What to believe and what not to believe...

Honesty is a such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue..... Billy Joel

One of my favourite songs and am completely identifying with it at this moment.

Lies and scandals rock the horizon. I thought I was untouched by those vices, am hurting coz I am not. They have touched me and gripped me in their tangled web. Am hurting because, the one I trusted the most wasn't honest with me. As the story unfolds, am left flabbergasted at my naivety. Was it so or plain stupidity, mocking me in my face and saying I am an idiot.

Am hurting and hurting real bad. Honesty was one thing I expected from you and that's what evaded me. Why didn't you tell me everything? Why, Oh why?

In my enthusiasm, I forgot there was a world beyond us. In my glee, I forgot everything else and the ways of the world. I knew it somewhere deep down that happiness can never be mine, it avoids me always. Unhappiness has reared its ugly head again to consume me in its fire. What am I to do? What to believe and what not to believe...

Should I trust my heart and go ahead, breaking all other ties? Should I listen to the world and its hoard of gossip mongers and forever let go of what I believe in and in whom I believe in and trust with all my heart?

I won't..... I won't believe others. I shall follow my heart and my heart says, don't let go. I will stand beside you and brave the storm. We shall overcome the hindrances and make a beautiful world together.... You, me and the kids.

I believe you... there's no doubt about it.

Once in a blue moon...

I can, so I am.....

That's my mood today.... one full of Attitude.

And, pray why not... I deserve it. Don't I?

Oh God! Don't let me get carried away in this super unjust mood.

It ain't right for me to be so. But, what the heck! Once in a blue moon mood swing ain't bad.

It's like chocolate, a bit here and there ain't bad at all.

Not at all, but I shouldn't get carried away in this momentary glory.

Somebody stop me..........

Your undying love for me is making me a proud woman.

Proud yes, but it's affecting my ego.

I don't want to be selfish. But once in a blue moon....... a bit of ego ain't that bad at all.

Today, I am flying high.

Today, I am living on love and fresh air.

Today, I am totally and uninhibited in love.

Lemme be. Once in a blue moon, lemme soar high.

Pinch me! Yes, pinch me, coz I can't believe that it's really you.

My love, my soul, my life........ Don't ya wake me from this dream.

Let this journey continue for eternity, I really don't wanna wake up.

Am floating in a delirious coma....... Don't ya wake me.

But, once in a blue moon pinch me... to tell me that this really is true.

Thank you God!!! Thank you so much for bringing this angel of love in my life.

He has turned my take on life.

And my belief in you has become stronger and stronger.

Let this path become concrete.

Let me be the path breaker.

Let me just be.... be happy in this moment and forever in his arms.

Once in a blue moon, do pinch me , to lemme know, you are there always.

My faith has stood the test of time.

My belief pulled me through.

So what, if I display an attitude?

It's just plain me and my idea of flaunting what I have got.

Once in a blue moon, just lemme be... just lemme be selfish for a while.

Just lemme be in his arms.... once in a blue moon just lemme be, who I am... His and solely HIS.

You have promised me....

You have promised me heaven on Earth.

You have given me a reason to smile.

You have given me the role of a lifetime.

You have given me centre stage.

You are the enigma , I am crazy about.

You are my whole and soul.

You offered me a dream, I can't refuse.

You offered yourself on a platter, it's tempting.

You shall remain forever stuck in the chords of my heart.

You have carved a niche', the first strike in my heart.

No one could match the force of the strike.

You are what shall remain , when I am gone.

You and I make beautiful music together.

The rhythm, the rhyme makes us sway.

You are here to stay and stay forever you shall.

You have promised me a bed of roses.

You have promised me a bottle of wine.

You are what makes it sweet.

You are the secret ingredient in the recipe of life.

Nothing will ever change this equation, you and me together score an infinity.

You have promised me a dream, a dream to live for.

I love you and your promises... coz you have promised me yourself.

This day, this moment I pledge my allegiance to you.

You make my world a beautiful place to live in.

Believe me, I look no further coz there's nothing beyond you.

You can rip this heart apart and yet it will take your name as it always did before.

You are my start and you are my end.

I love you and you love me, that's what makes us different from the rest.

Our love stood the test of time.

Our love withstood the ravages of time.

Our love is what fables are written about.

Our love is the epitome of purity in the face of insanity.

You have promised me undying love, I promise you the same.... I love you my love.

Loving you......

Loving you isn't enough.

Loving you I found the path to pure bliss and heaven.

If heaven looks so beautiful, I wanna remain there forever.

Loving you isn't enough.

I need you ever more so now.

I crave you ever more so now.

If yearning is what this love is all about, I love the pain.

I wanna go on loving you and yearning for you forever.

Loving you isn't enough.

I hold my pillow ever so tight , every night.

I hold onto fantasies that never took flight.

I hold onto memories that fade into the distant night.

Loving you isn't enough for a night..... I need you every night, my Knight.

Loving you, I grew up.

I don't know when I blossomed from a bud into a flower.

Loving you was all I knew.

I searched you in every dark corner of the world.

Loving you, I threw myself into fire,

The flames consumed me but not my desire.

Loving you isn't enough..I love you a lot.

Hurting you.........

Hurting you wasn't what I intended , but you left me with no choice. I was hurting too, somewhere deep down I still do. It wasn't meant to end the way it did...... hurting you was not what I had in mind.

