Retro mood.....

Yup in a retro mood..... listening to old depressing hindi songs and remembering all the souls whom I met in my journey of life and left behind..... not my fault.... they couldn't keep pace with me.. I had to move on.... lest they see that I was hurting too, leaving them behind in my quest to look for myself... to search for me.......... all that mattered was me.... no one else............ so selfish yet so selfless........

Confessional mode of operation...... letting it all out........... just like that..... It takes a lot of courage to bare your soul and yet expect the other person to understand your stance in a relationship....no holds barred yet no strings attached.

We all have our demons attached to our souls that just remain there, stuck to your persona.... never letting go.... a knot in the string that doesn't allow you to go back but cajoles you to move on....... keeping that ache within, tears at bay not dropping a drop, lest the world thinks you are a weakling..... a brave front for the world to see.... yet bleeding within...... heavy heart and heavy footsteps... egging your soul to move on .... move on I did.... but a resolve to never let anyone hurt me again... ever.

When you came back in my life.... I was apprehensive, but you told me you were back for good..... but, where are you? You are lost even to yourself............ I can't connect with you anymore...... I can't let you take me for granted..... I need to move on........ you were my past and today your actions prove that you really were my past and should have remained buried in the confines of my consciousness not surfaced to hurt me again. Your assurances seem empty, they mean nothing at all..... so empty .... resonating within an empty vessel.... hurting me again. It is but right.... why did I give you the right to hurt me all over again? My fault, not yours..... can't blame you....this is the only medium through which I know I can let you know that you have hurt me again.... unknowingly or knowingly.... only you know best. Your demons got the better of me in this relationship..... a floundering one.... in a deep abyss..... maybe never to surface again.

Unstring me...... uncuff me.... let me go........I want to be left alone........I guess am made for melancholy solitariness and the life of a gypsy... thirsty for knowledge and a lonely journey forward.......

What a mood!!!...... Retro mood.......baring it all........the fangs that would make anyone bleed tears of blood... But, what to do....am like this ....hence this confession.

Sea green Banarasi Saree...

While cleaning the cupboard today, I spotted the sea green banarasi saree, gifted by a dear one long time ago. That set the thought process in motion.... rewind mode.

Come to think of it, it was a beautiful relationship while it lasted..... an artist, a musician..... a netizen, an IT professional and above all a humane human being. Someone who cared deep enough not to hurt you in any way and took it all upon himself and just faded away. But, the memories remain of a pure relationship..... One where a woman was respected for who she was and never misused.... never abused.... left  intact and self respecting.

The saree reminds me of the care and concern the person had for my feelings and the lengths he went to procure it for me. It's a unique colour and blend of green and blue....... makes it seem like made for a mermaid.

Yup, am the mermaid that dived into the sea and got lost in the depths of the ocean. A ocean so deep, that he couldn't find her again.... she was lost forever.... I was lost forever.... there was no turning back.... I couldn't, the distance just grew  and we grew apart..... never to meet again.

This happens to me all the time.... in every relationship..... I just run away from love after a while.... it gets too overwhelming for me ...... am not cut out for relationships..... they are just not for me......can't give myself away just like that......why am I like this? Why do I run away from life? Why can't I embrace it with its various hues and colours?

The Sea green Banarasi Saree.... it made me think and I am thinking..... an introspection for a day rife with the gloomy weathers grey shades. What is it that I seek? Certainly not companionship.....Then what? Myself? Am I lost somewhere? That little girl..... who grew up on a whole lot of love and affection.... a spoilt brat for the rest of the World yet a great and true friend for a select few........... A mother with her trials and tribulations..... a daughter, a mother..... where am I? All other relationships melted away in the oblivion............none sustained for lack of commitment from my side...... seeking myself in every nook and corner..... every brook and river...... finally merging into the sea....... that's where I really belong....... lay me to rest there..... my final abode..... maybe it is that which I seek and nothing else.... My final abode.

The sea green saree made me think and I thought......

My heart bleeds with the rains....

