The Kick ....

Oui! ....
Felt a kick while listening to ....
The Lollipop song by his Daddy....
Agni is just like his Dad ...
Naughty and full of movement....
Daddy dearest ... going to be born once again ....
I just hope he doesn't turn out to be a ....
Mastermind criminal like him.

Agni is taking shape ....
Hope he grows tall like me ...
And not short like his Dad....
Hope he has righteousness ....
Not a slapjack sinister character like his Dad....
i just hope .... he is a healthy and bouncy baby ....
Full of smiles and giggles ....
And brings mirth and laughter in my life....
The way his Dad made me happy.... albeit only for a while ...
Till he left forever .... to be gone  and lost....
In a World ... where he will never be free again....
Imprisoned and chained to a woman ....
A characterless woman who duped him ....
Who blackmails him ....
Poor fellow! All I feel for him is pity ...
Pity for a soul lost ...
All his doing ....
For momentary pleasures and ...
Trying to make quick moolah.....
In a dubious manner.....
He sold himself to the devil.

He used to call me Moolah Baby ...
Now I know why ...
For all my Moolah ...
He took it all away ....
slowly he siphoned it alll ...
Emptied my purse and accounts....
Why did he need to do that?

I still don't understand ...
Can't a man go out work hard and earn Money?
Why does he need to cheat people?
Especially me....
I trusted him blindly ....
Gave him everything he asked for ....
Yet, he cheated me.
What will I tell Agni tomorrow?

For now...
Am happy Agni is hale and hearty....
But, tomorrow when he comes face to face ....
With the reality of his father ...
What will his reaction be?

On Letting Go ..... Some Quotes ....

Today I am amazed at the things our children have done and their wide range
of interests.  They are all living their lives and not the ones I would have planned
for them.  But I have learned that their lives are theirs, not mine, and in living
their own lives they have given me experiences and an education I would never
have had if I’d been fool enough to make them do what I thought they should do.

There are things that we never want to let go
of, people we never want to leave behind.
But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end
of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.

If only you could see that looking back into an incomplete and imperfect past, with regret, blame, guilt
or resentment is keeping you from the treasures that await you here now.
The past has gone.  You cannot rectify something that is no longer with you.

Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing
you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is
not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing
which keeps you from hope and love?

Letting go doesn't mean we don't care.  Letting go doesn't mean we shut down.
Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave.
It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment.
It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which
we cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means
taking care of ourselves.  And we do this in gentleness, kindness,
and love, as much as possible.

As I started to picture the trees in the storm,
the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the
storm don't try to stand up straight and tall and
erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown
with the wind. They understand the power of
letting go. Those trees and those branches that
try too hard to stand up strong and straight are
the ones that break.

To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore.  It doesn't
leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret.  Letting go isn't about
winning or losing.  It's not about pride and it's not about how you
appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.  Letting go
isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave
emptiness, hurt, or sadness.  It's not about giving in or giving up.
Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat.  To let go is
to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on.  It is having
an open mind and confidence in the future.  Letting go is learning
and experiencing and growing.  To let go is to be thankful for the
experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow.
It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will
soon gain.  Letting go is having the courage to accept change,
and the strength to keep moving.  Letting go is growing up.  It is
realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.
To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.

One wears one's mind out in study, and yet has more mind
with which to study.  One gives away one's heart in love
and yet has more heart to give away.  One perishes out of pity
for a suffering world, and is stronger therefore.  So, too, it is possible
at one and the same time to hold on to life and let go.


In the end these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you love?
How deeply did you learn to let go?

On Letting Go

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization that I can't control another.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.

Scarlette .... The colour he loves ....

The red lipstick on the mantle....
Reminds me of the time he bought it for me ...
Gifted it to me ....
I hate red colour ... But, I stilll apply it ....
Coz he took the effort to go buy it for me.

Scarlette is his favourite colour ....
Hence the scarlett car ...
He loves that car ....
It is his passion ....
How can I take it from him ....
No, I won't ....
It belongs to him .....
We bought it together ....
Just so he could come meet me ....
My colour is Silver ....
His is scarlette....
Scarlette car and scarlette  lipstick ....
I took to the colour .... just for him ....

