My confessions ....

My confessions ....are all about truth ....
They are the truth itself ...
Lest someone thinks ...
It is otherwise ... Nah ...
We live once ....
Let's live with truth ...
Rather than beat around the bush ....
And lie all the time ...
A life of lies is no life at all.
All my life ..
I have lived the TRUTH ...
Unjust word came in ....
When I realized that there were a few who were hurt by my blatant truth ...
Hence , it's a sort of an apology to those souls ...
Yet, Truth hurts ...
However hard one tries not to hurt ...
Truth breaks relations ....
Not an issue....
If the other person understands you well enough ...
If he/she knows you well ...
They also know that you mean no harm ...
It's your outburst ...
Your angst against a corrupt system ....
Your out pour against what they did to you....
If you were forthright ....
All this wouldn't have happened ....
But you chose to keep mum about it ...
You chose to do injustice ...
You chose your path ....
So, I had no choice ...
But to knock at doors ....
And look for you ...
And, ask just one question ....
WHY ME?
There wee others you could have duped ....
There were others you could have lied to ....
But, why me?
What did I do to deserve this?
I worshiped you like a Demi God....
I put you on a pedestal ....
Still you just walked away ...
Smiling and laughing ...
Into another woman's arms ...
The same woman you claim ....
Had cheated you ...
The same woman who was blackmailing you ....
Yet you walked away with her ...
No issues ...
But, you have dues .....
At least return what you took ...
At least return the honour you so conveniently soiled with your dirty feet.
My confessions are my own ...
They are my words ...
That shall echo for eons to come ....
Words that will warn others of your treacherous ways ...
Words that AGNI shall read ....
AGNI ... your very own....
 He shall restore my honour to me ...
In time to come....
AGNI shall be born ...
To destroy the evil ...
AGNI shall wage my war.

These confessions are for AGNI to know ...
For AGNI to fathom ....
The depth of emotions ...
To realize and to bring justice to me.

My confessions .... are our history ...
Yours and mine ..
So that our future generations can know ...
About your treachery and my fool hardiness.

AGNI .... The harbinger of all things bright ....

My sunshine .... My son ....
The one to survive despite all odds ....
He has shown strength ....
He has given me the strength ....
To let go and move on ....
For he shall be with me forever ...
Others won't be ...
But my son .... The fire within me ....
My AGNI .... shall remain ...
He is the bright sunshine ....
Which was eclipsed for a while ...
But he survived ....
A miracle indeed ....
They say ....
God has his own ways ...
And divine intervention  has made it possible ....
Made it a reality ....
The God Particle exists.

An accident I thought ....
Made me lose him .....
But he wasn't lost ....
He was hiding ....
So I could fight ....
So I could survive ....
So I could save him ...
He is my modern day Krishna ....
My saviour ....
My all ....
He will cut through all barriers....
He will see me through ....
With him by my side ....
I need not his Sire....
He is all that I desire ....
And the Lord ...
He fulfilled my desire.

Agni ..... My son ....
The harbinger of all things bright ....
My spring ....
My fresh lease of life.

The Torch Bearer ....

AGNI ..... The Torch Bearer ....
The apple of his Grandfathers eyes ....
The protected one ....
The one to carry forth your name....
The one to carry forth your forefathers name ....
For generations to come ...
I carry that lamp within ....
I carry that fire within ....
None else can give you that prodigal son .... but me.

The prodigal son is here to stay ....
He shall seek my justice ...
In time to come ...
He shall proclaim me to the World ...
As his Mother and bearer of his life.

Come hitherto my son ....
Come forth and claim what is yours ...
Your name ...
And destroy the enemy that has put me to shame.

The Torch bearer ....
The prodigal son .... survives and thrives ...
Safe and in good health.

The cravings .... And, the Lollipop song....

The cravings for bizarre food ....
Awesome ..... incredible ...
Agni wants to have fish and chips ....
And guess what .....
Am on my toes ...
Frying fish and potato wedges....
The baby has me eating out of his hands ....
When he grows up....
Am going to really show him what he made me do ....
There are times when he craves for canapes'....
Middle of the night .... Orange Ice lollies....
People around wonder ...
Why me ... a grown up lady ...
Consumes loads of ice lollies....
But, it's not me ....
It's Agni ....
The baby is always hungry ....
Hungry for strange food.

