I am Hurting ...

For no fault of mine ...
You found faults in me ...
Yes! I am hurting ...
Your behaviour was uncalled for ...
An act that betrayed mistrust  and infidelity on your part ...
I waited as I wait today too ...
For you to realize your mistake.

I agree you were there ...
When I was in pain ...
You showed you cared ...
Where has that concern gone now ...
When someone else is in your vision?

A festival took place ...
I wanted it to be special for us ...
No, you weren't there for me...
You were never there when I really really needed you.

Today also, you claim...
To drown yourself in liquor ..
I don't do that ...
For none can replace you ...
Neither Liquor nor another ...
I gave you what was sacred ...
An unflinching faith and love ...
In return you stabbed me with a shattered bottle of Beer.
'
What was Dear to you?

You showed it in your crass and nude behaviour ...
I waited upon you as I do today ...
But, you never came near.
You found solace in another ...
Crying your heart out ...
I wept within ...
A bold front for the World to see.
For I desire no sympathy ...
Nor gain a fan following ...
I desire fidelity ...
which you failed to deliver.

I am Hurting ...
I will hurt furthermore ...
For I surrendered my all to you ...
Seldom done before.

I am Hurting ...
I am loving the pain given by you ...
It is dear to me ...
Very close to my heart.

काश ...

काश की हमने बेवफाई की होती...
यूं बेइंतेहा दर्द न सहना पडता ...
कोई और तो होता आंसूं पोछने के लिए..
कोई और होता अपना बनाने के  लिए...
 ...काश...
हमने सच में बेवफाई की होती...
न ये दिन देखते ...
न ये तन्हाई ...
सुकून का दिया जलाये बैठे होते ...
किसी और का दिल जले ये क्या सोचते ...
काश हमने सच में बेवफाई की होती...
तुम तोह अपना ग़म मयखाने में हल्का कर आगे ...
हम किस ओर मुड़ें सोचते हैं?
शायद कोई आस बाकी हो ...
शायद अब भी प्यास बाकी हो ...
पर पत्थर के दिल नहीं होता ...
सुना था आज देख भी लिया.
काश... हमने बेवफाई ही की होती 

Chill in the Air ... Yes! Winter is here...

The augmenting of the weather forecast ...
A slip of tongue for many ...Despite the many devices ...
Man has no control over Nature's fury.
A man made disaster ...
Ready to unfold ...
I can sense it in the air ...
A chilly nip in the air ...
Yes, Winter is here ....
Bringing with it a harsh and cold reality.

Leaves falling from the trees ...
Sentinels standing guard ...
till when is the question ...
Smog in the air ...
Crunch goes a sound beneath my feet ..
Yes, Winter is here.

Squeezing their arms together ...
People running around with their daily chores ...
No smiles ... just frowns ...
Every man, woman and child in despair.
And, here I am ...
Cocooned in my shell ....
Typing away words ...
Hidden in my lair.

I get ready to tackle the World tomorrow...
The Big Bad World ..
The little Red Riding Hood in me ...
Wears her Monkey cap ...
Wraps her woolen scarf around her neck ...
Her polo neck sweater ...
Her trademark dress ...
Jeans and boots to match ...
Yeah! All set to tackle Winter ...
All set to tackle despair ..
All set to tackle the Wolf in Sheep's skin.
Yes! Winter is here ...
So am I ...
All ready to enjoys the chill in the air.

Happy Memories ...

I turn back time ...
Happy days despite physical pain ...
Coz' you were there ...
I look at your crazy poses ...
In photos taken on  a whim and fancy ...
Am lost in the haze of bygone memories.

If they were ever made ...
They were mere words ...
But, they were said ...
I remember each word...
The laughter ...
The fun joking around.

The songs that blared ...
That hurt my eardrum...
Yet were sweetness abound ...
I remember the love we shared
The jokes we made ...
We were so happy...
We were content ...
What happened to those days ?
What happened to happiness?

It is not in my hand to turn back time ...
It is not me that needs to take that extra step now ...
I died the moment he sought solace elsewhere...
Thinking I was gone.

I flip through the memories ...
I slide through cracks ...
Getting a glimpse of him here and there ...
I plunge deep in despair.

I never left ...

