Love is a waste of time?

Listening to a popular song ...
Love is a bhaste of  time and ...
I am back into days of yore ...
When I was sixteen ...
We were sixteen ...
And in love ...
Yet all knew , except us ...
He would watch me from his position ...
From the first bench ...
I would hide behind girls ....
On the last bench ...
He a math genius ...
I , a dumb dodo ...
This continued for a year ...
And, then one day I left.

Twenty and eight years later ...
One night at 8 pm ...
When I was drunk in my sorrows ...
I got a call ...
When I was near the Sai Mandir ...
It was him ...
Donald Duck was all came to my mind ...
He was inquiring about admission ...
For his kids in my School ...
I recognised him ...
I don't know how ...
We had never interacted ...
Yet, I recognised his voice and him ...
I believe he was surprised too.

We met ...
His twins got admission ...
In the school I head ....
Then the meetings happened ...
We met ...
Everyday ...
Just a waste of time ...
This love is a waste of time ...
A beautiful waste of time ...
When reality strikes ...
One needs to plug one's emotions ...
I had to stop it...
But, how ...
I had to hurt his feelings ...
Make him hate me ...
I did just that ...
I avoided meeting him ...
Officially and unofficially ...
For I had nothing to lose but ...
He had everything to lose ...
One can't unlove ....
But, yes ...
For one's love ...
One needs to disappear yet again ...
This time a conscious decision ...
And, I became invisible to him ...
Inaccessible to him ...
Made him hate me ...
But, it was needed ...
Coz' Love is a bhaste of tym ...
I love him ....
So, I walked away...
Far away ...
So, the shadow remains ...
The soul has left the building.

Love is a waste of time ...
Humming , am wasting my time ...
My way , in my aloneness ...
Loving him as before ...
From far ... yet so near always ...
For I can't unlove ...
Am made for love ...
But, am also synonymous with sacrifice...
On the altar of love ...
One more love ...
Become a legend ...
A story to talk about  ...
Of love lost and found ...
And, lost again.

When I read ...

When I read ...
All  read is you ...
All I want is You ...
A fairytale with you ...
In my dreams with eyes wide open ...
All I want is you.

Withering under the Cold winter Sun ..
Shivering to the core ...
In the Wintry nights ...
All I want is you ....
To cuddle into ....
And read books ....
Books , where ...
Every word is about you ....
You spill out of every character ....
Every image ...
Just of you ....
My World ...
Just you.

Looking into those brooding eyes ....
Reading them ...
For they the books of your experiences ....
My love ...
Waking up in your arms ...
Looking at you sleeping ...
Blissfully unaware of my long loving stare ...
Thanking the Creator ...
For having made us ...
For each other.

When I read ...
All I read is you.

The Little Giant...

Walking along the promenade she saw...
This little man with  a big heart ...
He was the beggar from the street beyond ..
But, here...
Here he was the Giant with a big heart .

The one to whom we gave alms ...
Each day make his ends meet ...
Was feeding the street dogs ...
And loving and cuddling them.

Here, we pay for our happiness ...
And, there....
There he was....
Being loved unconditionally.

He touched her heart in ways unknown ...
The simple gesture of sharing what he had...
with his silent partners ..
He touched her heart.

The little giant ...
With  a heart of Gold ..
Taught her lessons ...
Big Universities could never teach ...
He taught her to live..
One moment at a time.

I can never ...

I can never stop loving you ...
Have always loved you ...
I can't and won't talk to you ever again ...
But, I can write to you here ...
This was and a is a love ...
That transcends every boundary ...
Ranaji ...
Donald Duck ...
None can ever match upto you ...
I love you and will love you till my last breath ...
I avoid you ...
I don't look at you ...
It is my decision to stay away from you ...
But, in my heart and thoughts ...
You are always there ...
Your hPpiness and success ...
Is all that I wanna see ...
For that if I have to kill myself ...
I shall happily do so...
Ypu came back in my life ...
It was divine intervention...
But, to chuck you out of my life ...
Was my decision...
I will love you always ...
I shall worship your image ...
But, I shall never see you again ...
For your happiness is all I seek ...
With me tnere is no life ..
No happiness ...
For I walk alone ...
The path I have chosen ...
The road I made for myself ...
Shall never be tread upon by another. ..
I love you and you shall ...
Remain in this  heart of stone...
Within the frigid rigid walls  ...
As my own.

I love you Ranaji ...

Adieu my love

Love Nest

A place for being oneself in his arms ...
To be with each other ...
From prying eyes they hide ...
And meet in a warm place ...
Their love nest.

She being his forever ...
In his arms or without ...
Not for the soil tney tread upon ...
Nor the clouds above ...
Their nest created ...
In a space someplace in dreams ...
Their heaven ...
Not for the World to see ...
For his eyes and hers ...
She awaits his arrival ...
In their love nest.

The Winter hue of love ...

Love ...
Has many colours ...
Many shades ...
Different shades for different moods ...
But hues of love ...
She is currently in the wintry hue of love ...
Cool ... chilled out ...
Dancing each day to tunes of love Sufi style.

More of a saintly garb ...
No use crying tears ...
When one can share love ...
Each day with a smile.

No more longing for lost love ...
She walks with a spring in her strides ...
Long energetic strides ...
Making music in her thoughts ...
Her smiles ...
Awakening all senses in senseless people ...
People waiting for her smile ...
Each day , the numbers increasing ...
For they say ...
She brings them Luck.

Her Lucky smile ...
All the rosy blush ...
Of the Winter hue ...
She smiles ...
An ear to ear grin ...
Bringing warmth to every heart.

Once gone, they don't come back ...

They don't come back once gone ...
Only memories come haunting back...
Reminding us of our follies...
Mistakes we made unmistakenky...
They never come back ...
Our loved ones gone ...
Forever ...
They never come back ...
Once gone.

Screwed up forever ...
Memories killing us ...
We watch over our backs ...
Hoping for a glimpse of the forgotten past ...
But, they never come back ...
What comes back is zombies or coffins ...
Dead men and women walking ,...
But, never the real people.

They never really come back ...
What comes across as real ...
Is the reflection ...
Of what might have been...
But never the real thing ...
Never the reality.

Everyday a coffin is laid to rest ...

Everyday she dies...
Everyday they lay her to rest...
Everyday she dies ...
Everyday her coffin is buried.

She dies to prove her undying love ...
For the Imbecile that lives on...
Everyday they lay a shroud on her soul...
Everyday they bury her.

A ritual so ancient...
Chants and mantras helpless ...
Shd dies for hi  ...
Shd resurrects for him ...
She is immortalised in his soul ...
She lives and breatbes him.

Broken crayons...

Crimson, violet and yellow ...
One of the many crayons ...
Broken and used to bits ...
Just pieces lying about...
When gathered together ...
One colour ...
When heated together...
Just one shade ...
Broken crayons still can colour...
Just like that ...
Broken hearts can still beat...
Can still bring out a melody...
Unheard song of pain and tragedy...
Unsung before verses ...
Broken hearts with a crimson hue ...
Of tarnished love ...
Grazed and bruised souls ...
They can still sing a melody...
Unheard before.

The paint on the sheet still wet ...
From tears fallen from eyes so sad...
A trail of death ...
A path of pain ...
Tread upon by so many others.

Yes, broken crayons can still be used...

Death defies her...

She tried her level best to end her life...
To cheat life ..
To go away ..
She couldn't. ..
She lived tor her flock ...
She lived for her love...
But couldn't. ...
It hurts her to stifle herself...
She tried her best to annihilate her morta being,
But, each time death defied her

It has no intentions of taking her ...
But, what should she live for ....
A constantly violent world.

Her love she canot love,
And , yet can't see him with another ....
So, she needs to go ...
Go far away....
No , she won't be able to forget him...
She will live with his memories ....
She can't love another....
His little ones remind him of her....
And it hurts....
Innocent boys reminding of him .... she has to go away.
Goes away she does ...
With a heavy heart....
Keeping his love alive in her heart...
Vowing never to come back ...
Or ever be discovered.

She leaves behind her flock...
Her own flesh and blood...
Wondering what will become of them...
And crying to her hearts content.

She walks away in the middle of the night ....
Never ever to return.
Hurting deep within...
The pain of a mother....
The pain.  of love lost ...she just walks away never to return.

She doesn't know where she is heading...
All she knows is ....
No more emotions to tie her down.....
A steley resolve....
Heavy on her chest ...
She eggs on her journey never to return.

Know he who reads her ...
She loved you, she loves you and will always love you....
Whether they be her flock or her first love.

Debauchery thy name is love...

He came I  suddenly ...
Like a wind ...
The symbol of Adultery...
Thesign of debauchery...
Name apt ...
The Symbol ...
The leader that leads to destruction ...
His flock...
The verh symbol ...
The Pratik as the Indians say ...
Of sex and lies ...
Of conniving heidiousness ...
The devil in disguise...
Dressed as a Salesman...
Thedeathless vermin...
Fancying himself as handsome ...
How he survived all these conniving years ...
He is a walking symbol of weakness ...
Festering in the womb of his mother ...
He gained strength ...
To dishonour the family name.

Pure in her love,
She saw him trying to kill her ...
The scum of Earth ...
The Conman ...
Roams free ...
Sleepless devising ways ...
To ensnare another.