My heart bleeds when it rains..... reminds me of the pain locked within... which gets unlocked with the key of rain mixed with thunder and lightening.

The rain washes away the pain..... a momentary respite.....a needed break. My words are incoherent yet with deep felt meanings for the one who needs to understand what I really mean.

Am hurting. The pain never subsides. It ebbs ... comes and goes... leaving me drained and fatigued.

The past wells up in my eyes as tears, to be washed away by the droplets of rain.  A pain only a heart that has genuinely felt pain can understand. These are not frivolous words nor are these words to flatter. They have a meaning, a message to convey..... My hurt is an integral part of my life...no matter what happiness you give me... my hurt shall raise its hood over and over again.  Can you deal with that? Can you deal with my demons? Can you deal with my mood swings? Can you deal with my spoilt brat status? Can you deal with my  
many vices? No one can..... we need to deal with our problems on our own especially when you keep yours to yourself... not letting me in on your problems..laughing them off yet keeping aloof...maintaining a distance.

I can deal with every thing but not the distancing. It confuses me about what's playing in your mind. It scares me to death not knowing what hotch potch is going on in your head.

My heart shouts out to you.... the sound drowns in the rain... and I stand alone yet again... all alone.

Misty hills.....

Tonight I am reminded of the misty hills, the heights you took me to and we disappeared in the foggy night.... merged with the creatures of the dark and reveled in exploring the realms of each others being.

A night to remember, never out of mind...... a romantic setting on a humid moonless night.

The journey to the destination, a long winding one, over treacherous terrain. Yet, you made it seem so smooth and effortless while paying full attention to me and what I said.  What are you? Human or robot? You have feelings yet you do not express. If your music be your form of expression , so be it. Am all set to understand you through that medium.

You said it's hard for you to express via public display of affection , yet every pore of your body screams and says you love me, else you wouldn't do what you do for me.... you make me smile every moment.

Nah, am not putting two and two together..... it's already there, the signs and the emotions, the expression is missing yet the acts spell it all.

Am waiting patiently to hear you say what I yearn to hear..... Misty hills, et al... are but a part of that love story.... waiting to unfurl if all goes well.... else another silent heartbreak and no one hears the shatter at all.... another love story goes in the trash bin before being written.

But, of course, misty hills will flood my memories.... and you shall come floating in the picture again .... but just a fleeting glimpse ....coz I would have moved on.....

There can be no other feeling greater than being in love......or have I just been imagining it all..... a mirage... a false picture...... a fleeting glimpse....coz am stuck in a time warp.....

I just rewind and go back to the misty hills..... as though my soul has been left behind there.... in that moment of happiness I roam the hills searching for you like a ghost in  a lonely stretch of forest.

Misty hills.... am lost somewhere there.............

Your thoughts don't leave me alone....

How much ever I try to forget you,  am not left alone by thoughts of you. They just crop up out of nowhere bothering my peace of mind. You just pop out of some window in my grey cells and nag my thoughts. I was thoroughly harassed today by your thoughts and the same was evident to all and sundry.

I just couldn't concentrate on any given task and kept fidgeting around with an annoyed look on my face. The entire day was spent looking at the office entrance door lest you walk in and surprise me. On my way back home again the same scene was repeated in the hope that you may be standing out waiting for me to sweep me off my feet and whisk me away to a far far place whispering sweet nothings in my ears. The same look of hope shone in my eyes at the bus stop lest you were there waiting for me. But, Alas! you weren't there. I was disappointed. I waited for you to call, you didn't call. I waited upon you the whole day in the hope that you would call, you would try to contact me but you didn't. What a nerdy fool have I been?

Ultimately, I mustered the courage and called you killing my ego, squashing my pride. Damn you ! You are my weakness and am totally enamoured by your power to attract me all the time. I am lost.... I guess truly lost to the rest of the world coz you have found me.

Never felt such an impact on my being. You confound me and my beliefs. You make me break my own rules and regulations. You make me smile and for that one thought I can do anything for you.

