A day spent introspecting.....

Spent the day so far thinking, introspecting, weighing the pros and cons and wondering where is it all leading to, where is the end.... if there is one, where is it or is there no end to all this rigmarole of life and it is something that keeps on going on and on and on.....

One just wonders about the meaning of life if it has any to give ... an explanation to your existence if there is any or is it just existing and subsisting but no life real life at all. Words big or small cannot describe what we feel or think... they are just words for what we go through and then nothing at all...... words that make us pour out the innermost feelings and desires and then others claim to know us well ... but is it really so? Can anyone really know you?..... You yourself don't know who you are or the purpose of your being.

Am always wondering ... especially about my escapades .... my brushes with life and death.... my whole being questioned all the time..... that's why he quips, "What is it you are thinking about?" ..... Am always in a thinking mode..... wondering .... retrospecting and introspecting. Is that all I need to do? Is that all I do ? I do so much yet have an insatiable hunger to do more and more....never convinced that what I have done is really done.

There was a time when I felt redundant. Today am at peace with myself as what I can do no one else can do. This has left me with an air that reeks of a superiority complex. No, this is not what I want to do. I want to fly, soar high but still remain grounded. The effort is on always.

A day well spent... introspecting yet remaining grounded to my roots and values.

They don't make 'em men anymore......

They don't make 'em men anymore....
You get them a dime a dozen.....
Groping and begging with lame excuses.......
Looking for a fresh new start always...
You don't get 'em men anymore.

Sex and lies is all they know.....
Love is tossed out the window.....
Integrity a thing prehistoric.....
Real passion something ancient...
A thing of past... feelings redundant.
You don't get 'em men anymore.

Last times bitterness spills over every now and then....
Making me question the new one....
Making me suspect every smile....
Making me suspect....
My own emotions.
They don't make 'em men anymore.

Walking besides each other .....separated by hate

Walking besides each other, hand in hand... standing tall in every which way ..... was a dream I held... till I saw  you with another and procreating elsewhere. My world came shattering down once again... and this time round I didn't feel the need to wait for an explanation from you as I knew like always you would lie again.

You don't need to put the blame on me for seeking too much attention. Don't point a finger at someone when you are in the wrong yourself. You sought attention, you ruined everything by turning to another for attention. Good riddance is all I can say. Blessed is the lady who walked out on you and your wayward ways. You don't deserve love, you deserve the boot. A nice kick where it would hurt the most. Am so glad she left you, she is a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart. You used her and left her hurting. She deserves much better. Her words speak her mind and I second her on that.

You shall never attain peace is the curse which will haunt you all your life. You will never find your true soul mate coz' you hurt them all. Even animals deserve love, can't abuse an animal by calling you one. I ain't going to use flowery words like her to describe you, you despicable soul. You are from hell and that's where you belong today, tomorrow and forever.

Don't expect forgiveness from any quarter coz' you don't deserve it. You don't deserve this ode of hate or even a dekko anywhere. You are lonely and that's the way you shall die, a lonely death with no one to cry over the shroud that would cover your mangled remains.

You have brought this upon yourself with your philandering ways. Expect no pity, for all laugh at you and your foolhardiness. They don't pity you but they loath you. Your own best friend has left you coz' he saw through your thick skin. You shall rot in hell, this Earth is hell for you, your loneliness and lies together will kill you one day. You have hurt a pure soul. You have hurt sentiments. You deserve nothing, you are the very reincarnation of Satan from hell. You have pained a loving soul over and over again... whether she finds true love or not, her pain shall haunt you forever. You shall burn but no you shall not die.... you will be tormented  and forever rot in hell.

Walking besides each other was a distant dream.... it's shattered..... head held low in shame.... I walk alone.... not head held high as once proclaimed..... I walk alone separated by hate and a curse on my lips... You shall rot in hell...... a living hell.

Our love has no name and no explanation....

Yes, This time round I seem to have outgrown my love struck image of love. This time round this love has no name nor an explanation. It's not about him or me, nor is it about us... It is just there and needs to explanation, no description. It's like finding one's place in the heart and feelings of the other. He says, there were countless who said I LOVE YOU , to you... Where are they today? And, that set me thinking... and I thought and thought  till I could think no further and there was no explanation, just an answer.... Yes, I love this intense man...with a passion that is unpredictable.

Our love has no name and no explanation. He doesn't need to say I love you to me, to express his love and passion for me. It shows in his actions and actions do speak louder than words. He is there when I really need him the most in my troubled times..... somehow he just knows that I need him to be there. Who can understand you this well? The vibes, the gestures... that look, saying I know what you are thinking..... Gawd! He is awesome... He just knows me and what I desire.

Finding time in his hectic schedule for me.... just being there no matter what, advising me, bluntly telling me on my face that I am wrong.... I like it. He is not pretending... He is not overlooking, He is just being downright outright forthright. He doesn't pamper me , but yet I feel special and loved and taken care of. That's his charisma......

Our love has no name and no explanation...... yet it exists and thrives.

Men of character.....

Men of character........
You don't come by them anymore......
You find men by the dozen....
Lining the streets.....
Begging for attention.....
Men of character....
You don't come by them anymore.