His debauchery unadulterated truth ...
To sagisfy his satanic libido.

She laughs...

She laughs the last ...
When she witnesses the Hippo ...
In all her foolhardiness ...
Bouncing around ...
Her boobs pouncing up to her cheeks ...
The fatso ...
Enjoying presumably ...
In her dreams with the Salesman.

What a scene ...
They create ...
In falsifying ...
And denying there ain't nothing wrong ...
Else the Conman wouldn't be laying others ...
Either she lacks in something ...
Or he has a high libido as he claims.

She laughs at their false happiness ...
She laughs last ...
When all fall aparts in their World ...
For she has her own vices too...
Her demons to fight ...
The ljmp of fatty acids and lipids ...
Has an alternate to the gamer ...
She lives with ....
The known fella ...
Who visits her in his absence ..
Whom she meets and mates in his absence ...
She laughs last ...
Clearly evident ...
A family of weirdos ...
They live in a false utopian world ...
Of sex , connivance and   ...
Adultery

It wasn't so hard to ignore ...

A large gathering, a public event... He came in with the Hippo tagging along. It wasn't so hard to ignore him  and the Hippo. The Tigress knew, it was just stale meat and a junk load of Fatty acids and lipids rumbling across the preying fields. She coolly moved away ... taking the cubs with her for the day to begin with.

Who could have thought that the one whom the Tigress loved all her life was nothing but a cunning Fox in a Lion's mask. But, when she did know the reality, she just cut him off from her list of likable animals. She had other things to occupy her, her thoughts and her actions.

The sly fox , watching her every move through the corner of his eyes ... slithering around , hiding behind bushes , She just ignored those so evident moves ... for her focus was on the little ones and the pride of the Jungle.

Had the pride of the Jungle not been at stake, she would have gladly exposed the cheap fox and the Hippo tagging along for the heinous crime committed to make their ends meet.

Welcome to the Jungle! And, I am the Queen ... Any doubts? Better clear them before I pounce upon you and annihilate you completely, devouring your artificial happiness... clawing you to a painful death.

Ritsuka...

She was named Ritsuka ...The successful one ...The most beautiful one.

Born, a mistake ...She lived life on the edge...Always on the move ...Living out of suitcases, she was a vagabond on the move always.

Ritsuka, having left a life of luxuries lived life on her own terms which always brought on the edge of a precipice, life changing decisions that left her alone in her journey, yet move on she did and as always today again she must take herchances , come to a decision and move away from the crowd that gathers around her.

She walks away, with what little she has on her ... stops for a moment, turns around , sees happy smiling faces ... gives a knowing smile , a small laughter escapes her throat and she walks away.

By the time people realize her absence, she had already gone too far into the mountains , away from human connections and in a far away place hidden from the reality of the urban jungle she had left behind. Ritsuka was no more Ritsuka , she was just another free spiritroaming the wilderness , a white light that couldn't be contained. She was no more a mortal being ... she was the light that people saw on moonless nights, guiding weary travellers lost in the forest of nowhere ... leading them to a meaningful life.

Ritsuka with the hair of the wise one adorning her scalp ... The most beautiful  damsel ... wandering the forgotten land of the forgotten ones ... rises from the ashes each day as a beacon  of hope for the countless millions wretchedly drenched I  their penury of life, reeking of death ... she imparts a scent to their rotting bodies.

Ritsuka ... the untouched virgin beauty ... walks the heaven on Earth.

This is why I love you ...

When I am really hurting ...
When I am blurting it all out ...
When am sad ...
When I lash out ...
You remain calm ...
You remain in the background ...
You don't say a word ...
You just remain you ...
That is why ...
This is why I love you ...
Whatever I do,
Whatever is my reaction ...
I do it all for you ...
I do it all for us.

I could have gone away ...
Yet, I stood my ground ...
I killed my own ...
Stifled and stood tall ...
I do it all for you ...
I do it all for us.


My love for you shall remain forever ..
Embedded deep within ....
Eyes crying ...
Tears rolling down ...
I still shall not know you ...
I stayed behind ...
Just for you.

Coz' all I know is ...
I can't unlove you ...
So...
I do it all for you ...
I do it for us.

The Temple of Love ...

Home ...
The Real Temple of Love ...
Of Dignity and pride ...
In one's name and pride ...
The Lioness that hunts for her cubs ...
She is the Tigress ...
That protects her own ...
Her Life may be a turmoil ...
But, never the heat ...
Touches her loved ones ...
Her Home ...
Her Temple of Peace ...
Her young ones ...
Her Strength.

Walking the difficult paths of life...
A journey not alone ...
Her stoic companions ...
Her little ones ...
No, she won't squander that love ...
For temporary feelings ...
Wayward humans ...
Her life waves ...
Rising and falling ...
Typhoons come and go ...
But, her Temple stands Strong ...
Built on unconditional Love ...
Her Temple withstands all Hurricanes ...
Proud in the stance taken ...
She preens her wings ...
To yet face another challenge.

I am not Helpless...

Let go, just enjoy your life ... consider yourself helpless, you can do nothing. He is on his own ... leave him... when the placental cord was cut, your responsibility towards your child was over... Never , never ever again would a mother want to  hear that.

We make mistakes, we alone are not affected by them , everyone associated with us are affected.

I have made mistakes , I have no regrets yet my mistakes have catapulted my loved ones to moments of despair. No, am not going to wallow in self pity and say I am HELPLESS.

NO! I am not helpless... my mistakes have taught me important lessons in life but I won't ever let anyone tell me I am helpless for I am a mother and a mother never gives up on her child.

My children are my strength... my pillars of courage.  They have kept me grounded and alive. My kids have kept me smiling and laughing even through trying times. If they fall, I help them get up and face it all with courage. I stand by them through good and bad . I don't label them. I have caused them pain, they have lost their childhood because of my unforgiving nature... I will bring them back from the brink of getting nowhere in life to the lost happiness. I will amend my mistakes and give them what they desire to be the best always. These are trying times , they have lost hope... I haven't. 

I won't give up on my children. I am not helpless. I am strong and the power above has given me the capability to endure this too.

This too shall pass, and we shall be together again. We shall overcome all the pain and despair to become  the best that we are. 

Yes, others are helpless but not a mother. A mother can do wonders to make her child better once again. A mother can never lose hope. She can withstand any calamity , she can fight them all. A mother I am and I stand between the devil and my child. I can ward off any evil , fight all the demons ... for I am not HELPLESS.

Tracing the steps ...

... Back in time ...
She traces her steps...
The path they took ...
The walk together ...
Along the footpaths ...
Of the place they share.

The street vendors ...
Still the same ...
The wares still the same...
That knowing smile ...
Remembering the monsoon walk ...
Umbrella in hand ...
A light drizzle ...
Sending a shiver up the spine...
Smiling at each other ...
The juice break ...
The small tiff ...
Over his possessiveness...
The walking away ...
The making up ...
Love unlimited...
Uninhibited...
Shamelessly wonderful...
Tracing the steps ...
Back in time...
She remembers him...
Knowing well...
He is thinking of her ...
This moment in his thoughts...
She can feel him ...
Feeling her...
Lost in thoughts ...
She loses herself ...
Tracing her steps ...
Back in time...
Loving him more.

Uncouth in his piety ...

He lay prostate ...
At her feet...
Begging for mercy ...
Dust all around ...
Dirt in his mouth ...
He could tSte his own blood...
From bleeding gums...
Hair all tousled...
Scaavenged look...
A sorry state of being ...
The uncouth fellow ...
Lover from yesteryears...
Begging for forgiveness...
But...
She didn't recognize him...
For she had a faraway look in her vacant eyes ...
Unrecognisable lay ...
An uncouth man before her...
She was searching him...
In her  long forgotten past.

She stood up...
Walkded sround him ...
Out into the open courtyard ...
Her Garden of Eden ...
A distant memory ...
Etched somewhere in the grey matter...
But no recollection...
Of the man rolling on the dirt behind her.

He turned over ...
Tears streaming over his cheeks ...
Remorseful ...
He hangs his head down in shame.

Loving him ...

.... She died bit by bit ...
All her life ...
Just one ...
And, when she found him ...
He was lost forever ...
The moments melting away ...
she lost her moments with him ...
she lost him ...
In the sandstorm called life ...
Passing by his lane ...
she cries ....
Tears trickling down pale cheeks ...
Sobbing her heart out ...
She moves on ....
Nowhere to go ...
But back into her empty shell ...
The caravan of life ebbing away.

Time hasn't stood still ...
Not for anyone ...
Not for her too ...
It passes by ...
She lives in her fantasies ...
A life in full circle ...
Living each moment ...
as if her last...
Missing him , her curse...
Loving him , her boon.
Loose threads of memories ...
Beautiful moments with him ...
Raw threads of the heart ...
Strings attached by unknown bond....
She reaches out to him in her dreams.

Loving him ...is all she has ever known ...

The ire of a woman...

Beware!
The wrath unleashed ...
A volley of swears...
Waves of anger...
Hitting your shores ...
Breaking every bit of your happiness...
The ire of a woman ...
Let loose on you.

Mind what you do ...
Accursed is your being ...
In her anger ...
The woman you used ...
The one who placed you on a pedestal ...
Shall unthrone you.

