I was never there.......

I was there yet never there for you my babies.

In my frenzy to be the best MOM , I forgot I had kids not stuffed toys.

In my zeal to give you the best, I forgot you needed love and care and not material things.

In my anger with the rest of the world, I overlooked your hunger for love.

In my zest for a career, I forgot my post as a mother.

I treated you like an employee.

I treated you like my staff.

I forgot, when all would be gone, you would still stick by me.

Crown and glory came and went, you stood by me.

I forgot.

When I was down and out, you were there for me.

I forgot.

I forgot myself, I forgot you.

My memory lapse, widened the gap, between you and me.

I am sorry, I was never there for you my babies.

But, you were there for me always.

Today, when I look back.

Today, when I introspect.

Today, in retrospect... I feel ashamed... I was never there.

I was there but I was never there.

I failed my test, yet I expect you to excel.

What a hypocrite am I?

I failed in my duties, yet I expect you to be the best.

What a sick mind have I?

I was never there, yet I expect you to be there.

In my twilight, I guess I will have to walk alone towards the sunset....

Coz, I was never there for you.

Confessions of an unjust MOM.......

Why am I so harsh on my kids?

Why do I lay down rules?

Why do I have expectations?

Why can't I just let it be?

If he stays out late, why can't I let my son do so?

If he has tried his hand at smoking, why can't I let him turn his life to ashes?

If he has had a drink, why can't I let him waste his liver away?

If he is in bad company, why can't I let him be and waste his life away?

Why am I so harsh towards my son?

Why can't I be kind to him?

Why can't I give freedom to my kids?

Why can't I just let them be?

I scold my daughter all the time, why do I do this?

I ignore my daughter's requests, why can't I concede?

Why can't I give them what they want?

Why can't I make them happy?

Why am I so curt and ruthless?

Why am I so strict?

Why am I so unkind?

Why am I so cruel?

Why am I so UNJUST?

Why am I so ?

Why do I feel guilty, now that I have reprimanded them?

Why this feeling of moroseness, when I took their freedom away?

I taught them freedom of expression, yet why do I not let them speak?

Why am I so UNJUST?

Why am I so?

I taught them to stand tall and be confident.

I showed them the path.

I gave them freedom to express self.

I gave them a weapon of stealth in wealth.

I gave them a life, a bed of roses.

I gave them their favourite toys.

I gave them everything under the sky.

Yet, I gave them NOTHING at all.

I have never been there for them when they needed me.

I have never been there when they won medals.

I have never been there for their days of glory.

I have never been there at all.

I was busy making a living.

I was busy making moolah.

I was busy getting the bread home.

I was busy ensuring a warm hearth.

In all this, I forgot.

In all this, I never gave a thought.

In all this, I was a stranger to them.

I was never there for them.

I gave them a roof.

I gave them money.

I gave them food.

I gave them honey.

But, I gave them nothing at all.

I wasn't there at all.

Good times, bad times, sad times, I wasn't there at all.

I confess, I am an UNJUST mom,

I am no good at all.

But, what the heck... I do care, am not so bad after all.

I ♥ℒℴѵℯ♥ You

I ♥ℒℴѵℯ♥ You

I can't see you hurting....

You smile when you see me,

Yet I see pain in your eyes.

Baby, I can't see you hurting like this.

Let go of what happened in the past,

It's our today that matters the most,

And a beautiful tomorrow that we foresee.

I don't promise you a bed of Roses,

I promise you a clear heart ,

And a warm home to live in,

Filled with love and laughter,

Day after day of abundant happiness.

I wish to erase the crease of pain,

That lines your face today.

I wish to make you one happy man,

That makes the world a better place to be in.

You have suffered enough,

You shall ache no more,

I shall stand between you and the devil called pain,

And fight your battles by your side.

I wasn't there earlier,

But I am here to stay,

You shall ache no more my dear,

For your shield is here .

I believe you,

I trust you,

I have faith in every word you say,

I will be there beside you,

And never let you go astray.

It doesn't matter what others say,

As long as I believe what my heart says.

And, the voice deep within says,

Let no one else decide,

It's for you and me to decide,

So why wallow and grovel for approval,

When the hearts are set,

When the intent is strong.

Let love flow and consume us in it's fire.

That's what it is all about,

To melt in the feelings that we have..... for each other.

Let there be light in your life,

That shall brighten our paths.

Let there be joy in your heart,

That shall bring laughter in our life.

Let there be that smile of yours,

That brings sunshine in my life.

I can't see you hurting,

Let my smile fade your pain away.

Let me walk beside you,

And take all that ache away.

Let us walk together,

Hand in hand....

Into the sunset of our lives.

