Inner peace......

The image of God.... something which we like..... a devotional song..... music to tired ears....that is what the struggle in life is all about....finding peace....inner peace.

I shed a silent tear..... every now and then...... I know I am nearer to you my creator...... long before it happened..... I saw you...... and I knew you were there... always silently watching.... standing strong behind me.... letting me make mistakes..... holding my hand when I was down and out.

Today too, I need you..... I may say I am financially sound..... I have a great job..... yet I am not happy. I need you to help me take the right decisions....I need you to keep me grounded.... What insecurities bother me... I can't pen them down yet they are bothering me and bringing me down.

I know what I have been upto in the past couple of days isn't morally right..... not in my situation ...not in my capacity..... but am helpless..... my heart just gives way and  am unable to control my actions or the words I speak.

I must bring an end to this frivolous escapade of mine..... yet am in no control of the situation.... Is it fated to be happening? Or, am I just imagining stuff? I am clueless...... am like a puppet acting my part out..... I want this to stop..... it cannot without the participation of the other party. Am the wet cement ....... impressionable.....just like how I put it for little kids.... am not  a kid yet I feel like one... I want to explore the possibilities.... I want to try out new things..... yet my age and status do not permit me so socially... societal pressures are innumerable..... so are emotional downturns.

Peace... inner peace is what I seek...... am unable to achieve it...... It is frustrating to know that you are there yet it is not within your reach. Once upon a time I had everything.... yet I lost it all one night.... In one instance everything was severed and life was shattered to bits and pieces..... yet I stood tall... I braved the storm.... then why today when I have the whole world at my feet am I so helpless and in an introspective mood..... why am I letting it all go for a brief moment of pleasure?

Dangerous liaisons...... that mean the end.... the dooms day prophecy for any relationship. My actions of today scare me..... what is it that I seek? Where is all this going to lead? I was happy in the knowledge that I had none to make me go weak in the knee..... yet today I kneel in front of thee..... seeking answers to questions that I myself cannot answer...... Do not ask me to look within.... do not ask me to search for a solution... I ask you to mend things..... make my life livable again.

These constant batterings to the soul have left me bereft of emotional security......I am reduced to half thinking what is right and what is wrong... trying to remove chaff from the grain that is my soul. My health has taken a lashing..... my mindset a bashing......Am but a sad reflection of my former self.... the regal demeanour replaced by a gaunt look. A ghostly figure...... a spirit in bondage..... I seek inner peace.... nothing else matters.