One day, he wanted Lemon cheesecake at 2 am in the night ....
And guess what .... I made it for him ...
I love my babies ...
And, Agni tops the lists in strange demands.

The cravings are getting stranger day by day ....
And, like his father , he likes....
The mediterranean salad with steamed chicken in it ....
Sprinkled with capers and a vinaigerette of mayonnaise too.

Like his father, he likes Jumbo prawns ....
Crabs .... and the steamed momos from Mings Palace.
All the traits of him ....
Doesn't let me miss him  a moment ....
He fulfills every desire of a woman ...
I don't miss him no more ....
Agni has filled the void...
He keeps me busy and entertained.

The moment I play the Lollipop song his dad has sung ...
Agni turns in the womb ...
Letting me know ....
He loves it ... His dad's voice.
When I reminisce about his Dad....
Look at his photos ...
Agni gives a kick ....
Shaking me out of my reverie....

My baby is on his way ...
To fill my days with laughter ....
Once again there would be happiness...
Just a matter of time...
Just a matter of time and patience.

For now.... it's the lollipop song in the background ...
And his Dad's favourite....
Fish and chips ..... on the menu for now.

When God closes one door ... He opens another ...

A movement within me ....
A twist and a turn ....
Below the abdomen ....
Making me feel his presence ....
That's my Agni ....
When God closes one door ....
He opens another ....
God gave me Agni in lieu of HIM.....
Am I glad ....
I am in seventh heaven ....
The mother in me joyous and fulfilled.

No more lonely days ....
No more pining ....
Just getting the wool ...
And knitting needles ....
Agni would be a Winter Baby ...
He willl need warm woollens ....
Wish Pammi was here .....
She was the best when it came to knitting.
Miss you Maa....
Didn't meet you in your last days .....
But you loved me and I know that ....
You are with me even today ....
Watching over me ....
Agni will be protected by you .... I know.

Oh.... A movement ...
A tiny movement ....
Making me aware of his presence ....
My days are blessed ....
Need a lot of rest ....
Lest Agni be stressed ....

God closed the doors of hell for me....
So that I could enjoy the fruits of labour ...
Alone ... but blissful...
No tension ....
No treachery ....
Pure love and joy.

Another four months ....
And I shall have my bundle of joy ...
Cradled in my arms ....
My son ....
My life ....
Yes .... mine .... and ONLY MINE.

God has given the gift of life to me ....
I shall cherish it forever.....
He saved my unborn ....
So I wouldn't be forlorn.

The Stork is arriving ....
With the bundle of joy ....
I am waiting ....
I am happy....
I am blessed.

Agni .... some more .... at his best ..... Healthy and safe

My baby .... My dream ....

AGNI ..... Week 18 ...

AGNI .... In the 18th week .... A handsome boy indeed ...

AGNI lives and that's my justice ....

Suddenly, there was a movement .....

Something I had lost ....

Was found ....

Agni .... moved .....

He moved within me....

And all this time I thought ...

I had lost him ....

He was deeply ensconced and safe ....

My joy knew no bounds ....

Am fulfilled ....

The life within me lives ....

I forgive the culprit now ....

Coz' I have a reason to live ....

A reason to live happily ....

With my memories and my Agni ....

Forever happy ....

No other to share him with me ....

Just me and my three babies.

A news that sets my mind free....

That sets me apart ...

Time to pack my bag ... 

Lest the enemy harm my unborn now....

Time to move into the mountains....

Till my love takes full shape ....

And blossoms ... into a handsome lad.

Time to take Agni away ...

Far away from this mayhem....

Into safe realms ....

My world ... my life.

Agni lives and that's my justice.

When God closes one door ...

He leaves scope for another to remain open ....

This one is ajar .... forever now.

My Agni in healthy condition ....

What else can I ask the Lord for ....

He has given me my justice on a platter.

Agni moves and lets me know ....

He makes me aware of his presence ...

What else can a mother ask for.

Within me my baby lives ....

Within me a life thrives ....

No time for trivial pursuits now ...

Time for birthing to take place ...

Time to search for a safe haven ....

Time to move on.

Five months on .....

He has taken shape ....

A healthy boy ....

A handsome lad ...

Four more months and ....

We shall be blessed....

Blessed with the joyous cries of a newborn ...

Blessed with a wizard ...

A culmination of beauty and brains.

Agni ..... My Abhimanyu ....

My saviour from the blessed Lord.