Today, when I look back and pull our relationship apart piece by piece, I realize it was doomed from the beginning itself. As Kafi Bulleh Shah rightly put it, you are a Ramtaa Jogi, flowing water which cannot stay still at any given place or point in time. You were meant to touch our lives and go. So feel liberated that there's no ill feeling towards you just a sigh that it ended so bitterly.... leaving an aftertaste which wouldn't allow me to ever trust another person again.

After a lot of deliberation, I came to the conclusion that I had to give you the benefit of doubt for you know not what you are doing. You have too many issues and aches and pains to deal with in your life and you are alone. You don't want to share your pain with anyone, but expect people to be around you. How can anyone understand you, if you move with a placard around your neck saying ' Do not Disturb'? Your loneliness is your own doing.... Your melancholic demeanor is a direct result of you thwarting people away and closeting yourself in the confines of your own four walls of depression.

You got a shot at life, you missed. Hurting you wasn't in my agenda. So, harbor no illusions that I shall ever turn and look back searching for you, I won't. I was there, you overlooked and went ahead after trivial pursuits in life. I was left standing staring at blank space, with nothing to do and no one to look forward to. I was stranded, I was marooned by the one person who I solely depended upon. I had to move on, I wasn't alone... I had to pick up the shards of my life and go on living for my loved ones. Ones, who being young still stood by my side and were my strength.

Hurting you was never there in my list.... but you left me no choice.

Designs.........

I have designs on you......... ;-)

Gotcha! Off guard!!

Yes, I do have designs on you..... designs to make a beautiful life together with you. Give you happiness that skirted you and went elsewhere. Yes, as you put it pretty well... It's never too late in life.

So what, if our youth has been lost somewhere down the line? We still have our enthusiasm bubbling youthfully within us. Right?

We still have some time left on Earth between us to forge a new beginning. Have no apprehensions, am there with you like a shadow, one step behind you, supporting you all the way. Even the shadow leaves you when it is night, I won't. I shall be the gentle breeze that will ruffle your hair and whisper sweet nothings in your ear and never let you down.

I do not write a very flowery ode ever. My words are simple and clear, no frills attached to them. They express what I feel in my heart and what I think in my mind. I do not mince words to convince you. I don't have to. I guess, you know me better than I do myself. Plain and simple, like my feelings for you, am a clear page where you write your poetry, so that we can make great music together some day. We have begun the journey, there's no looking back. I express myself through my words, coz I know you look forward to this opening of my heart everyday. I write for you and you only.

You have given me a reason to live life once again, and I am not going to let go of this moment with you. I cherish every word you say. I love you and every moment am with you virtually.

I love the way you look at me and it makes my heart flutter. I have dreams and designs.... designs on you.

More on memories.....

Memories linger on.... good and bad. I embraced my good memories and erased the bad ones. Had to ... the trauma from past relationships was pulling me down... there came a breaking point and I was at the precipice, the end of my journey, with nowhere else to go.... had to let go, to forge new bridges to cross the great abyss. When I took the plunge with faith, I swear the path came into full view and I started treading on it. My good memories helped build the bridge and it's a continuous process. The task of being in harmony and sync with goodness and happier times is an uphill one, but what the heck, am enjoying every bit of the adventure with a great guide by my side. this guide is my good memory, the only good thing I remember from my past......... he brings a smile to my weary lips every time I think of him and it is every second of the day.

Thank you my love, for coming back in my life. If it weren't for you, I would still be trudging the by lanes of memories and feeling sick about it. You have made me forget every ache and pain I felt all these years. You have given me the most memorable moments of my life... my memories to keep forever. These moments, these snippets of memories, I shall cherish forever... coz you are the lead character that makes this play a great success. The stage is set and we are the characters , we enact our roles, get into the skin of our characters and give the best performance of our lives. Let our life and times be a tale to tell for ages to come, seldom are love stories a success.... Ours is what history is made of, what old wives tales are made of.

Our memories, yours and mine would remain etched in the minds of the world. We would be the talk of the town and when our story is passed down from generation to generation, I am telling you my dear, we would find our place in history. We would be a pleasant memory and a great story for lovers, of tomorrow.

You and I, are no more a memory, we will make beautiful memories together.

Dreams....

Dreams are what all the stuff is made of. The world goes round coz of dreams. Dreams fuel every frenzy and invention.

I too have a dream. I dream of being in the arms of my lover, my paramour. Always remaining in those warm arms in an embrace for eternity. It's a dream... a dream only it might remain. But I can go on dreaming, no one can pull the reins in, to my dreams. No one can snatch my dreams away from me. No one can take them away from me.

My dreams make me complete, a whole. My dreams pull me on, egg me on to stay on the path, believing and praying, hoping someday they would come true. This time I won't be defeated by setbacks. Am going to stand tall and strong, I will wait. It's a sweet pain, am ready to gamble all for. My dreams are my own and I shall wait and watch.

I know he loves me too. We are bound by our limitations. I am ready to wait.... lifelong. I want to be the strength in his life not his weakness. I want to see him happy and smiling always.... am willing to lay down my life for his well being. I will go on dreaming, till my dreams come true.

Dreams will keep me warm, dreams will keep me on the track, dreams will give me a reason to smile and live. So am going to dream on.... always.