The way I look at it...

The way I look at it, life sucks at times yet at times it's beautiful.

I had my share of ups and downs and I know there will be more. There's more yet to come. But, then who doesn't have it? Am not an isolated case of F***** up life.

Yeah, I guess am in a real bad mood today. For all the decisions I have taken that have really messed up my life recently. Just one decisive role has been good, the rest all totally a disaster. I dunno, if this one major decision is good too in the long run. I am having my doubts... coz I have never known happiness to stay with me. It runs miles away from me leaving me huffing and panting trying to chase it.

I need to see that ray of hope that says yes I was right. Now I have doubts about myself. Am not sure of what I am doing and why. Everything seems so ambiguous. Am totally fagged out and need to rejuvenate despite the sabbatical I am in.

There's a block... A mental block. I am shunning people left, right and centre. Have become a total recluse. What Am I propelling myself towards? I have no idea. Am just drifting and being tossed around by the waves around me. Am oblivious of the course of action to take in this situation.

I didn't comprehend the lies of one person could bring about this drastic change in me. What have I become? A selfish monster? Or a tragedy queen wallowing in her grief? Or a confused lover once again?

Aspersions and apprehension are killing my soul. Am becoming a sorry picture of my sparkling self. Days when I glowed and was confident. Now, am always worrying and fretting over nothing.

Why this insecurity? Why this enormous headache? No answer to those questions. I have become a question myself. My whole being twisted and contorted each moment, tormented by thoughts of negativity. What have I become?

The way I look at it now, am reduced to a dime of my self worth.

The way I look at it, I am a lost case.

The way I look at it, am a rudderless boat.

The way I look at it, am wasting my life away.

The way I look at it, I need a fresh lease of life.

The way I look at it, I need to unwind and rethink.

The way I look at it, I need a respite from everything .... I need to be left alone .. I need my space. After all, It's all about me.