Day 10.On being a woman in a man's world....

Strange a man is borne out of a woman yet it is said that it is a man's world. I don't agree with it. The world's economy also runs on a woman's spending then how can it be a man's world?

Everything that happens , happens because of a woman. Remember the Trojan war. Man is just a subordinate being taking his orders and cues from women.

You can't have a man standing on Earth unless or until a woman bears him in her womb for nine months , nurturing him, feeding him, caring for him, loving him and what not. Yet the man has the audacity to sell her in the market for a few bucks more. The lust of man knows no bounds. Yet a woman forgives a man all his sins and comforts him when he is down and out.

Even the goddesses in the mythological tales trail behind the male gods. Why?

Who decides that it's a man's world? Not me, not you then who made that statement and who made it stay on? Even Earth is known to be of a feminine gender...'Mother Earth'. And, look at man he hasn't spared her even and ravaged her. The savage brute needs to be tamed. Who will bell the cat?

We talk of equality , yet in the parliament we are accorded only 33% of seats. Why? Why not full 50% ? What does man have to fear from a woman?

She is a giver; she gives life; she doesn't take lives.

How can a giver of life and form be subject to scrutiny and be an unpaid bonded labourer. She is bound by societal norms as a daughter, wife, daughter in law and then mother. When will she come of her own?

I have set my own standards. I am not bound to any man. I won't let it ever happen to me or my daughter.

I vow to unleash woman power in this world, more like power puff girls and let women be the ultimate force on Earth. Is any woman game for it?

Day 9. Can't stop blushing....

Am always feeling shy and blushing. That's why people don't take me seriously. They think am still a kid. No, I am not. I am a full grown 40 year old with two adolescent kids. I feel shy and blush , because it comes naturally to me.

My whole life has been spent feeling shy coz I really do feel shy on meeting new people or on occasions or when sweet nothings are whispered in my ears.

I don't feel shy, neither do I blush when am with old friends and family. Then, I am boisterous and bold. Then people can't make me stop laughing out loud and passing remarks and comments and just being ME.

People who know me intimately know very well that my blush and shyness is a natural response to a new situation or person. It's not a put on. It just flows into existence when I meet someone for the first time. I get tongue tied and am at a loss for words to express anything.

Earlier, they would refer to me as BAWI. A term to refer to a Parsi lady. Coz, At times I do behave like one. In college and University, people thought I was a Parsi. There are times when I think, that maybe my parents adopted me from a Parsi family. I have so many characteristics of a Bawi. Especially, the entire act of feeling shy , that is looking down and swaying from side to side. It's so unlike the smart exterior I have. The charismatic self just dissolves in the shy act.

When will I ever be rid of my shyness? But, isn't there a proverb in Hinduism, that shyness is the jewellery of a woman? If that be so, then I have no regrets and happy that I have that piece of jewellery in my kitty.

Day 8. Can't stop falling in love...

Really, Can't stop falling in love over and over again. This one has this particular quality I like and that one has that particular quality I like , so I fall in love with both. No one person has all the qualities I like , so I can't just start loving ONLY one person. How Unjustified am I?

Hahahaha! I love the feeling of falling in love. I always fall in love with babies and young toddlers....No, am not a cradle snatcher. LOL. It's just that they are so cute and innocent and they smell so babyish, so good.

Then, I am a sucker for beautiful eyes, man or woman anyone will do. I fall in love with people who have beautiful eyes. I fall in love with cute noses and luscious lips. Clean and cute ears turn me on. So, the crux of the matter is I am always falling in love; 24x7...love , love, love.

Why can't I fall in love with just ONE person, why multiple people?

It intrigues me. Yes, it does. I guess, I am just plain human and love all of mankind and the flora and fauna on Earth. Now, this is getting rather bookish and theoretical and to some extent philosophical. I love the unabashed humour of certain people, that is why am still sticking around in twitter. I love the sarcasm in the statements of certain people, so they are still in my life, I love the open laugh of some people, so true and innocent without vile or guile. There is something in everyone which attracts me to them.

