I loved and I lost... I end up losing always....

What a loser am I!!!!
I always end up losing in the game of love.....
Every other war is won but the war on heart is lost always.
What a sucker am I!!!!!

People just walk in and walk out on their own.
They ravish and ravage me,inside out and just walk away,
As though nothing happened....So cool about it, their attitude.
Damn, What a fool am I!!!!

Time flies by, and they remain a memory...
A memory best forgotten....
Coz, it brings a lot of pain with it....
Why? Why do I end up with spineless love all the time?

They just come by and win you over,
Coz, you are a romantic fool.
They  manipulate you and use you..
Coz, you let them be who they are....
They walk away smiling in glee...
You are left behind feeling morose...
Yet you forgive them, lest they come back...
You have no ill feeling for them.
You pity them, you mother them,
When they are heartbroken.....
Yet they walk away on the first opportunity .....
In search of the promised virgins in their dreams.

They walk away, smiling....
They take away your smile....
Yet you move on....
That's not the end of the world for you...Is it?

I loved and lost..... I end up losing always...Yet I smile...
For I have promised myself.... I won't give up on love ever....
It keeps coming back..... making me smile all over again...
My smile speaks volumes of the hurt and pain I have seen...
Yet it remains pasted on my lips ... lest it pains someone else.

Am a hopeless romantic.... looking for love always...
There it is.. smiling at me... beckoning me always.
No, I don't lose ever...
Each relationship gave me something to remember...
Remember I shall always.

Dream Job............

This is what dreams are made of.... A dream job that creates a dream and more dream jobs for others like you and me. Finally, I have arrived at a point in my journey where I can dream and make it a reality. All I have to do is dream and work on my dream. The journey will never end, there will be stumbling blocks and pitfalls, but I want to go on...relentless in my work and working on my dream. A dream to change the face of Education.... right from laying the first brick to the last  coat of paint and doing the interiors. I want to handpick every building material myself, I want to be the mason and lay every brick and layer the cement, I want to be the potter to shape my dream.

It's not a JOB, it's a passion to fulfill my desires. Desires that rage within me, that make me the seductress that I am... desires that fuel my growth and that of others. A desire to make a difference.

I have put my heart, mind, soul and intellect in my dream.... I can see it taking shape. So much positivity, am happy to see it unfurling its wings... a proud moment, a moment of tumult and happiness. A joy to be felt..... my dream, my desires taking shape...... my hard work and perseverance paying off... no time to sit but time to keep moving... shaping more desires and dreams of people who have faith in me.... who look up to me. I can't let them down.... I have to keep them motivated, keep them thinking, desiring and dreaming with me always....  A utopia which has to become a reality.

So, come my people, gather around me and let us chant the rhyme of success and let it be our anthem and move on.... march on.... towards a better tomorrow and turning our dreams into a reality.

DREAM ON.....................

My love story is what fables are made of............

Yup, that's right.... my love story is a fable....told over the years every day by the wise people. My love story is what fables are made of.

It is music to the ears and gives vent to emotions....
It is the story of two lovers who lived all their life pining for each other yet lived their lives.... never once shirking their responsibilities. Lovers who could have rebelled yet didn't .... Family honour came utmost to their mind.... they waited patiently sometimes impatiently yet waited.......

This is my story, our love story and I am going to make a success out of it, come what may. Too long, far too long have we waited, now is our time and the place is this Earth, God our witness.... this love will see the light of day albeit a bit late.... but shine it will and stories made of it.

It's a story you wanna wake up with and sleep the night away with. It's a story that says , be bold , take the first step..... time doesn't wait. It's a story that says that the world is round....It's a story that says History repeats itself.... It's a story to die for...................... It's a Love Story of you and me......... It's our story..... our love story.

There have been lovers, one too many but none like you and me... It's the war of the Roses, it's Romeo and Juliet.... it is Macbeth... It is our love story, yours and mine.

Lovers will come and go but none can match our passion, our compassion and our perseverance. We are what fables are made of.... we are not a cooked up story but a true love story.

You have given me the happiness and joy which I sought for ages.... a lost soul that I was, I docked in your yard.... That's what makes it unique, our love story, a fabulous fable of love, hurt and despair and ultimate glory, the unison of two true lovers.

You are my anchor,,, you are my kite... you are the bird with whom I fly.... you are the reason for my smile... you give me hope for a better life. You are the one I shall be with, when the lights dim and I hear no more....You are the one who shall consummate my mortal being to the fiery soul of fire. You are the one I shall live and die for, you are the one my story begins and ends with. You are eternity to me, you are serenity to me... you give me a reason to write , to pour my feelings out.... so, let it flow... our story, yours and mine.... a love story to begin with and a true love story to end with.

Our love story is what angels and fairies are all about, a fable to talk about for generations to come.

Yours or mine.....

Your words leave me gasping for air every time  I read them....
I feel so guilty stepping into your shoes...
But, aren't those the shoes I left behind the first time.
So selfish, yet so innocent....
So childlike, yet so vicious....
He is mine, I won't leave him for anything....
all my life I pined for his love.....
Today when he is near me .... why do I fear?

He was yours, yet you left him....
He needed you , but you weren't there for him....
Then why do you cry now.... when he is mine....
Don't kill me with those soulful eyes and those lusty words of yours....
They make me sad and pity you your folly....
He is mine and not yours from the beginning..,,
Oh! How selfish of me, yet I dare to openly admit....
He is mine and I won't let him go.....

