It's my destiny....

Forlorn, lonely, melancholy, desperate......... It's my destiny to be all of these and yet be happy upfront. A fake smile pasted on my lips, a mask to shield my emotions from prying eyes.... it's my destiny to put a thick cake of make up to hide the crease marks of my pain.

Yes, it's my destiny to sacrifice.... I was born to be so , I was raised to do so, I was pushed to live so........ a destiny of helpfulness and yet so helpless for own.

It's my destiny to give always , expecting no returns. No qualms about this, I have a knack for being there always... watching over my loved ones past and present, always forgiving yet not forgetting.... hence, my destiny to be a loner again and again.

It's my destiny... I opened the innings, I shall close it too.... back to the pavilion thou shalt be escorted by me. It's my destiny to make two people meet, to give away my love for a greater cause.. to handover the reins of my pleasure to someone who truly deserves to be by your side.

It's my goddamn destiny as always to give away what I cherish the most.... to wipe the tears from eyes not mine, to flood the world of others with happiness and walk away empty handed.

It's my destiny... and I created it.... No regrets at all.

I don't know...

I don't know, whether what I did just now was right or wrong.... I did what I did coz I felt like doing it and thought that was the right thing to do.

I can help someone make it or break it. I prefer it if they make it. You can't waste a decade of togetherness in a moment of anger and just leave. No, come back, go back to the one you pine for. Make your lover yours once again. There's no tomorrow, there is this moment. Pick your phone, call him, tell him you love him too and pack your bag and reach out for him. He is lonely, he is hurting too. You can do it. He has taken the step forward, you can take one towards him. Forget your ego, forget your pride... Love is above all these emotions.

Gather your flock, rush to him with open arms. He is waiting for you. He is aching for you. He remembers not your harsh words, he remembers your smell. He seeks you in every damsel he meets and returns home forlorn and lonely. Go, fill his world with your love again ... he is lonely and hurting ..... only you can make him happy.

He is incomplete without you, go complete him. He is a half read poetry, read the verses and give it a positive note. Only you can do it, no one else can do it.

I don't know, if what I did was right, I believe I did the right thing. If I can bring two hurting people back together again... I would have erased all their pain.... I know I would attain a heavenly bliss and hold no remorse ever.

I don't know, why I did it... but am glad I did it. There's no looking back. He belongs not to me, it's a realisation.... something that hurts and gives pain but that's what selfless love is all about. Letting go.... I don't know...

There comes a time....

There comes a time.... when one has to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea.

A deep thought and you are on your way to either make history or just fade away into the oblivion.

A time to dwell on the pros and cons of what really matters to you and what can be discarded.

You have lived life on your terms and come to a crossroad where you have to choose between continuing with the same monotony or just tread on the path that has opened up but with its own options and conditions, ones that are not your own. A path which is unknown and not recommended by well wishers. Then, what do you do? There comes a time when you have to decide, which option to choose.... your decision, no one else to blame if things don't work out.

You are alone in this journey and the choice is yours to make. What you do with your life is your business. But, don't hurt people on the way, take them along. If they choose to follow you, fine... take them along... else walk on. Remember, you are the rolling stone that gathers no moss.

There comes a time, when you have to walk alone.... tow the line that binds you and then sever it with one final strike and move on, alone into the horizon. A place not known to conscious mind... a place you will presumably find peace after a brief hiatus on Earth... a place not known but only talked about.

There comes a time, when you just carry on with your duties and then responsibilities cease to exist at one point and you are a blank.... coz you haven't thought of what to do when you would be all alone with no one to give you company... no one to ask your welfare.... no companion, you are just a burden and lonesome and hurting, with nowhere to go ... coz you gave all your life for others and never thought of your own interests. When you gave selflessly of yourself and in your twilight, when you had nothing to give , you were alone ... solitary and melancholy, miserable and lonely.

Cheer up. There comes a time, when you look back and say.... It was a life well lived... no regrets.... and given a chance would live it exactly the same way once again. Yeah! That's the spirit.... that's the motivating factor.... move on, explore the world.... there's so much more to discover... so much more to give. There is an abundance of love within you, go out and spread the smile. Make light of your life and spread the sunshine, you were born to be different... to be sacrificial and beautiful in your own way. The glow on your face tells all..... speaks volumes of all the blessings you have received in your short life span... there's more... at the end of the rainbow...go after it, it's yours to receive and share with the rest of the world.

There comes a time..... when you just let go..... and vaporise into the cosmos..... that time is yet to come... till then do good unto others and spread the smile......... give of yourself unconditionally and see the difference you make .... in the lives, you touch and harbour no remorse.... everything happens for a reason, happens for good... there is a reason for your existence, you were born to give, you were born to be the beacon of light everyone needs at some point or the other in their lives. You were created for a greater purpose..... do it well. Your time has come... Rise and shine.

There comes a time... And your time has come... make the most of it. Make someone happy..... you will be happy too. ;-)

Damn this anger.......

Damn this anger, which dwells within me. Damn the resentment I feel. Why does it rear its ugly head every time I am happy? Why is it not pleased to see me smile?

Damn this anger, which stops me from understanding. Damn it, coz it makes me a shallow beast. All common sense is lost. All reasons fail. The momentary lapse makes me lose everything. I turn into a stranger, a stranger I wanna avoid but cannot.

