Sunday, November 30, 2014

I am not Helpless...

Let go, just enjoy your life ... consider yourself helpless, you can do nothing. He is on his own ... leave him... when the placental cord was cut, your responsibility towards your child was over... Never , never ever again would a mother want to  hear that.

We make mistakes, we alone are not affected by them , everyone associated with us are affected.

I have made mistakes , I have no regrets yet my mistakes have catapulted my loved ones to moments of despair. No, am not going to wallow in self pity and say I am HELPLESS.

NO! I am not helpless... my mistakes have taught me important lessons in life but I won't ever let anyone tell me I am helpless for I am a mother and a mother never gives up on her child.

My children are my strength... my pillars of courage.  They have kept me grounded and alive. My kids have kept me smiling and laughing even through trying times. If they fall, I help them get up and face it all with courage. I stand by them through good and bad . I don't label them. I have caused them pain, they have lost their childhood because of my unforgiving nature... I will bring them back from the brink of getting nowhere in life to the lost happiness. I will amend my mistakes and give them what they desire to be the best always. These are trying times , they have lost hope... I haven't. 

I won't give up on my children. I am not helpless. I am strong and the power above has given me the capability to endure this too.

This too shall pass, and we shall be together again. We shall overcome all the pain and despair to become  the best that we are. 

Yes, others are helpless but not a mother. A mother can do wonders to make her child better once again. A mother can never lose hope. She can withstand any calamity , she can fight them all. A mother I am and I stand between the devil and my child. I can ward off any evil , fight all the demons ... for I am not HELPLESS.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Tracing the steps ...

... Back in time ...
She traces her steps...
The path they took ...
The walk together ...
Along the footpaths ...
Of the place they share.

The street vendors ...
Still the same ...
The wares still the same...
That knowing smile ...
Remembering the monsoon walk ...
Umbrella in hand ...
A light drizzle ...
Sending a shiver up the spine...
Smiling at each other ...
The juice break ...
The small tiff ...
Over his possessiveness...
The walking away ...
The making up ...
Love unlimited...
Uninhibited...
Shamelessly wonderful...
Tracing the steps ...
Back in time...
She remembers him...
Knowing well...
He is thinking of her ...
This moment in his thoughts...
She can feel him ...
Feeling her...
Lost in thoughts ...
She loses herself ...
Tracing her steps ...
Back in time...
Loving him more.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Uncouth in his piety ...

He lay prostate ...
At her feet...
Begging for mercy ...
Dust all around ...
Dirt in his mouth ...
He could tSte his own blood...
From bleeding gums...
Hair all tousled...
Scaavenged look...
A sorry state of being ...
The uncouth fellow ...
Lover from yesteryears...
Begging for forgiveness...
But...
She didn't recognize him...
For she had a faraway look in her vacant eyes ...
Unrecognisable lay ...
An uncouth man before her...
She was searching him...
In her  long forgotten past.

She stood up...
Walkded sround him ...
Out into the open courtyard ...
Her Garden of Eden ...
A distant memory ...
Etched somewhere in the grey matter...
But no recollection...
Of the man rolling on the dirt behind her.

He turned over ...
Tears streaming over his cheeks ...
Remorseful ...
He hangs his head down in shame.

Loving him ...

.... She died bit by bit ...
All her life ...
Just one ...
And, when she found him ...
He was lost forever ...
The moments melting away ...
she lost her moments with him ...
she lost him ...
In the sandstorm called life ...
Passing by his lane ...
she cries ....
Tears trickling down pale cheeks ...
Sobbing her heart out ...
She moves on ....
Nowhere to go ...
But back into her empty shell ...
The caravan of life ebbing away.

Time hasn't stood still ...
Not for anyone ...
Not for her too ...
It passes by ...
She lives in her fantasies ...
A life in full circle ...
Living each moment ...
as if her last...
Missing him , her curse...
Loving him , her boon.
Loose threads of memories ...
Beautiful moments with him ...
Raw threads of the heart ...
Strings attached by unknown bond....
She reaches out to him in her dreams.

Loving him ...is all she has ever known ...

The ire of a woman...

Beware!
The wrath unleashed ...
A volley of swears...
Waves of anger...
Hitting your shores ...
Breaking every bit of your happiness...
The ire of a woman ...
Let loose on you.