Your Kingdom shall be burnt to ashes ...
All your glory down the drain...
Beware the ire of a woman ....
Who once  loved you.
She shall never cease to love ...
But respect never will she ...
For you are a mere mortal being ...
With flaws, pains and aches.

She pities you ...
For your trifle flings ...
She lets loose the cuss words ...
For she knows you ain't nothing ...
But a tramp romping free.

The woman with the  crooked teeth...
How ugly is her heart...
That you need to find solace...
Elsewhere each day...
How evil is the lazy one ...
That you need to energize ...
Spend your libido here and there ...
For the mere lusty feel.

Shame on you and ...
Shame on her ...
The one with crooked teeth...
May you both burn in a living hell ...
Each day and each night.

The ire of a woman ...
A good woman ...
The curse shall take its course.

Emptiness

The void ...
Left behind in a barren womb ...
Woes of a mother ...
Cries of the unborn ...
Shattering the night ...
Wails from unseen ones ...
An emptiness ...
A motber feels wiithin ...
Contractions of a barren womb.

Every corner of the place ....
Every inch speaks of him ...
The ghost from the past ...
That snatched her smile away.

She walks the corridors up and down ...
Ascending descending stairs ...
Searching for him in vain ...
Screams numbing her thoughts ...
Screeches of the unborn ...
Torn from within her ...
She closes her eyes to flashes ...
Of blood and gory death.

In her aloneness...
The emptiness surfaces ...
Taunting her each moment ...
She reaches for the numbing agent ...
Drugging herself to sleep...
Deep in knowledge ...
He is happily smiling elsewhere...
Having won this round ...
Her curse befalls him ...
He shall live in hell ...
Each day reminding him of his folly.

Her Emptiness shall become his Soon.

The lusty salesman ...

Her world came to an end ...
When the lusty traveller ...
Revealed his evil plans to her...
How could she trust a fellow ...
Who was cheating on his partner?
How could she believe an infidel bastard...
Who used false moves for benefits?
How could he believe a man ...
Who had plans to use his friends?
How could she believe in him ...
Who abandons his own?
How could she believe in  a conman ...
Who used women to get his deals done?
How could she ...
She couldn't take it no more ...
For he used emotional trauma to haunt her...
For his meager means ...
He used his own sons.
The cheat thrives in his own penance ...
For every day sees him drowning further in his sins ...
For all the women he used ...
Now up in arms against him.
The conman ...
The Bong with the evil grin ...
The cheat with deep brooding eyes ...
Studying his next victim.

The Bastard ...

...lives to see  yet another day pass by ...
Till when will he flash that evil grin ...
That smile to trap the innocent ...
The Bastard lives on ...
The Bastard smiles ...
The evil grin ...
The fat Bitch by his side ...
Crooked teeth ...
The Witch ensnares him in her web ...
The damned be damned ...
May he crush to a painful death ...
May she fall to her end ...
The Devil behold ...
He must die...
For his evil deeds ...
A painful death...
Watching his own perish in pain.

The Sly one ...

Ah! The rascal ...
The sly one ...
The one that goes by unnoticed ...
Look in those cunning eyes ...
The deep brooding cunning fox ...
The sly one ...
Ah! The salesman at it again.

His world ...
A blotch on humanity...
His actions animal like ...
The stealth stalker ...
The vile one...
Accursed must remain he.

Hiding behind the big bosoms of a lazy one ...
He seeks solace in the thought ...
He is safe ...
Which he is not ...
All set to be exposed ...
For his misdeedsthe world over.

The sly one ...
The lair laying one...
May his world collapse around him ...
All that he cherishes the most ....
Be snatched away from him ...
Let him smell the burning flesh ...
Of what he holds dear today ....
For the wrath of a mother ....
Scorns him.

May he burn in his living hell ...
His life a nightmare ...
Disgraced and deposed ...
May his body decompose right here.

The anger of a woman cheated ...
May it burn his today and tomorrow ...
He shall suffer seeing his ...
Little ones suffer.

The curse shall follow him ...
Wherever he may hide ...
His penury very little ...
For the pain he gave her...
His life a living hell...
He shall watch his burn ...
For then , will he realise ...
What his folly has been.

Sometimes... just sometimes ...

I wish ...
Sometimes, just sometimes...
I wish , I was...
Selfish .

Just snatch my happiness ...
And, run away...
Just once be cruel ...
Just once, a stubborn child ...
And, take away ...
What is mine .

Remnants of a ghostly past

They torment her...
The demons of yesteryears...
The ghosts from the ghastly past...
Remnants of a tormented soul.

She turns around ...
They disappear...
Only to reappear. ..
Catch her unawares ...
Ruining a perfect day ...
Spoiling her today.

They poke her ...
They pinch her ...
All that tney can do is ...
Torment her pious soul...
In her aloneness ...
She fights them...
She struggles to breath ...
In the suffocated environs ...
They say she is dying ...
A slow death ....
She lives only for her kith ...
Her kin long lost.

The ghosts from the ghastly past ...
Vary of her wrath...
Watch her silently ...
From the shadows ...
Measuring their steps towards her.

She runs ...

She is able...
She is kind...
She is love personified ...
Dignified in her being ...
She runs ...
She runs with a pack of Wolves.

Her memories ...
Her thoughts ...
Everything she has got ...
Packing a punch ...
In a bunch ...
Her pack of Wolves ....
She runs with runs ...
Beside her.

Sometimes ...
Beside her...
Sometimes ahead of her ...
Sometimes behind her ...
The pack never leaves her.

She runs with a pack of  Wolves...
Her thoughts...
Her memories.

Thoughts of Him...

Avoiding any thohghts of him coming up in her mind, she boes about her dailychores  and wham ! All tha she does reminds her of him. Every moment relived over and over, all the time just him and her ... relapsing into retro mood ... sentiments overwhelmed.

She misses out on work, forgets everything... goes into a trance remembering moments spent with him.... they say, she has gone insane... she knows nothing of the World today, in her thoughts just him and on her lips a soft murmur of his name.

Forgetting him , can never be... he is in her every piece ... she his shadow ... lost in the big bad World.

Killing herself within ... she watches her ashes burn ... the funeral pyre once a heap of logs , now just ashes smouldering.
She grabs a fistful, warm ashes in her palm ... warm they never can be ... burns her palm through ... flying ash reminding her ... of fleeting moments in his arms... she stifles a cry , tears rolling down.

She walks about , round and round in circles ... his face everywhere, smiling smugly, those deep brooding eyes , hurting er ... she has to block it all out... she just has to ... how? And, she takes out another strip of sleeping  pills , to block him from her thoughts... drugs become her ... she becomes a zombie ... she walks away.

My father's daughter...

If I am who I am today,
It is  coz' am my father's daughter,
His legacy of goodwill and honour,
Follows me everywhere.

That is what I want to leave behind for my kids.

People remember my father's nobility...
And am proud to be my father's daughter.

If I am good to the needy,
If I groom them well,
I leave a legacy behind for others,
So that faith in Being Human ,
Is never ever lost.
The blessings I garner...
Is the estate of love I want to leave ,
Behind for my flock.

At the end of the day,
I turn  to the supreme being and say,
Yes, I say , I don't ask...
I say...
Whatever blessings I have gathered today,
Put it in my children's account,
For it is them that have lost their childhood,
Make life fine for them.
I have lived my life,
Nothing much can be done about it,
But, make it better for my little ones ,
For they require it.
Just like I am my father's daughter,
Let my flock be known as Mine.
Make them good human beings ...
My only offering to you.

Shroud of mystery

Engulfed in,
Shrouded in her own mystery,
She seeks solace in shedding salt,
Through the stream that never ends,
Through her eyes ,
Sore with relentless flow,
Of pain and aches,
She shrouds her being ,
In the mystical non relentless face ,
A straight face ,
No emotions,
Just a stoic silence.

A thin veil of mystical mist,
Covering her face,
The clouds covering her face,
Her eyes with a far off look,
Vacant eyes,
Eyes bereft of happiness....
Eyes shrouded in mystery.

Good bye Love

This probably is the last time I open up my deepest emotions and feelings. I might be gone forever,  never to return.

Goodbye my love if you are reading this.

I tried living with your memories ... but memories can't replace the being that you are  or the love with which you loved me passionately.

Am human , I can't hide my emotions ... so it is best to disappear forever , never to return.

Time to go  ... A leap of faith ... into the unknown ... A deep abyss opening up ... time to jump in .

Bye my love , forever yours .

Am leaving behind all my near and dear ones ... love can be so selfish , it makes you so selfish ... but in the best interest of all , I must leave ... go away , far so far , none can reach me ever.

I have loved you right from the very beginning when love stirred within me , I was naive never understood , lost everything , but by the time I found you ,  you were lost forever ... I love your little ones ... the one beside you  is a beautiful soul ... in everyones best interest , it is for me to fly away into the unknown , never to return.

Bye my love , never doubt my fidelity ... I gave you what truly belonged to you ... forgive me for going away like this ... but this is the only alternative left.

My loved ones willbe confused and alone , just be there to guide them if possible , for they have none but me today, and when am gone , they will have none.

I have always been a hopeless romantic , never changed my name ... one doesn't become so unrealistic and frivolous to change all the time.

Farewell my love , my Babu Moshaai.

Just lay me to  rest at Sea ... my final burial ground.

