Burning within...

Damn this desire.... damn it.
I am burning within.
Damn this fear.... damn it.
It's eating me away.
Damn this worry.... damn it.
It's giving me the ulcer.

This uncanny feeling of losing him again is killing me from within.
I have lost my sleep over it.
I am binging because of it.
I am in the depths of depression due to it.
How do I control my apprehensions?
How do I soothe my frayed nerves?

Am always worrying, what if...?
Why this insecurity?
Why this frailty?
Why this fear of the unknown?

Being human is such a pain.
So many emotions to deal with.
So many relations to maintain.
So many demons to deal with.

Am burning within... because of her behaviour.
Am seething within at her selfishness.
What woman would profess love on one hand...
And destroy the same love on the other hand?
What woman would she be, to make public her wanton desires,
Yet torture the man in the confines of her home?
What woman would she be, to lay bare her soul to strangers,
Yet traumatize the man who defied all for her?

Am burning within, at her foolhardiness.
Am pitiful at her cheap display of piteousness.
I spite her words.
Though they be of a high order,
Yet they showcase a sick woman.

Am burning, coz am helpless...
I want to help her get across... to let go.
Am helpless, coz I know...
She is manipulative  and conniving.
Am in the throes of pain, coz I know he is hurting too.

Burning within me is the desire...
To give him a world of happiness...
Burning within me is the fire... that only he can kindle.

All those beautiful and not so beautiful thoughts...........

So many thoughts, beautiful, wonderful thoughts constantly keep flitting across my mind all the time. Yet their speed is so high, am unable to pen them down in time and lose them . When I need them they just don't seem to crop up in my mind at all.

Thoughts can make and break your day. Thoughts can enhance your mood or throw you in the throes and depths of melancholy loneliness. There are times my thoughts elevate me and I fly and there are times I just sink  deep in an abyss and it takes a long time to surface from that state of mind.

My thoughts can be meaningful at times. Sometimes noteworthy and worthwhile. But, sometimes they are as destructive as the Atom bomb. sometimes my thought can kill by just being ruthless and unkind thoughts.

All those thoughts kind and unkind make me who I am, run the course of my life. I love my thoughts as they are always generally beautiful and creative. Only problem is they crop up anywhere and it is so frustrating that one gets these insights and is unable to put them down in a concrete form coz there is no pen and paper for the same in that situation in that condition under those circumstances.

Thoughts creative and innovative have shaped my career well. Hope my life also shapes well on those lines. I am always thinking. Am a thinking individual and inclined towards intellectual stimulation to excite my brain cells. Hoping to keep my neurons well nourished with the right kind of connections cognitively.

On this note, I end this short thoughtful write up on my thoughts, some beautiful and some naughty.....
Thoughtfully yours.... Yours truly.

The only thing on my mind.....

Loving you is the only thing on my mind these days. I don't know, when you became an addiction. But, you came to remain in my heart and mind forever. I can't think of a moment without you and your thoughts. We haven't met, yet it seems as though we have been together FOREVER.

The only thing that occupies my mind is being with you and in your warm embrace in your arms. Wish the time would come soon when two lovers could meet, jump out of the virtual world that they are living in and disappear in each other.

Every moment reminds me of my aching need for you. Ever moment teases me. Every moment brings with it the apprehensions of unrequited love. Every moment taunts me. Let the moments pass by and let the music begin and let's waltz our way to eternal bliss. Let us unite and be blessed in our love.

The only thing on my mind is YOU. You don't let me do anything at all. I can't concentrate on anything. Your thoughts make me forget everything. I end up doing nothing at all by the end of the day. One person can make me forget my entire world, my sense of being, my sensibilities.

The only thing on my mind is the love I feel for you. The love that according to you lay dormant for ages in our hearts to explode today like a volcano. Hope it doesn't destroy anything but builds everything afresh. a new spring, a new life.

The only thing on my mind is how we can be happy and make everyone around us happy too. Give so much love to each other that it spills onto others and everyone smiles in our happiness. Being together should mean bringing together two families and making the world a happier place to live in.

The only thing on my mind is YOU.... and you alone.

Irritating....

Irritating, that's what I am, if I don't concede to your requests.

Irritating, I am, if I don't heed your warnings.

Irritating, I am, if I don't conform to your fanatic beliefs.

Irritating, I am, if I don't listen to you wallowing in self pity.

Irritating, I am, if I don't allow you your addictions.

Irritating, I am, if I defy you.

Irritating, I am, if I am rebellious.

Irritating, I am, if I am a non conformist.

Irritating, I am, if I say NO to you.

Irritating, I am, if I turn you down.

Irritating, I am, if I say wait for the right time.

Irritating, I am, if I remain who I am.

Irritating, if I am, then why make me change..... Go find someone else.

Irritating, I am , am I?