Mind what you do ...
Accursed is your being ...
In her anger ...
The woman you used ...
The one who placed you on a pedestal ...
Shall unthrone you.

Your Kingdom shall be burnt to ashes ...
All your glory down the drain...
Beware the ire of a woman ....
Who once  loved you.
She shall never cease to love ...
But respect never will she ...
For you are a mere mortal being ...
With flaws, pains and aches.

She pities you ...
For your trifle flings ...
She lets loose the cuss words ...
For she knows you ain't nothing ...
But a tramp romping free.

The woman with the  crooked teeth...
How ugly is her heart...
That you need to find solace...
Elsewhere each day...
How evil is the lazy one ...
That you need to energize ...
Spend your libido here and there ...
For the mere lusty feel.

Shame on you and ...
Shame on her ...
The one with crooked teeth...
May you both burn in a living hell ...
Each day and each night.

The ire of a woman ...
A good woman ...
The curse shall take its course.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Emptiness

The void ...
Left behind in a barren womb ...
Woes of a mother ...
Cries of the unborn ...
Shattering the night ...
Wails from unseen ones ...
An emptiness ...
A motber feels wiithin ...
Contractions of a barren womb.

Every corner of the place ....
Every inch speaks of him ...
The ghost from the past ...
That snatched her smile away.

She walks the corridors up and down ...
Ascending descending stairs ...
Searching for him in vain ...
Screams numbing her thoughts ...
Screeches of the unborn ...
Torn from within her ...
She closes her eyes to flashes ...
Of blood and gory death.

In her aloneness...
The emptiness surfaces ...
Taunting her each moment ...
She reaches for the numbing agent ...
Drugging herself to sleep...
Deep in knowledge ...
He is happily smiling elsewhere...
Having won this round ...
Her curse befalls him ...
He shall live in hell ...
Each day reminding him of his folly.

Her Emptiness shall become his Soon.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

The lusty salesman ...

Her world came to an end ...
When the lusty traveller ...
Revealed his evil plans to her...
How could she trust a fellow ...
Who was cheating on his partner?
How could she believe an infidel bastard...
Who used false moves for benefits?
How could he believe a man ...
Who had plans to use his friends?
How could she believe in him ...
Who abandons his own?
How could she believe in  a conman ...
Who used women to get his deals done?
How could she ...
She couldn't take it no more ...
For he used emotional trauma to haunt her...
For his meager means ...
He used his own sons.
The cheat thrives in his own penance ...
For every day sees him drowning further in his sins ...
For all the women he used ...
Now up in arms against him.
The conman ...
The Bong with the evil grin ...
The cheat with deep brooding eyes ...
Studying his next victim.

The Bastard ...

...lives to see  yet another day pass by ...
Till when will he flash that evil grin ...
That smile to trap the innocent ...
The Bastard lives on ...
The Bastard smiles ...
The evil grin ...
The fat Bitch by his side ...
Crooked teeth ...
The Witch ensnares him in her web ...
The damned be damned ...
May he crush to a painful death ...
May she fall to her end ...
The Devil behold ...
He must die...
For his evil deeds ...
A painful death...
Watching his own perish in pain.

The Sly one ...

Ah! The rascal ...
The sly one ...
The one that goes by unnoticed ...
Look in those cunning eyes ...
The deep brooding cunning fox ...
The sly one ...
Ah! The salesman at it again.

His world ...
A blotch on humanity...
His actions animal like ...
The stealth stalker ...
The vile one...
Accursed must remain he.

Hiding behind the big bosoms of a lazy one ...
He seeks solace in the thought ...
He is safe ...
Which he is not ...
All set to be exposed ...
For his misdeedsthe world over.

The sly one ...
The lair laying one...
May his world collapse around him ...
All that he cherishes the most ....
Be snatched away from him ...
Let him smell the burning flesh ...
Of what he holds dear today ....
For the wrath of a mother ....
Scorns him.

May he burn in his living hell ...
His life a nightmare ...
Disgraced and deposed ...
May his body decompose right here.

The anger of a woman cheated ...
May it burn his today and tomorrow ...
He shall suffer seeing his ...
Little ones suffer.