For the daughter of the Sea wants to return to her father , the Emperor of Oceans ! The vast ocean her playground. You shall see her in he rfullsplendour each full moon light , alighting from the silvery shimmering waves , to play with the mermaids and singing soulful songs just for you.

Good bye my love ... I have failed you, I have failed my flock too.

What use is success , when you are alone at the end of the day.

Forgive me my outbursts, forgive me my possessiveness , so am leaving you , for you are my weakness.
I always loved you , looked for you , when I finally found you , I lost myself.

I love you and you know it .

Evading

Avoiding meeting him...
Avoiding any contact with him ...
She seeks her salvation from the ache ...
Of separation from him.

A self imposed exile ...
She cages herself in ...
Just a bit oc worldly duties...
No escape from them.

She evades any talks regarding him,
She lowers her eyes at his mention ...
Lest they see the pain ...
Less they see the love ...
She harbours in her eyes.

Craving to scream ...
To howl and cry ...
Take out all the pain ...
She shudders ...
Shoulders stooped ..
She turns and walks away.

What has cast the spell on her?
She was living ... she was happy...
Why was he sent in her life?
Questions left unanswered ...
Awkward ,
She numbs her feelings ...
She walks away...
Evading him yet , once again.

Vacant eyes

Staring blankly at the idiot box ...
A pair of vacant eyes ..
Just watching ...
Not taking in anything ...
Everything incomprehensible ...
Trying to find a  solution...
No answers ...
No signs ...
Just images passing by ...
Pupils static ...
Unblinking vacant eyes.

The only image ...
Of him ...
Those brooding eyes ...
Regressing into the past ...
Reliving each moment ...
Showing no emotion ...
Just staring into space.

Vacant eyes,
Bereft of emotions...
Emptiness around ...
Drugged to sleep ...
Pain too deep.

Trauma

Going through one,
One wishes not the same for another...
Trauma in any form ...
Not for the one ...
With whom one has ...
Spent memorable moments.

Moments to cherish forever ...
For they are a thing of past...
No more shall flowers bloom ...
In this forest of despair.
But,  pain not for the loved one ...
Never ever ,
Love forgives ,
Never hates.

The trauma that he feels ...
Becomes hers ...
She takes it all within her ...
His pain ...
His aches ...
Albeit this time ...
Without him beside her...
A decision she made ...
Hardening her heart ..
Murdering her feelings ...
She absorbs his pains ....
All alone ...
For even in her loneliness ...
She isn't alone ...
She carries him within her.

She will never stop loving him ...
But, she won't meet him again.
The trauma too overbearing ...
She drowns in spirits ...
Where she forgets the pain...
For a while ...
She is free again ...
Soaring high ...
For a while ...
The trauma gone.

A Contract for Life ...

It hurts, to know ...
To be aware ...
That people just assume things ...
They presume they know all ...
When in totality ...
They have been fed a separate picture ...
A concocted story ...
To save oneself  ...
One can fall so low ...
Sad ...
But that is what has come across.

Someones assumptions can really make or mar ...
What was once so pure ...
So genuine ...
All lost ...
In a blasphemous affair.

Where did the innocence vanish?
Where has the love gone?
Emotions vandalised ....
A painful experience ...
Is all that remains.
The sweetness of childhood ...
Replaced by bitter experiences of today.

Presuming   on your own ...
You make your decisions ...
To suit your convenience ...
Think of the one that left everything ...
And everyone for you ...
Just once you had to say ...
And, she left all ...
To be your SHADOW ...
All you did  in your pretentious existence ...
Was shun the one that waited all those years ...
Once again ....
Vacant eyes ...
Once again pain....
A contract for life.

He meant it , really...

Whoever said that ... meant it...

Once a man went to a Psychologist for his problems in life ... and this is what transpired...

Who cooks breakfast for you ?
The cook ...

Who makes tea for you?
Either I do or my maid makes very good tea...

Who prepares lunch and dinner for you?
The cook does...

Who goes grocery and vegetable shopping at home?
I do... or I call up and have it delivered....

Who cleans, sweeps and mops the floor?
A maid comes for that...

Who makes the bed?
The maid does...

Who washes, cleans and takes care of your kids?
The maid or I do ...

Who runs errands for you at home?
I do ...

Who goes to work and makes ends meet?
I do ...

Whom do you turn to for your emotional needs?
My childhood sweetheart ...

Whom do you use as a punching bag when you are down and out?
My childhood sweetheart ...

Whom do you turn to for help when you are running out of time and have to get things done? Who runs around for you?
My childhood sweetheart ...

Whom do you open upto when down in the dumps?
My childhood sweetheart ...

Whom do you like to spend your time with?
My kids ...And, my sweetheart the flower I plucked and crushed

Who sleeps with you on your kingsize bed?
My wife ...

So, your wife is just another .... !

All the housework and taking care of kids is done by maids or you, your wife just sleeps with you ... the statement is JUSTIFIED ...isn't it , said the Psychologist.

Well.... No comments ;-)

Her true love ... betrayed

One and only ...
The first time ...
When the strings of the heart had stirred...
Creating  a melody never heard ...
Her first love ...
Donald Duck!
For him ,
She left everything ...
She became his shadow ...
As he desired she did ...
Becoming one with him ...
She lost herself in him ...
Vaporising in his love ...
The passion melting her ...
She lost herself ...
Lost to herself ...
And to the rest ...
Like  a drop in the ocean ...
Never to be found again ...
Her entire identity at stake...
All at stake...
She tied herself to the stake ...
Burning in the pyre  ...
Reduced to ashes ...
The wind blowing the ashes all over ...
She touches his being ...
She is blessed.

Her one and true love ...
She destroys herself for him ...
She annihilates her existence ...
To smithreens lying bare ...
She looks skywards ...
Asking for divine justice...
The betrayal unfathomable ...
A fury raging in her eyes ...
Questioning ...
She burns at the stake ...
The fire lit by him.

Rising from her ruins ...

She turned around ...
All she saw was brick and mortar ...
Ruins...
Ashes of her being ...
Rising  like the Phoenix ...
She moved away from the rubble ...
Her silhouette , a mere shadow ...
She spanned her wings out ...
Ready to fly once again ...
Another horizon to explore ..,
Another adventure to begin.

She turns around ...
In the ruins ...
She sees faces ...
Familiar ones ...
Loved ones ...
All left behind ...
None in her journey ...
For it is for her ..
And her only to take.

The Knowing ...

As if knowing him wasn't enough ...
Now , knowing he exists ...
Within you ...
As if your own ...
Is a killing proposition.

The faint heartbeat ...
The turning ...
Features developing ...
All leading to a thought ...
What now?

Too much happening ...
And , he out of sight ...
Whom to turn to ?
The big dilemma ...
Killing the soul within ...
A question ...
Now what?

His being within her ...
A testimonial of their tempestuous affair...
No turning back ...
Yet, nothing to look forth to.

A tiny kick ...
felt now and then ..
Reminding her ...
Of the reality ...
She turns her face away ...
No attempt ...
To Hide what is his...
What is theirs.

Of errors in judgement ...

A decade later, she turns the pages of her history book and she sees is errors in judgements.

His error was also one such sin, she could have over looked it but for her vice , her anger that took over and reigned supreme. All judgment blurred , she walked away ... shunning her World , relegating all happiness in the back burner , she burnt her house down.

An error ... she sees them all committing the same sin and only regret having taken a stance to make a point in a society that doesn't care.

She lost all, for nothing. Her flock lost it  all for no fault of theirs.

So each morning she promises herself , not to let another family die . No other flock of sheep loses their shepherd.

She works at bringing the flock home so there is a warm hearth waiting for the goatherd to come to in cold wintery evenings. There is cheese for all and bread is warm and fresh from the oven baked with love.

She sighs and turns away , wiping the tear at the end of her eye ... walking into the sunset , with a  crooked stick ... her trademark stamp.

Lost connection...

Just a few word of reality ....
And all he does is ...
Shouts at her ...
Blames her ...
She hears him out ...
Shuts him out ...
All that noise ...
Allthat hulla bulloo ...
She loses herself ...
Once again ...
A real heartbreak ...
A break in trust...
No faith left in his senseless rantings ...
She severes all ties ...
All ties with everone...
She kills herself ...
Ruins what her self once was ....
Cuts her wrist...
And watches the blood drip down ...
Forming a pool ...
Clotting into dark matter ...
Dying , her only thoughts are of him ...
And his treachery.
Lost forever ...
Another life ...
A life vrowing within her ...
Throttled for ever.

Death becomes her ...

She is lost forever...
To all an sudry ...
But to herself.

Time for her  cut all the ties...
This world isn't for het...
Going away is the best alternative...
So she leaves forevet ...
None she owes a penny ...
None she owes herself ....
Time to destroy herself ...
Time to go away.

Death becomes her ...
She embraces  death ...
As her own...
Just hers for keeps.

He , who had no remorse in his voice ...
He who shunned her ...
Hr who hurt her ...
Let him  live in peace ...
For she loved hi then ...
And in his love she dies ...
His love her death wish.

Gone for ever ...
She will never be a happy soul ...
A lost soul ...
She braves the final battle ...
All alone ....
A life ruined forever ...
She lits her funrral pyre ...
In his memory ...
The one she loved always ...
Her final goodbye ...
And he still hurt her .

