Beyond today...

Yesterday is passe.... beyond today, my tomorrow beckons me. I latch onto it bag, baggage and bandwagon. I don't know, what lies ahead but am game for some adventure. It's been a long time since I went out without knowing what to do next. Time to get the spirit back in form.

There will be hurdles to cross, muddy patches to jump over... but, what the heck? Am game for it.

I want to do something different from what I have been doing so far, albeit in and around what am in...Education. Revolutionize the idea of parallel teaching and learning, take the classes out in the open, rope in the concept of Room to Roam....so much mulling in my head. This is not possible if I work with somebody, I have to open my own school. I want technology to come to school and take the children out.

Creative thoughts and innovative ideas crowd my mind, causing a traffic jam, leaving me blank . What with the speed with which these ideas and thoughts come at me, am taken aback and my mind works faster than my fingers... which leaves me at a loss since the ideas evaporate in seconds of being the light bulbs to awaken the thought process within me or by the time I gather my paper and pen , they are a distant thought... and a new one takes form...again to cause trauma to my sense and sensibilities.

Am gunning to start afresh, but lack of funds stops my progress. Am halted midway by the crunch.... space crunch, moolah crunch, crunch in finding the right talent for carrying my work ahead........ so after all the mulling and fretting and fuming , I end up going back to the pavilion.... DUCK OUT.

On second thoughts.............

I was thinking and thinking.... the process went on for a couple of days. Days where emotions ran high and dry and I was getting nowhere. Then , suddenly out of the blue a person appeared in my life, long buried memories and feelings came flooding back and I said to myself, gosh ... when I am going through an emotional turmoil , why this? there has to be a meaning to it. And then, one of the moments flashed by...... a moment when he had said...........

"If you love someone set them free, If they come back , they were yours else they were never yours."

On second thoughts, it makes a whole lot of sense now.

Of course, the bird is back but it's different now. Circumstances have changed, profiles have changed, I have changed as a person. But, on second thoughts, have the feelings changed?

No, the feelings haven't changed but yes they have matured like wine and like a mature woman , I have become mellifluous. There was so much pent up within me, it was stifling me and all my subsequent relationships......... it's smoothened out now.

On second thoughts, it did me good. Of course, when you are going through the heartache you don't realise it, but when you look back from where you started and where you have reached not ended, you heave a sigh of relief and say to yourself, it could have been worse. These thoughts keep you moving and grooving to your own music.

There's more to the thoughts and the process... but not now.... am going deeper into my thoughts now.

I cook....

Yup, I do cook. Barely well enough to pass the through the intestines. It's an art which I have to perfect, but dunno how. Why? Because I can't follow rules and cooking needs discipline and that's what lacking in me.... a sense of discipline. I don't seem to follow anything, any work through to completion in cooking. It bores me to follow tried and tested methods of cooking. I love to experiment and I certainly have guinea pigs at home to try my experiments on. ???... My Kids.

After school, they dread coming home, now that am on a sabbatical from work ..... what has that got to do with my kids dread... a lot. I cook for them. LOL

Now, they have to eat what I prepare and swear the expression on their faces are like, when is she going to start working and stop torturing us with her recipes. That's another thing that that at the end of the day most of what I have cooked goes in the bin.

Oh, but I do cook with a lot of passion infused in my psyche for cooking. Albeit, it turns into a new discovery each time. I put on music and wear my sneakers and dance while I cook. It's fun, I swear. But, there are times when I prepare tea alongside my cooking and end up putting tealeaves in the pasta or salt in the tea. I can be a bit absent minded though I swear it's not intentional. Once I put cumin powder in my coffee and for a long time wondering always why the coffee didn't taste like coffee at all. The prowess to discern between condiments and coffee seems to be lacking in me.

Every time I prepare Kidney beans (Rajma) the north Indian style, I end up with masala soup and the beans settled in the bottom of the vessel. It's very embarrassing. My kids tell me, mom let's order the food from a restaurant but you don't burn your calories conjuring up crap for us.

Oh , that calls for recalling the fact that I am a very clumsy cook. I always end up chopping my fingers, chipping my nails or burning my hands. I am designing a protective gear for avoiding these mishaps in future.

All in all, said and done, am a passionate cook. I bring passion into my cooking and I swear , the bloopers mentioned above are entirely true but so is the fact that I cook and I cook well. I experiment with cooking and 99% times it is a success, I do not chronicle my successful recipes they are there in my mind and memory and shall be buried or burnt and laid to rest with my mortal remains later. The secret of my cooking is LOVE. I cook for the love of cooking and for my loved ones. My brothers and sisters love the fish and rabbit I make. My kids love my pastas. My sister in law loves my Indian food. But, everybody loves the south Indian dishes I dish out. But, the crown goes to my cakes, muffins, cookies and cheesecakes.

There's more........... the list is endless.......... I can really cook but need patronage to inspire and motivate me to cook.

I swear....

Yeah, I swear too. We all do , don't we. In frustration, anger and when things are not going right, we all swear. I do swear. But... there 's a difference here. i swear in a different manner. It's not that I don't know swear words ,I do. Probably I know more swear words than anyone else in this world , but I don't exhibit that prowess.

What I do is present a swear in the most refined manner. Saanp bhi marr jata hai aur lathi bhi nahi tootti. LOL

Growing up reading literature from around the world gave me the perspective to swear like a lady as in Victorian era influenced books and movies or like Captain Haddock in Tintin comics.