Despite the animosity ....
That has set in ....
somewhere , my heart cries ...
Cries for his plight is not what I want to see....
His position is so sorry ...
Entangled and stuck in a web ....
A web spun by the wicked woman ....
Who today accompanies him .....
Poor man ....
He is in a dilemma ....
Hurting .....
The woman revels ....
She cheated him into believing her ....
And, now blackmails him into living with her.
I can't help him ....
He has to help himself ....
He has to be bold enough to say NO to her ....
He has to find the courage within ...
Else all his life ....
He will be her slave ....
And, a puppet in her hands.

Scarlette is the colour he loves ....
I know ....
Scarlette O'Hara .....
The classic story ....
Rhett Butler ...
All Gone with the wind ...
Yet, the wind has returned ....
History repeats itself ....
Scarlette  awaits upon Rhett Butler ....
The wound still fresh ....
The bump reminiscent of a rendevous....
A tryst with destiny ....
Destiny shall take its course ....
So shall the prodigal son ....
His rightful place in the family.

Winds of change have begun ....
So has the transition ....
The prodigal heir to be protected ...
The story to be told and retold.

Scarlette shall History be ....
Scarlette will be the western sky ....
Scarlette will be the sunrise ....
Scarlette will be the sunset ....
Scarlette willl be the Night....
Scarlette will be the moon ....
Crimson tide will bring forth ...
Vermillion for the forehead.

My confessions ....

My confessions ....are all about truth ....
They are the truth itself ...
Lest someone thinks ...
It is otherwise ... Nah ...
We live once ....
Let's live with truth ...
Rather than beat around the bush ....
And lie all the time ...
A life of lies is no life at all.
All my life ..
I have lived the TRUTH ...
Unjust word came in ....
When I realized that there were a few who were hurt by my blatant truth ...
Hence , it's a sort of an apology to those souls ...
Yet, Truth hurts ...
However hard one tries not to hurt ...
Truth breaks relations ....
Not an issue....
If the other person understands you well enough ...
If he/she knows you well ...
They also know that you mean no harm ...
It's your outburst ...
Your angst against a corrupt system ....
Your out pour against what they did to you....
If you were forthright ....
All this wouldn't have happened ....
But you chose to keep mum about it ...
You chose to do injustice ...
You chose your path ....
So, I had no choice ...
But to knock at doors ....
And look for you ...
And, ask just one question ....
WHY ME?
There wee others you could have duped ....
There were others you could have lied to ....
But, why me?
What did I do to deserve this?
I worshiped you like a Demi God....
I put you on a pedestal ....
Still you just walked away ...
Smiling and laughing ...
Into another woman's arms ...
The same woman you claim ....
Had cheated you ...
The same woman who was blackmailing you ....
Yet you walked away with her ...
No issues ...
But, you have dues .....
At least return what you took ...
At least return the honour you so conveniently soiled with your dirty feet.
My confessions are my own ...
They are my words ...
That shall echo for eons to come ....
Words that will warn others of your treacherous ways ...
Words that AGNI shall read ....
AGNI ... your very own....
 He shall restore my honour to me ...
In time to come....
AGNI shall be born ...
To destroy the evil ...
AGNI shall wage my war.

These confessions are for AGNI to know ...
For AGNI to fathom ....
The depth of emotions ...
To realize and to bring justice to me.

My confessions .... are our history ...
Yours and mine ..
So that our future generations can know ...
About your treachery and my fool hardiness.

AGNI .... The harbinger of all things bright ....

My sunshine .... My son ....
The one to survive despite all odds ....
He has shown strength ....
He has given me the strength ....
To let go and move on ....
For he shall be with me forever ...
Others won't be ...
But my son .... The fire within me ....
My AGNI .... shall remain ...
He is the bright sunshine ....
Which was eclipsed for a while ...
But he survived ....
A miracle indeed ....
They say ....
God has his own ways ...
And divine intervention  has made it possible ....
Made it a reality ....
The God Particle exists.

