Chapters Closed ...

It has been a long time since I last penned my thoughts and feelings.

Today, just on a lark I decided to check on my blog posts. Whew! What a journey it has been!

Swinging like Tarzan from Happiness to sad posts ; I have been through them all.

My life right before me , I know I have grown , journeyed through thick and thin yet sustained the pain and joy through it all.

People joined midway, lost along the way; some kept pace , some just got tired and lagged behind finally disappearing into the misty fog of yesteryear's memories. Chapters Closed.

A big thick rustic book of memories, my life a roller coaster ride. Fidelity, the only factor to seek , never found. So each chapter closed to let the pain ebb away for my life is just one, no more suffering for another's shortcomings.

A long winding journey which saw mirth, laughter, pain and joy ; most remembered the moments of comedy; time gone by ... how it flies!

Closing the Chapter to the past ... penning new thoughts .. On my own ... I create a new History ... a new road to Salvation ... My own to follow .. for in my melancholy solitude I have found my calling... My life on my own terms I live.

Opening a  fresh new Chapter in the book of my life ... Just one Shadow on the page ... MINE .

That moment ...

Exactly  that particular moment ...
That !
When one is deeply engrossed in work ...
And, suddenly a name from the past pops up ...
That moment of pin drop silence ...
Everyone fully aware of how it affects you ...
Tension in the air ...
Regret writ large on the face ...
Of the one who uttered it ...
Ah1 How I love such tension filled moments ...
And, you break the stony silence ...
With a loud false laughter ...
howling with laughter ...
Tears stinging at the corner of your eyes ...
That moment ... pure bliss ...
All let loose to loosen the tense muscles...
On faces around you.

Memorable moments ...
Come rushing through your thoughts ...
A take over from the blast from your past.
Moments fleeting by ...
Everything so crystal clear ...
All you see as a movie ...
That you experienced solely ...
You just shrug your shoulder ...
And. smile ...
Getting on with the task in hand.
That moment passes you by ...
You move on to the next moment.

The First Kiss ...

The freshness of it all ...
Still lingering on my lips ...
I remember our first Kiss ...
With fondness abound ...
I remember every moment ...
Right from the awkward silence ...
To holding hands ...
Resting of your head on my shoulder ...
And my head on your head ...
A billion sensations running ...
Through my veins ...
When our hair met ...
An electric current ...
Sending sensations through every bit of me ...
The silence said it all.

The first Kiss ...
Saying it all ...
A stolen moment ...
Magical ...
Followed by some more ...
Taking us to the Seventh Heaven ...
A feeling best left undescribed ..
Just felt by two hearts ...
Beating as one.

Lest I make a fool of myself ...
Let the Silence speak for itself ...
It holds memories of our First Kiss.

The Potency of the Impotent ...

Limited to words ...
Is the potency of the impotent one ...
All he knows is to rave and rant ...
All day long ...
Living off his parents ...
He is nothing ...
But an imbecile fool.

Flexing his muscles ...
he rules over the weak ...
In that knowledge he is happy ...
What a fool he is ...
The impotent One ...
For he knows not ...
That muscles will fail ...
When age catches up with him ...
Frail in his Sunset years ...
He will lament his IMPOTENCY.

The fool ...
And his desires ...
All so vain ...
He seeks solace ...
In the bosom of Hoes ...
He seeks fulfillment ...
where there is none ...
For he shall always remain ...
The IMPOTENT One .

Jugni ...

In remembrance ...

An Ode to Love Lost ...

"Jugni" is my tribute to what we had once.

You saw it coming ...

No? Neither did I.

The Love we confessed to ...

Happened not overnight ...

It just happened over a period of time.

The Apple of your Eye ...

Adam's Apple or William Tell's ...

Is what you know best...

Became so...

After a long period of knowing each other ...

Incomprehensible relation at first ...

Just plain acquaintances ...

To friends ...

To people who would sit up all night talking ...

We became inseparable...

A tie that hasn't broken ...

So what if we don't meet anymore ...

The unsaid ...

The unbroken exists.

Your "Jugni" didn't die ...

She remains  in-existential ...

Watching you pine for her ...

Yet, the chain of pride binds her ...

For you offended her sentiments ...

One too many times.

You pained me with your harsh words ...

So did I return the favor ...

What hurt me most was...

Your affiliations with the others ...

Why another when I was there ?

Those same dialogues could have been ours ...

But you chose to find alternatives ...

To our pure conversations...

It hurts, when the one you love ...

Showers what is yours on others.

Jugni waits in the wings ...

In the shadows of the ramparts of words ...

She watches your back ...

But, she won't emerge from the dark ...

That you pushed her into...

She just watches with tear filled eyes ...

Tears that threaten to spillover ...

And flood the realms of your World...

No, she isn't a weak one ...

She is too strong to let your fears...

Overwhelm her being.

She loved You ...

She Loves You...

She will always Love You ...

But, JUGNI won't chase YOU.

Aura ...

There is a certain Aura around her...
The way she walks ...
The  way she talks ..,
The way she presents herself to the World ...
There is a way about her ...
That none can match ...
She is bright ...
She is confident ...
She is child like ...
Yet she is a Woman ...
All look upto.

The simple smile ...
Simple yet caring ...
Caring yet sensual ...
Yes, That!
That is the aura around her ...
Young and old ....
Love her ....
Abysmal smile ....
She is the ultimate desire of every aching heart.

Yes! There is an aura around her...
The aura of confidence ...
An aura of positive self worth ...
That is what sets her apart ...
Not being part of the crowd ...
She moves fluidly ...
In her own space.

The aura of her shine ...
The shine in her aura ...
She is the desire of Satan ...
She is the desire of Adonis ...
She is there ...
Yet nobody can touch her soul ..
She drifts in her own World ..
Her Aura shining bright.

In the Missing ...

In the missing lies the answer...
To a heart that wonders ...
Where does it go wrong ?
When to draw the lines ?
How to treat the emotions uncensored?
How to curb the desires?
Where it all ends?

In the missing ...
Lie the musings...
The random thoughts ....
The whole hulla bulloo  and rantings ...
The words spoken and unspoken ...
The fears allayed ..
All in the missing.

In the missing ...
One realizes what the other means ...
The place the other occupies ..\
The pedestal empty ...
The worshipper crucified...
All in the missing.

The bedazzled specter ...
Of a life unlived ...
The heart ploughed to death ...
Feelings demolished ....
Crushed under their own weight....
All in the missing.

In the missing lies the answer ...
The answer we all seek.

Cocaine ...

They say Drugs kill ...

I say, Why not die in a state of Bliss. At least drugs don't break your trust. With drugs you get a high, you forget everything, you sleep a contented sleep.

Cocaine, my bane or curse... I don't know. But, today it keeps me happy.... keeps me blissfully unaware of the hell that life can be. I sleep like a baby , curled up in my cocoon where none can hurt me. My feelings safely ensconced in my heart, untouched by the World. Blissfully unaware of pain, I sleep.  Respite from a hard day of work, emotional stress , handling flaring egos and flaming minds... Yes! Cocaine is the answer to all.

It takes a tremendous amount of energy to act normal in an abnormal World of chaos.Drugs subdue the enthusiasm and make me fly into a veritable World of adventures and dreams that otherwise I wouldn't have had.  A venture so bold, I could literally remain their forever trying out new adventures and games. Something impossible in real life is possible in my World of Cocaine.

I like getting lost in my own World....like Alice in Wonderland.... In the land of Oz ... In the land of Anarchy ...of Queens, Emperors and Knights with shining armour.

My Life ... Only one to live ... I live it .. I swear by Cocaine.