Shifting sand....

My life is like the shifting sand....
Never still....
Always on the move.

Shifting sand...
Grain by grain...
Each grain tells a different story...
A different tale it tells.

Shifting sand....
No dune's permanent....
Always moving....
Flying with the gusty wind.
A sandstorm builds up....
When I am angry and sad...
A sandstorm that destroys....
All that comes in its path.

It clogs the nostrils ...
And every pore....
You suffocate.....
You cry in vain....
The grain of sand...
Makes you cry ....
When in your eye....
It drops down with your tears...
Drops down and moves on.

Shifting sand is my name....
Shifting sand is my life....
All I do now is....
Sift through the grains....
One by one....
Putting it up for all to see.

Shifting sand...
Sifting through each grain....
That's my life....
That's my time.....
That's my story to tell.

Bored....Evil eye...

Am bored....
Am free....
I have nothing to do...
Siesta hour...
Not for me...
Who cast an evil eye...
On my happiness....
Am alone and bored....
Must be you.
You and your unseen jealousy....
You and your fantasy...
Am outta your life for good...
Don't you get it....
Move on....
Get a leash for your emotions.

When I was there...
You ignored me...
Now am not ....
You follow me....
Why? Oh! Why?....
Do you torment me...
Why do you cast your evil eye...
On my rollicking life...
Castaway and outlawed...
You pursue me relentless.

You had your chance...
Not once, twice...but many times over....
Each time you betrayed my trust....
So, please go away...
Leave me alone....
Let me be.

Am bored....
Cast your evil eye elsewhere.

Hallucination.....

He says I am fibbing....
He says I am hallucinating...
He says I am dreaming....
He doesn't believe me....
He doesn't believe my truth....
And the truth is ...
He doesn't belong to me anymore...
He never did....
He came back....
He sought me out....
But not for love....
Maybe a feeling of guilt...
That's not love....
Had it been...
He wouldn't have faulted again...
And, again.

It's his hallucination....
It's his disbelief....
He doesn't want to come...
To terms with reality....
And, the reality is harsh...
Reality is cruel...
Reality will hurt....
I don't wait upon him anymore.

I am committed elsewhere....
When I needed him...
He had shut me out....
I turned to the first ray of light...
It was not a mirage....
It was reality.
I was walking alone...
Alone in the rain....
My tears rolling down my cheeks...
No one saw them...
He did....
He didn't say anything...
But, he was there.
His strong shoulders supported my frail frame....
He was there....
When you were absconding.

Hallucination, this is not mine....
It is reality and I am living it.
Yes, you are hallucinating...
Waiting for me...
I have moved on....
Long ago, I moved on....
You stood there watching....
Someone else and her stocking.

Time stood still....

When I met you for the first time....
Time stood still...
There was an awkward silence....
An impermeable silence....
I didn't know how to react....
I was quiet...
You must have noticed....
My words were monosyllables....
In the crowd of the room....
The meeting just going on.....
I wasn't there.

Frankly, I thought ......
You had an attitude....
That you were someone else's beau....
But, the next meeting cleared the air....
Yet, I didn't declare....
I wasn't sure of you....
Or your feelings....
Just a nagging insight....
He is ensnared.

I could feel your eyes on me....
The others noticed too...
The subtle hints you gave...
The uncomfortable look I had....
It spoke all....
All about the chemistry between us...
It was bound to happen....
All boiled over....
The next few days...
And, we were a couple inseparable.

The envy of every eye....
The office gossip everyday.....
You and I, brave it all.....
Especially me, day in and day out.....
You are at your place....
Away from the grapevine....
I suffer the envious gaze ....
Of women you scorn each day.

Today, we are one....
In mind, body and soul....
There is no looking back...
I stand by you, a complete whole.
Our dreams are one....
The passion just the same....
One goal, one sight...
To make it work....
For both of us.

