Pehla pyar .... first love ....

Yes, he was my first and very first love ...
Sweet innocent papery love ...
All I ever did was write poetry to convey my thoughts across...
Mind you thought s and not feelings .....
I was just falling in love ...
It was so awkward ....
Sitting ten metres apart ....
Not looking directly at each other ...
Yet two lovers in the same room ....
Jokes were made of our budding romance ....
Everyone was sure ....
We would marry one day .....
That day never came .....
He went flying .... never to return ....
I waited and then wasted my life away....
Today he seeks me out ...
Yet I steer clear of him ...
Lest he flies away again.

He tried to search for me in others....
Couldn't find me there....
Now. he has found me ...
But, I ain't the same as before.....
The anger that boils within me ...
Was brought forth by his cowardice ....
The angry woman that loathes men ....
He sculpted the brain so....
How can she forgive him .....
Never.....
So, he waits in the wings.....
Reading every post I write ....
But, waiting is all he can do ...
I can't leave my haven for his palace ....
And, he can't leave his paradise for my RULES & REGULATIONS.

Pehla pyar hai... abhi bhi hai ....
Par uss par ab bharosa nahi hai ...
Kyun ki jab bharosa tootta hai...
Toh ek dil nahi ek insaan toot jata hai ...
Chaknachoor ho jata hai...
Kahin koi sheesha toot kar wapas judaaa hai?
Nahi...
So, first love must wait in the wings ....
For when I soar high up in the sky ...
To meet the creator ....
I shall wave him a goodbye on the way.

You still are ...

You still are the pillar of strength ....
You still are the person I called Daddu .....
A term of endearment for a father ...
Earlier the relation was something else ...
Now, it is a daughter and no one else...
And a daughter has every right over her FATHER ....
To crib and cry her heart out ....
I am not asking my father to do anything for me ....
I am just asking him to be there When I am not there.
You still are my Daddu and shall remain so ....
And, this is one rebellious daughter you have ...
Whose tantrums no one can equal...
She takes her anger from you....
She takes after you.
You may not have sired her ....
But, she is the daughter you wish you had.
If I shout and scream through my words ...
It's because I have no other outlet for my anger ....
It's best this way than any other ...
Keep others away from harms way ......
Your post can never be taken by any other.....
If my biological father was a man extraordinaire ...
You are the father I adopted ......
For his qualities and discipline....
And, of course .... the same rage within as mine.
You still are and will be Daddu.

No one ...

No one has challenged anyone ...
Nor insinuations made ...
A question about identity was asked....
Coz' you were following the person in question ....
Why follow?
And, what I write at any given time is the state of mind I am in....
If I am bugged ...
It reflects ...
And everybody is at the receiving end ...
Not just one person ...
So no offence ought to be taken ....
That is why WE separated....
My ANGER.
My Anger knows no bounds ....
And, anyone who has been around knows ...
It is a short outburst ....
But destroys Worlds.

I have never blamed anyone else ...
My shortcoming is my ANGER....
My anger is something...
I can do nothing about .....
Poor Kids.... imagine their plight ...
They are right there suffering each day....
Just like others...
The day their wings are strong enough ...
Even they will fly away ....
I shall not cry ...
For I know ...
It will happen one day...
They are just biding their time....
Just like others who left.
I need no one around me ...
I am better left alone ..
Alone ...
My World has many possibilities ...
Many promises ...
Many dreams ....
I need no one.
Neither do I dream of growing old...
Only living till the birds fly away from the Nest ...
Then I shall release the soul (If any left)...
And leave the mortal remains behind.
My words are my legacy to my flock ....
Nothing else.
No one needs to feel sad....
My words are my outpourings...
YOU are not the target ....
NO ONE is ....
I am me ...
And, that is how I live my life ....
ON MY OWN TERMS.
Everyone has a demon to fight with ....
I have no demons to fight with ...
But, my ANGER....
Which is worse than cancer....
It has no CURE.

Charity begins from home...

