I am aware ...

I am aware you are reading me ...
Are you aware I love you ...
I know it is absurd in your eyes ...
But, this love is true...
You can't love a person if you don't respect him or her ...
It is not about your love ...
It is all about my respect for you and ...
My undying love for you.
Il told you ...
I fell in love with you ...
So I told you my reality ...
There is no conning in telling the truth...
What I feel for you is not lust ...
I crave your presence ...
Not for lustful gains ...
But for discussions on any and everything ...
I have found my match only in you ....
Someone who can hold his own and yet be mine ....
I visit far away places in my imagination ...
Far and wide I travel with you beside me in my imagination ...
Discussing the art & architecture,
Cuisine and Scientology ...
I discuss everything under the Sky with you.

They say I have gone insane ...
Smiling all by myself ...
Walking away into the unknown ...
They have given up all hope ...
They say I am dying ...
A slow death ...
Substance abuse has become my weakness ...
You revolve all around me ...
I can't forget that ...
So I drug myself to a forced sleep ....
They say I am dying ...
I have no sense of the World ...
abdicating all my responsibilities ...
Yet smiling all the time ...
Wandering into the Woods ...
Talking to an imaginary companion ...
They are waiting for me to die ...
For them there is no hope ...
They don't know what is eating me within ...
I just keep walking and ...
Talking to myself.

I am aware you are aware ....
Yet you remain far away ...
No emotions ...
No feelings ...
So I turn my face away ...
And, get back into my surreal imaginary World...
Where besides me ...
You are happy and I am happy too.

That naughty laugh ...

Yes! he laughs uncontrollably ...
An innocent naughty laugh ....
When in a good mood ...
At cruising speed his car...
He talks to me hours on ...
No, correction needed here ...
He used to have  a healthy banter with me ...
Now, no more  do we talk ...
Now, no more do I laugh ...
Now, no more do I smile ...
All sparkle gone with the festival of lights ...
Torn apart from his life and soul .

Thousands of miles apart ...
I wonder now what he does ...
For, we spoke endlessly till dawn ...
Breaking all records.

Silly talks ...
Even sillier jokes ...
But a  love unparalleled....
A spirit bejewelled.
His laughing face ...
Naughtiness dripping from his eyes ....
A disarming smile ...
Large frame ...
A bear hug so warm to feel ...
All in imagination ...
Being in his arms ...
Listening to his rap ...
Just feeling safe there ...
Cuddling and snuggling for warmth.

That naughty laugh ....
Ringing in my ears ...
I wonder what went wrong...
Still not clear.

I am Hurting ...

For no fault of mine ...
You found faults in me ...
Yes! I am hurting ...
Your behaviour was uncalled for ...
An act that betrayed mistrust  and infidelity on your part ...
I waited as I wait today too ...
For you to realize your mistake.

I agree you were there ...
When I was in pain ...
You showed you cared ...
Where has that concern gone now ...
When someone else is in your vision?

A festival took place ...
I wanted it to be special for us ...
No, you weren't there for me...
You were never there when I really really needed you.

Today also, you claim...
To drown yourself in liquor ..
I don't do that ...
For none can replace you ...
Neither Liquor nor another ...
I gave you what was sacred ...
An unflinching faith and love ...
In return you stabbed me with a shattered bottle of Beer.
'
What was Dear to you?

You showed it in your crass and nude behaviour ...
I waited upon you as I do today ...
But, you never came near.
You found solace in another ...
Crying your heart out ...
I wept within ...
A bold front for the World to see.
For I desire no sympathy ...
Nor gain a fan following ...
I desire fidelity ...
which you failed to deliver.

I am Hurting ...
I will hurt furthermore ...
For I surrendered my all to you ...
Seldom done before.

I am Hurting ...
I am loving the pain given by you ...
It is dear to me ...
Very close to my heart.

काश ...

काश की हमने बेवफाई की होती...
यूं बेइंतेहा दर्द न सहना पडता ...
कोई और तो होता आंसूं पोछने के लिए..
कोई और होता अपना बनाने के  लिए...
 ...काश...
हमने सच में बेवफाई की होती...
न ये दिन देखते ...
न ये तन्हाई ...
सुकून का दिया जलाये बैठे होते ...
किसी और का दिल जले ये क्या सोचते ...
काश हमने सच में बेवफाई की होती...
तुम तोह अपना ग़म मयखाने में हल्का कर आगे ...
हम किस ओर मुड़ें सोचते हैं?
शायद कोई आस बाकी हो ...
शायद अब भी प्यास बाकी हो ...
पर पत्थर के दिल नहीं होता ...
सुना था आज देख भी लिया.
काश... हमने बेवफाई ही की होती 

Chill in the Air ... Yes! Winter is here...

