Will you come looking for me ...

She had asked him once ...
Will you come looking for me when I a lost?
He had said ...
He had dilly dallied...
No, he didn't give a straight answer ...
Well! It's time to find out...
If he will really come searching for her ...
It's time to get lost ...
Go away, far away ...
If he really loves her ...
He will come in search for her ...
Hope it isn't too late by then...
Will you look for me?

Permutations and combinations

After downing a couple of pints of ale ...
Everything in the head comes to a standstill...
Then there is no chaos...
There is no apprehension...
There are no doubts ...
Just a mist of love ...
Of uncertainty...
A ghost passes by ...
A cold whiff of his scent ...
Tears well up in her eyes ...
Not a drop trickling down her hollow cheeks...
As though everything is at a standstill...
Like that droplet of tear at the edge of her eyelid ...
The eyelashes moist ...
She closes her eyes...
Tears streaming down...
She wails in the quiet empitiness...
Shell shocked for words.

The darkness in the eyes ...
Spiraling her away ...
Into the Oblivion...
Nothing in sight ...
Just a duststorm...
Engulfing her completely.

The permutations of love ...
The combination of heartbreak...
So bleak yet so evident...
She shrugs her head ...
A Hand reaching out to the beer mug ...
One more large seig and we are ready for the road.

Memories in a pause ..

Memories of yore ... in a pause...
Like menopause ...
Coming in spurts ...
Gushing in at times ...
Gone for a long time ...
Painfully abominable and deathly haunting ...
Leaving her pale and semi dead ...
Eyes a hollow ...
No shine ...
No glow on face ...
Shaved head belies the pain ...
The cathartic fuel of her soul.

The clots of memories ...
Clustered together ...
Painful yet agonisingly blissful when shed ...
As though in labour ...
The delivery of pain crucifying.

Yet, flushing the toxins out ...
Cleansing the system ...
Knowing fully well ...
The agonizing pain of love ...
Love gone astray.

memories as though kindled by a pause button ...
She turns around ...
He isn't there ...
He had gone long ago ...
With a promise in his eyes ...
Never to return ...

Her pride clashes with her feelings ...
She says he will be back ...
The pride says NO...
An answer only he can give ...
But he is long gone and lost somewhere ...
For his eyes were set elsewhere.

Memories in a pause ...
Memories in a period ...
Memories of bygone days ...
Should she erase?

Her Mind ...

Enmeshed within a plethora of neurons ...
Are thoughts that haunt her day in and day out ...
Her mind is a mesh of words ...
Some known some unknown ...
Lost in this quintessential world ...
She wanders aimlessly ...
Some say she has lost her mind ...
Some say she has reached nirvana ...
She looks with vacant eyes ...
Beyond and far ...
A galaxy of new stars exploding ...
Somewhere new life beginning ...
Her own ended too soon.

Love lorn or lost in love ...
She is just a pack of skeletal remains ...
Covered in flesh, blood and blubber ...
They say she has lost her smile ...
There is no life in her eyes ...
Lifeless she wanders about ...
They numb her with pills ...
She numbs herself in liquor ...
A ghost of her yesterday remains ...
But not she ...
A swamp of gases and wilderness ...
Her mind wanders in ...
Looking for the lost one ...
They say he has gone ...
Lost forever ...
Yet. she searches ...
Lest she find the soul if not the body.

Her mind ...
Wandering ...
Way beyond human civilization...
An alien may know ...
The chapter within.

Respect!

Respect isn't asked for...
It is gained...
Gain her respect first rather than saying ...
She doesn't respect you ...
When was the last time you took her hand and walked in your neighbourhood...
No, not in a Mall nor a road away fro your home ...
But your neighbourhood?

So strange that you want respect ...
But, you can't give the same respect to her.

Whenever you have needed her ...
Called her ...
she was there for you ...
When did you honour her desire to be with her?
You even stopped her from coming to you in her spare time...
Giving silly excuses ...
The intuition of a woman is strong ...
When she loves ...
She loves wholeheartedly ...
You just used her and nothing else.

