His Silence ...

...Speaks volumes ...

Yes, his silence speaks volumes. It could mean , he couldn't care less. He had his fun. He has found joy elsewhere. One was just a toy he desired and wanted to possess.... Once that object was his, he had no use for it. He just used her and walked away. Feeling like a man who has got what he wanted , and now searches another victim to fulfill his carnal instinct.

What did he lose? Nothing...
Nothing at all ...

He left her bereft of her self esteem ... having squeezed the life out of her.

He left her with one of his own ... one she nurtures deep within.

The rains , wash her tears away ... no one sees them but her own. Her smile a distant cry of yesterday ... eyes vacant , she waits.

Why did he choose to use her? Why her only? Was she some trophy to achieve ? Anger seethes within , for she knows not why he did what he did.

Should she kill herself along with his seed within?

Should she go and congratulate him for giving her a new life to harbour?

Confused, she paces pa and down ... sleepless nights and soundless cries ... whimpering and stifling the howl ... the lone woman wipes her tears away ... for she waits for another day.

Watching him each day ...

Each day she sees him...
Each day she meets him...
Each dawn sees her resolving ...
To forget him ...
Each dusk sees her pining for him.

She meets him ....
Not looking in the eye...
Lest he sees her love for him....
Lest he sees how much she needs him ...
Lest he sees her weakness ...
Lest he sees himself in her eyes.

She has given up on all...
Lost I  his thoughts ...
She goes by the day ...
Mechanically fulfilling duties....
Asked of her by the World ...
Responsibilities taken care of ...
All mechanically ...
A robot like demeanour ...
Her stride so wooden ...
Hardly a smile these days ...
Going hollow with passing moments ...
Missing him ...
This time round , more so...
For she gave of her to him ...
Carrying his seed within ...
Not knowing how to break the news...
She passes each day ...
Dying from within.

She misses him ...
The unborn growing within ...
Contemplating on action ...
Or reaction ...
Wondering whether to tell him ...
Fearful of rejection...
She doesn't want to lose the life....
That is growing within.

Only death can do them apart...
Genuine love ...
Passion unfurled ...
The result in her womb.

She waits upon him ...
Each day ...
Yet not meeting his eye....
He is hers to love ...
His shadow in her.

Anokhee baat ...

Kuch baat toh hai mere Mehboob mein ...
Jo ghoom phir kar dhyan unhee ka aata hai....
Kuch toh rabbta hai unse ...
Jo paagal mann unki jhalak ko tarasta hai.

Baat hai ek ...
Par hai anokhee badi ..
Kabhi dil O dimaag mein jhaankiye huzoor ...
Tasveer sirf aur sirf aapki.

Kuch toh baat hai uss shaqs ki shaqsiyat mein ...
Jo bechain hum bhatakte hein ...
Beeti raatein kaise kateen...
Sirf Rabb hi jaanta hai ...
Chaiin sukoon kahan gaye ...
Pata nahi....
Buss ek hi naam zehann mein ...
Ek hi soorat aankhon mein ...
Duniya Deewani kehti hai ...
Mei Prem deewani sab bisraa baithi.

Anokhee adaa hai unki ...
Anokha andaaz ...
Baat anokhee jab nikli ...
Mere ishq ka naam ubhar kar aaya.'''
Yeh ishq farmaan chadha hai ...
Badnaam sar e aam hua hai.

Anokhee baat ...
Anokhey jazbaat...
Kya hona hai pata nahi ..
Jo hoga so dekha jayega.

Every moment...

Every moment away from you is a moment of death for me... I live and die each second ... I look around in anticipation lest you are lurking behind in the shadows , watching me, wanting me as I want you ... but, am aware ... I blocked you from all spheres of my life ... I have kept myself locked away from you.

It hurts to be away from you ... it hurts to not talk to you ... it hurts to keep my feelings within ... it hurts to hurt you with words ... but , a necessary evil to make you hate me... a need to keep your sanity intact .. the sanctity of our love intact.

I want nothing more than to be with you always ... Alas, it is not to be ever ... destiny played its card a long time ago ... we are not meant to be.

In my loneliness, I write to you ... words pouring my heart out ... my monologue with you and the spirit of our love.

I miss you , as I always did ... more so this time , for am yours ... the shadow that can never be yours ... yet waiting in the wings to catch a glimpse of your shine.