Time and again....
I have been tested...
I have stood the test of time...
This time too...'
I stand before time...
Head bowed but not defeated....
In all humbleness....
I swear....
I want to make it work....
Every relation I have had....
I gave my all.....
Yet they fizzled out...
Over a period of time....
They failed the test of time...
Coz' you need two to tango....
You don't snap with one finger....
You don't clap with one hand...
You need two to tango...
Two to make it work.

This  time round too...
I am committed....
I am around...
You need to fall in place...
And, claim what you feel you found.

Time stood still...
When my eyes fell upon you....
Time is still.....
Like the still waters that run deep.

Sorry doesn't make a dead woman alive.....

My today was shaped by you yesterday.....
Sorry doesn't make a dead woman alive.

All the events of my life....
Good and bad....
Were the outcome....
Of your betrayal....
Were the result of ....
You walking away....
Without a word.

Today, you are back...
Back for what?
There's nothing here....
But, a cupboard full of skeletons.

All the events...
And, my today....
Were written by you....
Two decades and five years ago.

Really.....
Sorry doesn't make a dead woman alive....
I am dead....Long dead and gone....
From your life ....
The nightingale sings no more....
The Lark doesn't hop....
On your branch anymore.

There is another....
Give him a chance....
That's what my heart says today.
So, don't take my today away....
It belongs elsewhere....
Let it be peaceful...
And, full of love.....
Let no afterthought kill the romance.....
Let you not be the catalyst of doom anymore.

Sorry, really doesn't make a dead woman alive.

I am having afterthoughts....

Yup, I am having afterthoughts. Did I act in haste? Did I not give the other person a chance to defend himself?
Did I do what I did in my rage, just to spite the other person?

But, whatever I did, I did and there is no turning back. There is no remorse.Yet, a nagging feeling ..... an afterthought... Did I do right?

What should I do now? What's the course of action to be? Am I to turn back or move on? Dilemma.....

I am having afterthoughts..... Is the person I am with really committed to me coz' of me or who I am?
Is it purely a feeling of being with me or just a professional relationship for better service at work? Dilemma....

All evidence so far only suggests that I made a mistake in recognising the person. Maybe, am right.... maybe, am wrong in my judgement. Who am I to judge? But, It's my life and career at stake. Am I in this relationship really for love or just a momentary lapse of mental faculty at the attention I got? Dilemma....Dilemma....

An afterthought so powerful after the many events of the recent past, making me think and rethink the decision I have taken...... Some thoughts that I try to shut out by numbing my senses with alcohol.....

Will that ever help? I need to come to a conclusion, before I slip into a coma, a state  from where there is no turning back. Dilemma..... An afterthought, of course!

No matter what.....

No matter what....Stand by me....

I like....

This song echoes the feelings I feel and my desires. The desire to have you stand by me no what happens...come hail, thunderstorm or an Earthquake.

Today I stand alone as always....just need to know you are around no matter what....my mistakes and my anger. My anger has destroyed my world....shredded it to pieces..no matter what I do, to control my anger, it just erupts and all is lost.

My impatience to hear and feel the words, echoing in my ears....I LOVE YOU... I lose them all. But, as you rightly queried ..." Where are the ones who said those words to you?" I understood.... you won't say it but in your actions you mean it and over the past couple of days you have truly meant it and made me feel special.

My heart goes all out to you, coz'  know at the end of it all...you will stand by me. And, even if you aren't there charted in the course of my life later... I know, there would be a star that would be shining just for me in the night sky. In fact, honestly... there are many... but like I said..Star in the night sky..all far away....shining bright, no matter..... but, FAR AWAY.

No matter what, as I believe in the moment..... This moment is yours .... snatch it, grab it.....do what you want to... But, just stand by me. Understand that I have my times of ups and downs and highs and lows... no matter what.. I am there, just that my mood ain't right for communication at that moment.

No matter what... Just stand by me.

Missing Diwali Sparkles.....

Yes, we all have our demons to kill and move on ....A Diwali celebration. Bringing in the new dawn with cheer and happiness. Memories long past flooding back to haunt you and your conscience.... What happened? Was it meant to be ever?