Your thoughts don't leave me alone..... It is as if you are with me all the time. Am completely smittened by your persona. You seem to be the missing link in my pathway to heavenly bliss. Your touch leaves me with goosebumps on my flesh, thoughts of you touching me leave me speechless and completely in awe of your magnetic being.

I will leave you and go........

I will leave you and go....... your apprehension or so called fear is not unfounded..... but then isn't that what we all fear.... that someone will leave us and go away.

Yes, I will leave you and go.... we all have to go....far far away, to a land not known ... a place unseen ....
a place which is said to be the final resting place for all mankind.

I have those fears too. But, for me it is based on your actions.. Actions so childish that it makes me wonder whether I made the right choice. But, when did I get to choose? It just happened. right? Out of the blue suddenly you appear out of nowhere in my life and sweep me off my feet into the misty clouds. What am I to feel about the whole "affair"? And  then suddenly reality dawns upon me. Is it right? This relationship is going nowhere. And, then you blurt out, I will leave you and go....

I too have those apprehensions. You might leave me for a pretty young thing, You might leave me for better looking prospects. You might just use me and go away. I would be left behind twiddling my thumb and bawling my hearts content out on some shoulder. Yikes, our fears feed on our negative thoughts and become a monster that breaks the relationship.

If it is so, then it is best to part ways while all is still under control and nothing serious has really transpired between us. I don't want to lose my self esteem trying to please you.... So that one fine day you decide that you think that I might leave you and go. If that's what stops you from expressing your emotions then I need to do a reality check and control the damage done so far. Why meet me and have those precious moments that nag me all the time reminding me of the time I spent with you?

When I do something, I do it with conviction. I don't hide behind tinted car windows. I put my career on the guillotine with my foot in mouth proclamation , I fear no one or anything because I have loved and lost before. And, for me relations means more than money and career and false social values.

It's you who has to look within himself and find his true calling. Don't put the blame on someone else, look within . Are you convinced of your own commitment? You don't know what you want and hence, you don't say anything. But, please in the process of the so called affair don't lead the other person on. Don't ruin someone else's life in trying to find your own self.

I won't call you. I won't bother you. Find yourself and get on with your life.

Elvis has left the building........................

What is happening?..... I dunno.........

Well, am not sure this is what I wanna confess at this moment... but what to do ... this is the state of my mind at this particular moment, whereby am unable to discern between the good and the bad... what's really the truth? Or, is it just some prank being played by a spoilt brat.

I don't want you to get turned off by the last statement, but am so unsure of what's going on in your mind. Your actions say something else but your silence kills me. I need a concrete answer... no twisting and turning, no counter questioning... just a ubiquitous answer.... what is it that you seek in my company? Ah, silly! Not the company I work for but me, myself, Radhika.

Finding time to be with me, just being there no matter what, virtual or physically.... giving me the attention I seek.... yet so non committal. I ain't asking for a commitment, I seek fulfillment .... a sense of knowing that someone truly loves me for who I am and not what I am.

I dunno why I am writing this stuff. It's like begging you to say something you don't wanna say. Aaaargghhh.... why am I so utterly human? Why am I a woman? Why oh why? Yaar, am so hung up on this sweet feeling called love, that I have lost all sense of time and my sensibility. Why am I so explicitly expressive where my silly emotions are concerned? Why am I always falling in love and here it means literally falling in love... and always with the wrong guys. wrong guys doesn't mean bad guys but there are other criteria applied to them with regards to age and level of maturity.

Can't complain... no cribs, no nagging myself... we make the choices we  make and we need to suffer the consequences. Now, don't hold that against me and say I will remember this. Come on, gimme a break, this is the state of my mind, whether upset or not depends on the situation. This time my judgement is clouded, shrouded by the mystery of your unyielding emotions and shielded by that smiling eyes of yours.

What is happening? I dunno.... All I know at this moment is that you are there besides me and I like being with you, I feel nice, warm and secure in your company.... but you give me no reason to not blog what I feel as you don't reveal your dark secrets or what is it that is holding you back.

