Our love has no name and no explanation....

Yes, This time round I seem to have outgrown my love struck image of love. This time round this love has no name nor an explanation. It's not about him or me, nor is it about us... It is just there and needs to explanation, no description. It's like finding one's place in the heart and feelings of the other. He says, there were countless who said I LOVE YOU , to you... Where are they today? And, that set me thinking... and I thought and thought  till I could think no further and there was no explanation, just an answer.... Yes, I love this intense man...with a passion that is unpredictable.

Our love has no name and no explanation. He doesn't need to say I love you to me, to express his love and passion for me. It shows in his actions and actions do speak louder than words. He is there when I really need him the most in my troubled times..... somehow he just knows that I need him to be there. Who can understand you this well? The vibes, the gestures... that look, saying I know what you are thinking..... Gawd! He is awesome... He just knows me and what I desire.

Finding time in his hectic schedule for me.... just being there no matter what, advising me, bluntly telling me on my face that I am wrong.... I like it. He is not pretending... He is not overlooking, He is just being downright outright forthright. He doesn't pamper me , but yet I feel special and loved and taken care of. That's his charisma......

Our love has no name and no explanation...... yet it exists and thrives.

Men of character.....

Men of character........
You don't come by them anymore......
You find men by the dozen....
Lining the streets.....
Begging for attention.....
Men of character....
You don't come by them anymore.

Chivalry is dead.....
So is justice....
Character is loose....
No strings attached....
Men of character are hard to come by....
Character and morals are a word for morons now....
Morons with no sense of direction...
No sense of perception....
No sensibility left.....
Men of character are hard to come by....
Really.... am not joking... they are sort of extinct.....
A race wiped out by greed and lust....
A community infested with disease...
A diseased mind cannot love....
Or respect a woman ever....
Coz'  a man of character has passed away somewhere.

The journey......

The journey began and ended.....
Each time , caught me unawares.....
When it began and ended, I know not.

The road was smooth , when it all started....
Then the expressway ended.....
And the rough terrain began.....
At first, a trail leading upto the mountains...
The beautiful cloud shrouded mountains....
Who knew, somewhere there...
Lurking behind the mist lay.....
The misfortunes of my life....
Each time the journey began.....
And ended....
A dismal sight.....
A forlorn woman.....
lost in her own world...
And lost to the world too.

Trudging up the mountain path....
Loosened rocks falling here and there....
Lots of ground to cover....
Yet slipping down with every step...
Still the braveheart continues....
For she know not what to do....
Only one thing driving her ahead....
The zest for life renewed.

Somewhere on the road less travelled....
She will find an abode...
A warm fire and some food.....
A glass of wine to devour.
Somewhere someplace in the journey....
A tavern will come....
Welcoming the weary traveller...
Beckoning her to chill.
Somewhere down the road.....
There is a streetlight....
Lighting her path.....
Somewhere someplace....
She will surely find her abode.

The journey seems long and tedious....
But what the heck.....
She is game....
There's a lot to see...
A lot to come....
A lot to experience.
Although forty and one springs have gone by....
She is yet to see the sunshine....
The brightness she promised herself....
When the journey began.

There's more to come from this bag of words....
There is more to endure....
Yet the never ending journey continues .....
For the lady is sure....
That there is this pot of gold somewhere....
From the starting point of the rainbow.....
Till the end of it.....
The journey began from the start of the rainbow....
The end is yet to come.

The journey, the journey....
A sweet and sour experience....
Bitter at times yet good for growth....
Growth of a human....
From a bud into a flower.....
To never wilt under stress.....
To blossom every day.

My love is unwell....

My love is unwell, down with  cold and fever; followed by bodyache and my constant bickerings  and nagging about how little time we spend in each others company. I am missing him of course, but I know he won't be able to meet me today and for quiet some time now. Yet this heart knows not patience but is always demanding his presence. The passion of his kiss on my lips fresh from day one makes me yearn for more and more . Guess I have led to exhaustion in him and the consequent low immunity due to late nights and early mornings... this is what lack of sleep does to a person.

Missing him is my favourite passtime now. Am so full of questions for him yet when he meets me, I only end up in his arms and looking into his eyes and my heavy head rested on his chest.... warm chest all for me. I love my man. He has made me love life.

He entered my life by default at a time when I was clueless and hurting from a recent infidel revelation of a relationship gone BLAND...yup, bland and not sour. No flavour in it just a relationship for the sake of having one. I was wary and on the defensive, alert and suspicious.... but, he dispelled all fears with his child like laughter and cheery outlook on life. A no strings attached relationship has blossomed and I must say, he is cute and yet a very understanding person, who understands every move I make, the lowering of my eyelids or even a sly smile on my face and he knows what my thoughts are at that moment. I always wonder, how he knows me so well... as though he is residing in my brain and my thoughts.

He is a man of few words. He doesn't say anything but says a lot by his looks. One look from him and I melt.
He is younger but far more mature than many double his age. He makes this  world a better place to be in. For me, he is a blessing.... someone who has changed my outlook. Nope, he doesn't pamper me. He believes that I should become rough and tough. Ah! What all have I done to meet him..... the lengths to which I have gone to be with him. The adventure that we have undertaken. Whoa! What a drive.... The man is amazing.... talented human being and different from the rest.