A Diwali.... long hidden in the recesses of a troubled mind and a broken heart, brought back in the forefront with a message early in the morning. Remembering a partner, a companion, lost somewhere in the by lanes of painful memories. The message, a spark that sparked SPARKLE's emotions and lo behold! She recedes into a melancholic silence once again. Lost in her memories of a family that was to be, but couldn't be.

This year, there are no celebrations. No one to look forward to celebrate the day and the night of lights with. No family to call one's own.

Somewhere along the path, Sparkles lost the sheen and shine and is just a plain shadow of once a resplendent self. This Diwali brings no happiness, but memories to torment the soul.

He has a mind of his own....

He has a mind of his own.....
Yes, he has....
Yet, I know...
He is mine....
Not to own....
But to experience....
To understand....
To love uninhibitedly.

He has a mind of his own.....
But, he is mine....
His mind is mine....
I occupy a space there....
That none other can...
Yes, with my size....
I occupy it whole....
Completely, body and soul.

He has a mind of his own...
But, with me around...
He is the puppy dog...
The sweet, loyal puppy dog...
With nothing but pure love ...
In those mesmerizing eyes.
He minces his words not...
He is clear....
No commitments....
But, an unsaid bond...
On an uncharted journey...
Love the idea of an adventure...
An adventure not foreseen...
A journey which unfolds....
With each passing moment....
An experience of a lifetime.

He has a mind of his own...
Yes, he has....
I am but a synapse in it....
A link to his feelings...
A link that stays him rooted....
A link that is grounded in his values....
A link in his system...
I am the link... to his heart.

I know not, what tomorrow holds...
I know what, my today holds....
A heart of gold in my palms.....
Throbbing and beating for me....
A heart that brings a smile to my lips...
A heart committed to me today.

He has a mind of his own...
But, his heart is mine.

My Hairstylist....

This blog is dedicated to my Hairstylist 'Dev'....
Dev is so goodlooking....
Dev is so sauve....
Dev is so sophisticated....
Dev is so alive....
Dev is my life....
Dev makes me come alive...
Dev makes me live again...
Dev makes me cry.
Dev makes love to me...
Yes, he does....
With his scissors....
Dev makes me feel like a woman...
Dev makes me FEEL.
Dev, Dev, Dev....is all I am about....
My boss is curious....
Who is this Dev?
And, I tell her.....
Dev is my lover today....
I have set a date with him....
Every fourth weekend ...
I visit Dev.
I ask her, Should I fix a date with Dev for you?....
So that he can make love to you too....
She says, no ways I have my husband at home...
And, I say...
He is not DEV.
Time to go...
Coz' I have a promise to keep..
Today is my date with Dev...
In an hour we meet.
Come, meet my Dev....
Come, meet the man....
Who gives me what I want....
A makeover, all the time.
His scissors going clippity clop...
Music to my tired soul...
His soft hands brushing my crop....
Ummmm......Lemme go.

Senseless sensibilities....

Senseless blogging is what I am all about....
Senseless sensibilities is what my blogs are about...
Senseless absolutely senseless...
That's the watchword for today....
That's the catch of the day....
Senseless lamentations...
About unfair life....
Senseless nagging of the soul...
Senseless sensitiveness....
Senseless absolutely senseless.
Am in a state of trance.....
Senseless trance....
You could very well relate to it...
It's the state of being drugged.
Drugged by my woes...
Drugged by my burden..
Drugged to numb the senses....
Yet still sensibly sensing.
It's all about me always....
But, isn't it so for you too....
All about yourself....
You and your senseless chatting....
You and your senseless anger.
My anger too is senseless...
No doubt....
But, you got it ignited....
You aired it and watered the sapling...
Into a strong tree of doubt.

Senseless actions....
Yours and mine....
Culminating in a rift....
A ravine that keeps us apart....
A deep abyss from which....
There is no return....
We are torn, torn apart.

