Burnout................

Burnt out, absolutely, no holidays not even on weekends, high energy levels but low on maintenance. need to slow down else will burn out like a cigarette.

Am gung ho about my new job but am putting in too much too soon, don't want to fizzle out soon.

Love my job , my team , my boss but am neglecting my home front , have no time for anyone.

God help me prioritise and manage time.

Touch wood, cross my fingers.

Finally, a day to supposedly rest...

Finally, a day for rest but a whole lot to do at the home front. Bank, kid's school, meeting relatives....hectic day ahead. No am not cribbing but am already overwhelmed looking at the schedule. When will I get me for myself?

Missing the 'Me' time. But too busy to actually note it. Hahaahha. Life goes on , at it's own pace and then one suddenly finds oneself confronted with conflicts of interests and boing you are on defensive turf. Hhehehehe. But, life goes on. One fine day , life takes a sudden turn and it's all changed and charged up to take on challenges; but life goes on. Life goes on even when there is nothing really happening in your life and you find yourself bored to death ; a change brings a fresh insight and life goes on.

Life will go on and on....but, it's how you take it...lightly or seriously that matters. For me, I want to make the most of every moment that life has to offer with my kids, my friends, my family...these days never return, the memories remain to be cherished.

It's been ages......

Yup, it's been ages since I last blogged and raved and ranted . I am working now and so just a wee bit busy. But somehow, despite being tired am unable to sleep so decided to blog , maybe that would make drowsy. Heehehehee.

Yes, it's been hectic, running and catching buses , trains and taxis to reach your workplace and after a back breaking day reach home all tired . But, you know what removes the tiresomeness in all this rigmarole? A sweet smile of your child. Yeah, My kids know how to make me forget all the tensions of a hard day at work. They are sweet angels, little big devils without horns, but nonetheless cute and my very own.

Am in a contemplative mood wondering , would life be the same without them? Would life have a meaning without them? NO, I love my kids and no matter what , am always gonna be there for them and always wish them to be with me heart and soul.

Somehow, life seems to have no meaning without these two coming up with their naughty pranks and demands. Especially, the sweet way to blackmail me into giving in to their demands.

I love my kids. Every mother does. But, every mother doesn't have kids like mine, they have their own kids. This goes out for every mother, a deep sense of gratitude for bringing life on Earth and nurturing that life to become great souls and leaders of tomorrow.

Day 11. Holi Hai...

The festival of colours is here today and I am sitting at home and tweeting, Facebooking and gchatting. No, am not a colours person. Used to be, now no more.

Holi , I remember as a kid used to be fun, with these huge tanks of coloured water and us kids dunking ourselves in them in Andamans.

Later, in Mumbai as a young child and then teenager throwing water from our balcony on people below and going to the club and the Naval Mess for lunch. It was fun.

As a wife and mother, it was full of tension with a drunk husband and my son wandering off. I had a harrowing time locating my son whom I found behind the bar in Kochi next to the waterway enjoying coca cola.

And, now as a single mom, no holi for me, yes the kids do go out and enjoy and then the scrubbing and cleaning of the kids and the home.

At different stages of life, holi has meant different things to me, yet the fervor of color hasn't changed. I still dream of once again playing holi with gay abandon and dunking myself in tanks of coloured water. Hope am able to do it again in this lifetime.

Happy Holi.

Day 10.On being a woman in a man's world....

Strange a man is borne out of a woman yet it is said that it is a man's world. I don't agree with it. The world's economy also runs on a woman's spending then how can it be a man's world?

Everything that happens , happens because of a woman. Remember the Trojan war. Man is just a subordinate being taking his orders and cues from women.

You can't have a man standing on Earth unless or until a woman bears him in her womb for nine months , nurturing him, feeding him, caring for him, loving him and what not. Yet the man has the audacity to sell her in the market for a few bucks more. The lust of man knows no bounds. Yet a woman forgives a man all his sins and comforts him when he is down and out.

Even the goddesses in the mythological tales trail behind the male gods. Why?

Who decides that it's a man's world? Not me, not you then who made that statement and who made it stay on? Even Earth is known to be of a feminine gender...'Mother Earth'. And, look at man he hasn't spared her even and ravaged her. The savage brute needs to be tamed. Who will bell the cat?

We talk of equality , yet in the parliament we are accorded only 33% of seats. Why? Why not full 50% ? What does man have to fear from a woman?

