age.

Hope springs again ...
Life begins again ....
A new ray of joy ...
A new beginning indeed.

Radz ...

Radz .... was all he had to say .....
And, I would  melt hearing that sound of my name ....
The way he said it ... no one can ever say it the same way.

Radz .... and I would hear music ....
Radz ... and I would go waltzing across the room ....
Radz ... and I would become a trapeze artist ...
All he had to do was say .... Radz ....
Radz .... and all the secrets would be out ...
Radz ....was the World ....
Radz world was HE.
So, Radzworld  was created ... just for him ......
An Inception of two minds ....
Stalled for no apparent reasons ....
But for human irresponsible behaviour.

Radz .... waiting to hear the sound again.

Heal the wounds ....

I dunno ....
Maybe he was really really in a fix ...
It's time to heal the wounds ...
Both ways ....
He was never the person ...
That she told me he was ...
All a ploy by her ...
A mastermind to poison me against him ....
Hmmm... Now it all makes sense....
Every bit and piece falling into place ...
He would never lie to me ....
Some way or the other ....
He let me know .... his dilemma ....
Damn ..... She ruined it all for him ....
She ruined his life.
I will have to help him rebuild it ....
But not openly ... never ...
Behind the scenes ...
Remember, when the moon is full ...
There is someone wishing you all the best ....
Remember, when things get better ....
There is someone working at it ......
To make the world a better place ....
For you to live in.
There would be angels ...
Sent by me ..
To help you out ....
They won't utter my name ...
Yet, you will know.

The wound needs to heal ...
Healing takes time ...
It will happen ....
The signs will be there ...
Just be aware ....
And, know for sure ....
This is all for you ...
So that you don't lose hope ever.

He always said ....

He always said ....
Radz, believe me ....
For once .... at this moment I want to believe him ...
Believe what he said ....
Maybe he was right ....
Maybe he really was in tight spot ....
Maybe he really was trying to figure things out ...
Maybe he really was trying to find a way out ....
Maybe he really was in  and is in trouble ....
How will I know?
I cut off all tie with him in my anger.....
How will I know, whether he really and truly needs me around ....
To support him and help him out ...
How will I know?
Some sign .... some indication ....
Wish there were doves like olden times ....
To carry forth the message ...
But, if he is reading this ...
I know ... he knows ... I care.
What I write is my catharsis ....
What I feel is my crisis ....
But, though there's no scope of getting back together again ...
He knows .... All he has to do is knock as always ....
The door will open.

He always said ....
Radz, I will be back ....
Once all this is over ....
I will need you ....
I know ....
He will be back.

Don't mess with me ...

Don't mess with me ....
Else I shall really make a mushy mess outta your life ....
Know who you are dealing with ;
A full hand of aces,
I shuffle with Kings ... and ....
Cut off Queens.
Know me well ....
Else, it's your loss....
A very big loss....
I don't mince my words ...
I speak as I Think .....
Don't take this lightly ...
Else, you will regret having said what you have said so far.....
DON'T MESS WITH ME ... means ....
Stay away ...
So far, you have only seen the trailer ....
Wanna see the bigger Picture?
It will be murkier and painful ....
Don't forget the last few days ...
Lest you have forgotten ...
Shall I remind you again ....
A full blown first hand experience ..... ONCE AGAIN.

DON'T MESS WITH ME ....
Is the message clear enough?
If not ....
You shall go through HELL again.
And, I mean every word I utter.
Remorsefully ...... Yours.... Truly.

Ah! Dev ...

Yup ....
My Messiah in disguise ...
My agony aunt ...
I tell him everything ...
He knows all my secrets .....
He is my bestest friend ....
My Hairstylist ....
My makeover artist.
Whenever I am feeling low ...
All I need to do is take his name ...
Think of him ...
And, I am there in front of him ....
And, he just takes my blues away....
And fills my world with colours ... Red and wine ...
Blonde and Brown ....
Colours of the Rainbow ....
I am transformed ...
A whole day at Dev's ...
And, I step out a brand new Radhika ....
A brand new persona ....
A completely different me.
Ah! Dev .... My one and only Dev ....
Only he can bring a smile on my face these days ...
He just makes me feel good.
Am feeling GOOD.