The curse shall follow him ...
Wherever he may hide ...
His penury very little ...
For the pain he gave her...
His life a living hell...
He shall watch his burn ...
For then , will he realise ...
What his folly has been.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Sometimes... just sometimes ...

I wish ...
Sometimes, just sometimes...
I wish , I was...
Selfish .

Just snatch my happiness ...
And, run away...
Just once be cruel ...
Just once, a stubborn child ...
And, take away ...
What is mine .

Monday, November 17, 2014

Remnants of a ghostly past

They torment her...
The demons of yesteryears...
The ghosts from the ghastly past...
Remnants of a tormented soul.

She turns around ...
They disappear...
Only to reappear. ..
Catch her unawares ...
Ruining a perfect day ...
Spoiling her today.

They poke her ...
They pinch her ...
All that tney can do is ...
Torment her pious soul...
In her aloneness ...
She fights them...
She struggles to breath ...
In the suffocated environs ...
They say she is dying ...
A slow death ....
She lives only for her kith ...
Her kin long lost.

The ghosts from the ghastly past ...
Vary of her wrath...
Watch her silently ...
From the shadows ...
Measuring their steps towards her.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

She runs ...

She is able...
She is kind...
She is love personified ...
Dignified in her being ...
She runs ...
She runs with a pack of Wolves.

Her memories ...
Her thoughts ...
Everything she has got ...
Packing a punch ...
In a bunch ...
Her pack of Wolves ....
She runs with runs ...
Beside her.

Sometimes ...
Beside her...
Sometimes ahead of her ...
Sometimes behind her ...
The pack never leaves her.

She runs with a pack of  Wolves...
Her thoughts...
Her memories.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Thoughts of Him...

Avoiding any thohghts of him coming up in her mind, she boes about her dailychores  and wham ! All tha she does reminds her of him. Every moment relived over and over, all the time just him and her ... relapsing into retro mood ... sentiments overwhelmed.

She misses out on work, forgets everything... goes into a trance remembering moments spent with him.... they say, she has gone insane... she knows nothing of the World today, in her thoughts just him and on her lips a soft murmur of his name.

Forgetting him , can never be... he is in her every piece ... she his shadow ... lost in the big bad World.

Killing herself within ... she watches her ashes burn ... the funeral pyre once a heap of logs , now just ashes smouldering.
She grabs a fistful, warm ashes in her palm ... warm they never can be ... burns her palm through ... flying ash reminding her ... of fleeting moments in his arms... she stifles a cry , tears rolling down.

She walks about , round and round in circles ... his face everywhere, smiling smugly, those deep brooding eyes , hurting er ... she has to block it all out... she just has to ... how? And, she takes out another strip of sleeping  pills , to block him from her thoughts... drugs become her ... she becomes a zombie ... she walks away.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

My father's daughter...

If I am who I am today,
It is  coz' am my father's daughter,
His legacy of goodwill and honour,
Follows me everywhere.

That is what I want to leave behind for my kids.

People remember my father's nobility...
And am proud to be my father's daughter.

If I am good to the needy,
If I groom them well,
I leave a legacy behind for others,
So that faith in Being Human ,
Is never ever lost.
The blessings I garner...
Is the estate of love I want to leave ,
Behind for my flock.

At the end of the day,
I turn  to the supreme being and say,
Yes, I say , I don't ask...
I say...
Whatever blessings I have gathered today,
Put it in my children's account,
For it is them that have lost their childhood,
Make life fine for them.
I have lived my life,
Nothing much can be done about it,
But, make it better for my little ones ,
For they require it.
Just like I am my father's daughter,
Let my flock be known as Mine.
Make them good human beings ...
My only offering to you.

Shroud of mystery

Engulfed in,
Shrouded in her own mystery,
She seeks solace in shedding salt,
Through the stream that never ends,
Through her eyes ,
Sore with relentless flow,
Of pain and aches,
She shrouds her being ,
In the mystical non relentless face ,
A straight face ,
No emotions,
Just a stoic silence.

A thin veil of mystical mist,
Covering her face,
The clouds covering her face,
Her eyes with a far off look,
Vacant eyes,
Eyes bereft of happiness....
Eyes shrouded in mystery.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Good bye Love

This probably is the last time I open up my deepest emotions and feelings. I might be gone forever,  never to return.