Senseless sensibilities of lovers...
Senseless jealousy...
But, what to do...
Am senselessly possessive...
So are you.
The harm has been done...
The bird has flown...
Swearing never to be caged again.

Family, family, family....

It's all about Family.
Family, family, family...
It's always family....
Then, you should have asked your family first .....
Before taking me on.....
Asked your family...
Before going for dates with me....
Asked your family first....
Before making love to me...
Damn!!!!......
What's with Indian Men?....
Anyways, no harm done....
Am in my senses....
I had a good time....
Rollicking time indeed.....
You were good time pass...
I enjoyed spending time with you.

Commitments galore....
That's the mark of a true man....
A man that loves his family...
I look at him with a sense of awe...
I respect his sentiments...
The sentimental fool that he is....
I love that man itself.

Family, family, family.....
No issue....
If you love your family...
Surely you will love me too.

Any time any day....

Ask me to write.....
And, anytime any day I would write.
Ask me to lament....
And, anytime any day I would lament.
Ask me to nag.... My favourite passtime....
And, anytime any day I would nag.

Any time any day....
Ask me to love...
And, Love I would...
In all senses and deep rooted meanings of the word...
I swear I would love.
That's not my passtime , it's my time pass. Lol!!!

Surprised! The frigid maiden and love...
Yup, the frigid maiden can love and let love.
Love alone drives her...
Love makes her alive...
Love is the potion she drinks...
Love is the burden she carries.
Love she does....
In all its totality....
After all, she was born out of love.

Any time any day, ask me to smile...
Smile I would...
That's my forte'...
It comes naturally to me.

Ah, anger! Anytime any day ask me to get angry....
Rub me on the wrong side and lo behold!...
There I am, the angry self...
The angry woman....
Nothing can save you from me then and there ....
And, all is lost forever.
Bad, very bad...But,...
My anger knows no bounds....
My anger has burnt my house down....
My anger has splintered my life....
My anger is my own doing.
Control it, I can't.....
It just erupts out of nowhere.....
And, in that moment...
That very moment.....
My whole world falls apart.

But, what the heck....
I move on....
Bag and baggage....
In search of new abode.....
A new world to make...
A new world to explore.

Any time any day...
My suitcase is always ready...
Come join me in my journey...
But, don't rub me on the wrong side.

It all balances out.....

Yup, It does....
It all balances out...
Life's ups and downs..
They all come and go...
We go through a gamut of emotions...
Yet, we hold on strong....
We hold on....always....
Hold on to our beliefs and faith...
Hold on ...cling on..
Waiting....
Yet, ....
It all balances out...
And, we move on...
Move on, we do...
Yes, we move on...
Eyes searching for.....
That familiar face....
In the crowd...
The scar visible...
The pain in the eye..
The sly smile on the lips...
That face...
Can't forget it...
Yet.... It all balances out.

SPARKLE misses the spark....

Yup, no doubts about it. Sparkles moved on... Sparkles let go.... But, Sparkles is human.... Sparkles couldn't forget.... And hasn't forgotten..... Sparkle still checks you out....Sparkle still seeks you out... Sparkle still keeps an eye on you..... She is still there, where you left her..... Yes, she wandered..... listlessly. She groped in the dark...fell in ditches and hurt herself.... But, she came back to the same place, where you abandoned her....She stood there and decided to wait..... eternally.

Sparkle misses the spark in her life. She has no fire left within...just smouldering ash...hot ash... that can still burn.Wretched is the word that best describes her state.........lonely is her soul. The spark that was there has diminished.... no life left within. You, I guess moved on.... she stood there.... timelessly and still...she stood staring into every face that passed by....searching for that familiar smile.

Sparkles missed the bus.... but, she walked on and on.... patiently waiting with abated breath for that one sign that said the signal was green. The signal never turned green.... she kept staring... the passers by came and went.... she stood steadfast... come hail and thunderstorm... she stood .... like that puppy dog...with the tongue hanging out and a loving look in the eye.