She will always lover Donal Duck ....
She hates herself for her sorry state ...
She abhors hef actions ...
How coukd she become gullible ...
And fall for a man who never loved her.

Her faults ...
Repercussions unknown ...
End of life best ....
To save his face ...
And her grace.

Death becomes her ...
She is lost , forever.

Shortlived joy ...

In all her happiness she wrote ...
Of her joy ...
Of his undying love ...
Little realising that...
Happiness forgot the way to her home ...
Long ago.

Her joy turned to grief ...
She was bereft of feelings once again...
Slowly she turned away ...
And walked into the oblivion ...
Her permanent abode.

Darkness enveloping her shaggy frame ...
Shoulders low ...
A humped heap of flesh and blood ...
Devoid of feelings ....
A blank look in her eyes...
Staring at her toes ...
Walking slowly with her head down ...
A sad melancholy look in her eyes ...
She continued her lonely journey again.

Bite into a bit more of affection ...

All along she thought, he was lost forever in her tempestuous outburst. But, lo behold when all else was down and out, a glimmer of hope shimmered in the horizon and there he was with open arms waiting for her towards the sunsetty horizon. She ran straight into his warm waiting arms , snug and secure in the knowledge , he would always be there.

Her live , her Emperor , her life ... her Knight in shining armour ... her love.

Her happiness knew no bounds . In her moment of glee and joy she floated in a dream world of happiness. Her  love established to its former glory , her faith restored in fate and destiny.

In his strong arms , she found her world of hope and bliss... a happiness unaccountable.  His sweets, his love ... she glowed.

Thanking the lord for all his small mercies , thanking the Goddess that blessed him, she prays for his well being and happiness , sne prays for togetherness unlimited.

Her Knight , her Badshah ... she can't keep her eyes off him. The most handsome hunk , by his side she knows she looks best.
Bite into the best of bites , a news of her happiness , she knows she needs to cherish these moments. The bubbling happiness, biting into the bits and snippets of joy.

Festivities ... not meant for her ...

For her ...
Only solitude ...
Her reclusive getaway ...
Her world of gadgets ...
Her world of geeks ...
No emotions to be shed ...
Just a blank screen ...
An expression , she chose.

For her ...
No festivities ...
She absolved herself of all...
All that meant relations ...
Alone in her melancholy moments...
She observes them all.

A sarcastic laugh ...
At human vanities ...
And vain efforts at happiness...
All will be lost one day...
They would all sit in the same dias ...
As her ...
And watch festivities pass by.

Her nest, a cold place to be ...
No warmth there ...
A cold stare from her ...
Is all one gets.

In her aloneness she has companionship...
Her world her solace ...
Where none can hurt her ...
None can touch her.

Festivities , not her forte'...
She wat hes others with a smug smile ...
Knowing well ...
All that is a farce.

In her thoughts

Alone in her thoughts...
She cries silently ...
Weeps a river ...
Paces back and forth ...
Lulls herself to sleep...
But, sleep ...
It doesn't come ...
It teases her ...
Worrisome in her state ...
All she does is ...
Take to alternatives....
Drugging her senses ...
She wails and wallows in self pity ...
Dizzy with kaleidoscopic images ...
She imagines him with her ...
She weeps silently ...
He watches her ...
Not a word uttered ...
Those silent brooding eyes ...
Just watch her ...
And he vanishes ....
She takes more to calm her nerves ...
She seeks him ...
In those colourful flamboyant dreams ...
An addiction ...
That is killing her slowly.

Day and night ...
Toxic substance in her veins ...
She does her chores for the world to see...
But within ...
She plays hide and seek with her feelings.

A hue of colours ...
Washing over her senses ...
She goes into another realm ....
Where nothing hurts ...
She is happy ...
She sobs her tormented thoughts away.
Shame, that a life is wasted ...
In the trauma of a lost love.

Alone in her thoughts ...
She builds a world of happiness ...
Him , her, their little ones ...
Alas! Just an overactive imagination ...
Of a woman lost in the world of psychedelic drugs.

Damn these feelings ...

You are dead for me henceforth ... she wrote...
She avoided him ...
She went into her shell...
To no avail ...
He lives ...
In her thoughts , he lives ...
He lives within her ...
She can't shake him off ...
A leech ...
The feelings for him just don't vanish ...
They remain ...
Tormenting her day in and day out ...
She dies every moment ...
Regretting having hurt his feelings ...
Having written those words ...
She prays for his success...
She prays for his long life ...
She wishes death upon herself.

Love doesn't die ever...
Once you love someone ...
You can never hate them ...
You can never wish them bad...
You might shout and scream at them ...
But deep within...
You never stop loving them ...
Not when you have cherished ...
And nurtured that love for three decades.

She sits in her sombre state ...
Aloneness her companion ...
And ponders ,
How it would have been different ...
Had destiny not separated them...
She spins dreams ...
She lives in a world of fantasy ...
Where they are together ...
Happy and merry ...
Content in each others company.

Damn those feelings !
Damn the mushy mushy feelings!
Damn being human.

Motherhood

The most beautiful feeling ever ... being born again ...
Born with the little one emerging  from within you ...
Motherhood , the most beautiful feeling ever.

Watching your little ones grow up ...
In front of your eyes ...
Bouncing with boundless energy...
Happy being with you ...
Happy with everything they have ...
Content under your umbrella of love...
Motherhood has no explanation ...
It just thrives in the veins of women.

Each time a woman gives birth to a baby ...
Each time a mother is born ...
Each time a new life is born ...
Each time life salutes a woman...
So, why stifle what is growing within you ...
One born of  love ...
No, motherhood is what she  chooses...
Come what may.

This would be her gift to mankind ...
One born out of wedlock ...
One born of love ...
Intense passionate pure love ...
A selfless sacrifice to be made....
Walking away wasn't easy ...
Nor will life be henceforth ...
For lonely and alone she treads ...
Upon a difficult path ahead.

Being born again is what she seeks ...
Motherhood once again beckons her.

Before the wall caves in ...

A stoic stance taken ...
She braces for the final showdown...
Before the wall caves in ...
She takes  deep breath ...
And dives in ...
Into the depths of her inner self ...
Into the realms of her being ...
Introspecting ...
Brooding ...
She weighs the pros and cons ...
To face or not ...
The final face off...
To rip the mask of the face ...
The face of the conman.

In the wake of the aftermath...
Of her destruction...
She suppresses the anger within ...
A stream of volleys of words ...
All set to be unleashed. ..
Before her patience  caves in ...
She battles the inner demons ...
To expose or not ...
The cunning fox that roams free.

In her aloneness she seeks solace...
Her words her companions...
She walks further...
Finding bliss in her passion...
His blood her favourites ...
She misses him no more...
Until the wall caves in ...
She mafches on ...
The rickety bridge of life...
Creaking below Her feet...
She explores a new World.

The landing of the Stork

A flight due to a landing in Summer...
The Stork readies itself for the final flight.

Grasped in its beak ...
A knotty bundle of delight...
The culmination of unabandoned love...
The Stork preens its feathers...
For the final flight.

The damsel...
Glowing with health...
Gaining in weight ...
The seed within nurtured with love...
She musters courage ...
To face the harsh World...
The Stork smiles ...
A sign ...
For the damsel ...
To ready herself for its arrival.

The feelings of impending motherhood ...
A mixed bag of affairs...
The mother to be smiles shyly...
Looking at the growing bump...
The belly distending ...
A warm feeling taking over ...
The Stork readies for its final flight.

Motherhood. ..
Long forgotten ...
Being revisited ...
The damsel is no more distressed...
She smiles at ghe thought of baby smells...
She feels warmth ...
When imagining her baby...
She is happy ...
Glowing with the growinb seed within.

The Stork waits for the signal...
All set to deliver ...
The product of uninhibited gay love ...
That surpasses all surprises ...
Motherhood revisited again.

I want to ...

I have a dream ...
A bucket list of things to do, places to  visit...
Yes, Paris ... France first in the list , with you ... hand in hand ... walking the lanes and bylanes ... watching the moon over the Eiffel tower...

 The green lawns of Lyon ... all the way to the Alps ...  the  country famed for its Chocolates ... the canals , Belgium , a dream come true .. Bruges to visit , to strengthen our vows. 

A dream , wishes to fulfill... dreams to live.

Sipping coffee your favourite and the bubbly Champagne , mine ... by the road side cafes ... whispering sweet nothings by the Sienne, ... yes , lovely walks along the Sienne ... a dream come true it will be.,

When , how , where ... is it possible... only time can tell ... waiting for the signs ... the telltale signs of unbridled love ... making love under the  clouds on moonlit nights ... howling joyous cries ...
That's love ... the essence wafting in my consciousness.

Buoyed by hope ...

Hoping against hope ...
Bobbing to surface again ...
The whirlpool of life ...
Dragging her within...
She is buoyed by hope ...
To live again ....
The lifeline severed ...
She still searches ...
Sometimes frantically....
For that flicker of light ...
That flame from the Lighthouse...
In a  stormy sea....
She tries to find her hope..
Buoyed by hope ...
Bouncing back to life ...
Little hands tugging at her dress....
She wants to try again.

Grief becomes her ...

Sadness engulfs her ...
She the aggrieved ...
Tearless stare ...
Into the oblivion ...
A horizon none can fathom... Grief becomes her ...
An intolerable part of her pain ...
The memories come flooding back.