So, how can I say, I love only one person? I love them all. My name is synonymous with pure love , my actions are full of love for every thing that is beautiful and mind you everything and everyone is beautiful in some way or the other.

I just can't stop falling in love....

Day 7. All set to take on New Challenges...

There comes a time in life , when one has to prioritise what one wants and at what level. Guess that time of reckoning is looming large on my horizon. I have to set my goals and standards and the responsibilities have to be shared and supported by persons concerned else there wouldn't be any progress. Time to become a tough nut to crack.

Opportunities do not knock on our door all the time. Albeit I do wish they would. Now is the time to muster the strength to let go of old ties that are stagnating and forge new ties with future. Time to say, I need my space ....my me time. I need a career, I can't sit at home and cook all the time. Time to be really called an unjustified lady, an unjust mom. But, It's for the kids that I need to get out of the home and start my career afresh. Else, they really would call me unjust in future when their demands for a sound education and livelihood aren't met.

It's hard to be a single parent, howmuchever I may rant about my freedom and space it's really hard. The funny and happy exterior camouflages a broken woman, who needs to go out there in the big bad world to earn a decent living.

Why am I in such a reflective and contemplative mood? what's wrong with the unjust lady today? why this introspection?

Whoa! What a way to begin the day. Let's hope all goes well and the day ends well.

With that mood , I take your leave and get on with my worldly chores and move on ahead in life.

Day 6. Missed a Day...

Yes, missed a day of blogging in between because I was busy getting a job of my dreams. All those months of painstakingly and patiently waiting for my chance and time to come has paid off. I have my dream job, albeit the commutation to it is a huge task yet I will do it because this is what I always wanted to do, to be able to bring in a change in the field of Education.

I must confess, I hopped a lot of jobs just because I didn't believe in the ideologies of schools and their management which was always in conflict with their vision and mission statement. I used to feel claustrophobic in a hypocritical environment.

I hope with this new twist in my career I shall be happy and be able to put my point across and change the complete outlook towards Education beginning right from the formative years.

I hope I shall be able to train and bring a change in the teachers involved in the growing up years of teaching and learning.

There are so many dreams in my larger picture of a dream that I can fulfil given the right opportune moment. I do hope my time has come.

I want to change the entire concept of Education and bring about a change in the current trends in the Education system in India.

I want to be the change I want to see.

Wish me luck and bless me Lord, for I really want this to work for me , my kids and the world.

Day 5. Now what?....Let's see...

The morning started with preparing breakfast and snacks for the kids and man was I excited about the whole thing. Yes I was , I am. The kids just left smiling and happy. Nothing like smart, smiling kids going to school happily and all trussed up. I love my kids. But, I must confess there are times when I feel that I am an unjust Mother. So, I guess today's blog is all about my unjustified vilifying actions against my kids. Of course , in my defence all I got to say is that I am trying to discipline my kids.

There are times when things get too hot to handle , what with the elder one stepping into the teens and his teen aches. Especially with the hormones raging and playing havoc with his skin with eruptions and man, does he scream in horror each morning he looks into the mirror. My wash room is awash with all sorts of ace scrubs and cleansing milk and lotions , both for men and women . No, my daughter and I do not use these products. These are used by my teenaged son who believes that his mom has good skin and that she married a man with horrible skin and the sin is showing on him. He blames his genes for his appearance and I am at the the receiving end for not marrying the right person.

And, all along I thought my family and relatives were the only ones lamenting about my choice of a suitable groom. Now my kids too. It's difficult being a single parent in such a situation and thus, the frustration accumulates and then one day rears its ugly head and I blow my top like a pressure cooker. And, when the steam is totally vent out, I feel remorse at having yelled and screamed at two innocent beings for nothing and that's the time they rub it into me that I was unjustified in my action and emotionally blackmail me into giving into their unjustified demands. Are they using me and my unjustifiable anger to their advantage? Yes , they are. Despite knowing this I guess I still give in , because I love my kids despite all the odds in this world. They are aptly my little devils without horns.