Goodbye my love if you are reading this.

I tried living with your memories ... but memories can't replace the being that you are  or the love with which you loved me passionately.

Am human , I can't hide my emotions ... so it is best to disappear forever , never to return.

Time to go  ... A leap of faith ... into the unknown ... A deep abyss opening up ... time to jump in .

Bye my love , forever yours .

Am leaving behind all my near and dear ones ... love can be so selfish , it makes you so selfish ... but in the best interest of all , I must leave ... go away , far so far , none can reach me ever.

I have loved you right from the very beginning when love stirred within me , I was naive never understood , lost everything , but by the time I found you ,  you were lost forever ... I love your little ones ... the one beside you  is a beautiful soul ... in everyones best interest , it is for me to fly away into the unknown , never to return.

Bye my love , never doubt my fidelity ... I gave you what truly belonged to you ... forgive me for going away like this ... but this is the only alternative left.

My loved ones willbe confused and alone , just be there to guide them if possible , for they have none but me today, and when am gone , they will have none.

I have always been a hopeless romantic , never changed my name ... one doesn't become so unrealistic and frivolous to change all the time.

Farewell my love , my Babu Moshaai.

Just lay me to  rest at Sea ... my final burial ground.

For the daughter of the Sea wants to return to her father , the Emperor of Oceans ! The vast ocean her playground. You shall see her in he rfullsplendour each full moon light , alighting from the silvery shimmering waves , to play with the mermaids and singing soulful songs just for you.

Good bye my love ... I have failed you, I have failed my flock too.

What use is success , when you are alone at the end of the day.

Forgive me my outbursts, forgive me my possessiveness , so am leaving you , for you are my weakness.
I always loved you , looked for you , when I finally found you , I lost myself.

I love you and you know it .

Evading

Avoiding meeting him...
Avoiding any contact with him ...
She seeks her salvation from the ache ...
Of separation from him.

A self imposed exile ...
She cages herself in ...
Just a bit oc worldly duties...
No escape from them.

She evades any talks regarding him,
She lowers her eyes at his mention ...
Lest they see the pain ...
Less they see the love ...
She harbours in her eyes.

Craving to scream ...
To howl and cry ...
Take out all the pain ...
She shudders ...
Shoulders stooped ..
She turns and walks away.

What has cast the spell on her?
She was living ... she was happy...
Why was he sent in her life?
Questions left unanswered ...
Awkward ,
She numbs her feelings ...
She walks away...
Evading him yet , once again.

Vacant eyes

Staring blankly at the idiot box ...
A pair of vacant eyes ..
Just watching ...
Not taking in anything ...
Everything incomprehensible ...
Trying to find a  solution...
No answers ...
No signs ...
Just images passing by ...
Pupils static ...
Unblinking vacant eyes.

The only image ...
Of him ...
Those brooding eyes ...
Regressing into the past ...
Reliving each moment ...
Showing no emotion ...
Just staring into space.

Vacant eyes,
Bereft of emotions...
Emptiness around ...
Drugged to sleep ...
Pain too deep.

Trauma

Going through one,
One wishes not the same for another...
Trauma in any form ...
Not for the one ...
With whom one has ...
Spent memorable moments.

Moments to cherish forever ...
For they are a thing of past...
No more shall flowers bloom ...
In this forest of despair.
But,  pain not for the loved one ...
Never ever ,
Love forgives ,
Never hates.

The trauma that he feels ...
Becomes hers ...
She takes it all within her ...
His pain ...
His aches ...
Albeit this time ...
Without him beside her...
A decision she made ...
Hardening her heart ..
Murdering her feelings ...
She absorbs his pains ....
All alone ...
For even in her loneliness ...
She isn't alone ...
She carries him within her.

She will never stop loving him ...
But, she won't meet him again.
The trauma too overbearing ...
She drowns in spirits ...
Where she forgets the pain...
For a while ...
She is free again ...
Soaring high ...
For a while ...
The trauma gone.

A Contract for Life ...

It hurts, to know ...
To be aware ...
That people just assume things ...
They presume they know all ...
When in totality ...
They have been fed a separate picture ...
A concocted story ...
To save oneself  ...
One can fall so low ...
Sad ...
But that is what has come across.

