Thursday, February 26, 2015

I have forgotten ...

I have forgotten...
How it feels to breathe in fresh air...
I have forgotten ...
How it feels to be carefree.

I have forgotten ...
How it feels ...
To love and hug my own kids.
When was the last time...
I had a good family time with my loved ones?
When did I laugh with gay abandon ...
At their silly pranks ?
I have forgotten ...
What it feels like to be a mother ...
All that I am is a ...
Money making machine.

I look back with regret...
A streak of remorse crosses my face...
Saddened by my failure...
As a mother and provider ...
I remember,
I have forgotten to be a mother.

When was the last time...
I cooked crazy stuff for them?
When was the last time ...
I danced in the rain with them?
Good times to be remembered ...
I have forgotten.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

His Shadow ...

Am touched ...
By his shadows ...
I can hear music ...
His footsteps make music ...
Only I can hear....
Stop O' Heart ...
Don't be so anxious ...
Let him suffer a bit ...
Trouble him a bit ...
Let him woo you ...
Go on ...
Twitch a bit but ...
Wait to hear his footsteps ...
O' Heart not so quick ...
To give away ...
Your feelings ...
Let him know waiting .,.
Longing be his punishment ..
For coming so late in life ...
For making you wait ...
Let him suffer a bit.
His shadow ...
Touches you ...
You feel a tingle ...
What will your state be...
When he really takes you in his arms?
Be his shadow ...
As he shall be yours ...
Together take those steps ...
That take you to an ethereal World.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

The suffering never ends ...

It never ends, your suffering ... your struggles.

One is gone and another begins ... the journey of life and its ups and down bogging the human in us each time ... a new test ... a new pain ... same aches but in varying proportions ... some more than before ... some expected so the intensity a bit low.

There, you stand at the shore heaving a sigh of relief that you are over one big hurdle and moved on and there appears out of nowhere a gigantic iceberg to remind you that it is much deeper than you thought ... the root cause of all your worries and troubles.

One moment you sigh with relief and the next moment you find yourself neck deep in shit.

Words that lead you on and you start dreaming , making big pictures of happily ever after and then suddenly you fall flat on your face coz' commitments were hard to maintain and one turned out to be a coward and calculative user of emotions.

Yes, we do come across assholes who squeeze you dry and walk away with a smug smile. Little do they know, it is a small World and what goes around comes around. All that they stand for, their World can come tumbling down ... the rubbles burying every relation they cherish the most ...  for they have sinned and a sinner receives no respite.

A strong person is one who gets jolted to reality with such humbug revelations and still puts on a smile ... pastes one on her face and walks tall.

There is no more looking back but to move forth and make ones mark and move on to another realm ... where one is safe and secure in the knowing that none can hurt them anymore.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

The Journey starts yet again ...

      

A new adventure to begin with ...
Back again to the place ...
From where she started from scratch before ...
A life that was left behind ...
Revisiting her past ...
A sense of catharsis taking root ...
In her conscience ...
All she knows ...
Is she is a monk ...
Realizing her moksha ...
Letting it all go ...
Unaffected by peoples emotions ...
All her life living for others ...
Now, starting to live for herself ...
Baby steps ...
Strong bold steps though ...
In the belief that ...
Peace becomes her.

A mind and heart in turmoil ...
She leaves behind bitter sweet memories ...
Some loved ones ...
Some very dear ...
Stifling the sobs ...
Wiping the tear in the corner of her eye ...
She moves on ...
Marches on ...
The Soldier of her own destiny yet again.

Bring it on!!!

She starts afeesh ...
From where she left off...
In search of a new destination...
The foot soldier marches on ...
A new travelogue to be written ...
A new name ...
A new place ...
She moves into a new realm ...
A familiar place but ...
With a another destiny awaiting. ..
All the old life left behind ...
The foot soldier soldiers on.

The past but a distant memory ...
Her life a new story to begin with ...
Another chapter ...
Another history to create.

She marches on ...
A new destination ...
A new fate awaiting her ...
Nothing of the past in her kitty anymore ...
A new identity ...
A new face
She looks destiny in the eye and says ...
Bring it on!!!

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

In the dark allies. ..

Looking back ...
She sees only darkness ...
In those dark allies ...
Are buried her memories ...
Memories of yesterday ...
Yesterdays trials and tribulations ...
Some good ...
Some sordid tales of pain...
She had forgotten them ...
But, suddenly they loom large ...
On her mind ...
Playing yet another game ...
Of hide and seek.

A painful experience ...
A beautiful memory ...
All buried deep somewhere ...
Screaming from their graves ...
Asking to be exhumed ...
Making her look back ...
The screams from those coffins ...
Laid to rest ...
Those screams beckoning her ...
To open the Pandora's box again.

She wonders ...
Whether to unleash the beasts ...
Or let ghem remain buried ...
A dilemma ...
A pendulum going to and fro ...
Her mind a shamble of emotions ...
What to do ...
And, what not to do.

Those dark allies ...
Lanes long forgotten ..
Rear their ugly heads again ...
She ...
A mixed bag of emotions ...
Hetherto unknown  to herself ...
Wonders why.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Suddenly...

Suddenly ...
Nothing matters ....
All those mushy talks ...
The sleepless nights ...
The exhilaration ...
Nothing at all ...
Just a blank expression ...
No feelings to express ...
Just no feelings at all...
The person a distant thought ...
A part of memory ...
Gone blank.

Suddenly ...
There is no morose ...
Just no feelings ...
No expressions...
No void ...
One has moved ahead.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Love is a waste of time?

Listening to a popular song ...
Love is a bhaste of  time and ...
I am back into days of yore ...
When I was sixteen ...
We were sixteen ...
And in love ...
Yet all knew , except us ...
He would watch me from his position ...
From the first bench ...
I would hide behind girls ....
On the last bench ...
He a math genius ...
I , a dumb dodo ...
This continued for a year ...
And, then one day I left.

Twenty and eight years later ...
One night at 8 pm ...
When I was drunk in my sorrows ...
I got a call ...
When I was near the Sai Mandir ...
It was him ...
Donald Duck was all came to my mind ...
He was inquiring about admission ...
For his kids in my School ...
I recognised him ...
I don't know how ...
We had never interacted ...
Yet, I recognised his voice and him ...
I believe he was surprised too.

We met ...
His twins got admission ...
In the school I head ....
Then the meetings happened ...
We met ...
Everyday ...
Just a waste of time ...
This love is a waste of time ...
A beautiful waste of time ...
When reality strikes ...
One needs to plug one's emotions ...
I had to stop it...
But, how ...
I had to hurt his feelings ...
Make him hate me ...
I did just that ...
I avoided meeting him ...
Officially and unofficially ...
For I had nothing to lose but ...
He had everything to lose ...
One can't unlove ....
But, yes ...
For one's love ...
One needs to disappear yet again ...
This time a conscious decision ...
And, I became invisible to him ...
Inaccessible to him ...
Made him hate me ...
But, it was needed ...
Coz' Love is a bhaste of tym ...
I love him ....
So, I walked away...
Far away ...
So, the shadow remains ...
The soul has left the building.

Love is a waste of time ...
Humming , am wasting my time ...
My way , in my aloneness ...
Loving him as before ...
From far ... yet so near always ...
For I can't unlove ...
Am made for love ...
But, am also synonymous with sacrifice...
On the altar of love ...
One more love ...
Become a legend ...
A story to talk about  ...
Of love lost and found ...
And, lost again.