Is it really anger? Or a sense of insecurity that prevails. The feeling that nothing is permanent hence this will go too. I am losing it I guess. Sanity is a far fetched word in my dictionary. Everything seems to be falling apart. I need a respite, else I will be lost forever. Damn this insanity called anger.

I just seem to have lost it. Getting perturbed by nothing at all. Anything and everything seems to trigger a chain reaction as explosive as the solar flares on the Sun. Everything boils down to insecurity, lack of empathy and a deep rooted feeling that's a problem that I shall never be happy. Why do I end up feeling insecure? Why do I not trust anyone anymore? What is it that binds me to loneliness? Why is it difficult to accept things as they are? Why can't I move on? Why do I end up getting stuck on the past?

Am I really scarred for life? Damned to the deep dark ghettos of melancholic solitariness, do I ever stand the chance to resurrect myself? Why can't I stop hurting myself and others? What anger is it that is so vehemently predominant in my being that it doesn't let go, it just eats me up from within like cancer. Do I ever have hope of salvation from my demons of the past?

It seems , am the very epitome of God's creation gone awry. Am proof that there is no hope for fools. Am an example of something gone wrong somewhere. Am living proof that all hope is lost. Why am I such a prick? Why am I sozzled by my own emotions? Why do I overlook the genuineness in the other person? Why do I block out faith and trust? Why oh why?

Damn this anger, damn this insecurity, damn myself..............

Colours of Spring....

Yes, I am colouring my life's canvas with the colours of spring. Spring with it's various hues of summery colours and bright new leaves and fresh smell of flowers... fragrant and beautiful. What a life? It's a springy lite life.

The colours have invaded my senses. They have made my emotions their home. Am beaming with the shades of bright colours and the glow on my face shows the love in my life. The love that has illuminated the dark corridors of an inglorious past. The love that has given a new meaning to an otherwise dull subsistence.

Love has brought forth a new colour in my list of favourite colours. Earlier the list consisted of shades of black, blue and grey.... today it has pink, cream, yellow, orange, purple, violet, green and white.

The rainbow is mine to keep forever....

Come to think of it...

It's been one roller coaster ride..... this life of mine, with its thrills and frills. Come to think of it, man am I glad, I took this ride... It's been crazy but adventurous. Have loved every moment of it ..... in a flashback mode of course. At that moment, it was painful but now when I look back, there's no remorse.

Come to think of it, am happy it happened the way it did, every moment, every person taught me something.

Come join my bandwagon my love, coz there's more drama left in life. Many more moments of exalt, many more mountains to climb. Together, we shall make this journey... together we shall conquer all over fears... together we shall make a new life for ourselves and our loved ones. A new shelter filled with love and laughter and lots of beautiful moments to capture.

Come to think of it, it will be fun... with you tickling my funny bone and jokes galore in our day to day life. the very thought of being together, brings a smile to my lips and am transported to a dream world.

Looking forward to a life filled with the best of wishes and blessings from near and dear ones. A life with sugar and spice and all that's nice and lots of happiness. Come to think of it..... not a bad idea at all.

Love you for seeking me out. Love you forever.

Wake up....

Wake up.... get moving... unload that baggage you are carrying.... time to move on.

Time is a great healer. Yes, memories remain.... they are the foundations, if good and strong; you can rebuild your life on.

Am rebuilding my life. Refurbishing the interiors. Renovating the infrastructure. Time to change, time to wake up.

The awakening moment was exhilarating. It was a beautiful dawn. A stillness enveloped me and I was delirious... floating freely in that moment. Words can't describe what I felt at that moment. Tumultuous moment.... waking up time.

Deep spiritual awakening, got me up and about. Today, am untouched by the pressures that build up in the course of every normal human life. Am not alone in anymore.... there is someone who has joined in my journey and am I glad, he is there by my side. Now, I smile always, just for him. The thought of meeting him one day finally, brings a smile to my lips. Pure bliss.... the thought of waking up in his arms someday. Pure heaven..... the desire to die in his arms one day.

But, for now.... waking up is all I know, each morning to his deep voice and looking into his eyes, albeit we are miles apart..... waking up is all I know.

Happiness...

Must confess, am happy..... very happy. Touchwood.

God, may this state of being remain forever.

A feeling, I kept hidden under lock and key for ages,

Waiting for the right key to fit in.

Now that I have found the key, won't lose it again.

The key to happiness is to follow one's heart.

And, that's what I am going to do.

For long, I waited in the corridors,

searching for my loved one.

For long I yearned for him,
to hold me in his arms.

I won't let him go this time,

I won't let him lose his way.

He is too precious to be let loose in this big bad world.

He needs me and I need him.

For long, we searched for each other,

For long, we looked out in vain,

Not this time, no more waiting for the go ahead,

we are beyond all.

We were meant to be together,

we were meant to fuse.

We were meant to experience pain,

To know the true feeling of happiness,

When one gets love.

It's a feeling that remains forever,

giving that sweet ache, that lovers crave for.

Happiness is what has enveloped me,

I don't want to come out of this cloud.

This is a feeling, I can't describe.

Let me live in this bliss.

Happiness, contentment and pure ecstasy.... Thank you for bringing me alive.