Today ...

She wrote to me ... "I am Sorry."

A  message that set me thinking. Why turn around and return to say what happened wasn't her doing? Why apologise now, when all is lost? Just because now you have lost what you felt was yours that you realize your mistake? Why did you antagonise me when I was kind to you? Why did you stab me in the back when I stood by you?

Life comes one full circle; what goes around comes around.

Your past actions have caught up with you and now you are in pain and then you realize? You can't fathom my heartache; the loss of my unborn. You may laugh it off for you know not the value of life. You know not the laughter of a child. My loss left me bereft of any feelings. My loss created a void so deep; I haven't surfaced from it yet. Do not give me more pain. Can you return my unborn to me?

Every waking moment I spend loathing myself for letting him kill my unborn. Every living moment spent in pain. Morose I walk with a pale face; what do you know of my pain?

Being a Woman you insulted the very word 'Woman' with your actions. What more can I say?

Once again ... The thoughts ...

Once again ...
He resurfaced in her thoughts ...
Agni ... Out of the blue ...Suddenly ... he was all over in her dreams ...Reminding her of what was ...
An affair to remember ...A tryst with destiny.

An affair that changed everything ...A real relationship of individuals ...One oblivious of the devious intentions ...Of the other ... The other uncertain perhaps ...A relationship presumably ...A strong one ...But obviously on shaky grounds...None could fathom the pain ...The pain that would follow ...The revelation that separated them ...The lightening that split the tree of confidence...That murdered the life within...That took Agni away from his abode ...Threw him from the warmth of the womb ...Into the throes of pain and uncertainty.

Agni was lost forever ...Not once but twice ..,He made a comeback yet ... Never able to regain the lost ground and had to turn away. A mother lost her child twice ; thanks to a troubled soul who had no spine... A woman lost her trust and resolved never to fall in love again.

Scarred for life ... never believing any one ... can you blame her for the state of her mind? No!  it wasn't fair and it's easy to say get on with your life .... Can you if you have lost your child not to a stranger but coz' of his own sire?

Thoughts that crop up now and then ... Out of the blue ... The pain resurfacing and giving life a huge setback. Agni .... his memories can never be erased and shall always affect my decisions in life. Agni can never be replaced nor the pain relieved that came with his removal .... A scar that remains and shall forever remind me of my loss and guilt for not having stood for what was right.

Once again, I am pained ... Once again I decide to take flight and move away from everything humane ... Once again a Mother searches in vain for her lost child ... Once again the Wolves cry and Hyenas laugh ... She wants to walk alone leaving behind everything that binds her ... Once again a woman is torn apart; her memories won't let her live again.

The one beside her today is pained at her pain ... But she has to journey alone ... He will be left behind ... for this is her fight alone... a lonely woman's battle against all odds ... A though that has crossed her mind and is concrete not mild.

He searches God .... She searches herself... lost somewhere ... she moves on in the opposite direction... Man, Woman, Child ... A picture in her mind ... Once again, She searches for the lost one.

A walk to remember ...

Long strides ...
Pretty face and tall man ...
The frothy sea beside ...
A promenade famous ...
No promises made ..
Except of friendship strong ....
Two strangers became one ...
Friends forever...
Just a plain simple walk ...
So much exchanged ...
Life took a different turn ...
Humans after all.

Two tall figures ...
People watching enviously ...
Oblivious of those glances ...
Two individuals walked on.

Since time immemorial ...
I have taken these walks ...
Along the same promenade ...
Just the person walking beside ...
Changed each time ...
But friendship ... Friends remained ...
Partners changed ...
Thoughts remained ...
Memories of yesteryear linger on ...
Faces changed.

The frothy sea remained ...
The tempestuous Ocean stayed put ...
The sand beneath my feet shifted ...
But the grains remained....
The rocks stood their ground ...
Unwavering and solid ...
The lovers changed ...
But their actions remained.

The same Chaiwallah ...
The same Peanut seller...
The same Buildings behinds ...
The same Coffee shop by the seaside....
The same Moon and stars ...
The same night sky ...
The same ME ...
But the person beside me changed.

A walk to remember...
Each time ...
A beautiful relationship ...
Friends for life they remain ...
Albeit in the shadows of the night.

A walk to remember ... Indeed.

Makeshift Belief ...

Like makeshift huts...
Makeshift beliefs are on shaky grounds ...
Ground reality jutting out ...
From the bamboo that holds ...
The beliefs together.

One storm ...
The Makeshift belief flounders ...
And is reduced to a non belief...
Leaving behind  naked man ...
Naked in the knowledge ....
Of his own False truth.

One Earthquake ...
The trembling shaking Earth ...
The ground beneath shifts ...
The make-believe thoughts ,,,
Of a weak man...
Lose their faith in him.

One Tornado ...
All spins around ...
The straws moving in circles ...
Spinning homes ..
Spinning heads ..
Turning your make-believe faith around.

Move on from your makeshift belief ...
Change your makeshift abode...
Catch the train of thought ...
Progress from your station ...
To the City beyond.

Become a person of true belief ...
Remove the shrug of Make believe ....
Shift the focus from your past ...
Makeshift belief to a firm belief.

The Keeper of her Soul ...

