Damn this anger, which stops me from understanding. Damn it, coz it makes me a shallow beast. All common sense is lost. All reasons fail. The momentary lapse makes me lose everything. I turn into a stranger, a stranger I wanna avoid but cannot.
Is it really anger? Or a sense of insecurity that prevails. The feeling that nothing is permanent hence this will go too. I am losing it I guess. Sanity is a far fetched word in my dictionary. Everything seems to be falling apart. I need a respite, else I will be lost forever. Damn this insanity called anger.
I just seem to have lost it. Getting perturbed by nothing at all. Anything and everything seems to trigger a chain reaction as explosive as the solar flares on the Sun. Everything boils down to insecurity, lack of empathy and a deep rooted feeling that's a problem that I shall never be happy. Why do I end up feeling insecure? Why do I not trust anyone anymore? What is it that binds me to loneliness? Why is it difficult to accept things as they are? Why can't I move on? Why do I end up getting stuck on the past?
Am I really scarred for life? Damned to the deep dark ghettos of melancholic solitariness, do I ever stand the chance to resurrect myself? Why can't I stop hurting myself and others? What anger is it that is so vehemently predominant in my being that it doesn't let go, it just eats me up from within like cancer. Do I ever have hope of salvation from my demons of the past?
It seems , am the very epitome of God's creation gone awry. Am proof that there is no hope for fools. Am an example of something gone wrong somewhere. Am living proof that all hope is lost. Why am I such a prick? Why am I sozzled by my own emotions? Why do I overlook the genuineness in the other person? Why do I block out faith and trust? Why oh why?
Damn this anger, damn this insecurity, damn myself..............
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