What is happening? I dunno...... all I know is I love you... and I don't mince my words... I am pretty expressive.... just the opposite of you and I am impatient and my patience is running out. Gimme a reply.

Blogging my life away.....

Tonight, I blog my life away.... my life, my times, my whims and fancies,my aspirations and all that entails being me.

I just want to forget who I am and start afresh. A new life, a new perspective, a new take on all that matters.
I need to change my views, maybe become one of the many that lead a non existent existence on the face of Earth. The millions that come and wither away without being noticed and without making an impact. Just one of the many ......

Why this state of mind? Well, there are some questions for which there are no answers and I guess this is one of those abominable questions for which I have no answer. I want to lose my identity, melt into the oblivion and just fade away one fine day over a period of time, living the life of a recluse.

But, a big BUT.... my responsibilities are the handcuffs that hold me cuffed to the pole called life. Am not free yet..... Yet I want to fly, want to soar....for once live for myself.....am overwhelmed by the notion that I am a free spirit in bondage.. a bondage created by the society we live in.....where you are watched, where every move you make is noticed and noted and buzzed around, where there is no space of your own , you become a vehicle of deliverance.... with no end in sight to your plight for flight.

In such a situation what do I do.... I just blog my life away... I blog my feelings away.... I just blog the emotions that well up within me.....that's what I am doing.....

Blogging my life away..................

A moment to remember..........

Beautiful moments spent in your company..... come back flooding my eyes with dreams of more to come.
The moments melting into the beautiful ambiance of the nature around.....
All the forces of nature coming in conjunction together to make the moment a tumultuous passionate one.
A moment to remember..........

Moments .... brief moments spent with you... ...in your company..... each a unique moment.......
Will remember each moment...... memories of snippet moments caught up with you in your arms....
Moments that only time can make permanent or temporary....
But, at this moment, the recall is enough to keep me warm in the knowledge that those were golden moments....
The only feeling overwhelming me at this moment is an overriding feeling of intense love.....
Whether it is true or not... but for now, it will do... to keep me smiling.

The dripping droplets of rain on my window pane remind me of you and the time spent with you and at this moment it is all that matters...
A moment to remember...... always....

A day to remember.....

Yeah, Saturday 23rd July 2011, met Satya my childhood friend after 25 years.... Whoa! What a feeling!! A`nd, am I happy...... very happy to meet her , bond with her and we have grown fonder..... that's what matters. Met her wonderful and supportive husband Manoj, beautiful and smart kids Jai and Sania.

It is a day I shall remember always. We went shopping, did impromptu photoshoots... we were like two bubbly and giggling school girls and then we went to Satya's clinic where she practices medicine. Wow, and come to think of it, she stays right next door to my place of work. What a revelation! We always knew, but I never took the initiative to venture out of office to look for her.

Leave aside the woes. Am glad we met. Am happy and joyous that my family of friends has expanded. A bond firmed by the ravages of time,` where we come to realise the worth of good friends always. We all have gone through our trials and tribulations and finally found each other again.
 In fact, when I was watching Zindagi na milegi dobaara..... I realised really you won't get this life again, why not live it loving it and cherishing every moment with our loved ones.

Driftwood.......

Yup, seasoned wood.... old wood.... priced for it's quality..... Driftwood.....Am I one?

Yes, I guess I am. My current status is that of a driftwood.... a rolling stone that gathers no moss, yet gives a bit of herself... and the edges smoothen out and she reduces in size with each passing tide... Till she is left no more and totally spent.... that's how deserts are made over a period of time.

I am  a desert in the making.... a once fertile and thriving land.... on the brink of becoming bare and barren.
A once green tree.... a branch... fallen from the main trunk and drifting in water and the tide of the ocean and getting stuck somewhere on the banks or beaches as a gnarled self of her former beauty and hey days.... dry drifting wood found by the riverside, found by the bayside.... dry ugly wood.