Eyes red ... hurting and sore ...
Swollen and puffed ...
Sleepless nights become her....
Grief becomes her...
She retreats into her shell.

All she wants is to vanish ...
Not fade away ...
Just go far away ...
Far far away forever....
Loneliness becomes her ...
Grief becomes her.

A piece of him ...

Bits and pieces ...
Life comes in all sizes ...
A bit of him in her ...
She lives ...
Each day a trauma ...
Each dzy the bump growing ...
She live sto dread another day.

A piece of him ...
Left within her ...
She leads a terrible life.

She wNted to let him know...
The last time they met ...
But his arrogance ...
His attitude ..
Put heroff...
She decided to tread the road alone ...
With a bit of him within her...
Growing each day.

She finds solace ...
In his little ones ...knowing well
Carrying another soul within her ....
His piece ...
For her to remember ....
Never to forget him ever.

See the glow on her face...
Imminent motherhood in sight ...
She basks in the glory ...
Of yet another birth soon.
A pice of him within her ...
She remembers moments spent in his arms ...
Strong arms ...
Strong love ...
The result ...
A bit of him within her...
Forever for her to cherish...
To call her own.

The forgotten memories ...

They all come aflooding ...
Making melancholy ...
The heart that weeps ..
In silence it is trapped ...
Memories unfazed by pain ...
A blunt truth ...
A core reality ...
Long forgotten memories ...
Rushing in ....
A drop of tear ...
Wells up in the corner of the eye ...
Reminding her ...
She is but Human ...
And has feelings still.

Those brooding eyes ...
A depth unfathomed ...
She dives back into them ...
Forgetting herself ...
Forgetting who She is.

Fictitious lies ...

No, I have no relations with Ms Tandon...
Vidya keeps calling me...
But, I never meet her...
I have chances to be with many Women ...
Am a dude ..
So handsome...
A proud peacock ...
But, I don't pop my cock out...
I am loyal to you ...
Believe my fucking lies honey...
I am a humble man ...
I only cheat on my wife ...
You are my World ...
I searched you ...
High and low...
All these years...
My antennas were up...
I bribed your brother ...
With talks of Monica Saini ...
Yeah ...
Be there for me always...
I need you ...
Am a broken man ....
I need your shoulders to cry on ...
Your pussy to expend my libido in.

Nonsense!
Utter nonsense...
Fictitious lies...
A liar all the way.

The whore by his side...

She knows the story well...
She turns a blind eye to all...
For why should she...
Jeopardise her paradise...
For a rented life ...
When she is living rent free with him...
The whore beside him ...
Knows her yin from her yang.

She won't risk her luxuries...
Not barter her comfort...
For what is a jerk by him ...
Gonna make her lose...
Her enjoyment , a cushy life ...
Her pussy, a dry zone.
The whore beside him ...
Knows it all...
For she has the winning cards...
The issues he thinks are his...
Are they really his?
Doesn't seem so...
So different,  they look...
So unlike him...
He is just an unpaid servant...
Taking care of her sins.
The whore beside him ...
Smiles with her crooked teeth showing...
The glint in her eyes...
Say it all.

A slice of life...

Boredom, compels me to pen down my thoughts...
Anything and everything ...
Just anything ...
Out of the blue ...
Random thoughts ...
Moments from memories ...
Haunting insecurities ...
Just about anything ...
And, everything.
Not a word or feeling missed...
Right from the bottom of my heart....
A slice of life ...
Each time...
My life ...
Moments of my abominable life...
A life well lived ...
Not a relationship regretted...
Each a pearl of experience ...
Precious and beautiful.

A slice of life ...
My life.

Cry me a River ...

Without any remorse ...
He said...
Cry me a river ...
Is it so simple?
To just enter someone's life ...
And then ,
Just walk away...
Grinning...
Ear to ear ...
Another vanquished soul...
Another one destroyed.

So easy to cry a river ...
And walk away.
So easy to trap someone...
Use them...
And walk away.

Why walk in on someone's happiness...
Being aware of your status...
Why ruin a smile...
And , just walk away?

You are the accursed soul...
May there be no happiness in your life...
May you lose it all...
All that you love ...
May you lose it all.
Then,
Cry me a river dude.

Confessions of an Unjust Lady : Altruistic Renditions: The Abominable Salesman .... The Infidel Bastard ....

Confessions of an Unjust Lady : Altruistic Renditions: The Abominable Salesman .... The Infidel Bastard ....: Gosh! Festival time and he grins .. Poses like a hero ... Little does she know ... His truth ... The con man ... The one who gets awa...

The Abominable Salesman .... The Infidel Bastard ...

Gosh!
Festival time and he grins ..
Poses like a hero ...
Little does she know ...
His truth ...
The con man ...
The one who gets away by lying.

Holding his little ones ...
A grim expression  on his face ...
But, with the fat one ...
A loving smile ...
Hiding his wicked acts ....
How far fetched  is that smile ...
Only She knows.

The one who preens in front of the life size mirror ...
The one who watches her slyly...
Yeah ! The Salesman ...
He and his ways ...
Of conning them all.

Hah... The grinning smile ...
So like him ...
The eyes they tell all ...
Of his wayward ways...
The Bong ...
The infidel Bastard of them all.

Confessions of an Unjust Lady : Altruistic Renditions: Like the fine French Wine ...

Confessions of an Unjust Lady : Altruistic Renditions: Like the fine French Wine ...: She flows through her life ... Each day maturing a bit ... Just like ... The fine French Wine. He watches her... Remaining in the sha...

Like the fine French Wine ...

She flows through her life ...
Each day maturing a bit ...
Just like ...
The fine French Wine.

He watches her...
Remaining in the shadows ...
Every move of hers noted ...
She knows ...
She smiles and ...
Moves on .

He had made promises ...
Of Fine Wine  and Chocolates ...
She awaits  ..
The fulfillment...
Of those subtle desires.

The fine Gentle man ...
The World sees ...
The finer man ...
She has seen ...
From close up front ...
Her bucket list ...
A visit to his abode.

An intelligent impostor ..
what makes him tick?
She wonders ...
She ponders ...
What his life would be like ...
Living in fear of exposure ...
Yet committing crimes.

Like the French wine her love grows ...
For she likes the excitement ...
Of a good chase ...
The one she gives him ...
For all he is worth.

No reason...

There was no reason to move on...
Yet Move on , she did...
For his commitments were dear to her ...
She didn't want him to falter in them...
There was no reason at all ...
Yet she moved on.

In order to stay away...
She had to break his heart...
She declared him dead for her...
So he would be hurt...
She hurts for having said so...
But there was no other option ...
He had to hate her enough ...
To let go...
There really was no reason to move on...
But move on she did.

She couldn't bear to see him torn ...
A tormented soul ...
She prays for his heart to heal...
For somewhere there was ...
Once her nest.

She loves him through his little ones ...
There laughter gives her reason to smile...
The pain an ache always to be there ...
Yet she smiles in her stride.

She dreams of being with him in the willows someday...
Walking the untread paths...
The hills beyond beckoning ...
Maybe a silver sunset someday.

There was a reason she moved away ...
For in her aloneness she found peace...
A loner all her life...
She loves her reclusiveness.

Mountains to conquer...

He has many more battles to win...

More mountains to climb...  

 Host of challenges to face...

Before he can win back his lady love.

He is coming to terms with reality...
She awaits his return ... 

For sacrifices of decades ...
Cannot be forgotten ...
The pain writ large on their faces...
They face their harsh realities each day.

Their love survived the tsunami of battered emotions...
The hurricanes that ripped them apart ...
The tornados reeling them...
Thrashing them around typhoons....
Name a disaster thry haven't faced...
They braved through it all.

The distractions threatening them all along...
Yet somehow...
A thread kept them together...
The bond of love...
An epic love story...
Yes, they all talk of it...
It survived.

He still needs to conquer a lot of mountains...
She is sure, he willl.

The Ultimate Warrior ...

A battle rages within him ...
Day in and day out ...
He is the ultimate warrior...
His indomitable spirit ...
Notwithstanding his pain ...
His ache only she understood ...
The dilemma he faced ...
His pain became hers ...
She ached for his return ...
Return he did ...
Yet, again to leave ...
For he has many more battles to win...
The ultimate warrior ..
For his lady dearest ...
Works day and night ...
So he can take her home ....
A home where she belongs ...
Their World ...
A paradise ...
The envy of all.

The Ghost returns ...

Her life her times ...
A very important figure...
In her life ...
Changing the entire  course of her life...
And its destiny.

The Aviator ...
An indispensable entity...
The passion...
The sole desire...
The knight in shining armour...
Reminiscent of him...
She remembers him.  something else in store...

All was lost...
When he was lost...
The anger never subsided...
Raging within her like a wildfire...
Consuming her entire World...
She was never the same again.
Burnt with desires ...
Quelled with water of pain...
She lived ...
Only to tell her story...
To relive it each day...
Gnawing her from within...h
The desires raged...
In the wake of which...
All was lost.

She lost him...
She lost herself...
She was never the same again.  returned ...

Only to  find her skeletal remains...
The woman he loved was gone...
She was a ghost of herself.

He seeks her to no avail ...
He hasn't lost hope ...
But, he has lost her.

