It's started again...

When I thought , it was all over, it has started again.

I can't go through it over and over again. Am tired... am hurting.

LEAVE ME ALONE... PLEASE

Emotions long forgotten , do not enter the bastion of an emotionless soul ,

Live and let live, you have nothing to lose,

All I have is my sanity , don't let me lose that. I thought I was over you, but you keep springing back in my life,

back and forth and make it difficult for me to cross over to the other side.

Listless eyes watching the door,

Ears attuned to hear the ring of the instrument, lest it be you,

heart fluttering to hear your footsteps,

kitchen seems desolate without the one who loved what I made,

Gawd end this trauma here, I can't take it anymore...............

The sleepless nights when all we heard were melodies,

with wine to quench the thirst of lost souls....

Bring back the magic, bring back the sunshine, bring back the sparkle in your life........

The sound of flute....

Yes, the sound of flute makes me go bonkers completely.

Reminds me of unrequited love and the pain associated with it. How long will it take to heal a broken heart. But, heal what? Heart is still there but aching...........

It's been ages, heard my favourite song and tears welled up in my eyes..........it didn't have to end this way.

My space or your space.....Does it matter?

Nope it doesn't matter at all.... Omigosh am referring to space as in my space; my time , LOL. We all need to create that niche' for ourselves , that nook where we can go and pour out what we cannot do upfront with people.

This is my space and my thoughts. I don't blink even once before I pen my thoughts and feelings here. My opinion matters here and to me. I am answerable to myself only not the rest of the world.

The 'others' stopped being a part of my journey a long time ago. This is my travel and I like to travel alone and with no baggage at all.

There comes a time when we just need to let go and move on... if people can keep up with your pace, fine ; else, they get left behind.

Seems selfish though, yet godammit does anyone bother at all? No, people only want some spice and chutzpah in life and you provide it to them briefly and then they forget. you are a non - entity and shall remain so.

But, whomsoever I met along the way, I gave them my undying love and friendship, faith and loyalty; it was for them to invest their time and energy to keep the relationship alive, I was there non demanding as always, YOU didn't take up the challenge and the opportunity. YOUR bad luck.

LOL

Nah, Just get on with your life man, and lemme be. I need some sparkle and sunshine in my life too. Am not gonna sit here waiting upon you all my life. There are a lot of uncharted paths to explore, lots to do before I bid adieu to this big bad world of emotional insecurity.

No more will I let anyone take me for granted. I come with a tag, DO NOT DISTURB.

AM TROUBLE.... Never trouble trouble unless trouble troubles you....PONDER over this.

Confusion n chaos...

Yup, am all about confusion n chaos in life. Take it with a pinch of salt if u r gonna go for a walk with me.

Aaj tilanjali de di..... yes, paid tribute to a dead relationship to usher in the new.

I was confused n apprehensive, not anymore. My life is one roller coaster ride , dunno when which turn would come and what upheaval it shall bring with it. It's just plain n simple chaotic. I have come to love the chaos now. I get a kind of sadistic pleasure out of my grief now.

I just can't seem to forget although have forgiven the perpetrator of my grief. Sometimes , it's best to let it be. Time may heal the wound but the scar shall remain.

The confusion n chaos are there no more quite evident but an ebbing pain remains reminding me of what was n what remains.

Matters of the heart perplex me... rather they make me go on a whirlwind tour of the world that can never be mine ever. Why am I born to be unlucky in love always?

Guess it's all in the name. They say your life becomes what your name signifies. My name signifies unrequited love. The pure love of Radha and Krishna but which never culminated ever.

My throat is choked with emotions which can never be expressed. Wish I could take your pain away too. I know , you are confused , depressed and lonely but so am I. We belong to different eras and worlds and the twains shall never meet.

Words fail me at this moment.......... maybe someday you will realize your mistake and come back but by then it would be too late.. I have already embarked on my journey.. a never ending search for my lost soul....

Ctrl + alt + Delete

Ya, that's the mood I am in and really if you come in front of me I sure will delete you from the face of Earth..... You are out n out from my life and that's it . Period.

Why did you have to enter my life and ruin it all for me? Was it written on my face that I am stupid?

These are the thoughts that crossed my mind and guess what? I was really pissed off. But, with time everything heals and this wound shall heal too. On hindsight, am glad it's over. Time to give life another chance.

Aur bhi gham hain zamaane mein... logon ka gham dekha toh mein apna gham bhool gayi

No hard feelings. Just a sense of pity at what a certain someone has lost out on.

Yeah, am positive about myself and rightly so.... I have miles to go before I sleep (Robert frost)

On this positive and refreshing note.... I end my blog for today feeling like a butterfly flying high n low, flitting from flower to flower, sucking the nectar of life.

Adios amigo!!

It's all about falling in love.......

Yup, that's what it's all about... to be constantly in a state of love. Am a hopeless romantic. Yeah yeah, it's all about me always... that's why I labelled my blog 'Confessions of an unjust lady...'

Hmmmm............ words fail me at this moment.... I guess I am hopelessly and madly in love ,,,,maybe it's the full moon playing on my emotions.......... you never know

Nearly a year has passed since I last ranted about myself....

Yup, literally a year ago, gosh where was I stuck? In the petty nitty gritties of life trying earn moolah and making a place for myself under the sky. Am still gonna do that but what the heck, till when?

Went through a lot of upheavals in my personal life, stumbled upon untold truths, lies hidden and pushed under the carpet, blah blah blah. What did I achieve so far, nothing? My trust was betrayed, my whole value system was shaken up not to mention the emotional trauma that came in the package deal.

Yeah, I guess today's blog is all about my whining and venting my feelings out. Feelings kept sealed in the dark innards of my aching heart. How could I let someone use me like this?

Anyways, we all learn from our mistakes . It was a learning experience.

So, Ciao for now. There are many more experiences to go through and many more mistakes to be made. It's a life long process and am game for it.

Ages...........

It's been ages since I last blogged. Whew, a whirlwind affair with new insights into operations in education industry kept me bogged down preventing me from blogging. Today am in a slightly chilled out state so thought of pouring out my sufferings. Hahahha, cribbing always, that's so unjust. am all fagged out in a month of in my job, yet I want to continue doing it coz that's my bread and butter and jam and marmalade and Pancakes and maple syrup. All the good things in life come with a price tag. And, one has to really slog it out to grab the goodies.

The kids love my absence from home , no matter what am always nagging them otherwise. So, good riddance to the hag who brings moolah home for them to spend lavishly on their whims and fancies.

Am reduced to being a minting machine. Hahha, might as well go stay at the Reserve Bank of India's mint. It hurts to know your value...just a couple of bucks....nothing else but an ATM machine...ATM here means Any Time Money.