Am angry...... angry at myself..... why do I do this to myself? Why do I derogate  myself and my self esteem after a high `of a beautiful moment? Why can't I just adjust my sails and surge ahead? ~Why  do I let my past pull me down always? Why do I drift into a melancholy mood and spoil it all for myself and others?

I have no answers to the rantings of my minds. It is always asking questions to which there are no answers. Answers which I need to find out for myself before beginning anything .... before embarking on a new journey. But, a state of mind that I always keep on the backburner and forget all about till I stumble yet again and cry all over again over spilt milk

I guess, I really am a driftwood.... that has no direction or permanent abode... it just moves on till it gets stuck somewhere and rests there all alone for the rest of its life.

All this makes no sense....

It really makes no sense.....
The  turn of events in the past couple of days, makes me wonder.... where am I headed?
I am just drifting along with the tide of events.... the way the wind goes my boat takes that direction..... Am taking decisions at the spur of the moment not visualizing or thinking of the consequences.

The pros and cons of my action are triggering a massive breakdown of my mental faculty. There seems to be no pros just cons........ lotsa cons........ Whoa! Everything s happening at breakneck speed........am reaching my threshold level...can't take the pressure all alone.......need to take some stern disciplinary action against my wandering mind.

All this makes no sense at all.... am totally cut off from the main contemporary protagonist in this whole drama.... what am I do? Am I to take the decision all alone?

Damn! Why is everything so societal? Why do we have to take a nod of approval from the society for our actions? Why?

Am in a state of profound dilemma and that is making matters worse as it is affecting every action of mine.
 There seems to be no solution but practice self discipline and totally severe all ties with the rest of the society........ Leave all my pleasures to my imagination and walk alone once again.. there is heavenly bliss in that state despite loneliness......at least I don't lose sleep over trivial matters then.

Am better off alone....... can't lose my sleep over situations and people that are not under my control.......Yeah, I guess am a control freak. I need to regain control of my empire..,,,. which is my peace of mind.

Nothing makes sense anymore..... senseless sensibilities... mindless wanderings..... musings of an UNJUST LADY.... Unjust to herself.

It must have been love... It's over now....

Listening to this song from Pretty Woman.... heart rending soulful melody....

It must have been love, It's over now...
Sure it could have been ...Love...
Or maybe some fatal attraction....
But it has ended and there's no looking back at the sour grapes.
Grapes that have wilted and turned into wrinkled raisins....
Love gone sour.....`
Lost forever somewhere.

Sad that it was so shortlived....

So sad to put it down in words.....
No words to describe it...
A relationship withered away ....
Sad that it was so shortlived.
Glad that it ended without any hassles.....
But sad that it had to end this way....
Miscommunication or blame it on no communication....
But it did end ultimately.
Am not sure if I am hurting....
But yes, there is a lump in my throat....
Those sweet moments and their memories tormenting....
Yet, life moves on, goes on and ....
We move with the flow.
Sad that it ended, sad that it was so shortlived....
But an explanation is surely due...
Isn't it so?

Assumptions.... conclusions... a figment of your imagination...

Yup... your assumptions...
Your conclusions.....
All are a figment of your overactive imagination....
An imagination that I cannot control...
Yes, I can feed it fodder....
For you to wonder....
What is it that I am made of.....

I don't need your advice ....
To stay focused...
I shall do what pleases me.....
It's my life after all.....
You can't just barge in .....
You can't just assume...
You can't just conclude...
Whatever you feel like....
I am who I am ... from my past experiences..
I can't let another rule my life for me....
Don't jump to conclusions....
Don't assume things.....
I am already hurting...
Don't hurt me no more.

Tonight a tear rolls down my cheek....

Not tonight....
Tonight a tear rolls down my cheek...
A lonely tiresome tear peeps out from the corner of my lashes....
Not tonight dear.....
Am just spent in my thoughts ...
The tear.... a harbinger of my emotions....
Let it wash the darkness of the night away....
For tomorrow I shall cry no more...
Tomorrow will be another dawn....
Another day to begin.