An accident I thought ....
Made me lose him .....
But he wasn't lost ....
He was hiding ....
So I could fight ....
So I could survive ....
So I could save him ...
He is my modern day Krishna ....
My saviour ....
My all ....
He will cut through all barriers....
He will see me through ....
With him by my side ....
I need not his Sire....
He is all that I desire ....
And the Lord ...
He fulfilled my desire.

Agni ..... My son ....
The harbinger of all things bright ....
My spring ....
My fresh lease of life.

The Torch Bearer ....

AGNI ..... The Torch Bearer ....
The apple of his Grandfathers eyes ....
The protected one ....
The one to carry forth your name....
The one to carry forth your forefathers name ....
For generations to come ...
I carry that lamp within ....
I carry that fire within ....
None else can give you that prodigal son .... but me.

The prodigal son is here to stay ....
He shall seek my justice ...
In time to come ...
He shall proclaim me to the World ...
As his Mother and bearer of his life.

Come hitherto my son ....
Come forth and claim what is yours ...
Your name ...
And destroy the enemy that has put me to shame.

The Torch bearer ....
The prodigal son .... survives and thrives ...
Safe and in good health.

The cravings .... And, the Lollipop song....

The cravings for bizarre food ....
Awesome ..... incredible ...
Agni wants to have fish and chips ....
And guess what .....
Am on my toes ...
Frying fish and potato wedges....
The baby has me eating out of his hands ....
When he grows up....
Am going to really show him what he made me do ....
There are times when he craves for canapes'....
Middle of the night .... Orange Ice lollies....
People around wonder ...
Why me ... a grown up lady ...
Consumes loads of ice lollies....
But, it's not me ....
It's Agni ....
The baby is always hungry ....
Hungry for strange food.

One day, he wanted Lemon cheesecake at 2 am in the night ....
And guess what .... I made it for him ...
I love my babies ...
And, Agni tops the lists in strange demands.

The cravings are getting stranger day by day ....
And, like his father , he likes....
The mediterranean salad with steamed chicken in it ....
Sprinkled with capers and a vinaigerette of mayonnaise too.

Like his father, he likes Jumbo prawns ....
Crabs .... and the steamed momos from Mings Palace.
All the traits of him ....
Doesn't let me miss him  a moment ....
He fulfills every desire of a woman ...
I don't miss him no more ....
Agni has filled the void...
He keeps me busy and entertained.

The moment I play the Lollipop song his dad has sung ...
Agni turns in the womb ...
Letting me know ....
He loves it ... His dad's voice.
When I reminisce about his Dad....
Look at his photos ...
Agni gives a kick ....
Shaking me out of my reverie....

My baby is on his way ...
To fill my days with laughter ....
Once again there would be happiness...
Just a matter of time...
Just a matter of time and patience.

For now.... it's the lollipop song in the background ...
And his Dad's favourite....
Fish and chips ..... on the menu for now.

When God closes one door ... He opens another ...

A movement within me ....
A twist and a turn ....
Below the abdomen ....
Making me feel his presence ....
That's my Agni ....
When God closes one door ....
He opens another ....
God gave me Agni in lieu of HIM.....
Am I glad ....
I am in seventh heaven ....
The mother in me joyous and fulfilled.

No more lonely days ....
No more pining ....
Just getting the wool ...
And knitting needles ....
Agni would be a Winter Baby ...
He willl need warm woollens ....
Wish Pammi was here .....
She was the best when it came to knitting.
Miss you Maa....
Didn't meet you in your last days .....
But you loved me and I know that ....
You are with me even today ....
Watching over me ....
Agni will be protected by you .... I know.

Oh.... A movement ...
A tiny movement ....
Making me aware of his presence ....
My days are blessed ....
Need a lot of rest ....
Lest Agni be stressed ....

God closed the doors of hell for me....
So that I could enjoy the fruits of labour ...
Alone ... but blissful...
No tension ....
No treachery ....
Pure love and joy.

Another four months ....
And I shall have my bundle of joy ...
Cradled in my arms ....
My son ....
My life ....
Yes .... mine .... and ONLY MINE.

God has given the gift of life to me ....
I shall cherish it forever.....
He saved my unborn ....
So I wouldn't be forlorn.

The Stork is arriving ....
With the bundle of joy ....
I am waiting ....
I am happy....
I am blessed.