For we know not what lies ahead,

So, just let go and,

Walk tall besides me.

We have nothing to lose now,

And everything to gain.....

And, to live happily ever after again.

Your love is all that I ask for,

Nothing else will do.

Your trust is all that I seek,

No one else is there.

Your faith in you and me is all I ask,

None shall breach it ever.

Walk with me into the twilight hours...

For a new dawn awaits us.

So much...

There is so much time,

There is so much to do,

There is so much in my mind,

Yet I dilly dally and while my time away.

There is so little to fritter about,

There is so little to worry,

There is so little that blocks my way,

Yet I worry my life away.

The best things in life are yet to come,

Still I do not wait for them.

I have lost the inclination to aspire,

I have lost the touch.

What is it that bothers me?

What is it that unsettles me?

What is it that really matters?

What is it?

Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma.... always bogging me down.

So much pulling me away from my purpose.

So much for all that I did in life.

So much for all the sacrifices.

So much for all the love I gave.

So much for the treachery I faced.

So much for selfless service to mankind.

So much for forgetting my strife.

So much for giving you a life.

So much for your perspectives.

So much for your inner demons.

So much for your insecurities.

So much for your spineless being.

So much for your character assassination.

So much for your obsession.

So much for your flamboyance.

So much for your negativities.

So much for your non action.

So much for the distance that separated us.

So much for the time you never had.

So much and much much more............

Time to change....

Hmmm.....

It's time to change the sheet,

It's time to change the towel,

It's time to change the crockery,

It's time to change the cutlery.

It's time to change the dress,

It's time to change the design,

It's time to change the make up,

It's time to change the shade.

It's time to change the decor,

It's time to change the furniture,

It's time to change the curtains,

It's time to change the upholstery.

It's time to change my mindset,

It's time to change my outlook,

It's time to change the mask I wear,

It's time to change my name.

It's time to change for spring is here,

It's time to change coz autumn has gone,

It's time to change for new leaves have sprung,

It's time to change for the old is long gone,

It's time to change as I am no longer forlorn.

It's time to change as hope has been reinstated,

It's time to change as I have been given a second chance,

It's time to change so that he can be happy,

It's time to change for him and him alone.

Bowled over...

I am completely bowled over by his simplicity and yet suave personality.

I am totally in awe of his indomitable spirit and his never say die attitude.

I am absolutely smitten by his looks and the way he looks at me.

I am sure about our love.... it has stood the test of time.

I am taken over by this intense feeling of love for him, he surely deserves unconditional love and affection.

I am having the feeling to mother him and smother him with love.

I am intensely in love with him and his love for me.

I want to nurture him, caress him.

I want to be there for him always.

I am bowled over by his ability to make me laugh and smile when I am down and out.

I am waiting to die in his arms.

I am waiting to be one with him.

I am waiting for him.

The way I look at it...

The way I look at it, life sucks at times yet at times it's beautiful.

I had my share of ups and downs and I know there will be more. There's more yet to come. But, then who doesn't have it? Am not an isolated case of F***** up life.

Yeah, I guess am in a real bad mood today. For all the decisions I have taken that have really messed up my life recently. Just one decisive role has been good, the rest all totally a disaster. I dunno, if this one major decision is good too in the long run. I am having my doubts... coz I have never known happiness to stay with me. It runs miles away from me leaving me huffing and panting trying to chase it.

I need to see that ray of hope that says yes I was right. Now I have doubts about myself. Am not sure of what I am doing and why. Everything seems so ambiguous. Am totally fagged out and need to rejuvenate despite the sabbatical I am in.

There's a block... A mental block. I am shunning people left, right and centre. Have become a total recluse. What Am I propelling myself towards? I have no idea. Am just drifting and being tossed around by the waves around me. Am oblivious of the course of action to take in this situation.

I didn't comprehend the lies of one person could bring about this drastic change in me. What have I become? A selfish monster? Or a tragedy queen wallowing in her grief? Or a confused lover once again?

Aspersions and apprehension are killing my soul. Am becoming a sorry picture of my sparkling self. Days when I glowed and was confident. Now, am always worrying and fretting over nothing.

Why this insecurity? Why this enormous headache? No answer to those questions. I have become a question myself. My whole being twisted and contorted each moment, tormented by thoughts of negativity. What have I become?

The way I look at it now, am reduced to a dime of my self worth.

The way I look at it, I am a lost case.

The way I look at it, am a rudderless boat.

The way I look at it, am wasting my life away.

The way I look at it, I need a fresh lease of life.

The way I look at it, I need to unwind and rethink.

The way I look at it, I need a respite from everything .... I need to be left alone .. I need my space. After all, It's all about me.