It's so easy to be a philanthropist these days ...
It is so easy to say ...
I did so and so ...
But, you did all for Others ...
What did you do for your own?
When they were struggling ...
Their heads barely bobbing on the surface of a rough ocean ....
Where were you?
Charity begins from home ...
Don't term it as charity though ...
Responsibility ...
Where were your strong shoulders....
When the fledglings were still learning to walk ?
Where were you ...
When they most needed you?
You weren't there....
Yo are not there....
You are but a ghost of the past ....
A memory ....
How can they ever respect you ..
Someone who pledged his life to the nation ...
But, forsook his own responsibilities....
This is an outburst ...
But not a cry to beg ...
We don't need nobody's charity ...
They shall never beg for it ....
They will never have to...
For as long as I live ...
I won't let them starve ...
And, when I am gone ....
They will have enough ...
And, they are capable beings ...
Who hold their heads high and walk ...
They don't need no man to man their lives...
The woman they call MOM is man enough to bring them up ...
All alone ....
She is the only MAN in this man's world ...
Who has balls.
Yes, she has the balls to stand up to anyone.....
And say .... Leave ... you are not needed here.
She doesn't need a man to tend to her flock ...
She has done it in the past....
She is still doing it ..
And, when she is no more ...
There will be enough.....
She doesn't need another man ....
To bring up HER children....
They are hers and hers alone.

Charity indeed begins from home ....
If there ever was one.

Every moment....

Every moment is a new opportunity ....
Waiting in the wings .....
Wings that take you high up in the sky ....
High ... high .... higher....
The moment to rise has arrived .....
Soar high up in the sky ....
How things change suddenly ...
Situations arise ....
Dream palaces crumble ...
Yet the sandstone ones remain...
Old is Gold.

Nonsense .....

Utter Nonsense .....
Bloody squeeze the juice outta a person ....
And, then just disappear ...
Coward, Bastard.....
That's what such men ought to be known as ...
And, referred to.
They think it's pretty manly ...
To strut their teeny tiny jelly around ...
An, feel proud of it ...
Fuck them all....
They are nothing but Mother fucking bastards out on a roll.
Nonsense .... no sense at all.

The roses in the garden ....

The roses in the garden ....
Brought me back ....
The love and care shown ....
Melted the ice maiden ....
Such love, not to be found today ...
Touchwood!
Rest all is just a mirage ....
Pheromones acting up ....
Hormones raging ....
Yours is true love ....
And it shows in your Garden.
She smiles through the blossoming buds...
She watches every move you make ...
She shows her presence from the colours...
Unique and beautiful in their own way.

The roses in the garden ....
Are her eyes and ears ...
They are her way of showing ....
She cares too....
You are lucky you found her ....
You found true love in her.

Can't trust anyone again ....

No Dad.....
Kukaram or not ...
Mistake was mine to trust someone ....
Suffer I must for that trust which was betrayed ...
All I know now is that ....
I can't trust anyone anymore ....
And, Society ....
I don't care a damn about it ....
It was never there ....
And, still doesn't exist for me....
People can talk ....
I don't care....
I know the truth ....
And, the Almighty knows the truth....
That is what matters ....
Mere zanaazey mein koi naa aaye ....
Kyunki yeh bhi ek dhokaa hai ...
Khaakh se bani yeh moorat ...
Ek din raakh ho jayegi ....
Uss raakh se ek aah tak naa niklegi.
But, the Phoenix has risen again from her ashes ....
To ashes she shall resign herself ....
But, not before burning the city down.
The anger within ...
Seething and raging ....
In the winds of laughter ...
It only adds fuel ...
Fuel to the anger ....
That can burn even Hell.
Hell hath no fury ...
Like the fury I own ....
It's not for me to judge anymore ...
But, for the anger within to forgive or burn them to ashes.

Can't trust anyone ...
You know me well....
Till I quench the thirst within ....
I shall not rest...
Lest something happens to me ....
I know you are there for the flock I keep.
My words keep you updated of my days...
The day they stop ...
You know the action to take ....
Open your arms and keep the sheep warm.
They are your treasures ....
Not mine to keep ...
I am but a keeper...
The keeper of your herd.