Shifting sand....

My life is like the shifting sand....
Never still....
Always on the move.

Shifting sand...
Grain by grain...
Each grain tells a different story...
A different tale it tells.

Shifting sand....
No dune's permanent....
Always moving....
Flying with the gusty wind.
A sandstorm builds up....
When I am angry and sad...
A sandstorm that destroys....
All that comes in its path.

It clogs the nostrils ...
And every pore....
You suffocate.....
You cry in vain....
The grain of sand...
Makes you cry ....
When in your eye....
It drops down with your tears...
Drops down and moves on.

Shifting sand is my name....
Shifting sand is my life....
All I do now is....
Sift through the grains....
One by one....
Putting it up for all to see.

Shifting sand...
Sifting through each grain....
That's my life....
That's my time.....
That's my story to tell.

Bored....Evil eye...

Am bored....
Am free....
I have nothing to do...
Siesta hour...
Not for me...
Who cast an evil eye...
On my happiness....
Am alone and bored....
Must be you.
You and your unseen jealousy....
You and your fantasy...
Am outta your life for good...
Don't you get it....
Move on....
Get a leash for your emotions.

When I was there...
You ignored me...
Now am not ....
You follow me....
Why? Oh! Why?....
Do you torment me...
Why do you cast your evil eye...
On my rollicking life...
Castaway and outlawed...
You pursue me relentless.

You had your chance...
Not once, twice...but many times over....
Each time you betrayed my trust....
So, please go away...
Leave me alone....
Let me be.

Am bored....
Cast your evil eye elsewhere.

Hallucination.....

He says I am fibbing....
He says I am hallucinating...
He says I am dreaming....
He doesn't believe me....
He doesn't believe my truth....
And the truth is ...
He doesn't belong to me anymore...
He never did....
He came back....
He sought me out....
But not for love....
Maybe a feeling of guilt...
That's not love....
Had it been...
He wouldn't have faulted again...
And, again.

It's his hallucination....
It's his disbelief....
He doesn't want to come...
To terms with reality....
And, the reality is harsh...
Reality is cruel...
Reality will hurt....
I don't wait upon him anymore.

I am committed elsewhere....
When I needed him...
He had shut me out....
I turned to the first ray of light...
It was not a mirage....
It was reality.
I was walking alone...
Alone in the rain....
My tears rolling down my cheeks...
No one saw them...
He did....
He didn't say anything...
But, he was there.
His strong shoulders supported my frail frame....
He was there....
When you were absconding.

Hallucination, this is not mine....
It is reality and I am living it.
Yes, you are hallucinating...
Waiting for me...
I have moved on....
Long ago, I moved on....
You stood there watching....
Someone else and her stocking.

Time stood still....

When I met you for the first time....
Time stood still...
There was an awkward silence....
An impermeable silence....
I didn't know how to react....
I was quiet...
You must have noticed....
My words were monosyllables....
In the crowd of the room....
The meeting just going on.....
I wasn't there.

Frankly, I thought ......
You had an attitude....
That you were someone else's beau....
But, the next meeting cleared the air....
Yet, I didn't declare....
I wasn't sure of you....
Or your feelings....
Just a nagging insight....
He is ensnared.

I could feel your eyes on me....
The others noticed too...
The subtle hints you gave...
The uncomfortable look I had....
It spoke all....
All about the chemistry between us...
It was bound to happen....
All boiled over....
The next few days...
And, we were a couple inseparable.

The envy of every eye....
The office gossip everyday.....
You and I, brave it all.....
Especially me, day in and day out.....
You are at your place....
Away from the grapevine....
I suffer the envious gaze ....
Of women you scorn each day.

Today, we are one....
In mind, body and soul....
There is no looking back...
I stand by you, a complete whole.
Our dreams are one....
The passion just the same....
One goal, one sight...
To make it work....
For both of us.

Time and again....
I have been tested...
I have stood the test of time...
This time too...'
I stand before time...
Head bowed but not defeated....
In all humbleness....
I swear....
I want to make it work....
Every relation I have had....
I gave my all.....
Yet they fizzled out...
Over a period of time....
They failed the test of time...
Coz' you need two to tango....
You don't snap with one finger....
You don't clap with one hand...
You need two to tango...
Two to make it work.