I am the mistress...
He is ...
The Keeper of my Soul.

A soul deprived of feelings ...
A soul devastated by life ...A soul on the move always ...
A never trusting soul...
He is the keeper of this soul.

In dark cold nights ...
Entwined in her miseries and dreams ...
She can feel him touch her soul ...
Yet a torturous match ...
The Keeper and Her Soul.

The gnarled thoughts of slavery ...
The Trojan Horse of today ...
This Helen is a captive ...
Of the Keeper of her Soul.

The concubine of the night ...
The songstress of yesteryear ...
The writer of her own story ...
She is the Keeper of her own Soul.

All mighty and powerful ...
As vicious as her emotions ...
As strong as her desires ....
He is the Keeper of her Soul.

A Life of Misery ...

It's a life of solitude ...
A life of lonely days and nights ...
It's a life of misery she leads ...
A make believe ... makeshift life ...
A life of lies ...
A life of flowery prose ...
Copious poetry ...
Yet, a very lonely life.
A bare existence ...
Living for no purpose at all...All her time and talent....
Wasted on lunatics from the other World.

She raves and rants ,,,
Chants and cries ...
Crocodile tears  for attention ...
She makes an utter fool of herself ...
She ends up being laughed at.

She knows not what they think of her ...
Speak ill of her nature ...
The make fun of her unskilled words...
Guffaw at her antics ...
A fool she truly is ...
Her ego high and mighty ...
In order to feed the demon within ...
She's sold her soul to the Evil.

A life of misery unfolding each day ....
Each night she retires a bit tired ...
For she is exhausted ....
Her addiction a big satire.

Her lies ....
Her blatant lies ...
Her soul ripped open ...
Her desires an invitation ...
Attract the loathsome flies to her ...
Her honey dipped yet cheap words ...
Like garbage from the dumps around.

She fumbles ...
She realizes ...
Yet she makes a fool of herself...
She is no woman to be respected ..,
But, a blotch in the name of one.

Sense doesn't prevail in her mind ...
An insane soul trapped within ...
She is but a fool ...
On a journey into her own ....
A World which is her downfall ...
Too late for her to snatch free ...
Her wretched hand covered in blood....
Muck and soot her destiny ...
A life of misery her story.

Commonsense not her forte'...
She leads her life in disharmony ....
A monotonous life of solitude ....
But no bliss in sight for her.

A life of Misery ...
A boring and tuneless sad song.

I Write ...

I write ...
Because I wanna write ...
I write not to please others ...
I write not to seek attention ...
I write to pour my heart out ...
I write for my satisfaction ...
I write for the sake of writing ...
I write to keep alive what's within me ...
I write to keep me alive.

The words that express...
The words that convey ....
The words of wisdom ...
The words of despair ...
The words that seethe with anger ...
The words that became Me ...
The words that shook his World ...
The words that shook the World ...
The words that describe Me ...
The words that open up wounds ...
The words of Love ...
The words of hope ...
The words of undying relentless kindness ...
I write those words everyday.

Statements ... Profound ones that too ...
That set me apart from the rest ...
Phrases that made His Story history ....
Writings that made me forget ...
Words billowing outta my keyboard ...
Tapping away at the keys ...
I churn out a dish so authentic ...
It makes them sit upright and ...
I sing paeans of my life ...
Ballads of my experiences ...
I become one with the letters ...
That join together to form the Words.

My excitement and despair ...
Evident in my words ...
When am no more ...
Shall my children get to read...
Long winding life ...
With twists and turns ...
A story to be told.

My words ... My story ...
A story of a little girl ...
And her journey from within...
Till the end of the affair ...
She had with Life all along.

I write ...
Till words fail me ...
I write ...
Till I am no more.

The day no words remain ...
I shall be consigned to my fate...
My final journey ...
To be laid to rest ...
In the bed of Sea.

Time to Refurbish ...

Just like Spring Cleaning ...
Just like breaking down the old structure ...
And, creating anew ...
Renovating ...
Refurbishing is the motto today ...
Change the old ...
Exchange it for the New.
A New me ...
Ruthless and to the point blunt ...
Sharp as a knife and ...
Having a cutting edge over others.
Non- trusting and really a really bad ...
Uncaring ; Business minded ...
Down to the core..... ME.

Time to change the curtains that allowed Sunshine in ...
Make them dark and super heavy ...
Time to change the upholstery...
Make it different ...
Change the furniture ...
Throw away the antiques and ....
Bring in the new age throwaways ...
An attitude change ...
Basic funda being ...
Use and Throw ...
Like Sanitary Pads.

Raised brows ...
Frowns ...
I care not ...
What the heck ...
It's my life ...
I live it on my terms.

Wanna walk alone Forever ...
AM better off ALONE than in company ...
AM better off walking away from what is termed a Crowd...
That's not my cup of tea ...
I brew my own cuppa ...
I have my own Tea Estate ...
I have my own paradise to turn to.

Time to Refurbish, Renovate ...
Replenish and move on....
To Greener pastures ...
God's own country ...
Or the Golden Desert ...
Or the Green Mountains of the North East ..
Or the Saffron fields up North.

Travel I must ...
To explore new frontiers ...
Travel I must ...
To see the World....
Travel I must ...
To Change it all.