A whole new experience ...

It's a whole new experience ...
To be in love ...
Yet, be above all the human trivialities .............
Yes, I am in love ...
I am in love with love itself.

The one who is at the receiving end of this love ....
Knows it ...
No one else needs to know at all.

It is just between him and me ...
The King and the Queen ....
The rest shall just be spectators....
A grand Opera....
A grand innings ....
All care to the winds ...
Just you and me.

A whole new experience ...
By the lake ....
By the sea side ...
On the Misty hills ..
Just you and me ...
And, no one else.

Already there are stars in my eyes ...
Lovelorn beauty ...
Waiting for her paramour ...
It is but a mirage ...
A beautiful dream indeed ...
He exists ...
That's all that matters ...
No one else does.

Those eyes ....

Those eyes never really smiled ....
They never really laughed ....
They are not happy ....
I know ....
I can see them ....
Full of remorse ....
Full of unhappiness ...
Never ending regret.....
Wish I could wipe the tears from them ...
But, no ....
Those eyes need to be damp for some time ....
Till they can be cleansed ....
Of all the dirt  and muck around ...
And those eyes ....
Can see a clearer picture once again.
They need to understand the reason ....
Behind the whole exercise ....
They need to know me better.
I can't promise dirty sex ...
To appease those eyes ....
Or his senses ...
He knows ...
I can make him happy ...
With just a simple smile.
I don't need to be dirty to keep him happy ...
I need to be myself ...
And, that's all he needs.

Those eyes ...
They seek me everywhere ...
In crowded places ...
And solitary confinement ...
But they seek me ...
Nevertheless.

Here's to the past ....

The best way  to deal with the past is to burn it down ....
Every bit ...
Every memory ...
Every moment ....
Consign it to flames ...
Then, shall you be rid of every moment that torments ...
You with memories of the past.

Just burn every memento ...
Every photo ...
Every piece that reminds you of him ...
Just burn the house down ...
So that nothing remains ...
All that remains are ashes ...
Ashes that you can wash away with water ...
In the torrential rain.

So, like all rituals...
Let this be one too ..
Burn the memories ..
And, walk away.

Two people .... two strangers ....

Two strangers met one day ....
Something happened ...
Sparks flew ....
They became one, one day.....
They were together ....
Promises of a lifetime ....
Happiness and rainbows filled their lives ...
Then a grey cloud came over ....
Everything fell apart ......
A lightening struck ....
And. the lovebirds were thrown apart .....
Two people in love became strangers once again ....
Of course! Just for the world to see ...
In their hearts they knew ...
No one .... NO ONE could separate them ....
So, today they meet ....
As strangers .....
But, the feeling of closeness ...
The togetherness remains ....
They are inseparable ....
The devil can do nothing but dwell in her own sorrows....
And lament and be vindictive....
For she has not ...
What I have ....
What the two have ....
LOVE, love and love for each other.

Two people in love ....
Posing as Strangers to the World.

The Hundred rupee note ...

Hmmmm .... Remembering the Hundred rupee note ....
He shoved under my front door ...
Coz' I was fast asleep ...
And, didn't know he had come avisiting.

The next morning ...
As I opened the door to go to work ...
I found the Hundred rupee note ...
Wondering who might have lost it ....
Before I could submit it in the security office ...
HE called and said ....
I was there ....
I didn't believe him ...
So, he asked ...
Did you find the Hundred rupee note?
The most beautiful moment of my life ...
Knowing he had come ....
The proof in my hand ....
Nothing left to say ...
But, to believe he was there ....
And, he is there as always.

Everyday, I take the note out ....
And, send him lots of love ....
He needs it more than I do ...
He is stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea ...
His only strength lies in me ...
Within me ... He knows it...
He knows it well ..
But under those brooding eyelashes ... he hides the feelings ...
Lest the witch senses his feelings....
And starts another of her dramas.