Am welling within with pent up emotions...
Am hurting somewhere deep down there....
The depths of my heart hold many secrets...
Secrets unknown to know my fear....
My fear isn't unfounded...
It has deep rooted history...
It springs from experience bitter and sweet....
Let me be.... Let me be alone in my melancholy sadness...
I need no one near.

Tonight a tear rolls down my cheek...
I catch it in my palm....
I watch it fade away with time....
The salt left behind.

Stay focused....

Yup, Stay focused Radhika...
Stay grounded Radhika...
Yet not again Radhika....
Stay away Radhika.......
A constant dilemma...
I face every moment....
I look at my cellphone.... I look at my netbook....
But, I can't , can't just stay away...
Stay Focused O' mind of mine....
Stay on the path you have chosen...
Don't let anything or anyone....
Stop you from becoming what you can....
No, I don't want roses...
I don't want thorns...
I don't need a companion...
I am better left alone....
I don't want emotions...
I don't want pain....
Leave me alone....
Just let me be...
Somebody stop me as the MASK said...
I say too.... Stop Radhika.`..
Right there in your tracks...
Tread no further....
There is pain in there...
Stay focused..
Stay grounded..
Stand tall...
Unwavering and avoid a fall.

Someone to talk to....

I needed someone to talk to...
I needed someone to confide in....
 Guess I found that one person in you....
Is it really true?...
I dunno....
All I know is that ...
Today at the end of the day...
Am a happy soul going to bed.

You may find it astonishing...
But in you I found a buddy...
Whom I can open up to....
Unabashedly, shamelessly ..
Yet happy in the knowledge ...
That I have been heard....
Am really a happy soul ...
Going to bed... all alone``.... yet happy.`

The last hug.....

I remember the last hug....
The last embrace.....
The memory lingers on......
Maybe an entire lifetime... It might remain...
We were so close...
Nothing in between...
Just plain emotions and passion...
Where did it all go....
Where did you disappear...
I pine for your love...
I crave for your attention....
I miss being with you......
I miss your lips and the warm kisses...
Those stolen moments....
Why did you change?....
It wasn't called for....
I didn't change...
Time didn't change...
But your emotions changed...
Your attitude changed...
And I was left stranded....
Holding my wounded heart...
Crying my soul away....
I remember the last hug...
I remember the last embrace...
It was warm...
So full of love and joy...
An inner peace had enveloped me...
Yet am disturbed today.

Why did you change?...
Where did it all go wrong?...
Questions to which you hold the answers...
Not me...
You hold the key to unlock your heart...
Stony heart that is.

Let the rains wash my tears away....

It's raining ... It's pouring...
What a rhyme...
But a different way to put my thoughts through...
Let the downpour...
Flood my bleeding heart...
And let it take the outpour of emotions with it ....
Let the rains wash my tears away.....
Let it smoothen my aching heart...
Let the pain ebb.. let it hurt.....
It's like the tide, which waxes and wanes with the moon....
Let it come... am all set to take it in my stride...
Am game for the fight.............

Master of my fate.... Captain of my soul...

Yes you are....
Master of my fate and the captain of my soul...
You steer my ship through turbulent waters ...
You manoevure the boat to safe shores...
My navigator on starless nights...
My beacon from lighthouse far out..

Rocky shores and rough weather...
Do not affect me...
When I set sail with you...
Monsters and creatures from depths unknown....
Stay away when they know...
My master and commander is with me.

You are the star spangled night's guide....
You are the seagull that gives hope...
You are the Albatross on rocky mountains...
Giving hope to this weary traveller....
It's time to come home O' sailor...
Of deep blue sea....
My lover, my life....
I await you with open arms...
An embrace to comfort your tired soul.....
Master of my fate.... Captain of my soul....
I am all ready to set sail with you.....
I love you.

You are the one for whom I breathe today.....

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

And, you my love stand tall....

You are the one I look upto...

You are the one I live and die for....

Never, ever, ever think that your life is over, but know always that each day, each hour, each moment is another beginning, another opportunity, another chance to re-create yourself anew.

Neale Donald Walsch

My love , your words bring tears of joy in my eyes.....