I love you and will always love you so ... have no doubt about my fidelity ... for I started with you , I end in you.

The Destroyer ...

The one for whom you wait all your life...
Comes in frint of you one day ...
You give your all to him ...
He takes it all ...
And, one fine day....
Walks away ...
Disappears from your horizon ...
And, realization dawns ...
The evil of his intentions ...
You sink into a black hole ...
A hole so deep ...
You try to come up for air ...
But, all that occurs is ...
You die of suffocation ...
Suffocation due to emotions ...
Smothering your thoughts ..
Feelinys untold ...
Unfolding within ...
Engulfing your whole being ...
Into a bundle of death ...
You die ...
You die a horrible death each day ...
The destroyer ... he laughs ....
And, watches from a distance ...
A smug smile on his face ...
You are wiped from existence ...
Out cold and shivering ...
Down to the very core of your bones ...
You wither away ...
To smithereens you are done...
Nothing to salvage ...
In this destruction of dreams...
Nothing left at all.

The destroyer walks on ...
In search of another victim.

I turned my face away ...

I saw him today ...
He had come to leave his little one ...
I turned my face away....
It was hard to do so...
But steely resolve took precedence...
I turned my face away ...
With my eyes lay low...
I didn't look up ...
Lest his brightness blinds me ...
I can't show him my feelings ...
I can't let him know...
He is my weakness ...
He is my strength ...
Yet, I am in dilemma...
Pushing him away.

His love leaves a blush on my cheeks...
I bear a flushed look ...
Stars in my eyes ...
Forgotten in his gaze.

I can't let him see...
The love I cherish since ages ...
Just for him ...
I shower now the same ...
On his little ones ...
My way of dealing ...
With the tragedy of a broken heart.

 Catharsis ...
Belonging to him ...
Yet, shutting him out ...
For he belongs to another now ...
In my heart of hearts ...
None can dislodge him ...
From the pedestal he occupies ...
He , my love ...
I, his love...
So near...
Yet, so far.

I turned my face away ...
Lest he sees the tears ..
In my unslept eyes...
The torment and pain ...
Visible from his absence....
Pain ...
It aches to keep away ...
But, that is destiny.

He returns... The prodigal Son returns...

He has returned ...
Reincarnated as his son...
He watches me intently...
Sleeps in my arms as my own ...
Yes, he has come back.

Agni , my Son ...
He is back ...
To question me ...
To give solace to my flared emotions ...
He is back to love ...
For he knows...
I yearned for his return.

My prayers answered ...
But, with a twist ...
He comes with an old flame ...
A package not to be opened.

A constant dilemma...
Love yet no love ...
I can't even call him my own ...
For he is born of another...
But through my own.

My baby, my prayer ...
My Agni ....
You come each day ...
Just to sleep in your mothers arms ...
Weekends are a torture ...
Without you my child.

My unfulfilled desire ...
My unborn child ...
I see you ...
I feel you ...
I need you around me...
My Son , my dreams ...
My desire ...
Born of love ...
I have missed you....
I miss you ...
Each night is a torment...
No sleep ...
Just eyes wide open ...
Dreaming and thinking of you ...
How I wish ...
You were mine to cuddle ...
But, Alas! Twist of fate ...
has seen you born ...
In the home of an old flame.

A constant battle ...
Each day ...
A new dilemma ...
Am being punished for being your mother...
For a mistake in the past.

I love you my Son ...
Wish time would turn around ...
You would be mine ....
So, I can hear you call me Mom.

He returns ...
The prodigal Son returns ...
To claim what is rightfully his ...
A place in my heart and life.

The last pillar...

Hope, they say keeps you afloat...

The last bastion has fallen...
No hope left to salvage ...
The ruins a gaping wound...
Oozing blood and pus...
The last pillar standing...
Is crumbling to the ground.

No scope left for improvement...
Agony and pain visible...
The World of hope bleak...
Nothing left to look forth to...
All is gone in one swipe...
Fate, the master of destiny...
Ruins as far as eye can see...
Not a farthing to believe...
The last pillar standing...
Crumbling into dust.

Like a pack of cards...
All that was envisioned, lost;
Cruel is the hand of fate...
Ruthless is the King of Spades.
The last pillar...
The last man standing ...
Gone forever into oblivion....
Never to be found again.