What I find most suited to my persona as an educator was the impeccable use of the Queen's language for swearing and am a huge Hugh Grant fan for that purpose , else Thundering typhoons and jumping jellybeans would do with kids.

That brings us to the very common 'F' word and the mother , sister kinda foul language . Well , I keep my knowledge updated in that field but do not utter the words in public. One has to know everything but chose to use it selectively.

In fact, once I had seen a video discourse on the F word by Bhagwan Rajneesh (OSHO) and it was the cutest way to put it forth. before that I had just brushed Rajneesh aside as another Guru, but he earned my respect and reverence thereafter. Have become a die hard fan of Rajneesh and his philosophy, so like mine.

It's fun to read and learn new words always and swear words are a litany of words to configure and use with a whole lot of thought process involved. I swear......... it's fun. It lets you pour it all out and feel a sense of relief at the end of it. It gives you a big 'O' if you win an argument based on the choice of words. Everybody must try it, try to swear in Queen's language, very British and beautiful. Or very funny like Captain Haddock.... leaping lizards kind.

With that, lemme go and brush up on my swearing..... Ciao

Just another day...

Just another bright new and sunny day. Another sojourn, another twist and another turn to break the monotony of a staid laid back life.

Just another day, a chance given to make changes for a better state of mind in days to come.

Just another day of promises to make to myself and the rest of the world that no matter what am going to get there.

Just another beautiful day, a chance given to enjoy the fruits of life.

Just another challenging day, to juggle chores and keep my sanity intact.

Just another day to look back and say, so far so good.

Just another day to look at my kids and feel proud that I brought them unto this world. I was the vehicle that had the fortune of carrying the best of humanity.

Just another day to thank god for all the small mercies bestowed upon me.

Just another day to test my patience.

Just another day to trouble trouble....lol

just another day to say I Love you....... ;-)

Just another day......... to feel like a woman.

Just another day to be in in love..... with myself..... lol

Just another day..............

The list is endless and it is a long day. So much to do and say and get on with... whew! Just another day....

What a day...

Amazingly high octane day. High octane drama, high octane feelings, high octane performance.... name it and everything was high octane, the anti knocking element in the petrol of my life.

Am flabbergasted that I was able to sail through the day without batting an eyelid.... as if all the forces in universe were trying to get together and make my day for me.

Am glad I went out, am absolutely comfortable with the thought that I stayed away from Twitter and Facebook for a couple of hours............ I did things that pleased people and I got a high from that. I was there for them.

I am glad I had some great conversations with some intellectual people and people appreciated my views and my knowledge on various topics. That was another high that catapulted me to another level of bliss.

To sum it, I had a great day, I am happy and I learnt a lot and gave a lot and at the end of it , I know I have my own identity and am not hiding behind someone else... or am not someone's shadow.

Foresight......Family and friends

Things are looking up. On the personal front have a lot going with family and 'friend' in tow. At the end of it all, this is what matters the most and family comes first and foremost.

The foresight of family is paying handsome dividends. one must invest in family, it pays good returns.

There would be many more ups and downs in life , but experience says one can tide over every obstacle if your family is with you. they don't have to be physically present, all that is needed is their unstinting emotional support. Nothing else matters then.

There does come a time when you have to choose the best out of the options available to you and believe me , family chips in with the soundest advice. there could be some hilarious advises too, and some really silly and outdated ones and some which might pinch you , but what the heck, it's family and even if you fall down , the family will help you on your feet again and again.

I pity those who don't have a family and lead a lonesome life fraught with problems ,mostly self created because they have friends but don't turn to them in times of need.

I have some great friends , bachpan ke dost. They are not there physically with me but keep an eye on me and are there always no matter what.

Thanks to advancement in technology, my friends keep a tab on my whereabouts and emotions and chip in with their support and advise. That's what matters and nothing else does.

My family and friends are the sails of my boat and steer my boat safely even in turbulent patches of the sea called life.

Today, am positive that this day is going to send a wonderful gift to me and am looking towards receiving it with all my humbleness.

On hindsight....

On hindsight, am glad it's over. It was doomed from the beginning. There was only one person giving and the other was just taking, hoarding n selfish, self centered fool.

Come to think of it, there was no fire in it, no warmth, a coldness which was hard to detect but now looking back , yes the perspective has changed.

There was a beggar and he was always begging and a benevolent benefactor giving always. There was a dog who begged for morsels and the master gave it all, but dogs are faithful, this dog was unfaithful and so one day the master just kicked him out of his home and life.

Now, the dog roams the streets of the nether world begging and pawing anyone passing by for sympathy and love. With his maggot ridden body, pallid face and diseased condition people pitied him and threw bits and pieces of food for him, but how long can anybody feed a parasite, not long. One day he was caught by the municipal authorities and thrown out of the city in the wasteland where he laments, raves and rants of days bygone and his miseries.... But there is no one to listen to him.

What a story to ponder about!

Let's not forget, we have a purpose in life, do your bit for mankind and move on. Do not linger in the past, it has nothing to offer you but an experience that should help you discern between who is there for you and who isn't.

Thanks MEENA, I took your advise seriously and spat out all the anger albeit in a more civilized manner than what you had suggested.

Love you for being there for me . LOL...wink!!!