That's how you made her feel ...
USED...
You never made her feel loved or needed ...
It was just a need based love for you.
Sad that it has to end with an outburst of words describing how you made her feel.

God forbid, you shouldn't be treated this way ever and used and discarded.

Respect has to be earned and you have fallen in her eyes.

The pedestal on which she had placed you ...
Has tumbled ...
She cries and her wails shall haunt you forever.

What did you do before you met me?

He used to ask her...
What did you do before you met me?
How did you pass your time?
Well, my posts of late are answer enough ...
I scribbled life on smartphones ...
I posted my feelings in words ...
I whiled my time away ...
Reading and writing ... 'About all and nothing at all ...
Just as I am doing now ...
Now that he has scooted to a distant land ...
She pours her feelings in words ...
Her angst ... her triumph, her glory ...
Her not so happy state ...
All her problems
Here , typed to little or no perfection ...
For, words keep her company ...
They talk to her ...
They make her feel needed ...
They are her solace.

So, now you know what she did whilst you were never there in her life?

You won't understand ...
For you are a selfish man ...
You have no feelings ...
You have only needs ....
She's not a need based commodity ...
Which you can call upon at your whims and fancy .
She played your game your way, dutifully ...
Trusting you always ...
You played dirty with her ...
She still let go ...
So, do't jump to conclusions ...
You were meant to be committed ...
Where is your commitment ...
You hide her from public eyes ...
Be  a man First ...
Then tell her what you have to say ...
Own a woman  not in shades  but in full view first.

Why does he read her?

Is he guilty of something? 
Was he instrumental in flaring her temper, so he could cite that as incompatibility factor?
Is he reading to find what his action has made her do?

Or, is he just reading coz' he is plain outright guilty for outraging her modesty and then running away like a rat scurrying along a dark alleyway?
His reasons , he knows best ...
All she knows is that ...
He ran away ...
Instead of being a man he boasted to be ...
He ran away like a coward...
What is it with her and cowards ?

God knows his ways ...
Getting such cowards in her life ...
Making her happy temporarily and then ...
Vamoosh ...
They disappear ...
Suddenly they remember they have a life ...
They have a society to show their face to ...
They can't commit to her ...
They can't remain loyal to her ...
Suddenly her greys matter ...
Both on the scalp and within ...
Suddenly , she is too high and mighty ...
Her ego surfaces for them to complain about ...
Suddenly, she doesn't seem so appeasing to them ...
What a hypocrite!!!

Why does he read her?
He reads to read her mind ...
Little knowing that its a web of words and nothing else that she spins.

Anger within...

They ask , why does she eat so much...
She replies to curb the anger within...
She sleeps for hours in a delirious state...
For she has been wronged ...
She floats above her mortal being...
Watching the helpless being...
It angers her ...
It really sets her in another direction...
The betrayal by a loved one ...
Using her like a tampon and then discarding her like one ...
For all his sweet words ...
He never owned her up in public...
Maintaining a low profile lest others know of his dalliance...
And she, like a fool in love ...
Listened to his lies...
Believing his lies as real ...
Not realizing that the beast was just using her as a means to an end.

Oh! What a realization, and at what cost...
Her trust broken...
Her faith lost ...
Tattered and torn pride ...
Asking for justice...
But to whom ...
She was but a fool ...
To have believed his lies...
His blatant lies ...
Now she roams around like a zombie...
Alive yet dead ...
Her feelings shattered ...
Her dreams broken...
Whilst he enjoys his life elsewhere.

Where did she go wrong in loving him unconditionally?
Where did she falter in her belief?
Why did he do this? What was his motive?

She's lost faith in herself...
Not knowing what to do...
No face to show to anyone...
In front of whom she would boast ...
Of his undying love for her ...
Neither love nor him beside her ...
She walks limply...
Head bowed in shame ...
Disgust apparent in each step..

Despair reaching a crescendo...
They say she has lost it ...
Her mind a mumbo jumbo...
Of incoherent thoughts...
Nothing seems good...
Nothing seems real ...
She's lost to herself too...
Lost forever in a dark abyss.