Gosh! What a feeling love is.....

You are back in my life....
Like a whiff of fresh perfume....
I don't know how to react....
It's like a euphoria...
A feeling I can't contain.

Gosh! What a feeling love is.....
A feeling only I can fathom....
A feeling that leaves me breathless...
A feeling that makes me swoon...
I lose all sense of time and timidity....
I lose myself in this flow of emotions....
I display my love selflessly...
Oblivious of the looks of the world around...
A feeling that gets me into trouble...
A feeling that makes my life reel.....
A feeling deep down...
That this time round he will stay.

There has to some semblance to this madness...
There has to be a beginning or an end...
There has to be that something...
That spark, that says...
Yes , it's true this time round.

I am pretty sure...
This time round it's true... I am sure....Yes I am....

Girls night out..... confessions galore...

Omigosh! On a lark, the three of us, Ruchi, Jayshree and I decided to spend the night out at Jayshree's place on the outskirts of Mumbai. What a night ! It had no end in sight....laughter, sadness and bucketful of tears.... we let it all out.

We just poured our hearts out, letting our feelings flow. It all began with non stop laughter and then baring of our souls. Soul sisters we became .... we came , we felt and we conquered all our inhibitions and worked on being together for the rest of our lives.

Every little thing, past and present and future aspirations were shared. Heartbreaks discussed and salty tears shed. 

Girls night out , was one helluva experience with a hangover for me the next morning and a hellish time for Ruchi and Jayshree nursing me throughout the day.

Thank you girls for making this one night a  night to remember always. A night that brought us together. 

इस रात की सुबह नहीं हुई, बस रात कट गयी, हँसते रोते......

Questions to which there are no answers...

Questions , questions, questions galore....
Questions to which there are no answers.
We go on cribbing and inquiring....
We go on in life all the time crying.


Wish I could find all the answers at the click of a button...
My keyboard clicking away ...
Searching answers...
To innumerable questions.


Questions that try to seek answers to the pointless existence of ours,
Queries that bog the human mind...
Questions, questions ever questioning....
When to stop questioning?


What a cluttered mind do I have....
What a  meager existence...
What a non entity have I become....
What is it that brings the house down?

A never ending stream of what ifs...
An ocean vast and deep......
The human mind steeped with emotions........
A solitary existence to the fore.

The deeper you go... The more meaning it attains...
Is there an end to this meaningless quest?
Or, is it just the beginning?
The beginning of a journey ....
Long left unexplored....
A journey to the deep fathoms of human mind...
A path unfolding the unknown.

Time and again , I have failed....
Time and again, I have had faith...
How long will this battle go on?
No one knows, the human mind..
The fights and arguments that ensue there....
Are felt by the heart hurting all over again.

Life comes up a big cropper,
Serves hurt on a platter,
When will this pain end?
When will life actually begin?

Questions to which there are no answers...
Questions which bring me down...
Questions plenty..
Answers none...
I walk alone again....
With questions to keep me company....
Seeking answers not seen around.

Uff yeh Mohabbat....

मैं  आपसे मोहब्बत क्यूँ करती हूँ ? 

काश मैं यह बात जान पाती. पता नहीं क्यूँ , पर आप मेरी एक ज़रुरत हो, एक नशा हो जो जाता ही नहीं. 

क्या करून इस आदत का?

क्या करून इस इबादत का?

वक़्त का तकाज़ा है, प्यार में मैंने सब हारा है.......

अब भी दिल टूटने का डर है, पर क्या करून यह दिल हारा है....

अब कदम पीछे क्यूँ हटाऊँ?

नहीं , मैं कदम ना हटाउंगी....

मैंने प्यार किया है चोरी नहीं की

जब तनहा होती हूँ तोह सोचती हूँ....

क्यूँ मैं ऐसी हूँ?

क्या है जो मैं ढूँढती हूँ?

किसका इंतज़ार है मुझे?

और बस एक चेहरा नज़र आता है..... आपका

आप न होते तोह भी यह जीवन चलता रहता,

पर अब इस में एक सुरूर आ गया है...

एक नशा , एक ऐसा नशा जो जाए नहीं जाता

बस एक एहसास दिला जाता है..

कल फिर आएगा....

और उनकी याद मुझे फिर आएगी...

और तड़पा के , तनहा करके जायेगी

जो यह जुदाई है.. काश ना होती..

पर है... और एक निशानी है, हमारे प्यार की....

उस प्यार की कहानी है... जिसका हर मौड़ पे इम्तेहान होता है....

पर वोह तो वहीँ रहता है....राहें बदल जाती है...

पर एक मौड़ ऐसा आता है... जहाँ हमारे रास्ते फिर मिलते हैं ...

और हम फिर एक हो जाते हैं

उफ़ यह मोहब्बत.... उफ़ यह तन्हाई.... उफ़ यह जुदाई

Googly....

Life throws a googly at you...
How do you catch it....
How do you field it....
How do you avoid it....
How do you duck it....
It all depends on your mindset at that time....
It all depends on your attitude...
It all depends on what you feel...
It all depends on YOU.