The world moved on..... Sparkles didn't. She thought she did, but she didn't. She was still there, she is still there.

Sparkle misses the spark........Come Diwali, and memories would come haunting...the sparklers being lit as a family will burn all senses down.

Sparkles misses the spark.

Lashing out....

Lashing out in desperation...
Lashing out in frustration...
Lashing out in exasperation...
Lashing out in anger....
Isn't that what we do best....
When we are really down and out?

Been there, done that......
Yup, I have been there....
And, done all that....
Yet, at the end of the day...
I am here to stay....
Connected with the lot....
That really was not.

Time and again...
I have been tested....
My patience...
My values...
My integrity....
I have scored full on that...
Until... I lash out...
I lash out in my anger...
I lash out in desperation...
I lash out in frustration...
Lash out, I do....
Lash out, I will...
If after all that I do....
My dues are not awarded to me.

My patience knows no bounds....
So does my anger....
My anger does me in....
My patience does me in too.
I am two ends of a line....
Two far ends...
Yet connected...
But, so disconnected....
One differing from another....
But ends they are.

Lashing out is my way....
Is my way of letting all know...
I exist.... I don't subsist....
Don't take me for granted....
I am me, myself....
Don't rub me on the wrong side...
Am not here for you...
Am here for my own self.

Lashing out....
Is my way of reaching out.

I am alive.....

Glad to say....
And to your disappointment.....
I am alive.....
And kicking....
Thriving in an environment of discontent....
Yet living....
I am alive...alive am I.

A life I chose...
Away from yours....
I live and let live....
Isn't that what we all believe in...
believing in my belief...
I live... I am alive.

There's something to celebrate...
Some occasions to mourn...
Yet live I do...
Celebrating the little things...
Moving on ...
And letting go...
You too on the way....
A long way to go...
Yet, Go I will...
Move on I shall.....
I live .... I am alive.

There comes a time when all's not well....
There are times when I feel weak....
Yet, I am strong....
I know, I am......
I tackle it all....
I challenge the adversity.....
How much will it try me?...
Try, it should...
Full on....
Yet, I live... I am alive...
I am kicking....
Kicking butts for a living...
Living, I am....
Live, I do...
I am alive.

Somewhere down the memory lane...
I lost you...
Somehow, I moved on...
You found me....
I was glad...
Yet, you got lost again...
I moved on.
I lost my innocence....
Looking for you....
I lost my vanity....
Searching for you....
I lost myself......
When I lost you...
I lost you, yes I did....
Yet, I moved on....
I am living....
I live....
I am alive.

Flavor of love....

Ice cream, honey, almonds, peach....Nope that's not the flavor of love...The flavor of love lies in...The word itself. So self explanatory and delicate. So soft yet so strong.... a strong flavor indeed. It has me gasping for air.... exploring for new words to describe the feeling each time.

Flavorsome indeed it is. Having the flavor of the season within arms reach and looking at a new experience each day. People look at us with raised eyebrows... a physical mismatch... no eye candy at all.... but still so much in love and with batting eyelids and love struck looks within. The love speaks it all.... the flavor lingers on... in the air, in the looks and in the eyes. The aroma of fresh love wafting all over the countryside... for all to sample and partake of and pull my legs of course...lol.
The flavor of love is varied. Not one to ever describe it's value. When it's there in your life, you are the happiest. When it's gone..... the flavor turns sour or bitter. But, flavorsome it is , in all seasons at all times. Am loving it..... tasted life through love and mind it... It's beautiful...very tasty indeed.

Going Bonkers...Absolutely Bonkers...