Relatively Selfish ...

Relatives ...

You can't choose them ...

They come packaged in your blood wrapped in your skin and you can do notjing to shrug them off.
What ever you do , in the end it is you who gets hurt, you who gets sucked by the selfishness of relatives.
Had my fill of relatives. Don't want them no more in my life di tzting terms to me. I might as well be the loner I am than do niceties to selfish rogues.

Relatively selfish people... they come in all shapes and sizes. Why bother doing anything for thankless people. Might as well pack my bags and move on.

Time to make a fresh start. Time to move on. Time to just let go. Emotions need to be kept in check and just harden my stance and go away.

She was right when she said , yes Sharada ... whatever you do is less in the end they are thankless.

She was right when she said , yes Nan ... Don't blow away your career for her, she will ditch you. Don't make such a  big sacrifice. She was right.

Damn relatively selfish relatives.

His little ones...

Their love ...
So innocent so pure...
Their needs so small ...
His little ones ...
When they rush towards her...
When they want none but her...
She lives a lifetime...
Her entire life has a meaning tgen ...
Ìt is worth living another day ...
Waiting for them ...
Their tiny fingers seeking hers...
Encircling her fingers...
Tugging at her dress...
Pulling her towards them ...
That is pure love.
Asking her for forbidden goodies...
Which they know ...
Only she can give them ..
Her time...
Her love ...
Her compassion...
She loves them as her own ...
Feeling him through them ...
The love that was hers...
He couldn't give...
But he gifted her the most precious...
His own to play with...
To nurture...
Yes , his little ones...
Hers for two hours a day ...
Those two hours ...
She comes alive....
Lives a lifetime...
In his memories...
Feeling blessed...
The lord gave her Agni back ...
As his little ones.

Missed chance ...

Their love ...
Is what myths and stories are all about ...
Magic at its best ...
Gods benevolence ...
Of meeting and separation ...
Meeting again only to separate again...
That is the magic of love ...
Living through the trauma ...
Yet steadfast ...
For the better of all.

She has no regrets ...
She sent him package ...
But, she still loves him ...
Shd pines for his love ...
Yet , won't condescend for their selfishness...
That is the purity of love ...
To give up ...
And burn self ...
So others can live happily.

She walks barefeet ...
On smouldering coal ...
Burning her feet is her way of life ...
Tears not withstanding ...
She has a smile pasted on her lips ...
He would be unhappy to see her sad ...
So she smiles ...
Laughs with gay abandon...
And moves on ...
Their story is what ...
Fables are made of...
Their love story...
A parable unmatched.

A missed chance ...
Changed their entire destiny...
They separated to meet ...
And miss the chance again.

His Essence ...

He left her bitter and hurting ...
But, what he left behind ...
Made her live life again.
She spends her days loving his essence...
His little ones ...
In her arms they are happy ...
Loving them , she is happy.
Each day ...
When they want none but her ...
They rush to her for their needs ...
She feels whole once again.
Their tiny hands tugging at her dress...
Small eyes looking up to her ...
Scrambling onto her lap ...
A prized seat to tussle for ...
Yes, his essence is there ...
To keep her company ...
To make her day...
To remind her ...
He was there once ...
Her long wait of decades...
Fruituous to the core ...
This is what God had in mind ...
When he sent him to her door.

In nis little ones ...
She has found her World ...
Her happiness once again...
His essence ...
Swooning in her delight ...
She looks forth to the  sweet sound ...
Of the tiny feet ....
Making their way into her heart...
And into her life each day.
There is a waft of wind ...
That warns her ...
They are coming ...
And she rushes out to greet His Essence.

Toota aaina ...

Woh toot gayi to kya gham hai ...
Woh chhoot gaya toh gaya gham hai ...
Armanon ka gala ghuta ...
Ya tasveeron ki bali chadi ...
Jo hua woh ek nashtar sa ...
Chhubhta teekha keel bana...
Armanon ka gehra jheel bana ...
Sapnon ka saaya utar gaya ...
Jo theek laga tuney woh kiya ...
Reh gaya kya baaki ...
Hamare unn jazbaaton ka?

Toota aaina dekh dekh ...
Tukdon banti zindagi dekh ..
Woh toot gayi ...
Woh bikhar gayi ...
Tu toh apni raah chala.

Kahin mujh mein kahin, ab bhi baaki hai Zindagi ...

Ek ansh he tootey kaanchon ka...
Ek beej hai bikhre khayalon ka ...
Woh koi cheez nahi ...
Woh toh hai tukda mere armanon ka.

Tu jo gaya ...
Toh sab nahi gaya ...
Tera kuchh ab bhi baaki hai mujh mein ...
Tere mere milan ka woh saboot ...
Tere mere sapnon ka taboot...
Ek buut bana ke chhor gaya ...
Kafan hi baaki raha sapnon ka ...
Asha abhilasha ke beech ...
Ab sab bikhar gaya ...
Sab toot gaya.

Kahin mujh mein ab bhi baaki hai ...
Woh ansh hamare milan ka ...
Woh ansh hamare armanon ka.

She never loved anyone ever...

She met him  after nearly three decades ...
All this while ...
With a lamp burning within ...
That her first love be her last ...
She wished for him each day ...
After meeting him ...
She knew her prayers had been answered ...
But, with a twist ....
She had to turn him away ...
Teary eyed She walked away ...
She knew he would follow...
So , she did what she does best ...
She mad him hate her ...
She made him feel unloved...
She never loved anyone but him ...
But, her love was what she had to sacrifice...
Embracing her forever alone fate ....
She walked away.

The lamp of love she had so carefully preserved ...
She placed her palm over the flame ...
Burnt her hand in the process ...
A sweet pan to remember ...
The scar running deep.

The darkness enveloping her ...
She walked away ...
Forever keeping her love for him in the confines of her bleeding heart.

Accursed ...

She burns ....
She wants to burn  his World too...
Ruin his happiness...
Wipe that smug grin off his face ...
He deserves no happiness ...
All he should ever get is pain...
An ache that will burn him ...
He will neither live nor die ...
His life an accursed one ...
He lives a cursed life ...
Creepy crawlies all over him ...
He shall have no peace ...
Every moment a living hell for him....
The evil he has done ...
Shall snatch his sleep ...
Cursed he shall have no respite ...
He burns here on Earth ...
His breed so lowly ...
One shows only contempt ...
For the Rascal.
Accursed he shall ...
Die in the gutters ...
A violent death ...
A death so painful...
Even death would shiver.

The Rascal... Ranaji

The conman every one ought to be wary of ...
Ranaji ..
The rascal feeds on emotions ...
Full of false pride ...
This devil's advocate ...
Is nothing but an absolute zero ...
Nothing but a meaningless nothing.

Breeding on his libido...
Impersonating Goodness...
Advocating fidelity ...
But, an infidel bastard...
Uses and abuses his power ...
The right to exercise ingenuity lost ...
He wanders the lanes seeking ...
Solace in arms ...
Of other women than his own.

She lives in a blessed World ..
Thinking all is hunky dory..
Whereas all ain't well in her paradise ...
What if she came across his reality?
Will she be shattered ?
Or ...
Is she happy in being a whore to good life ...
A king size bed and four domestics...
At her beck and call...
Wondering .... what if?

The Rascal basking in the satisfaction of his libido ...
Curse be upon him.

Shroud of Mystery

You are my silence...
You are ...
My shroud of mystery ...
My blood stained past...
My indignation ...
My downfall.

So much deep within ..
It pains to keep it all in...
Such vagrancy...
A zealot to the core ...
You walked away ...
Leaving a bleeding heart behind.

You are my secret ...
The Shroud of mystery...
A simmering volcano within ...
My words ...
Ashes spewed ...
A fuming lava within...
Waiting to be unleashed...
You are my Shroud of mystery ...
Waiting to be unravelled.

Sand in an ocean ...

Always slipping away ...
Life is like sand ...
In an Ocean...
Always slipping away.

Under the feet...
With the salty water...
Life just slips away ...
Slides away...
Losing balance ...
Staggering to get a foothold ...
Life is like this...
Sometimes stable..
Sometimes...
Just slipping away ...
Like sand in an ocean.

Etched in memory ...

He said he didn't love her anymore ...
Etched in memory ...
Are these words ...
Resounding ever so loud...
With each passing moment...
Those words ...
Echoing in her ears ...
A vertigo developing ...
A vortex she is being sucked in.

What about the baby?
The one that grows within her ...
His image within her womb ...
Theirs it was meant to be ...
Now ... only hers to fend for...
She was happy he was there ...
Now no more...
Just jer and his in her lonely world...
In her aloneness she has found his world...
Entwined in jers ...
Like their fingers when making love ...
Like their slithering torsos...
Sliding along each other.

Etched in memory ...
These images ...
She walks head held high ...
Tears kept at bay ...
Suppressing the salt water ...
Lest the dam bursts ...
She quickens her steps...
Lost in a world ...
Where he can hurt her no more.

Why do you read me?

Move on Buddy ...
Don't waste time reading me...
There are better things to do ...
Than read an old flame ...
Why do you read me?
Stop this bad habit ...
It will make you all the more morose ...
And leave me catching my breath...
We need to go our ways ..
Find our calling ...
You lost your chance ...
When you turned your back ...
Like a coward ...
You whimpered and whined.

