Damn this anger.......

Damn this anger, which dwells within me. Damn the resentment I feel. Why does it rear its ugly head every time I am happy? Why is it not pleased to see me smile?

Damn this anger, which stops me from understanding. Damn it, coz it makes me a shallow beast. All common sense is lost. All reasons fail. The momentary lapse makes me lose everything. I turn into a stranger, a stranger I wanna avoid but cannot.

Is it really anger? Or a sense of insecurity that prevails. The feeling that nothing is permanent hence this will go too. I am losing it I guess. Sanity is a far fetched word in my dictionary. Everything seems to be falling apart. I need a respite, else I will be lost forever. Damn this insanity called anger.

I just seem to have lost it. Getting perturbed by nothing at all. Anything and everything seems to trigger a chain reaction as explosive as the solar flares on the Sun. Everything boils down to insecurity, lack of empathy and a deep rooted feeling that's a problem that I shall never be happy. Why do I end up feeling insecure? Why do I not trust anyone anymore? What is it that binds me to loneliness? Why is it difficult to accept things as they are? Why can't I move on? Why do I end up getting stuck on the past?

Am I really scarred for life? Damned to the deep dark ghettos of melancholic solitariness, do I ever stand the chance to resurrect myself? Why can't I stop hurting myself and others? What anger is it that is so vehemently predominant in my being that it doesn't let go, it just eats me up from within like cancer. Do I ever have hope of salvation from my demons of the past?

It seems , am the very epitome of God's creation gone awry. Am proof that there is no hope for fools. Am an example of something gone wrong somewhere. Am living proof that all hope is lost. Why am I such a prick? Why am I sozzled by my own emotions? Why do I overlook the genuineness in the other person? Why do I block out faith and trust? Why oh why?

Damn this anger, damn this insecurity, damn myself..............

Colours of Spring....

Yes, I am colouring my life's canvas with the colours of spring. Spring with it's various hues of summery colours and bright new leaves and fresh smell of flowers... fragrant and beautiful. What a life? It's a springy lite life.

The colours have invaded my senses. They have made my emotions their home. Am beaming with the shades of bright colours and the glow on my face shows the love in my life. The love that has illuminated the dark corridors of an inglorious past. The love that has given a new meaning to an otherwise dull subsistence.

Love has brought forth a new colour in my list of favourite colours. Earlier the list consisted of shades of black, blue and grey.... today it has pink, cream, yellow, orange, purple, violet, green and white.

The rainbow is mine to keep forever....

Come to think of it...

It's been one roller coaster ride..... this life of mine, with its thrills and frills. Come to think of it, man am I glad, I took this ride... It's been crazy but adventurous. Have loved every moment of it ..... in a flashback mode of course. At that moment, it was painful but now when I look back, there's no remorse.

Come to think of it, am happy it happened the way it did, every moment, every person taught me something.

Come join my bandwagon my love, coz there's more drama left in life. Many more moments of exalt, many more mountains to climb. Together, we shall make this journey... together we shall conquer all over fears... together we shall make a new life for ourselves and our loved ones. A new shelter filled with love and laughter and lots of beautiful moments to capture.

Come to think of it, it will be fun... with you tickling my funny bone and jokes galore in our day to day life. the very thought of being together, brings a smile to my lips and am transported to a dream world.

Looking forward to a life filled with the best of wishes and blessings from near and dear ones. A life with sugar and spice and all that's nice and lots of happiness. Come to think of it..... not a bad idea at all.

Love you for seeking me out. Love you forever.

Wake up....

Wake up.... get moving... unload that baggage you are carrying.... time to move on.

Time is a great healer. Yes, memories remain.... they are the foundations, if good and strong; you can rebuild your life on.

Am rebuilding my life. Refurbishing the interiors. Renovating the infrastructure. Time to change, time to wake up.

The awakening moment was exhilarating. It was a beautiful dawn. A stillness enveloped me and I was delirious... floating freely in that moment. Words can't describe what I felt at that moment. Tumultuous moment.... waking up time.

Deep spiritual awakening, got me up and about. Today, am untouched by the pressures that build up in the course of every normal human life. Am not alone in anymore.... there is someone who has joined in my journey and am I glad, he is there by my side. Now, I smile always, just for him. The thought of meeting him one day finally, brings a smile to my lips. Pure bliss.... the thought of waking up in his arms someday. Pure heaven..... the desire to die in his arms one day.

But, for now.... waking up is all I know, each morning to his deep voice and looking into his eyes, albeit we are miles apart..... waking up is all I know.

Happiness...

Must confess, am happy..... very happy. Touchwood.

God, may this state of being remain forever.

A feeling, I kept hidden under lock and key for ages,

Waiting for the right key to fit in.

Now that I have found the key, won't lose it again.

The key to happiness is to follow one's heart.

And, that's what I am going to do.

For long, I waited in the corridors,

searching for my loved one.

For long I yearned for him,
to hold me in his arms.

I won't let him go this time,

I won't let him lose his way.