She is a giver; she gives life; she doesn't take lives.

How can a giver of life and form be subject to scrutiny and be an unpaid bonded labourer. She is bound by societal norms as a daughter, wife, daughter in law and then mother. When will she come of her own?

I have set my own standards. I am not bound to any man. I won't let it ever happen to me or my daughter.

I vow to unleash woman power in this world, more like power puff girls and let women be the ultimate force on Earth. Is any woman game for it?

Day 9. Can't stop blushing....

Am always feeling shy and blushing. That's why people don't take me seriously. They think am still a kid. No, I am not. I am a full grown 40 year old with two adolescent kids. I feel shy and blush , because it comes naturally to me.

My whole life has been spent feeling shy coz I really do feel shy on meeting new people or on occasions or when sweet nothings are whispered in my ears.

I don't feel shy, neither do I blush when am with old friends and family. Then, I am boisterous and bold. Then people can't make me stop laughing out loud and passing remarks and comments and just being ME.

People who know me intimately know very well that my blush and shyness is a natural response to a new situation or person. It's not a put on. It just flows into existence when I meet someone for the first time. I get tongue tied and am at a loss for words to express anything.

Earlier, they would refer to me as BAWI. A term to refer to a Parsi lady. Coz, At times I do behave like one. In college and University, people thought I was a Parsi. There are times when I think, that maybe my parents adopted me from a Parsi family. I have so many characteristics of a Bawi. Especially, the entire act of feeling shy , that is looking down and swaying from side to side. It's so unlike the smart exterior I have. The charismatic self just dissolves in the shy act.

When will I ever be rid of my shyness? But, isn't there a proverb in Hinduism, that shyness is the jewellery of a woman? If that be so, then I have no regrets and happy that I have that piece of jewellery in my kitty.

Day 8. Can't stop falling in love...

Really, Can't stop falling in love over and over again. This one has this particular quality I like and that one has that particular quality I like , so I fall in love with both. No one person has all the qualities I like , so I can't just start loving ONLY one person. How Unjustified am I?

Hahahaha! I love the feeling of falling in love. I always fall in love with babies and young toddlers....No, am not a cradle snatcher. LOL. It's just that they are so cute and innocent and they smell so babyish, so good.

Then, I am a sucker for beautiful eyes, man or woman anyone will do. I fall in love with people who have beautiful eyes. I fall in love with cute noses and luscious lips. Clean and cute ears turn me on. So, the crux of the matter is I am always falling in love; 24x7...love , love, love.

Why can't I fall in love with just ONE person, why multiple people?

It intrigues me. Yes, it does. I guess, I am just plain human and love all of mankind and the flora and fauna on Earth. Now, this is getting rather bookish and theoretical and to some extent philosophical. I love the unabashed humour of certain people, that is why am still sticking around in twitter. I love the sarcasm in the statements of certain people, so they are still in my life, I love the open laugh of some people, so true and innocent without vile or guile. There is something in everyone which attracts me to them.

So, how can I say, I love only one person? I love them all. My name is synonymous with pure love , my actions are full of love for every thing that is beautiful and mind you everything and everyone is beautiful in some way or the other.

I just can't stop falling in love....

Day 7. All set to take on New Challenges...

There comes a time in life , when one has to prioritise what one wants and at what level. Guess that time of reckoning is looming large on my horizon. I have to set my goals and standards and the responsibilities have to be shared and supported by persons concerned else there wouldn't be any progress. Time to become a tough nut to crack.

Opportunities do not knock on our door all the time. Albeit I do wish they would. Now is the time to muster the strength to let go of old ties that are stagnating and forge new ties with future. Time to say, I need my space ....my me time. I need a career, I can't sit at home and cook all the time. Time to be really called an unjustified lady, an unjust mom. But, It's for the kids that I need to get out of the home and start my career afresh. Else, they really would call me unjust in future when their demands for a sound education and livelihood aren't met.

It's hard to be a single parent, howmuchever I may rant about my freedom and space it's really hard. The funny and happy exterior camouflages a broken woman, who needs to go out there in the big bad world to earn a decent living.

Why am I in such a reflective and contemplative mood? what's wrong with the unjust lady today? why this introspection?

Whoa! What a way to begin the day. Let's hope all goes well and the day ends well.

With that mood , I take your leave and get on with my worldly chores and move on ahead in life.