When I am at the peak ....
I see nothing below...
All is so small and bleak....Yet, when I was there..
In the middle of the storm...
Everything seemed so nice..
Yet, from top it feels so desolate...
So isolated from the rest... The happiness that I seek.

Where do I begin and where do I end?
An abominable query of my heart...
Yet, there seems to be no answer...
That can plausibly quench that thirst.
I am who I am, for what I am....
I stand for love, but not cowardice...
I stand for trust, and  not the lust in your eyes that I see.

You pawed me, you scratched me...
You left me hurting all over....
Now, am afraid of every soul I meet...
Lest they turn out to be a beast like you.

What a googly, life dealt me....
When it set your meeting with me...
I guess it's destiny ...
That I end up sad and melancholy.
No words to express the hurt I feel....
No emotions to emote...
You played your part well...
You are  a brilliant actor no doubt,
I am the one feeling bereft.

I mourn the loss of a relationship...
I mourn the death of love...
I mourn the feeling that has left...
The door ajar... for the world to see and laugh.

What a googly...What a card dealt...
I am the maverick...
Who one and lost...
The game of life and the game of love.

I loved and I lost... I end up losing always....

What a loser am I!!!!
I always end up losing in the game of love.....
Every other war is won but the war on heart is lost always.
What a sucker am I!!!!!

People just walk in and walk out on their own.
They ravish and ravage me,inside out and just walk away,
As though nothing happened....So cool about it, their attitude.
Damn, What a fool am I!!!!

Time flies by, and they remain a memory...
A memory best forgotten....
Coz, it brings a lot of pain with it....
Why? Why do I end up with spineless love all the time?

They just come by and win you over,
Coz, you are a romantic fool.
They  manipulate you and use you..
Coz, you let them be who they are....
They walk away smiling in glee...
You are left behind feeling morose...
Yet you forgive them, lest they come back...
You have no ill feeling for them.
You pity them, you mother them,
When they are heartbroken.....
Yet they walk away on the first opportunity .....
In search of the promised virgins in their dreams.

They walk away, smiling....
They take away your smile....
Yet you move on....
That's not the end of the world for you...Is it?

I loved and lost..... I end up losing always...Yet I smile...
For I have promised myself.... I won't give up on love ever....
It keeps coming back..... making me smile all over again...
My smile speaks volumes of the hurt and pain I have seen...
Yet it remains pasted on my lips ... lest it pains someone else.

Am a hopeless romantic.... looking for love always...
There it is.. smiling at me... beckoning me always.
No, I don't lose ever...
Each relationship gave me something to remember...
Remember I shall always.

Dream Job............

This is what dreams are made of.... A dream job that creates a dream and more dream jobs for others like you and me. Finally, I have arrived at a point in my journey where I can dream and make it a reality. All I have to do is dream and work on my dream. The journey will never end, there will be stumbling blocks and pitfalls, but I want to go on...relentless in my work and working on my dream. A dream to change the face of Education.... right from laying the first brick to the last  coat of paint and doing the interiors. I want to handpick every building material myself, I want to be the mason and lay every brick and layer the cement, I want to be the potter to shape my dream.

It's not a JOB, it's a passion to fulfill my desires. Desires that rage within me, that make me the seductress that I am... desires that fuel my growth and that of others. A desire to make a difference.

I have put my heart, mind, soul and intellect in my dream.... I can see it taking shape. So much positivity, am happy to see it unfurling its wings... a proud moment, a moment of tumult and happiness. A joy to be felt..... my dream, my desires taking shape...... my hard work and perseverance paying off... no time to sit but time to keep moving... shaping more desires and dreams of people who have faith in me.... who look up to me. I can't let them down.... I have to keep them motivated, keep them thinking, desiring and dreaming with me always....  A utopia which has to become a reality.

So, come my people, gather around me and let us chant the rhyme of success and let it be our anthem and move on.... march on.... towards a better tomorrow and turning our dreams into a reality.

DREAM ON.....................

My love story is what fables are made of............

Yup, that's right.... my love story is a fable....told over the years every day by the wise people. My love story is what fables are made of.

It is music to the ears and gives vent to emotions....
It is the story of two lovers who lived all their life pining for each other yet lived their lives.... never once shirking their responsibilities. Lovers who could have rebelled yet didn't .... Family honour came utmost to their mind.... they waited patiently sometimes impatiently yet waited.......

This is my story, our love story and I am going to make a success out of it, come what may. Too long, far too long have we waited, now is our time and the place is this Earth, God our witness.... this love will see the light of day albeit a bit late.... but shine it will and stories made of it.

It's a story you wanna wake up with and sleep the night away with. It's a story that says , be bold , take the first step..... time doesn't wait. It's a story that says that the world is round....It's a story that says History repeats itself.... It's a story to die for...................... It's a Love Story of you and me......... It's our story..... our love story.

There have been lovers, one too many but none like you and me... It's the war of the Roses, it's Romeo and Juliet.... it is Macbeth... It is our love story, yours and mine.