The augmenting of the weather forecast ...
A slip of tongue for many ...Despite the many devices ...
Man has no control over Nature's fury.
A man made disaster ...
Ready to unfold ...
I can sense it in the air ...
A chilly nip in the air ...
Yes, Winter is here ....
Bringing with it a harsh and cold reality.

Leaves falling from the trees ...
Sentinels standing guard ...
till when is the question ...
Smog in the air ...
Crunch goes a sound beneath my feet ..
Yes, Winter is here.

Squeezing their arms together ...
People running around with their daily chores ...
No smiles ... just frowns ...
Every man, woman and child in despair.
And, here I am ...
Cocooned in my shell ....
Typing away words ...
Hidden in my lair.

I get ready to tackle the World tomorrow...
The Big Bad World ..
The little Red Riding Hood in me ...
Wears her Monkey cap ...
Wraps her woolen scarf around her neck ...
Her polo neck sweater ...
Her trademark dress ...
Jeans and boots to match ...
Yeah! All set to tackle Winter ...
All set to tackle despair ..
All set to tackle the Wolf in Sheep's skin.
Yes! Winter is here ...
So am I ...
All ready to enjoys the chill in the air.

Happy Memories ...

I turn back time ...
Happy days despite physical pain ...
Coz' you were there ...
I look at your crazy poses ...
In photos taken on  a whim and fancy ...
Am lost in the haze of bygone memories.

If they were ever made ...
They were mere words ...
But, they were said ...
I remember each word...
The laughter ...
The fun joking around.

The songs that blared ...
That hurt my eardrum...
Yet were sweetness abound ...
I remember the love we shared
The jokes we made ...
We were so happy...
We were content ...
What happened to those days ?
What happened to happiness?

It is not in my hand to turn back time ...
It is not me that needs to take that extra step now ...
I died the moment he sought solace elsewhere...
Thinking I was gone.

I flip through the memories ...
I slide through cracks ...
Getting a glimpse of him here and there ...
I plunge deep in despair.

I never left ...

I never left ...
You walked away ...
I waited like I always do ...
As I am waiting today too ...
Knowing well...
You won't come back ...
You won't realize what you didn't do ....
You drowned yourself in expressing rot ...
You drowned in liquor ...
I waited ...
What was it that pushed me away ...
You saying No time for me.
Today you have ample time to deplore my anger ...
But no time to look within....
See inside the beasteality of your actions ...
How you drove her away.


Whole day you ensured she suffered ...
No not your words ...
But your suffering made her sad....
Instead of being there for her ...
You drove her away.
She hovered around ...
I the hope you would turn around ...
You didn't ...
You went away to find solace elsewhere ..
she was left alone ...
Waiting upon you.

Se never left ...
She is still there ..
Just hiding in her cocoon ...
Shivering from your cold behaviour ...
She is lying there ...
Every breath an effort ....
She never left ....
YOU left .

What did you lose?
Nothing.
She lost her dream ...
A dream to be loved ...
A dream of fidelity ...
A dream of being held close ...
'You drowned in Alcohol...
she drowned in her own sorrows.

Bereft of love ...
Pain numbing her ...
She lies there ...
Heartbroken...
She never left ..
I never left ...
YOU Left.

कुछ उसूलन इस तरह बना ली है ज़िन्दगी मैंने...

कुछ उसूलन इस तरह बना ली है ज़िन्दगी मैंने ...
ज़िंदा होते हुए भी मौत का कफ़न औढ लिया मैंने ...

जिस तरह उमने रहगुज़र की ज़िन्दगी...
मेरी नहीं है ऐसी बंदगी ....
इसलिए अब वक़्त हो चला है कुछ बंधन तोड़ने का....
राह से राहगीरों को हटाने के लिए...
कुछ उसूलन इस तरह बना ली है ज़िन्दगी मैंने ...

ज़िंदा होते हुए भी मौत का कफ़न औढ लिया मैंने ...

बहुत दूर नज़र आते हैं मंज़र प्यार के ...

अब और नहीं सह सकते ये दर्द उल्फत के ...

इसलिए ...

कुछ उसूलन इस तरह बना ली है ज़िन्दगी मैंने ...
ज़िंदा होते हुए भी मौत का कफ़न औढ लिया मैंने ...

एक कश्ती थी जो अब ड़ूबगयी...

कोई और नयी राह ढूँढ ऐ पथिक

कुछ उसूलन इस तरह बना ली है ज़िन्दगी मैंने ...
ज़िंदा होते हुए भी मौत का कफ़न औढ लिया मैंने