A new day, a new dawn....

A new day, a new dawn,
Yet my heart and mind are a turmoil of emotions.

Nothing can match the brevity,
Of the situation, I am in.
Am hard pressed for words...
A writers block threatening to stop the  flow of thoughts.

Life couldn't have got any more complicated than this.
When I thought all was hunky dory,
My man comes up with lies....
Lies that belie the truth behind his promises.
Now, they seem so redundant and empty.
How can I trust a man who so blatantly lies,
without the batting of an eyelid?
In the blink of an eye,
All dreams have shattered...
My heart once again broken into pieces.
Why does he do this over and over again?
Why do I allow him to do this to me always?

Every time we fall apart,
He somehow manages to convince me.
Not this time, I am so deeply hurt..
I don't know, what secrets lurk behind those smiles of his?
What is it that makes people shirk him?
What is he hiding from me...
That he is so secretive and non communicative of his past?

Questions, to which there is no answer...
Queries, that leave me bewildered.
Am utterly confused....
Whether to trust him anymore  or not..
A risk I am willing to take or not.

A new day, a new dawn...
And, here I am .... fretting and fuming...
Contemplating a bleak future, if I stick to him....
And, a miserable life without the bundle of lies that he is...
A new day, a new dawn......
And, a new lie perhaps.

What is it that I seek?

What is it that I seek?

Blessings or fruits of some order?

What I seek is love... pure love and bliss.

Why is it that all forsake him?

The one I love is not loved by anyone.

I hurt in the knowledge.... and cry in vain.

The pain instead of subsiding , grows in leaps and bounds.

His love and passion leaves me breathless, wanting more...

yet I feel helpless and forlorn.

Love can bring with it seasons of despair,

with no hopes of repair,

Yet I love him, in the hope...

That we shall be together, one day..forever.

In an everlasting embrace,

Not to be torn by time and place...

When will such a day dawn upon us?

What is it that I seek?

Love or thorns.... am not sure....

But, am sure, he loves me....

Yet, so unsure of the chimes of time.

What is it that I seek?

I have everything going great for me..... Touchwood!

Yet, this feeling, this foreboding that somewhere,

something is just not right....

An empty space, an empty feeling...

What is it that I seek?

True love stories never have an ending....

True , true love stories never have an ending. Mine doesn't. I loved a man ages ago and I still love him no matter what. Come hail or thunderstorm I shall always love him ... n this life and afterlife. My soul shall always yearn to be with him forever in eternal bliss.

It's not a frivolous expression. It's an expression something deeper, something that means a lot to me. Something that changed the course of life for me then and now. I live and die for my love and I have no inhibition in exhibiting a public display of my affections.

I thought I had loved and lost, but I was wrong... I gained in experience and an upliftment of my soul... an enhancement of my personality. I grew in stature and by no means lost on any experience. Along the way, came many others but this love stood steadfast, conquering all other beliefs and social taboos. Am whole now... one with my loved one and no typhoon can tear us apart..... till death do us apart also does not hold ground here.... coz even death can't set us apart.

Today, at the height of my career, at the helm of affairs.... I am not alone. He stands tall beside me and I by his side. We are each others support systems, we have pledged our lives unto each other and our loved ones. What other love could do that? He is my inspiration and motivation to do well and be good. I couldn't have asked for a better man than him. He is the best and he is mine and here to stay.

Ours is a story, that unfolds each century into a saga of blood and tears, yet it stands the test of time.... this is what Love stories are made of.... this is our story... and our love stands above all...unique and distinct.

This story has no end.... it is just the beginning........

Not the last blog.... just not yet

Yup, Just not yet my last blog. How can I not write what I feel? How can I not express what I go through? Am  a Word smith, I can't stop spinning my web of words..... It's my life....

When I am at any juncture in my life.... words give me company... my thoughts turn into words and flow out.... inner peace is what they provide my troubled mind with. Turbulent relationships, staid and boring ones, all are expressed through words. Excitement filled days and days when nothing happens, my words give me company.

I do not follow a pre-written format or a given set of instructions. I just write what comes to my mind in whichever manner my fingers deem it fit to type the letters out.

Am so in love with my musings that I feel I need to give vent to them and let them just flow, fly on wings of words and embed in my blog. There is a thin line between sanity and insanity, I am on that border... but what the heck, does it matter as long as I am able to express what's bothering me and what eggs me on.

My words bring peace to my mind. They bring a semblance to my thoughts. They make me think.... and implement. I write and do what I need to do. When you read what you have written and feel Oh My God! Is this what I wrote, I must be crazy deep down, you know you have arrived.. you have hit Bull's Eye. You have connected with your self and made a bonding. That's the bond that sets you free to explore alternatives to words that you have used and find new ones to express yourself with.

Just not yet, am I ready to hang up my boots..... I have only just begun.... It's my calling now... and I go for the kill and make a life and career out of it. So, although I would be hard pressed for time, but I shall keep popping in and out of my blog spot adding a zing and chutzpah to it from time to time.

This or any other is not my last blog, not my last musing.... it's just the tip of an iceberg.... there's lots more coming beneath it to down the Titanic, that is life............ to take in what I feel and take along what I feel henceforth... an expression of myself..... just not yet... no I won't break the nib of my pen just yet..... the day I do that would be my last on Earth.... my entire life is in my pen, I can't put it down.... it has to go on penning the deep thoughts and keep me alive for generations to come......

I shall live through my words for I am the Word smith that I am.