This  time round too...
I am committed....
I am around...
You need to fall in place...
And, claim what you feel you found.

Time stood still...
When my eyes fell upon you....
Time is still.....
Like the still waters that run deep.

Sorry doesn't make a dead woman alive.....

My today was shaped by you yesterday.....
Sorry doesn't make a dead woman alive.

All the events of my life....
Good and bad....
Were the outcome....
Of your betrayal....
Were the result of ....
You walking away....
Without a word.

Today, you are back...
Back for what?
There's nothing here....
But, a cupboard full of skeletons.

All the events...
And, my today....
Were written by you....
Two decades and five years ago.

Really.....
Sorry doesn't make a dead woman alive....
I am dead....Long dead and gone....
From your life ....
The nightingale sings no more....
The Lark doesn't hop....
On your branch anymore.

There is another....
Give him a chance....
That's what my heart says today.
So, don't take my today away....
It belongs elsewhere....
Let it be peaceful...
And, full of love.....
Let no afterthought kill the romance.....
Let you not be the catalyst of doom anymore.

Sorry, really doesn't make a dead woman alive.

I am having afterthoughts....

Yup, I am having afterthoughts. Did I act in haste? Did I not give the other person a chance to defend himself?
Did I do what I did in my rage, just to spite the other person?

But, whatever I did, I did and there is no turning back. There is no remorse.Yet, a nagging feeling ..... an afterthought... Did I do right?

What should I do now? What's the course of action to be? Am I to turn back or move on? Dilemma.....

I am having afterthoughts..... Is the person I am with really committed to me coz' of me or who I am?
Is it purely a feeling of being with me or just a professional relationship for better service at work? Dilemma....

All evidence so far only suggests that I made a mistake in recognising the person. Maybe, am right.... maybe, am wrong in my judgement. Who am I to judge? But, It's my life and career at stake. Am I in this relationship really for love or just a momentary lapse of mental faculty at the attention I got? Dilemma....Dilemma....

An afterthought so powerful after the many events of the recent past, making me think and rethink the decision I have taken...... Some thoughts that I try to shut out by numbing my senses with alcohol.....

Will that ever help? I need to come to a conclusion, before I slip into a coma, a state  from where there is no turning back. Dilemma..... An afterthought, of course!

No matter what.....

No matter what....Stand by me....

I like....

This song echoes the feelings I feel and my desires. The desire to have you stand by me no what happens...come hail, thunderstorm or an Earthquake.

Today I stand alone as always....just need to know you are around no matter what....my mistakes and my anger. My anger has destroyed my world....shredded it to pieces..no matter what I do, to control my anger, it just erupts and all is lost.

My impatience to hear and feel the words, echoing in my ears....I LOVE YOU... I lose them all. But, as you rightly queried ..." Where are the ones who said those words to you?" I understood.... you won't say it but in your actions you mean it and over the past couple of days you have truly meant it and made me feel special.

My heart goes all out to you, coz'  know at the end of it all...you will stand by me. And, even if you aren't there charted in the course of my life later... I know, there would be a star that would be shining just for me in the night sky. In fact, honestly... there are many... but like I said..Star in the night sky..all far away....shining bright, no matter..... but, FAR AWAY.

No matter what, as I believe in the moment..... This moment is yours .... snatch it, grab it.....do what you want to... But, just stand by me. Understand that I have my times of ups and downs and highs and lows... no matter what.. I am there, just that my mood ain't right for communication at that moment.

No matter what... Just stand by me.

Missing Diwali Sparkles.....

Yes, we all have our demons to kill and move on ....A Diwali celebration. Bringing in the new dawn with cheer and happiness. Memories long past flooding back to haunt you and your conscience.... What happened? Was it meant to be ever?

A Diwali.... long hidden in the recesses of a troubled mind and a broken heart, brought back in the forefront with a message early in the morning. Remembering a partner, a companion, lost somewhere in the by lanes of painful memories. The message, a spark that sparked SPARKLE's emotions and lo behold! She recedes into a melancholic silence once again. Lost in her memories of a family that was to be, but couldn't be.

This year, there are no celebrations. No one to look forward to celebrate the day and the night of lights with. No family to call one's own.

Somewhere along the path, Sparkles lost the sheen and shine and is just a plain shadow of once a resplendent self. This Diwali brings no happiness, but memories to torment the soul.