For now, all I know is that I love him. The past is erased, just a faded memory and this is NOW.... a beautiful moment to live and relive with this one man.

My love is unwell, yet I am there with him in spirits and giving him my energy to overcome the virus that's inflicted its wrath on him. My man shall become well soon and we shall embark on some new adventures soon. 

No pain, no gain....

The phrase 'No pain, no gain'....doesn't just apply to me. It applies to one and all. All and sundry. We all learn from our mistakes and cry over the aches and heartbreaks. But yaar, we all get over it and walk on. We don't remain stuck to that one person and the pain. It all ends up in the bin ultimately.

Move on that's what military discipline advocates and I moved on coz' that's the doctrine I follow. Today, am at peace with my status.... Single ready to mingle but no not ready to share my feelings with you anymore. You were given another chance, you squandered your baubles away in frivolous pursuits. This time round, I watched silently, didn't react and moved on as silently as I watched every move of yours. Family is right, family was always right. I wasted time and energy on you but you know what ... YOU WERE GOOD TIME PASS. That's the attitude I am  gonna keep, to keep myself away from falling into the deep abyss of unhappiness and depression. You don't deserve me or the kids not even your own. No need to feel guilty about it, you paid the price for it and believe me there won't be any REFUNDS.

No pain, no gain.... Good times have come again...... you are out of the picture..... to all their OWN. I have moved on and I am happy being with someone who doesn't commit.... No strings attached relationship... I guess that's the best thing to happen to me in a long long time. I am loving it.

No pain, No gain...... I am loving it....

I saw a dream...Give me a reason to stay....

I saw a dream...
I dreamt you being in it...
But, I realised...
It was just that....
A dream....
Coz' when I woke up....
I was all alone....
You weren't there....
You never were.

I walked the extra mile .....
To be with you....
You tried to be with me.....
But your obligations ....
They held you back....
And, I had to walk alone....
That extra mile and beyond.

Am thinking...
Am always thinking....
What is this relationship all about....
You want to keep it a secret...
Why?....
What is it that you are afraid of?....
Am I just a time pass?...
If I am, let me know....
Don't make me dream....
Don't let me commit.....
Am committed always from day one...
In any relationship....
But expect the same passion from the other end.....
If it's not visible....
I give up and walk away....
Don't let me do that in our case.....
I am fidgeting....
I am restless.....
There is only so much I can do....
After which, all I do is ......
Walk away.....
And, when I turn around....
I never look back.....
I won't look back...
My resolve is strong.......
 My decision is never changing.....
My belief is staunch....
Once I go...
I go away for good.

I saw a dream.....
You were there....
Now, I don't dream....
You might not be there....
So, I don't dream.
Give me a reason to stay....
There is none as yet.....
I can't always give...
I need love too..
If I don't get it....
You don't get me.

I saw a dream.....
That was last night....
Give me a dream tonight....
Or walk away....
I won't follow you....
I won't call out your name....
It will be business as usual....
Life will go on....
Give me a reason to stay.....
Give me a dream to dream.

Skeletons in my cupboard.....

There are skeletons in my cupboard....

Of ghosts from the past...

Of spirits long gone away....

They left their remains behind....

I guess am the Bone collector....

The very thought sends a chill up my spine....

Thoughts of the souls returning to spite me.

Yes, there are skeletons in my closet.

They left not just like that...

They took a piece of me with them....

All they left behind are .....

The skeletal remains of a naive and good woman.

They robbed me of my jewels...

A novelty not found anywhere..

The vanity of a woman....

The dignity of a lady....

They robbed me of my soul...

And all that was left behind were the bones.....

Bones of  discontent...

A closet filled with the stench of rotting flesh....

A cupboard full of cluttered remains....

Of a mind scared and at wits end.

The skeletons in my cupboard...

Make a lot of noise....

They make me go bonkers....

The thoughts are a mess....

All jumbled and a puzzle....

Am not good at solving puzzles...

So I trash them all.....

The hollow eye pits....

The gaping jaws.....

The bony and cold feel....

The skull makes me jump...

A cackled laugh in the foreground....

An ashen face flashes past....

I wake up shivering and with a cold sweat....

It's just a nightmare.....

Of days to come.

The day I shall open...

The cupboard wide ajar...

I know the skeletons will come...

Tumbling out and strewn apart.

Then what will you say.....

Then where will you look....

Will you still stay.....

With all the mess around me?

And the journey begins.....

Today I embark on a journey of self realization and self actualization. I start to recognise myself as an individual on my own... a force to reckon with.... an identity that has created itself and carved a niche' for herself in this big bad world.

Today, I promise myself happiness.... my self and my freedom. Today, I let go of all my weaknesses . I won't let anyone take me for granted, I am me, myself and need my space. I have given enough of myself and now it's payback time. Pay up or leave me alone. I don't trust you , I trust my instinct and it says stay away from the evil one.... Steer clear of the devil. You are the devil, the very reincarnation of Satan, I can see it... I won't let you pull me down... or pin me down.You have raped me of my sanity.... No more shall you rule the roost.... you are a non entity in my life as of now.... I am over and done with you.

And , lo behold!... The journey begins.... I know not what lays ahead... all I know is that I embark on this path all alone.. with the intention of covering the distance all alone in tranquil peace and harmony with myself.