Someones assumptions can really make or mar ...
What was once so pure ...
So genuine ...
All lost ...
In a blasphemous affair.

Where did the innocence vanish?
Where has the love gone?
Emotions vandalised ....
A painful experience ...
Is all that remains.
The sweetness of childhood ...
Replaced by bitter experiences of today.

Presuming   on your own ...
You make your decisions ...
To suit your convenience ...
Think of the one that left everything ...
And everyone for you ...
Just once you had to say ...
And, she left all ...
To be your SHADOW ...
All you did  in your pretentious existence ...
Was shun the one that waited all those years ...
Once again ....
Vacant eyes ...
Once again pain....
A contract for life.

He meant it , really...

Whoever said that ... meant it...
Once a man went to a Psychologist for his problems in life ... and this is what transpired...
Who cooks breakfast for you ?
The cook ...
Who makes tea for you?
Either I do or my maid makes very good tea...
Who prepares lunch and dinner for you?
The cook does...
Who goes grocery and vegetable shopping at home?
I do... or I call up and have it delivered....
Who cleans, sweeps and mops the floor?
A maid comes for that...
Who makes the bed?
The maid does...
Who washes, cleans and takes care of your kids?
The maid or I do ...
Who runs errands for you at home?
I do ...
Who goes to work and makes ends meet?
I do ...
Whom do you turn to for your emotional needs?
My childhood sweetheart ...
Whom do you use as a punching bag when you are down and out?
My childhood sweetheart ...
Whom do you turn to for help when you are running out of time and have to get things done? Who runs around for you?
My childhood sweetheart ...
Whom do you open upto when down in the dumps?
My childhood sweetheart ...
Whom do you like to spend your time with?
My kids ...And, my sweetheart the flower I plucked and crushed
Who sleeps with you on your kingsize bed?
My wife ...
So, your wife is just another .... !
All the housework and taking care of kids is done by maids or you, your wife just sleeps with you ... the statement is JUSTIFIED ...isn't it , said the Psychologist.
Well.... No comments ;-)

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Her true love ... betrayed

One and only ...
The first time ...
When the strings of the heart had stirred...
Creating  a melody never heard ...
Her first love ...
Donald Duck!
For him ,
She left everything ...
She became his shadow ...
As he desired she did ...
Becoming one with him ...
She lost herself in him ...
Vaporising in his love ...
The passion melting her ...
She lost herself ...
Lost to herself ...
And to the rest ...
Like  a drop in the ocean ...
Never to be found again ...
Her entire identity at stake...
All at stake...
She tied herself to the stake ...
Burning in the pyre  ...
Reduced to ashes ...
The wind blowing the ashes all over ...
She touches his being ...
She is blessed.

Her one and true love ...
She destroys herself for him ...
She annihilates her existence ...
To smithreens lying bare ...
She looks skywards ...
Asking for divine justice...
The betrayal unfathomable ...
A fury raging in her eyes ...
Questioning ...
She burns at the stake ...
The fire lit by him.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Rising from her ruins ...

She turned around ...
All she saw was brick and mortar ...
Ruins...
Ashes of her being ...
Rising  like the Phoenix ...
She moved away from the rubble ...
Her silhouette , a mere shadow ...
She spanned her wings out ...
Ready to fly once again ...
Another horizon to explore ..,
Another adventure to begin.

She turns around ...
In the ruins ...
She sees faces ...
Familiar ones ...
Loved ones ...
All left behind ...
None in her journey ...
For it is for her ..
And her only to take.

The Knowing ...

As if knowing him wasn't enough ...
Now , knowing he exists ...
Within you ...
As if your own ...
Is a killing proposition.

The faint heartbeat ...
The turning ...
Features developing ...
All leading to a thought ...
What now?

Too much happening ...
And , he out of sight ...
Whom to turn to ?
The big dilemma ...
Killing the soul within ...
A question ...
Now what?

His being within her ...
A testimonial of their tempestuous affair...
No turning back ...
Yet, nothing to look forth to.

A tiny kick ...
felt now and then ..
Reminding her ...
Of the reality ...
She turns her face away ...
No attempt ...
To Hide what is his...
What is theirs.