Lovers will come and go but none can match our passion, our compassion and our perseverance. We are what fables are made of.... we are not a cooked up story but a true love story.

You have given me the happiness and joy which I sought for ages.... a lost soul that I was, I docked in your yard.... That's what makes it unique, our love story, a fabulous fable of love, hurt and despair and ultimate glory, the unison of two true lovers.

You are my anchor,,, you are my kite... you are the bird with whom I fly.... you are the reason for my smile... you give me hope for a better life. You are the one I shall be with, when the lights dim and I hear no more....You are the one who shall consummate my mortal being to the fiery soul of fire. You are the one I shall live and die for, you are the one my story begins and ends with. You are eternity to me, you are serenity to me... you give me a reason to write , to pour my feelings out.... so, let it flow... our story, yours and mine.... a love story to begin with and a true love story to end with.

Our love story is what angels and fairies are all about, a fable to talk about for generations to come.

Yours or mine.....

Your words leave me gasping for air every time  I read them....
I feel so guilty stepping into your shoes...
But, aren't those the shoes I left behind the first time.
So selfish, yet so innocent....
So childlike, yet so vicious....
He is mine, I won't leave him for anything....
all my life I pined for his love.....
Today when he is near me .... why do I fear?

He was yours, yet you left him....
He needed you , but you weren't there for him....
Then why do you cry now.... when he is mine....
Don't kill me with those soulful eyes and those lusty words of yours....
They make me sad and pity you your folly....
He is mine and not yours from the beginning..,,
Oh! How selfish of me, yet I dare to openly admit....
He is mine and I won't let him go.....

A new day, a new dawn....

A new day, a new dawn,
Yet my heart and mind are a turmoil of emotions.

Nothing can match the brevity,
Of the situation, I am in.
Am hard pressed for words...
A writers block threatening to stop the  flow of thoughts.

Life couldn't have got any more complicated than this.
When I thought all was hunky dory,
My man comes up with lies....
Lies that belie the truth behind his promises.
Now, they seem so redundant and empty.
How can I trust a man who so blatantly lies,
without the batting of an eyelid?
In the blink of an eye,
All dreams have shattered...
My heart once again broken into pieces.
Why does he do this over and over again?
Why do I allow him to do this to me always?

Every time we fall apart,
He somehow manages to convince me.
Not this time, I am so deeply hurt..
I don't know, what secrets lurk behind those smiles of his?
What is it that makes people shirk him?
What is he hiding from me...
That he is so secretive and non communicative of his past?

Questions, to which there is no answer...
Queries, that leave me bewildered.
Am utterly confused....
Whether to trust him anymore  or not..
A risk I am willing to take or not.

A new day, a new dawn...
And, here I am .... fretting and fuming...
Contemplating a bleak future, if I stick to him....
And, a miserable life without the bundle of lies that he is...
A new day, a new dawn......
And, a new lie perhaps.

What is it that I seek?

What is it that I seek?

Blessings or fruits of some order?

What I seek is love... pure love and bliss.

Why is it that all forsake him?

The one I love is not loved by anyone.

I hurt in the knowledge.... and cry in vain.

The pain instead of subsiding , grows in leaps and bounds.

His love and passion leaves me breathless, wanting more...

yet I feel helpless and forlorn.

Love can bring with it seasons of despair,

with no hopes of repair,

Yet I love him, in the hope...

That we shall be together, one day..forever.

In an everlasting embrace,

Not to be torn by time and place...

When will such a day dawn upon us?

What is it that I seek?

Love or thorns.... am not sure....

But, am sure, he loves me....

Yet, so unsure of the chimes of time.

What is it that I seek?

I have everything going great for me..... Touchwood!

Yet, this feeling, this foreboding that somewhere,

something is just not right....

An empty space, an empty feeling...

What is it that I seek?

True love stories never have an ending....

True , true love stories never have an ending. Mine doesn't. I loved a man ages ago and I still love him no matter what. Come hail or thunderstorm I shall always love him ... n this life and afterlife. My soul shall always yearn to be with him forever in eternal bliss.

It's not a frivolous expression. It's an expression something deeper, something that means a lot to me. Something that changed the course of life for me then and now. I live and die for my love and I have no inhibition in exhibiting a public display of my affections.

I thought I had loved and lost, but I was wrong... I gained in experience and an upliftment of my soul... an enhancement of my personality. I grew in stature and by no means lost on any experience. Along the way, came many others but this love stood steadfast, conquering all other beliefs and social taboos. Am whole now... one with my loved one and no typhoon can tear us apart..... till death do us apart also does not hold ground here.... coz even death can't set us apart.

Today, at the height of my career, at the helm of affairs.... I am not alone. He stands tall beside me and I by his side. We are each others support systems, we have pledged our lives unto each other and our loved ones. What other love could do that? He is my inspiration and motivation to do well and be good. I couldn't have asked for a better man than him. He is the best and he is mine and here to stay.

Ours is a story, that unfolds each century into a saga of blood and tears, yet it stands the test of time.... this is what Love stories are made of.... this is our story... and our love stands above all...unique and distinct.

This story has no end.... it is just the beginning........