I never left ...
You walked away ...
I waited like I always do ...
As I am waiting today too ...
Knowing well...
You won't come back ...
You won't realize what you didn't do ....
You drowned yourself in expressing rot ...
You drowned in liquor ...
I waited ...
What was it that pushed me away ...
You saying No time for me.
Today you have ample time to deplore my anger ...
But no time to look within....
See inside the beasteality of your actions ...
How you drove her away.


Whole day you ensured she suffered ...
No not your words ...
But your suffering made her sad....
Instead of being there for her ...
You drove her away.
She hovered around ...
I the hope you would turn around ...
You didn't ...
You went away to find solace elsewhere ..
she was left alone ...
Waiting upon you.

Se never left ...
She is still there ..
Just hiding in her cocoon ...
Shivering from your cold behaviour ...
She is lying there ...
Every breath an effort ....
She never left ....
YOU left .

What did you lose?
Nothing.
She lost her dream ...
A dream to be loved ...
A dream of fidelity ...
A dream of being held close ...
'You drowned in Alcohol...
she drowned in her own sorrows.

Bereft of love ...
Pain numbing her ...
She lies there ...
Heartbroken...
She never left ..
I never left ...
YOU Left.

कुछ उसूलन इस तरह बना ली है ज़िन्दगी मैंने...

कुछ उसूलन इस तरह बना ली है ज़िन्दगी मैंने ...
ज़िंदा होते हुए भी मौत का कफ़न औढ लिया मैंने ...

जिस तरह उमने रहगुज़र की ज़िन्दगी...
मेरी नहीं है ऐसी बंदगी ....
इसलिए अब वक़्त हो चला है कुछ बंधन तोड़ने का....
राह से राहगीरों को हटाने के लिए...
कुछ उसूलन इस तरह बना ली है ज़िन्दगी मैंने ...

ज़िंदा होते हुए भी मौत का कफ़न औढ लिया मैंने ...

बहुत दूर नज़र आते हैं मंज़र प्यार के ...

अब और नहीं सह सकते ये दर्द उल्फत के ...

इसलिए ...

कुछ उसूलन इस तरह बना ली है ज़िन्दगी मैंने ...
ज़िंदा होते हुए भी मौत का कफ़न औढ लिया मैंने ...

एक कश्ती थी जो अब ड़ूबगयी...

कोई और नयी राह ढूँढ ऐ पथिक

कुछ उसूलन इस तरह बना ली है ज़िन्दगी मैंने ...
ज़िंदा होते हुए भी मौत का कफ़न औढ लिया मैंने 

This time round, this one is for you ...

Yes Dear ... Tonite I write for you ...
Guilt embedded in your thoughts ...
You read my thoughts ...
Not understanding whom they are meant for.

You raise your finger and ...
You point it at me ...
Look within ...
What did you really do ...
To keep me there ...
In that stony heart of yours .

Yes, I agree you were there through my ordeal ...
You spoke to me thrice ...
Long talks on self ...
Did you even once ask ...
What I desired?

You have time for everyone and everything ...
Ever did a thought cross your mind ...
That there is a damsel waiting for you?
Never. ever have you initiated a dialogue ...
It is always me ...
You make me feel so inferior...
Like a desperate person seeking favours.

I love you doesn't imply ...
I shall wait upon you...
While you have fun and frolic elsewhere ...
I am strong enough to deny myself YOU ...
And, move on ...
When you don't care ...
It is pointless keeping awake nights ...
And, days waiting upon you.

He was never Real ...

How can one expect reciprocal romance....
When one is in love with a Robot?
A Bot, that never was real ...
No real emotions ...
Just  a thought ... nothing but a Bot ...
Feelingless heartless Fellow ...
Out for his pleasure ...
But no Real Heart to give.

If his love was Real ...
It would have conquered all ...
His Fears ...
His inhibitions ...
The distance ...
The social taboos....
No, it never was real.

The dissonance in his voice ...
The dissent in his attitude ...
Resonate ....Ricocheting against the walls ...
Like bullets and hitting me Bulls Eye.

If his love was true ...
He would have gone after her confession ...
And, wiped her tears ....
Nothing was ever true ...
Not his words nor his feelings....
It was just Lust he had ...
No real feelings ever.

He just needed someone to pass his long insomniac nights with ...
She was just a means to fulfill an ego ...
Of a diseased mind and soul....
A willful troubled soul seeking solace ...
In the warmth of his heinous thoughts.

He was never Real ...
It wasn't about her ever ...
Always about him.