Restless Soul....

Am up and about...
Pottering around the home....
Surfing the net....
Thinking a billion thoughts ...
At the same time...
The restless soul that I am...
Restless sure I am.

At this hour...
When all and sundry is asleep...
I pour my hearts content out...
Seeped in pain....
Elaborate and a bit bore ....
Yet, full of hope...
The restless soul that I am.

Turmoil within...
A thousand and one apprehensions...
A million questions....
Countless desires....
The restless soul that I am.

They tell me I am crazy...
They call me names....
I don't care.....
I live on my terms...
My life is my own....
Which direction I take....
Is my decision all my own.

I am not naive...
Nor am I cunning....
I give relentlessly...
I desire none anymore....
There's so much to explore...
So much insight to gain....
The restless soul within...
Crying to gain recognition.

A nod of the head...
A blink of the eye....
A silent look....
In the vacant eyes...
A sly smile....
Wrinkled eyes...'
Crinkled eyes...
A twitching nose....
The restless soul within.

The restless soul...
Soul at rest when will it be....
Maybe the grave there is for me...
Let me make it my size.

The end of an affair...

It is the end of an affair....
The beginning of a new dawn....
Life moves on.... day goes on....
Not a trace of the pain to show....
Not a wince of ache.....
All is hunky dory outside....
A bleeding heart within.

The end of an affair......
The onset of inhibitions...
Suspicious eyes....
Lest the heart ache happens again....
No more smiles to give...
No more gay laughter...
Days of abandoned fear have begun...
Complications anew.

Trust turned into mistrust....
Screwed up life to begin....
A life never lived without pain...
Guess that's what is my fate.

Every time I promise myself....
Not again... not again....
Every time I make the same mistake....
All over again.

This life is not for me to live...
Over and over again....
I have to take take things serious...
Else will be lost again.
This time it's over for the nth time...
This time it's for good...
No more pain...
No more waiting...
The angel of death is waiting.
Hovering above my head...
Waiting....
Taking digs at me ...'Waiting...
What is it waiting for....
End my miseries soon...
Can't take the ache no more....
It's gone too far.

The end of an affair....
The affair of life....
Time to preen my wings....
And soar again above.
Playing the game....
Of hide and seek no more...
I soar up high in the sky...
Clashing swords with deathly whore....
Who can't wait no more.
I soar higher....
It beckons me....
I look down with desire....
There's none there for me.
I leap forth ....
A cry of war clenched teeth within...
Sigh! I wake up and ....
There is reeking stench within...
A stench so strong...
So empowering...
The stench of death....
The death of an affair...
The end of an affair.

It was never meant to be....

It was never meant to be..
Yet, it's there....
A deep down feeling...
He is out there somewhere...
Waiting for me....
And, here I am...
Waiting for his return...
The sparklers of the festival ...
Waiting to be lit...
The sparkle to return...
Yet, I know....
He will never return.

It was never meant to be...
Two different people....
Two differently abled people...
Came together at a juncture...
Only to part ways at another...
The bond wasn't thick enough ....
To sustain the distance...
The long distance...
It became a heavy burden....
A burden made light by broken ties....
A bond made in heaven...
For the separation was physical...
Never emotional....
They bonded at a different level...
The bond for the World to see....
Melted away...
Yet the subconscious bond remained.

It was never meant to be...
Yet, it happened and survived...
Now only unspoken love...
Written words that are read in silence ...
A sigh escaping ...
At the thought of...
What could have been....
Yet, It just was never meant to be.

It just was never meant to be...
It could never be.

Hangover...

Yes, I have a severe hangover...
A spillover from last night's party....
A  celebration of life...
A choice of friends...
A hangover of days of yore.

Childhood fantasies relived...
Childhood places revisited...
Childhood sweethearts remembered...
A childhood well lived and relived.

Old friends...
The new can't replace...
A bond deepened with time....
Time flew...so did we...
But we came together again ...
And, again we bonded well...
No expectations...
Just plain friendship....
Planetary signs showing...
Love of life....
Life living itself...
Yes, a hangover of life...
A life well lived and relived.

Liquor flowed like water,
Tears kept at bay.....
Food relished with zeal and zest....
Tastes secured.
A hangover of sweetness of the time...
A time well spent...
A time spent dwelling upon....
The wonder years of yore.

Yes, I am hungover...
I have a hangover...
Yet, I am game...
Looking forth to ....
Beautiful days to come.

A very bad joke...

It was a joke....
A very bad joke!
I should have known...
From experience....
You are all hulla bulloo about nothing....
You are nothing...
Just another drop in the ocean.