There is a lot more , and hilarious anecdotes about my kids and their unjustified actions, which shall be unravelled in blogs to come. Till then , ciao.

Day 4. And what is it that the lady wants.....

An unjustified claim to fame and fortune. Yup, sitting at home, blogging and tweeting away one's life and time, I expect to reach instant stardom and fame doing nothing at all but stare blankly at my laptop screen. Must say, the constant staring into the oblivion of the pixellated screen has ruined my eyes and now it's become impossible to even read the bills at restaurants where I dine and wine , because am in no mood to cook. By god, what a lazy bum this heavy lady has become whining while dining and pining always for something she doesn't really deserve.

So, confessing my unjustifiable stance that I am the best is hard to come by, hard to swallow, yet I must admit in full confidence that yes I am always raving and ranting about how cruel the rest of the hard working world is , while I the Lazy, crazy one is the poor soul who really needs to be out their with a perfect job and a great salary doing nothing at all.

Today, I guess is a day when I shall be showering lamentations upon myself for doing nothing at all. Today, I guess is the day of reckoning when I shall redeem myself to humility and humbleness. Guess today I am in a mood for self-procrastination.

Why do I blame the world for all my self inflicted miseries? I ought to pick up the threads of my dangling life and get on ahead full throttle and take life as it comes with enthusiasm and zeal. Why don't I do that? What holds me back?

Is it the fear of the unknown that stifles me? Or is it just plain lazy boneness that impedes my growth? Hard to comprehend. My musings make my migraine surface and give me aches and pains, yet am dissatisfied with what I have so far concluded. There is no answer. The question is unanswered. Maybe the answer lies in taking the path least tread and make my own path. It's probably time to come out of my cocoon and spread my wings and fly. I guess I will do just that. The musings and contemplation remain unjustified, the world seems unjust but what the heck I am going great guns and taking my life full steam ahead towards progress, come hail or thunderstorm. With that I end this self observatory blog here.

Day 3. Another round of confessions.....

Yup, another round of some guilty confessions...

Once I had a terrible quarrel with my middle sister elder to me by 5 years. What did I do to get back at her? Well, we were staying in Kolkata and I always maintained two journals of science , one for my sister to tear when she was angry with me and one the original one for school. So, she tore the journal in anger and satisfied her anger, what was I to do to get my own back at her. She was in fact still is fond of perfumes and had a collection of them. I opened her perfume bottles and slyly added water to the perfumes and lo behold the solution in them turned milky white. I knew she would question me. So, when she asked me wondering what must have gone wrong with her perfumes I very innocently gave her a scientific reasoning saying that since it was hot and humid in Kolkata her perfumes got discoloured. HAHAHAHAHAHA. And she believed me. It was later in life that I told her about it and boy oh boy, what a laugh we had.

Today also when I look back on those carefree days, I smile and tears trickle down my cheeks thinking how happy and innocently vindictive we were. I wish I could rewind and relive those days again.

If I were given a second life, I would like to live it the same way I lived my this life. It was beautiful. There have been days when I have been hurt but looking back I guess it only made me stronger. There are no ill feelings that I harbour against anyone. Today, I want them all in my life as my friends and family happily reminiscing and living together.

I also remember my birthday bashes which my brothers and sisters kept for me. But, I hardly had any friends, and all those who attended those parties were either my brother's or my sister's friends and they would bring gifts and pamper me. I also remember being kicked out of the room because my sister and her friends would be giggling and sharing their secrets and so would my brother and his friends. I grew up mostly as a lonely child despite there being four other siblings. The age difference mattered a lot.

During adolescent years, I remember blackmailing my brother into parting with his money or ordering pizzas for me from Trattoria, now at Taj President so that he could be left alone with his girlfriends in the absence of my parents at home. My bribe would include a movie and a big bottle of cola.

Now, that secret is used to tease him and his wife during family gatherings. How wicked can I get? There are lots of incidences and lots of memories. The walk down the memory lane is haphazard skipping a few years here and there but they would be included too. Time today's blog at this juncture to reminisce about days of glory in the past. Me and my memories...