Chivalry is dead.....
So is justice....
Character is loose....
No strings attached....
Men of character are hard to come by....
Character and morals are a word for morons now....
Morons with no sense of direction...
No sense of perception....
No sensibility left.....
Men of character are hard to come by....
Really.... am not joking... they are sort of extinct.....
A race wiped out by greed and lust....
A community infested with disease...
A diseased mind cannot love....
Or respect a woman ever....
Coz'  a man of character has passed away somewhere.

The journey......

The journey began and ended.....
Each time , caught me unawares.....
When it began and ended, I know not.

The road was smooth , when it all started....
Then the expressway ended.....
And the rough terrain began.....
At first, a trail leading upto the mountains...
The beautiful cloud shrouded mountains....
Who knew, somewhere there...
Lurking behind the mist lay.....
The misfortunes of my life....
Each time the journey began.....
And ended....
A dismal sight.....
A forlorn woman.....
lost in her own world...
And lost to the world too.

Trudging up the mountain path....
Loosened rocks falling here and there....
Lots of ground to cover....
Yet slipping down with every step...
Still the braveheart continues....
For she know not what to do....
Only one thing driving her ahead....
The zest for life renewed.

Somewhere on the road less travelled....
She will find an abode...
A warm fire and some food.....
A glass of wine to devour.
Somewhere someplace in the journey....
A tavern will come....
Welcoming the weary traveller...
Beckoning her to chill.
Somewhere down the road.....
There is a streetlight....
Lighting her path.....
Somewhere someplace....
She will surely find her abode.

The journey seems long and tedious....
But what the heck.....
She is game....
There's a lot to see...
A lot to come....
A lot to experience.
Although forty and one springs have gone by....
She is yet to see the sunshine....
The brightness she promised herself....
When the journey began.

There's more to come from this bag of words....
There is more to endure....
Yet the never ending journey continues .....
For the lady is sure....
That there is this pot of gold somewhere....
From the starting point of the rainbow.....
Till the end of it.....
The journey began from the start of the rainbow....
The end is yet to come.

The journey, the journey....
A sweet and sour experience....
Bitter at times yet good for growth....
Growth of a human....
From a bud into a flower.....
To never wilt under stress.....
To blossom every day.

My love is unwell....

My love is unwell, down with  cold and fever; followed by bodyache and my constant bickerings  and nagging about how little time we spend in each others company. I am missing him of course, but I know he won't be able to meet me today and for quiet some time now. Yet this heart knows not patience but is always demanding his presence. The passion of his kiss on my lips fresh from day one makes me yearn for more and more . Guess I have led to exhaustion in him and the consequent low immunity due to late nights and early mornings... this is what lack of sleep does to a person.

Missing him is my favourite passtime now. Am so full of questions for him yet when he meets me, I only end up in his arms and looking into his eyes and my heavy head rested on his chest.... warm chest all for me. I love my man. He has made me love life.

He entered my life by default at a time when I was clueless and hurting from a recent infidel revelation of a relationship gone BLAND...yup, bland and not sour. No flavour in it just a relationship for the sake of having one. I was wary and on the defensive, alert and suspicious.... but, he dispelled all fears with his child like laughter and cheery outlook on life. A no strings attached relationship has blossomed and I must say, he is cute and yet a very understanding person, who understands every move I make, the lowering of my eyelids or even a sly smile on my face and he knows what my thoughts are at that moment. I always wonder, how he knows me so well... as though he is residing in my brain and my thoughts.

He is a man of few words. He doesn't say anything but says a lot by his looks. One look from him and I melt.
He is younger but far more mature than many double his age. He makes this  world a better place to be in. For me, he is a blessing.... someone who has changed my outlook. Nope, he doesn't pamper me. He believes that I should become rough and tough. Ah! What all have I done to meet him..... the lengths to which I have gone to be with him. The adventure that we have undertaken. Whoa! What a drive.... The man is amazing.... talented human being and different from the rest.

For now, all I know is that I love him. The past is erased, just a faded memory and this is NOW.... a beautiful moment to live and relive with this one man.

My love is unwell, yet I am there with him in spirits and giving him my energy to overcome the virus that's inflicted its wrath on him. My man shall become well soon and we shall embark on some new adventures soon. 

No pain, no gain....

The phrase 'No pain, no gain'....doesn't just apply to me. It applies to one and all. All and sundry. We all learn from our mistakes and cry over the aches and heartbreaks. But yaar, we all get over it and walk on. We don't remain stuck to that one person and the pain. It all ends up in the bin ultimately.

Move on that's what military discipline advocates and I moved on coz' that's the doctrine I follow. Today, am at peace with my status.... Single ready to mingle but no not ready to share my feelings with you anymore. You were given another chance, you squandered your baubles away in frivolous pursuits. This time round, I watched silently, didn't react and moved on as silently as I watched every move of yours. Family is right, family was always right. I wasted time and energy on you but you know what ... YOU WERE GOOD TIME PASS. That's the attitude I am  gonna keep, to keep myself away from falling into the deep abyss of unhappiness and depression. You don't deserve me or the kids not even your own. No need to feel guilty about it, you paid the price for it and believe me there won't be any REFUNDS.

No pain, no gain.... Good times have come again...... you are out of the picture..... to all their OWN. I have moved on and I am happy being with someone who doesn't commit.... No strings attached relationship... I guess that's the best thing to happen to me in a long long time. I am loving it.

No pain, No gain...... I am loving it....