Losing hope in your abilities ...
As a man ...
To be a Man ...
You need to be strong ...
To stand your ground ...
To be with the chosen one ...
You lost your high ground ...
You showed your back ..
Cowards don't deserve anything ...
Stop reading me ...
I know you are.

The mood is set ...

Chirpy days, gloomy days ...

Days of fun filled happiness ...

Ones of morose thoughts ...

Days of glee and gay abandon ...

Days of drives to his workplace ...

Days of long drives out of town ...

Nights of  sheer pleasure and fun ...

Lying awake in his arms.

Days of coffees and hot chocolate ...

Muffins and croissants ...

Days making love on his table top ...

Days of stolen kisses ...

Soft whispers of I Love You ...

Murmurs of heartbeat too ...

The nights stolen and lived ...

The entwining of bodies ...

Passion running high ...

Oblivious of all else ...

Moans of pleasure ...

Groans of orgasm ...

Yes.... The one who gave it all ...

He returns in thoughts again.

The mood is set ...

Yet for another round of sex, sleaze and apathy ...

Yet another heartbreak ...

But, Lovers do not care.

You are the Music ...

You are the Music I want to hear ...
You are the sound of pearly drops...
You are the passion I have loved ...
You are the trench coat I want.

In your voice lies ...
The path to my salvation ...
The peace of my mind ...
When you sing songs ...
I know they are meant for me.

Your words reverberate ...
In the core of my bleeding heart ...
The very essence of my being ...
Shattered by your betrayal.

You are the drums of heaven ...
Beating upon my soul ...
You are my sonnet ...
Of a dark rainy day.

Entrapped in your melodious voice...
My emotions wreak havoc on my mind....
The feelings flare up ...
Raging within a hurt heart.

You are the music that made my days ...
You are the sound of my heart ...
You were very close ...
Now a memory of the distant past.

जुस्तजू ... कुछ भी तो नहीं

आरज़ू हो या जुस्तजू सब एक दिन चक्नाचूर हो ही जातें हैं
कुछ नहीं बचता उस नापाक दिल का
जो मोहब्बत करने चला होता है
नादान दिल झान्सों में आ जाता है
बहक जाता है झूठ और फरेब के जाल में
फिर कुछ नहीं बचता उस पागल प्रेमी का
न वजूद न दिमाग
कुछ रह जाता है तो वो एक जिंदा लाश
और कुछ नहीं
काश की ये  न होती
ये नापाक मोहब्बत
ये जुस्तजू
कुछ न होता
फिर तो कुछ भी न होता
वैसे भी क्या पुछें एक जिंदा लाश से
कुछ भी नहीं
उसके अरमानों का गला तो घूट चूका
बचा क्या है उसके पास
कुछ भी तो नहीं
कुछ भी नहीं

Vagina Monologue ... Rant of the Rump

In a mood for some comedy ...
Let us make tuneless music ...
Music on what? He said ...
She said ...
Why not a monologue on something?
What, he said ...
Hmmm... lemme think she said....
And, they brainstormed ...
They decided on ...
A monologue ...
Of the most misused ...
Object of desire ....
And, here it goes ...

Poor me ...
Sucked and fucked or life ...
To give life ...
To the suckers milk ...
If not for cuss words ...
I am lost in the bushes ...
If not for the constant fingering ...
Am  left untouched ...
Ah! The orgasm ...
None can give ...
Am a loner till a boner ...
Tags along with ...
A potbellied sinner ...
Making me poor Les' Miserable'...
Yikes! My plight ...
Poor me ...
Sticking it out ...
With a sticky stiff stick ...
Going limp before ...
I can even say the letter "O'.

Losing juices over a limp wimp ...
I crib and nag ....
I the vagina ...
Constantly in a monologue ...
A dialogue is a far cry...
Suppressed by a dildo ...
A pimp of desire ...
A limp figure ...
Panting beside her.

Attuning her tuning fork ...
The vagina gears up ...
For yet another dry spell ...
For her whims and fancies differ ...
From the wimps and pansies of th World.

The Sinner ...

To become the best ...
You have to be the best ...
You can't sin and say ...
I am pure ...
I haven't sinned to be where I have reached ...
How many have you stepped over ...
In your endeavour to reach tlhe top ...
How many hearts have you crushed ....
To be who you are today?
Why live in the fantasy that you are the best...
When you are the worst human ...
On the face of Earth...
A sinner to the core ...
You have sinned ...
You have conned ...
Not only others but ...
Also your own family...
Why such double standards?
Blaming your career failure ...
To baby sitting ...
Huh! Heights of laziness ...
In order to become a father ...
You couldn't become one ...
Not at all ...
One who cheats on his family ....
For his ulterior motives ...
Cheats others ...
Plays with emotions ...
He deserves none ...
There is nomplace on Earth or ...
Heaven , for him ...
He deserves no mercy....
A conman to the core ...
He dies a slow ...
Tormented death each moment ...
That is his destiny ...
To be hated by the ones who loved him.
You don't love and unlove anyone ...
Either there was love ...
Or no love at all ...
You don't smell a flower...
Pluck its petals ...
And walk away saying ...
You don't love it anymore ....
Coz' you have plucked it to its death.
Shame on you ....
You are a shammer ...
Sad that one has to live with these ...
Terrible memories of you ...
Live knowing you are smiling smugly somewhere ...
Patting yourself on the back ...
For one more achievement ...
One more in your kitty of affairs.

Once a sinner ...
Always a sinner.

Deep brooding eyes...

He has the most intense ...
Beautiful, deep brooding eyes ...
When he looks at her ...
She loses herself in their depth ...
She is lost forever ...
His love so intense ...
So deep ...
She couldn't surface once immersed...
In his love ...
She found her solace ...
Her need to belong ...
She belonged to him ...
The one who searched for her ...
Those many years ...
Relentlessly,  unstopping ...
He looked for her ....
High and low ...
Every nook and corner  of the World ....
Ultimately seeking her out ...
There she was ...
In all her unabashed nakedness ...
In front of him ...
They melted in each others arms ...
Never to emerge from ...
The embrace so tight ...
Breath infused  in each others ...
They love each other as one ...
Entwined in a deep embrace ...
She already drowned in his eyes ...
Melting into him...
Being one with him...
Her love  , hers...
She fears none ...
For she is his shadow ...
He is her soul.

Castles built with sand...

Castles built with sand ...
Wash away ...
Castles built in air ...
Vaporise ...
All that remain are ...
Memories made together...
Moments spent ...
Finding happiness ...
Nothing remains permanent...
All is lost ...
When the day of reckoning arrived ...
The Knight galloped away ...
Into the Sunset ...
Not to be seen again ...
The Kingdom collapsed ...
The Queen withered away ...
In dungeons she imprisoned herself ...
Chained to her memories.

Her castle remains in ruins ...
People ask why ...
No one answers , why.
They say she walks the ramparts...
The chains of her memories clinking ...
The clangs a hollow wail ...
On moonlit nights ...
You can still see her flitting across the skies...
In the darkness ...
You can hear her cries ...
Her castle in cinders ...
Smouldering , burning within ...
She seeths in her anger.

Castles they built with sand ...
Washed away before time ...
Castle built in air ...
Came crumbling down.

Ranaji ... The best Salesman ...

Be it the  corporate world...
Or be it personal life ...
The best Salesman is the one ...
Who can sell himself and his lies...
RANAJI ...
He is what the best mould is made of...
A blend of sauve sophistication...
False values ...
A go getter...
Ranaji has been there done that ...
Whether it is using relations...
Or be it emotions ...
He has sold his soul to the devil.
The devil reincarnate ...
God only knows ...
How many women has he used ...
To make his end's meet.
Sick, that his kids also became his pawns.
Shameful , that he emotionally ensnared a woman ...
Used her , abused her sensibilities...
And left her high and dry...
Sad, butnhe knows not ...
There is something known as ...
Divine justice ...
That one hand of God ...
Ensures that we all pay for our sins here ...
Ranaji ...
It is time to pay for your sins ...
Time for you to suffer ...
Time to wake up from your slumber...
Your kingsize bed ...
And utterly lazy wife ...
Can wait ...
For hell hath no fury ...
Like a woman scorned.

Your goods are outdated Ranaji ...
Your tactics redundant ...
Your charm has fizzled out ...
All that is left is ...
The remains of what once was...
Ranaji , you are history ...
Sales will never remember you ...
Nor the ones for whom you stooped so low.

The best ever ...
Never.

Am I jinxed?

Am I jinxed?
Whatever...
Who so ever I love ... dies ...
I am better off alone ...
I can't bear to lose loved ones...
I need to go shut myself. ?.
In the blackhole I created...
My shell needs to be donned again.
I was so much better...
All alone ...
No pain ...
No emotions...
Just me ...
My zombie self...
The emptiness enveloping me ...
I am better off alone.

No more losses ...
No more pain ...
Just a dead woman walking ...
In my mourning ...I find solace ...
Jinxed as I am in love...
In matters of the heart...
I am better off alone.

In this aloneness ...I seek my death...
In this aloneness ...
I am fine...
In this aloneness...
Is my salvation.

Death shall become me...
Death is the only answer ...
How many more should I lose ...
To really realize it?

My jinx follows me ...
My fate tainted with death ...
I seek solace within ...
For the World ain't made for me.