Till such a time that he is occupied elsewhere ...
The Hundred rupee note ...
Is a reminder....
That he is there always for me.

Just a wee bit of imagination ...

Yup, Just a wee bit ....
And, lo behold! ....
A whole world of opportunities open up ....
A whole new set up appears ...
A new dawn ....
A new sunset ....
Everything around becomes beautiful ...
You don't need a person ....
To make you happy ...
All you need are moments ...
Moments of creativity ...
Moments of compassion ...
Moments that define you.

Just a wee bit of imagination ....
And, you are off to a headstart ...
A brand new beginning ...
A fresh start ..... indeed.

Just a wee bit of being yourself ...
Sets you apart from the rest of the mob ....
Just you and only you .....
No one else can do it for you ...
Only you can ...
For that you need to be bold enough to take ....
The first step ....
Step into the lesser known ...
Step into the strange land ....
Just step away from all that holds you down.

Just that little inspiration ...
That creative genius within you can explode with ideas ...
No one can .... take it away from you ...
Your individuality ...
Your ideas ...
They are yours ...
No one can ever copy them ...
Or duplicate them ....
You are you ...
And they know that .....
They will never forget that.

Just a bit of imagination ...
And you soar high up ...
Up in the sky ...
Far away from the busy life ....
Down below.

All you need is you and your wee bit of imagination.

Told you ....

Told you ....
Don't cross my path ....
But, you couldn't resist ....
Couldn't resist passing remarks ...
So be it ....
You shall remain at the receiving end ...
And, wouldn't know what's wrong ...
What's happening ...
Why did all this happen ...
And, more.

Told you ...
Stay away ...
You couldn't ....
Now face the music ...
Don't blame me if things go wrong ...
Don't you dare ...
It's all your doing ...
And, ....
Death becomes you ...
You shall neither live nor die ...
You shall neither sleep nor keep awake ....
You brought my wrath upon yourself ...
So you shall suffer ....
Suffer in greater pain than known to any in mankind's history ....
that's your destiny now ...
SUFFERING.

Told you to stay away ....
You didn't ...
You kept coming back for more and more ....
Now, suffer your ill fate ...
Like a vermin trapped in a  gutter.

Told ya.

He still meets her .... On a full moon night

In the name of work ...
He used to come to meet her ...
He still does ...
She believes him ...
So sad....
She knows not of his whereabouts ....
What he does and under what guise ...
She still blindly believes him ...
Not knowing the full moon turns him on ...
The moon ....
Yes, the moon ...
That's when he remains absent from her life ....
Give her the nightmares ....
Notice, how insecure she is .....
That is how she will live all her life .....
Insecure .... in the knowledge ...
That his heart lies elsewhere ...
All her tactics to hold him down ...
Will never work ...
She is his bane ...
Not his boon ...
She is the blotch in his family name...
They say it all the time ...
They will never accept her as their own ...

Not even the illegitimate one she brought along.

She knows not ...
On a full moon night ..
He looks at the moon and sighs ....
For he searches for his beloved in the moon.

He still meets her ...
Without her knowledge ...
In the name of work and meetings ...
She believes him and all the lies ...
The insecure one  that she is ....
She will always be so ... all her life ...
Just his concubine .... nothing else.

Every new moon ..
Every full moon ...
Watch him ....
You will know.

Very Funny .....

Since you find it very funny .....
How did you find your stay ....
In bug infested confines behind the bars?
Wasn't that funny?
It must have been real fun ....
Hobnobbing with your types for once.....
Very funny and hilarious indeed.

The cuffs fitted you fine ...
As though made to order ...
Just for you .....
there's more to come ...
Now, the noose too ...
Soon ...
Wait and watch ....
That's all you can do ....
Always watching every move I make ....
So scared or so full of love ?

Hah .... The jokes on you buddy ....
You and your types ....
Down the drainage system shall you go ....
Through the gutters ....
Where you stay ....
Into the sewage system ...
All covered in muck ....
Then laugh and say ....
Very funny ...
What with an illegitimate kid tagging along with you everyplace ...
Shame writ large on your faces and that of your elders ....
With what face do you say very funny ...
The jokes on you Rascal ....
The jokes is all about you ....
You are the joker ....
Ripped apart by your crimes.

