The best thing to do.... Love yourself... you will never end up hurting yourself. People come and go.... you shall remain with yourself..... The self remains.Miserable.... is the word of the day. Feeling utterly miserable, thanks to this ever believing heart that believes every lie it is told and then ends up down in the dumps ultimately. Have been a fool ... so to say... made a terrible fool out of myself.... a laughing stock in front of others.... Believing something which was not there and the message was clear.... I was just time pass.
The hurt goes deeper than I thought it would......it's unbearable... am feeling miserable to the extent of looking for a place to hide my face in shame. I just need to get away from all this.... maybe walk away from what exists and go far away... easier said than done.... my responsibilities don't allow me this freedom... and I shall remain miserable ....knowing well the bone of contention is around.
The situation gets worse when you can't even cry lest someone sees your tears and you are considered weak.
A turmoil deep in the recesses of a bleeding heart .... a struggle to bring a false smile on your face that has lost all its glow and glory.
Seriously, why can't I just let go and swear never to give anybody a chance to ever break my heart again and again. I need to make myself an armour of steel.... Iron lady.... Ice maiden... that's the solution..... nothing and no one can penetrate that wall and I shall be safe and single again. What a blissful feeling it would be... no one to look forward to.... no one to say anything to.... no one to belong to... lonely, melancholy and all by myself and blogging away about nonsensical stuff and people who no more matter in my life. Is that so? Is that reality... or am I creating a wall around myself and turning into a recluse the same one that I was a while ago. But, at least I wasn't hurting then,,, is that so? I was hurting then,,,, am hurting now.... and shall always hurt coz I am human and I have loved and lost and I shall make the same mistake over and over again.... loving and losing is a beautiful game.... my favourite game.....Time to just let go and move on.... I don't need to explain myself.... I have done no wrong... your notions and assumptions held you back.... remain there..... I can't sit still.... am not still waters am the river .... I can't stop and rest at a place.... I move on.... go with the flow... I have no destination ...... am sometimes calm and sometimes wild ..... That's who I am.... You are a solid rock.... I take a piece of you with me and you are left behind as I move on. Move on ... I must... That's my destiny..... and I make my destiny today.... and henceforth.
Whew! What an outburst..... Am feeling empty within. Blank..... Erased.
Let me get my easel, paints and brush and start painting a new picture again...........
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