Zoink!
Yup, am going bonkers...Bonkers about life....No, not exasperated....But, separated....from reality....Actually overlooking it. Hahaha! One could really comment... Radhika... You are going Bonkers.
Am doing things that aren't me at all. Am experimenting with life all over again. All because I believe I am in love all over again. But, this time round, there is a reality check and at every step there is a doubt..... of course, I overlook it always as before.
I take risks. Am taking a risk but what the heck! It's my life. And, my life has always been about risks and decisions that have backfired or gone down the drain, yet I stood up every time I fell and moved on.
Now too, am all over mooning about the new love and excitement in my life and am happy being with the person who doesn't mince words, who doesn't say 'I Love You' frivolously. In fact, he doesn't say it at all. And, that is what turns me on coz' without saying he says it all ... his actions speak louder.

He is different. So unlike the countless others in the past. Maybe that's why he caught my eye. He is DIFFERENT.

Am bonkers and in love again and am loving it. Eeeeeeks...... am having fun at my expense and am loving it. There will be more in this series of this seasons love affair.

My blogs, my reality.....

My blogs are my reality...They bring me alive, they keep me going.... Had it not been for my blogs, I would have been lost somewhere in the meandering lanes of the city.... wandering listlessly, wondering what to do. MY WORDS KEEP ME TICKING, THEY ARE THE JUICE OF MY LIFE... FLOWING AND EXPRESSIVE. They help me let the steam out.... my companions when I have nothing to do... I read them over and over again.  People come and go, but my words remain ; rock solid by my side.... I know, the world can  take my all but not my thoughts, not my words.... They are my reality... am the wordsmith .... I am the owner of them all.

The letters of the alphabet are my magic spells. All I need is to wave my wand and they turn into reality, a sensuous flow of emotions... a sporadic flow of thoughts.... words, words everywhere and lots to write about. This life ain't enough for my words to spill out of my wand.... It would take many more lives to live to get it all. Time i running out, am short of time.... my words are dammed and jammed in my head.... my fingers can't type faster than my thoughts... need to move faster, write more... getting it all out...throwing up words of passion... lines of verse unknown.... paragraphs on life and its bounties.... stories untold... secrets unfurled.....dramas unfolding..... that's my life....a  basket of words... a bouquet of verses  and songs unsung.

My blogs are my reality.... they are my story, my life and my REALITY SHOW.

Living a lie.....

Today, Life is all about living a lie.
A lie to be told.
A forced smile on the lips for the world to see.
But, an aching heart within.

Hard to believe....
Right said... it's hard...
But, I live a life of true lies...
Lies that know no bounds....
Lies that make people happy....
Lies that make work happen.....
Lies that pain me....
Smile that's hard to paste on my lips...
But, smile I do....Day in and day out....
A forced existence for the loved ones.....
My life is all about living a lie.

I live a lie...
But, I don't lie....
And, it hurts...
It hurts people.....
My truth hurts them bad....
It hurts me to hurt them...
But, I can't lie....
And, hence am alone and single....
Coz' people can't face truth....
They can't look me in the eye.....
I am the mirror they don't wanna see....
I am the lie they hide behind....
I am the truth they are running away from.

Living a life of lies...
True blue lies.....
Severing of all ties....
No one close....
Not even the ones whom I care about.

Dunno whom to open up to...
Dunno whom to dpend upon...
Dunno where to turn to...
When the sun sets in the horizon.

Living a life of lies....
Blatant truths and reluctant lies.

Of love and much much more...

I can write on and on.....
Volumes on .......
Love and much much more....
Theory comes easy to me....
Practicality isn't my forte'.


Long long ago....
I lost touch with reality....
A really long time ago.....
I became humanly inhumane.

I am what I am....
Because of my life experiences....
I am the  monster that I am....
Because of the decisions I took.
Yet, even in my name....
I never took your name....
I never looked back again.

Each that came along....
Was lost along the way....
Coz' none could be you......
And you could be none.
My life is colourful....
With experiences galore....
Yet, it is sepia.....
Black and white.....
With darkness to the core.

I could write on love and much more.....
Of love and wanting more....
Of pain and days of yore....
But words fail me....
They are at the tip of my tongue and fingers...
Yet am not able to express them....
Human feelings and expressions.....
They are a part of my museum....
My museum of history....
No more a topic of today....
More a chapter from a tattered and torn book.