I could have gone further...
Waited more...
I didn't...
Good! I didn't...
Today the picture is clearer...
Crystal clear...
All you wanted was the fortune...
Not love or compassion...
All you craved for was just needs...
Needs to be fulfilled...
Am not a wet nurse...
Am not here to pamper you...
I have my dreams to follow....
My beliefs to believe in...
You are history...
A page I would like to delete .....
Delete from my mind...
Delete from my thoughts...
All you did was give pain...
Nothing but pain....
Ebbing, waxing and waning pain.

A very bad joke indeed...
You played with my emotions...
You ruined my life..
A past I need to erase...
You ....
You .....
And, only YOU!!!

It was just a design.....

It was just a design...
A hope for a new beginning....
It took wings and I set sail.....
Deep into the oblivion....
It's dark in here...
Am groping...
Somewhere deep down ....
A sense of apprehension....
A sigh of relief....
Finally, I have overcome my demons....
Finally, I have come of my own.....
Finally, am there where I wanted to be............
Is it so? Really?

Not yet....
I have countless miles to traverse...
Many more hurdles to cross......
Speed breakers to break the tempo.......
Yet, am game.........
Am not alone....
My army follows me everywhere....
Follows my lead.........
Am the unsung hero of my ballad...
Am the tragedy Queen of my movie...
I am game for an Oscar......
Coz' I know, I deserve it.

In the award ceremony of life...
I stand tall to receive.....
What is to be mine ....
Ultimately, the mother of all awards...
Heavenly bliss....
Moksha.....
A ground reality...
Mine to achieve....
On my own....
A lonely traveller....
Not yet tired....
Of dealing with the scum of the World...
Not yet worn out.....
There is still some chutzpah left in me..........
There is still life breathing within me......
Am all set to break the barrier....
Am all game for the gamble....
The great gambler that I am....
Playing all my cards at once....
Spreading them open on the table...
Am sure to win....
That's the spirit that eggs me on...
Join me in my endeavour....
Join me for success....
Stunning success.....
Join me for pure ecstasy.....
Join me in  my quest.
It was just a design...
The creator made me....
Moulded me.....
Am all set... Baked and ready.....
Am the perfect design....
No moulds for me....
Just chisel and hammer...
A whole lot of hardwork for almighty.....
Yet, perfection personified.

It was just a design...
And, lo behold!...
The Lord held me....
And said... PERFECT... PICTURE PERFECT.

Sparkle remembers....

Sparkle remembers.... Every moment.....
You are not far from her...
Yet you are too far away.....
You distanced yourself from the light...
The light shone bright....
You went towards the Sun...
It burnt you...
Sparkles remained there...
Waxing and waning like the moonlight.

Cool and soothing moonlight.....
Bright yet soft....
You moved away... not ON ... AWAY....
Sparkles was left all alone....
All alone in a big dark world....
She held on till she could...
Drifting in the sea of emotions...
You weren't there....
When she was drowning....
Someone held her hand .....
Pulled her out....
Her lifeline he became...
He is there and will never leave....
For Sparkles is all he wants...
Her happiness is all he desires....
She remembers you...
Coz' he reminds her of you....
A self made man he is ...like you....
A music afficiando he is ...like you....
But, he is HE himself...
No pretensions.... Just a belief.

Sparkles was there when you were burning...
She was burning too...
You left her bereft of emotions....
Yet, she held on...
Holding tight....
Believing.....
You would realize and be back...
You never came....
He came and brightened her path....
He came when she was down and out...
You never came.

Sparkle still loves you....
But, her love for you remains platonic...
At a spiritual level...
she will always be there when you call out...
She will come...
But, she will not remain....
Coz' the Sparkle only shines once....
One has to capture it and save it ....
You let go......
And, the spark faded away.

Sparkle remembers you....
Every moment... Good or bad...
She remembers....
But, she knows ......
You are too far out to reach....
She burned too.....
She rose from her ashes...
She had to ....
She had to.

Sparkle remembers....
She can never forget you...
Whenever she is in your realm...
She hopes to find you there...
She remembers....
She does.

Fools Paradise...

I seem to live in a fools paradise....
A lost sense of hopeless hope...
A deep felt regret of things gone awry...
A sense of relief at letting go a few.....
I live in a fools paradise indeed.

No matter what I believe....
The crux of the matter is that.....
I am the loser at the end of it all....
Giving all of myself ....
In return for slavery and pain and aches....
I live in a fools paradise after all.

People pulling my leg....
Making a  fool out of me...
Telling lies, that belie the truth of their intentions...
I am surely a fool...
To fall for such crap....
A fool indeed in fools paradise.

No amount of sane advise from well wishers worked...
No witches hair or magic potions...
All that I was left with was....
A soul bereft of all emotions...
A fools heart....
Believing and hoping fervently....
That all that was just a nightmare....
A mirage ...
A fool indeed.