I know my man is the bestest of them all....

No one can match your persona....

You are who you are ....

And am proud of you.

You came back in my life ..

When I was down and out....

You held my hand....

You pulled me out of my swamp....

You are the one I live and die for...

You are the one for whom I breathe today...

You are in every breath of mine...

You ride every wave of my heart beat....

You make my world a place to live in...

Your thought brings a smile to my lips...

And when I smile...

The world smiles with me...

So my dear, you are the one who.... 

Spreads the cheer in this world..

You are my world...

You are my whole and soul...

You are the one for whom I breathe today and everyday.....

The woman pours her heart out....I am a woman too....

The woman pours her heart out ...
And he mutters what a sham...
I say, what with her emotions welling up within her...
Let her pour it out...
He queries, then why do you get affected?
I reply, with tears in my eyes..... I am a woman too.

I am destiny's child.... watched by someone up above....
What designs he has for me... he knows...
I know, I have to follow my heart...
Follow my man.... wherever he leads me...
I trust him.... I am his child to spoil....
Am spoilt silly by him always...
I love him from ages ago....
He was always there in every step of my life ....
Though as a far fetched thought...
Attached to others along the journey of life....
My man was tied up in affairs that left him ....
Bereft of any feelings....
With a bitter aftertaste in his mouth...
He had become a sorry shadow of his regal self....
He found me.... destiny...
I accepted him.... My destiny....
Now, a new story unfurls....
A new saga to tell....
 A new poem to be written...
 A fable to be remembered always...
I am a woman .... his woman....
His story to write with me ... is my goal...
Let the ball roll.....

I love the way he looks at me...
I remember his touch.... so gentle...
His kiss... so passionate...
Lest I lose myself here itself.....
I better put a full stop to this outburst of emotions...
Love my man..... not known to love anyone ever so much....
Man, I love you my soul mate...
You know me so well....
Every emotion... every unspoken word...
I am a woman.... your woman...
And I pour my heart out to you....
I know, you are waiting to read this outpouring....
I write for you and you only.....
I am a woman in love....
I am your woman...

The wrath of a woman scorned....

God forbid the wrath of a woman scorned........
She raves and rants...
She  digs her nails in his flesh and tears him apart.
This is what she is doing .... to him... my love...
He turns and squirms in pain...
Not a word from his mouth...
A painful, hurt in his eyes ...
I am helpless I can't wipe...
I wish I could embrace him ..
And wipe his tears of despair...
I know you are hurting baby..
I am always there.

I read her work and understand her...
Fathom her feelings and shame...
She is brazenly shameless...
A stigma in the name of love.
She left him high and dry...
Stole his status and assets...
What else can he offer her..?
Not his self to this .... witch of the dark night.

She has made life hell for him...
A living hell in which he chose to burn alone...
His skin scorched, his soul roasted...
He still stands tall.

His love for life at a standstill...
He still moves on...
Fulfilling his role......
He tries hard to forget the pain...
Slyly lurking behind his smile......
I can see it....
I want to embrace this giant cauldron of love, passion and pain...
Give him the love he truly deserves....
He is mine ....
 Not hers to break...
I shall cross the ocean to seek his love.......
I shall fight the devil to keep his loving heart joyous....
He deserves the best and ...
He is the best....
He is my man...
And I will make him the happiest.......
His days of agony and pain are over..
Love and happiness has taken over ...
He shall always be his smiling self..
The man I fell in love with eons ago...
My Knight in shining armour...
My love, my life....

The wrath of that woman, shall no more affect him....
I am the balm that heals his wounds...
I am the joy he seeks...
My smiles are for him...
My soul is already his....
We married each other around the fire of love....and the sufferings of ages...
Two souls binding in unison for a heavenly bliss forever.

My love , am waiting....
Am waiting for you ...
My Phoenix...
To rise from the ashes ...
And soar once again...
Majestically across the sky...
And sweep me off my feet ...
Into your arms...your wings...
Big and strong...
My love...am waiting....