Very funny indeed ...
What do you think ....
You would get the real picture ....
Never ...
The reality lies buried deep ....
You will never get to see the real one ....
That's your punishment ....And, my redemption.

Very funny ...
Remain content with the illegitimate one ....
For you will see her suffer always ...
Wherever she goes ...
In her growing up years ....
You hid her till now ...
No more ...
She will always be followed by her shame ...
YOU.

Shame on you ...
For bringing up her in shame ....
Her name synonymous with your acts ...
What does the society call such kids ....
A BASTARD .... Right?

Surprise ..surprise ...

Wondering why all is so quiet?
Contemplating my next action?
Exasperated as to what I am upto?
Keep guessing ....
They say ....
There's a lull before a storm ....
This is that lull ....
The quietness in the night and day ....
The silence from my side ....
A big storm is on the way ....
When it lashes rains ....
Everything will flow away in the flash floods ...
Nothing will remain ...
Nothing at all ....
Your entire world will come to a standstill ...
Not a single soul connected with you will be spared ...
All will be washed out ....
Just plain ... barren land shall remain ....
Where life will never be seen again.
That's the wrath of a woman ....
A tormented soul ...
The vengeance that will ruin everything around you ...
 A devastation that all will recall ...
A dreaded story to be told ...
So that no one makes the same mistake you made ....
To make gains in your vermin infested life.
You are the vermin all would swat ...
You are the one all will avoid ...
You are the one responsible for every misery .....
Every person in your contact goes through.

Surprise, surprise ......
Don't be ....
It is on the way ....
All the way to bury you ....
Alive .... in your own blood soaked cloak.

Every little bit counts ....

This and that ....
Every bit counts ....
Every action counts .....
Yours, mine .. theirs ....
What we do ....
And, what we don't do ...
Every bit counts....
What we say ....
What we don't ...
What we convey through our actions ....
Every word said and unsaid counts ....
I understand the silence ....
I don't to be by your side ...
To know what it is that you want me to know ...
I know it all ...
Every look you give counts...
And, says it all....
I understand your dilemma ....
I understand what hell you are living in ...
So, I let go ....
So, your living hell becomes a lesser hell to live in.
Living with the devil ain't easy.
Every little bit counts....
It counts to know your pain ....
Am with you in this .....
Your pain is mine too ..
I can feel every emotion ....
Yet, I can't be there to help you out ...
You need to get out of the situation on your own ....
How you do it ...
You need to strategise...
Analyse the problem at hand ...
In your home....
Get it out ...
Flush out the toxin ....
For that you need to do a lot ....
You are neck deep in trouble ....
Get out of the deep waters ....
Learn to swim ...
Swim with the current ....
Just let loose your fears ...
Your apprehensions ...
And just let it flow....
Let it be knoweth to your soul ...
Am waiting at the end of the journey ....
AGNI by my side.
Every bit counts ...
Am your strength  ..
Not your weakness ..
I am not a mistake ....
Nor is AGNI...
Every moment counts.

Crabs ...

Crawling sideways ....
I saw them coming ...
A whole army of them ....
They came and stood still around me ...
As if waiting for a command ....
I guess am the Crab Queen ....
I looked at them ....
And, commanded them to follow me ....
Took them towards the Sea and said ....
Go live your life.
 I am no longer our Queen ...
I gave up being one ...
A long time ago ...
I am my own master and commander ...
I need no slaves ...
I need no partners ...
All I need is for you to know ...
I forgive but I don't forget ..
So, don't cross my path again.
I no longer am your Queen ...
I long ago abdicated that post...
I am my own Queen and Princess ...
No one else matters.
I rule my Kingdom ...
With an Iron fist ....
I whip my subjects ...
So they must learn ...
Learn fast ...
For I have no time for anyone anymore.

Crabs ... Insects ...
Crawling all over ...
Pay homage to me ....
And, crawl away but watch me from a distance ...
Lest I need their assistance.