He is too precious to be let loose in this big bad world.

He needs me and I need him.

For long, we searched for each other,

For long, we looked out in vain,

Not this time, no more waiting for the go ahead,

we are beyond all.

We were meant to be together,

we were meant to fuse.

We were meant to experience pain,

To know the true feeling of happiness,

When one gets love.

It's a feeling that remains forever,

giving that sweet ache, that lovers crave for.

Happiness is what has enveloped me,

I don't want to come out of this cloud.

This is a feeling, I can't describe.

Let me live in this bliss.

Happiness, contentment and pure ecstasy.... Thank you for bringing me alive.

What to believe and what not to believe...

Honesty is a such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue..... Billy Joel

One of my favourite songs and am completely identifying with it at this moment.

Lies and scandals rock the horizon. I thought I was untouched by those vices, am hurting coz I am not. They have touched me and gripped me in their tangled web. Am hurting because, the one I trusted the most wasn't honest with me. As the story unfolds, am left flabbergasted at my naivety. Was it so or plain stupidity, mocking me in my face and saying I am an idiot.

Am hurting and hurting real bad. Honesty was one thing I expected from you and that's what evaded me. Why didn't you tell me everything? Why, Oh why?

In my enthusiasm, I forgot there was a world beyond us. In my glee, I forgot everything else and the ways of the world. I knew it somewhere deep down that happiness can never be mine, it avoids me always. Unhappiness has reared its ugly head again to consume me in its fire. What am I to do? What to believe and what not to believe...

Should I trust my heart and go ahead, breaking all other ties? Should I listen to the world and its hoard of gossip mongers and forever let go of what I believe in and in whom I believe in and trust with all my heart?

I won't..... I won't believe others. I shall follow my heart and my heart says, don't let go. I will stand beside you and brave the storm. We shall overcome the hindrances and make a beautiful world together.... You, me and the kids.

I believe you... there's no doubt about it.

Once in a blue moon...

I can, so I am.....

That's my mood today.... one full of Attitude.

And, pray why not... I deserve it. Don't I?

Oh God! Don't let me get carried away in this super unjust mood.

It ain't right for me to be so. But, what the heck! Once in a blue moon mood swing ain't bad.

It's like chocolate, a bit here and there ain't bad at all.

Not at all, but I shouldn't get carried away in this momentary glory.

Somebody stop me..........

Your undying love for me is making me a proud woman.

Proud yes, but it's affecting my ego.

I don't want to be selfish. But once in a blue moon....... a bit of ego ain't that bad at all.

Today, I am flying high.

Today, I am living on love and fresh air.

Today, I am totally and uninhibited in love.

Lemme be. Once in a blue moon, lemme soar high.

Pinch me! Yes, pinch me, coz I can't believe that it's really you.

My love, my soul, my life........ Don't ya wake me from this dream.

Let this journey continue for eternity, I really don't wanna wake up.

Am floating in a delirious coma....... Don't ya wake me.

But, once in a blue moon pinch me... to tell me that this really is true.

Thank you God!!! Thank you so much for bringing this angel of love in my life.

He has turned my take on life.

And my belief in you has become stronger and stronger.

Let this path become concrete.

Let me be the path breaker.

Let me just be.... be happy in this moment and forever in his arms.

Once in a blue moon, do pinch me , to lemme know, you are there always.

My faith has stood the test of time.

My belief pulled me through.

So what, if I display an attitude?

It's just plain me and my idea of flaunting what I have got.

Once in a blue moon, just lemme be... just lemme be selfish for a while.

Just lemme be in his arms.... once in a blue moon just lemme be, who I am... His and solely HIS.

You have promised me....

You have promised me heaven on Earth.

You have given me a reason to smile.

You have given me the role of a lifetime.

You have given me centre stage.

You are the enigma , I am crazy about.

You are my whole and soul.

You offered me a dream, I can't refuse.

You offered yourself on a platter, it's tempting.

You shall remain forever stuck in the chords of my heart.

You have carved a niche', the first strike in my heart.

No one could match the force of the strike.

You are what shall remain , when I am gone.

You and I make beautiful music together.

The rhythm, the rhyme makes us sway.

You are here to stay and stay forever you shall.

You have promised me a bed of roses.

You have promised me a bottle of wine.

You are what makes it sweet.

You are the secret ingredient in the recipe of life.

Nothing will ever change this equation, you and me together score an infinity.

You have promised me a dream, a dream to live for.

I love you and your promises... coz you have promised me yourself.

This day, this moment I pledge my allegiance to you.

You make my world a beautiful place to live in.

Believe me, I look no further coz there's nothing beyond you.

You can rip this heart apart and yet it will take your name as it always did before.

You are my start and you are my end.

I love you and you love me, that's what makes us different from the rest.

Our love stood the test of time.

Our love withstood the ravages of time.

Our love is what fables are written about.

Our love is the epitome of purity in the face of insanity.

You have promised me undying love, I promise you the same.... I love you my love.