I didn't want to lose you ....

I didn't want to lose you ....
He said.....
I was happy ... for a moment ...
And, then .....
The whole world came shattering down....
For the sake of BUSINESS..... He said...
I couldn't breathe ....
I lost sense of time and space ...
A void ... A black hole  opened up ...
And swallowed me.....
 I was lost forever.

I didn't want to lose you for the sake of BUSINESS....
He said....
And, many decades were added to my face.

The colour drained from my face ...
My blood dried up ...
I heard a shrill shriek deep within ....
A woman died somewhere...
I could hear the wails of mourning ....
Somewhere a dog howled ...
Logs of wood were collected ...
Somewhere a body was burnt.

The soul roams the streets of Mumbai ...
The soul cries in vain ...
The soul screams out loud ...
People say ...
They can hear her ...
Muffled cry somewhere.

I didn't want to lose you ...
But, YOU lost me forever.

Reason behind the smile ....

He was the reason behind my smile ....
Yes, he was...
Now, no more smiles ...
Just a sad look in the eyes ...
A vacant faraway look ...
The look defies happiness...
All it does is showcase ...
A pale sad face ...
A face ravaged by his treachery  ...
A face saddened by his absence...
He was the reason behind my smile ...
He was the reason for the glow on my face...
Yes, he was.

My mornings began with him ....
My days ended beside him ...
Now, when the day begins ...
And , ends... I know not...
All I know is darkness outside and within.
He was my Sunshine ...
He promised to walk into the Sunset with me ...
He isn't there now ...
I walk alone ....
Alone in the rain ...
Tears washing down my cheeks ....
Peals of laughter from World around ....
My World .... a sad story to be told.

He was the reason behind my smile ...
He is the reason behind my fake smile today.

Met the Devil ...

Met the Devil a day ago ....
He was there with his concubine ...
The duo tried to sway me...
I stood steadfast and strong ...
Strong in my conviction...
To bring justice to this world...
A far cry ...
But, a war cry.

Met the Devil and his advocate ...
Wasn't impressed nor suppressed..
Laughed at their desperate attempts...
To malign me..
To waylaid justice and the lawmakers...
He tried hard....
God! Be there beside me...
Through thick and thin...
Be there and show me the path...
The shining path...
Don't ever let my spirits down...
It is a fight for justice ...
Down to my last breath.

Met the devil and was amused...
He was desperate...
He was whining....
He was literally crying and begging...
A beggar always...

Isn't he?

Am angry, very angry....

Am angry.... very very angry...
You left me without a word....
You thought I would understand....
I don't....
I don't want to listen...
To your reasoning...
It makes no sense....
Senseless ranting...
Of your innocence...
Rogue... you are one...
You aren't innocent....
Both of you are rogues...
You and the woman....
Who claims to be yours....
The truth... the only truth...
Is that you deserve no mercy...
Not you, nor your clan....
You all deserve a painful existence....
No existence at all.

Am angry... very angry....
Posthumously yours...
But, at the end of it....
Still yours.

That nagging feeling...

That nagging feeling...
That tugging at the heart....
That nascent love....
Could it be that I was wrong?
Could it be that he really loved me?
Could it be that he didn't want to lose me, so he didn't tell me?
Could it be...?
So many ifs and buts...
No solution in sight....
A feeling of dread....
A numbness in my thoughts.

Was his love... true for me?
Was he really telling the truth?
That nagging feeling...
That dread in my heart....
That little voice deep within...
Saying, give him a chance.

Groovy love....

Yeah.... it was a groovy love...
A love to rave about...
A love to show off....
Touchwood, didn't work,,,,
All hell broke loose...
The evil eye got it's victim...
And the love fell apart.

But, was it really love....
Was it just a game....
A plan by the evil one...
To destroy me completely...
But, Why?....
What did I do to deserve this?
All I did was love selflessly...
All I did was to give of myself completely...
Body and soul....
Yet, all I got in return was....
A broken soul.
It was a groovy kind of love....
It did dig a groove....
A burial ground for me.

Nirvana....

Moksha.... Nirvana....
When do I get it....
When do I get it...
It is time to just forget...
Can't....
Can't forgive... nor forget....
Seething with rage within...
Vipasna.... that's the answer...
Nope...
That's not for me...
Total annihilation...
That's what is going to put to rest...
The questions that rear their ugly head...
In my brain all the time....
Maazi satakli re....
Need answers...
Just answers...
Till then...
The world suffers...
I guess...
Nirvana .... is the answer.

They say...

They say... Move on...
I say... I can't....
I really can't....
Everything has come to a standstill...
Am stuck in a time warp....
I can't go back...
I can't move forward...
All brakes applied...
By an unknown force...
By an unknown known being....
All chains pulled in my train of thought...
A brake applied in my vehicle of thoughts...
Nothing seems to make sense...
Am doing everything in a mechanical manner...
In Auto gear...
Just doing...
Not enjoying...
I need an answer....
Till I don't get an answer...
Am going to hang from the hangman's noose...
Looking for an answer...
Up and down the memory lane...
Here and there...
Everywhere....
Why? The question... echoes from all directions....
Why?
Tell me why? Why me?
They say... you have your life ahead...
Go on ... live your life...
I say NO....
I can't move an inch....
I need an answer to my WHY...
The day I get that answer...
I shall become calm...
But, till then...
I crusade for justice and....
Search for an answer...
I take on the world... if need be...
But, fight I shall...
Till my last breath....
I can't move on ...
Till he tells me WHY....