I definitely want to love....
I really want to give of myself....
But, to whom?
They are all so shallow.....
The men that enter my life...
Why can't I see through their lies?
Why can't I discern between good and bad?
What is it that clogs my memory?
What is it that blocks my vision?
What is it that would really make me happy?
No, not a man again!!!

Wilted Lily....

Jilted in love......
With no fragrance left to share.....
Am a wilted lily....
On the guillotine  board.....
Ready to be beheaded.....
By my own guilt.

Wilted beyond recognition.....
Wrinkled and shaved head......
Held down in shame.....
For the lost vanity of days of yore.

A youth lost early on.....
A day escaped from the sunset.....
You took it all away....
All too soon.

Your escape changed the course of my life...
Your lies changed the  history and geography too....
I became a homeless wreck.....
I became the abominable vixen....
Viewed by all in pity.....
Draped not in virtues, in sin city.

A blooming rose once....
A wilted lily now.

No words to express....

No words to express the feelings being felt these days....
These days am not myself.....
These days am seemingly lost....
Lost to myself and others.....
Friends and colleagues wonder.....
Where has my smile gone yonder.....
Here and there beyonder....
Up and down under.....
Somewhere with the receding monsoon thunder.

No words.... just feelings....
Expressive eyes and a sly but wry smile.....
Where has the bubbly laughter gone....
Where has the wrinkly closed eyes gone....
Where has the dimpled cheeks and cleft chin gone?

Now all that is there is....
A person skeptical....
A person wondering....
A person full of thoughts....
Filled with apprehension...
Looking at every person with distrust....
No words to express the change in persona...
No words to express the vanity lost....
No words to express the trust hindered...
No words to express the values compromised.

Oops!!!! Once again.... All over again....

Head over heels in love once again...... Done it again!!!!

I swore I would never fall in love again after the last break up and I have fallen in love once again. The hopeless romantic that I am, I just can't keep my feelings to myself, and always end up expressing them some way or the other.

Falling in love over and over again comes naturally to me always. Am a natural. Lol!!!!

The guys must be wondering what is she..... insatiable hunger for love always.

I am looking towards making it work for me and the person in my life today. It's not that I never worked at making it work other times also, I did... but I guess you can't clap with one hand.... you need two to tango.

Tango I did....but the mango had no juice in it. Lol!!!!

Am so afraid of commitments now. Somehow commitments don't seem to work for me. The moment I commit myself, everything falls apart. The bricks of the building start falling down upon my head, like Chinese torture. so much for commitment and fidelity. It sounds good only in financial commitments... fidelity bonds. Have seen the ups and downs and the innards of the men so far.... dunno where I lack in my fidelity and commitments. Guess, am not made for the men of this world.

So, in this new relationship there is no commitment..... just fun and companionship. No expectations..... just the feelings but unquenched desires so that it doesn't hurt once again. This time round no dreams, no imaginary world of togetherness, just a need based relation. A need to be there to listen to each other but no expectations that the other person really ought to be there. I WON'T  COMMIT THIS TIME ROUND.

Yes, am in love with a person per se, an individual with some chutzpah and a different on the word around us. But, am afraid to commit. What if he is lost somewhere in this journey of life. I don't want to be left behind hurting.

I am not looking at any commitment from him. He doesn't seem the type to commit..... more the rolling stone type..... my type..... gathering no moss. Let's see what time has in store for us..... as it is, it's a mismatch all the way. No further comments..... just feel the music, the feelings and let go of the past and all the future apprehensions..... coz' there can't be apprehensions if there is no future. Future there seems to be none so far.... he is non committal... and am too afraid to commit. Lol!!!

I Lol a lot..... just a way to express my frustration at the irony of life..... what it serves on a platter is a surprise..... albeit am waiting for something pleasant to turn up one fine day.... hopes of a hopeless romantic..... Till when?..... Good Question!!!!