Faith, trust...........All these are just words....
Only words fathomed by one who has experienced them, lived them to the hilt.
Unless you have faith , how can you trust the other one?
It bogs me down to even delve deep into the innards of these emotions. Am transported to a different plane, a realm where all is hunky dory. All is based on an unwavering faith that he is going to be there for you always; No matter what. A deep feeling that he will never cheat on you, won't lie to you ever..... but is it humanly possible for a person who has always lived a lie all his life... Whose every moment in life was a lie and whom no one trusts?
Every dawn begins with the thought, now what today? Every other night ends on a disappointed note. Is love all about ending up sad and lonely? There is a big crowd around me all the time, yet am lonely. Always searching for one that can fulfill me intellectually and emotionally. The one person whom I can be comfortable being in my skin with. It is a constant struggle to keep afloat in a world full of people so into themselves. A hinterland, where I do not belong. I drown each moment and try to surface all the time. Suffocating as it may seem, am loving the pain it gives me..... the ache to search all the time for my own identity, myself. It's a sadistic pleasure that I derive from my pain that gives me a high. Am high on that feeling all the time.
These words that flow forth from my mind, know no boundaries. There's no line drawn, where to end or to start them, but they just flow out and I end up putting them on my blog. Make no sense of it. It's just words that describe the confused state of mind I am in.... lonely and extremely melancholy. Am just taking it all out to lighten the burden on my soul.
I don't know, why I am writing all this. All I know is I want to lighten the burden that's pulling me down and under. Trust me I just wrote it. There is nothing to it, just my state of mind. My life sucks.... that's it.
Only words fathomed by one who has experienced them, lived them to the hilt.
Unless you have faith , how can you trust the other one?
It bogs me down to even delve deep into the innards of these emotions. Am transported to a different plane, a realm where all is hunky dory. All is based on an unwavering faith that he is going to be there for you always; No matter what. A deep feeling that he will never cheat on you, won't lie to you ever..... but is it humanly possible for a person who has always lived a lie all his life... Whose every moment in life was a lie and whom no one trusts?
Every dawn begins with the thought, now what today? Every other night ends on a disappointed note. Is love all about ending up sad and lonely? There is a big crowd around me all the time, yet am lonely. Always searching for one that can fulfill me intellectually and emotionally. The one person whom I can be comfortable being in my skin with. It is a constant struggle to keep afloat in a world full of people so into themselves. A hinterland, where I do not belong. I drown each moment and try to surface all the time. Suffocating as it may seem, am loving the pain it gives me..... the ache to search all the time for my own identity, myself. It's a sadistic pleasure that I derive from my pain that gives me a high. Am high on that feeling all the time.
These words that flow forth from my mind, know no boundaries. There's no line drawn, where to end or to start them, but they just flow out and I end up putting them on my blog. Make no sense of it. It's just words that describe the confused state of mind I am in.... lonely and extremely melancholy. Am just taking it all out to lighten the burden on my soul.
I don't know, why I am writing all this. All I know is I want to lighten the burden that's pulling me down and under. Trust me I just wrote it. There is nothing to it, just my state of mind. My life sucks.... that's it.
No comments:
Post a Comment