I was never there.......

I was there yet never there for you my babies.

In my frenzy to be the best MOM , I forgot I had kids not stuffed toys.

In my zeal to give you the best, I forgot you needed love and care and not material things.

In my anger with the rest of the world, I overlooked your hunger for love.

In my zest for a career, I forgot my post as a mother.

I treated you like an employee.

I treated you like my staff.

I forgot, when all would be gone, you would still stick by me.

Crown and glory came and went, you stood by me.

I forgot.

When I was down and out, you were there for me.

I forgot.

I forgot myself, I forgot you.

My memory lapse, widened the gap, between you and me.

I am sorry, I was never there for you my babies.

But, you were there for me always.

Today, when I look back.

Today, when I introspect.

Today, in retrospect... I feel ashamed... I was never there.

I was there but I was never there.

I failed my test, yet I expect you to excel.

What a hypocrite am I?

I failed in my duties, yet I expect you to be the best.

What a sick mind have I?

I was never there, yet I expect you to be there.

In my twilight, I guess I will have to walk alone towards the sunset....

Coz, I was never there for you.

Confessions of an unjust MOM.......

Why am I so harsh on my kids?

Why do I lay down rules?

Why do I have expectations?

Why can't I just let it be?

If he stays out late, why can't I let my son do so?

If he has tried his hand at smoking, why can't I let him turn his life to ashes?

If he has had a drink, why can't I let him waste his liver away?

If he is in bad company, why can't I let him be and waste his life away?

Why am I so harsh towards my son?

Why can't I be kind to him?

Why can't I give freedom to my kids?

Why can't I just let them be?

I scold my daughter all the time, why do I do this?

I ignore my daughter's requests, why can't I concede?

Why can't I give them what they want?

Why can't I make them happy?

Why am I so curt and ruthless?

Why am I so strict?

Why am I so unkind?

Why am I so cruel?

Why am I so UNJUST?

Why am I so ?

Why do I feel guilty, now that I have reprimanded them?

Why this feeling of moroseness, when I took their freedom away?

I taught them freedom of expression, yet why do I not let them speak?

Why am I so UNJUST?

Why am I so?

I taught them to stand tall and be confident.

I showed them the path.

I gave them freedom to express self.

I gave them a weapon of stealth in wealth.

I gave them a life, a bed of roses.

I gave them their favourite toys.

I gave them everything under the sky.

Yet, I gave them NOTHING at all.

I have never been there for them when they needed me.

I have never been there when they won medals.

I have never been there for their days of glory.

I have never been there at all.

I was busy making a living.

I was busy making moolah.

I was busy getting the bread home.

I was busy ensuring a warm hearth.

In all this, I forgot.

In all this, I never gave a thought.

In all this, I was a stranger to them.

I was never there for them.

I gave them a roof.

I gave them money.

I gave them food.

I gave them honey.

But, I gave them nothing at all.

I wasn't there at all.

Good times, bad times, sad times, I wasn't there at all.

I confess, I am an UNJUST mom,

I am no good at all.

But, what the heck... I do care, am not so bad after all.

I ♥ℒℴѵℯ♥ You

I ♥ℒℴѵℯ♥ You

I can't see you hurting....

You smile when you see me,

Yet I see pain in your eyes.

Baby, I can't see you hurting like this.

Let go of what happened in the past,

It's our today that matters the most,

And a beautiful tomorrow that we foresee.

I don't promise you a bed of Roses,

I promise you a clear heart ,

And a warm home to live in,

Filled with love and laughter,

Day after day of abundant happiness.

I wish to erase the crease of pain,

That lines your face today.

I wish to make you one happy man,

That makes the world a better place to be in.

You have suffered enough,

You shall ache no more,

I shall stand between you and the devil called pain,

And fight your battles by your side.

I wasn't there earlier,

But I am here to stay,

You shall ache no more my dear,

For your shield is here .

I believe you,

I trust you,

I have faith in every word you say,

I will be there beside you,

And never let you go astray.

It doesn't matter what others say,

As long as I believe what my heart says.

And, the voice deep within says,

Let no one else decide,

It's for you and me to decide,

So why wallow and grovel for approval,

When the hearts are set,

When the intent is strong.

Let love flow and consume us in it's fire.

That's what it is all about,

To melt in the feelings that we have..... for each other.

Let there be light in your life,

That shall brighten our paths.

Let there be joy in your heart,

That shall bring laughter in our life.

Let there be that smile of yours,

That brings sunshine in my life.

I can't see you hurting,

Let my smile fade your pain away.

Let me walk beside you,

And take all that ache away.

Let us walk together,

Hand in hand....

Into the sunset of our lives.

For we know not what lies ahead,

So, just let go and,

Walk tall besides me.

We have nothing to lose now,

And everything to gain.....

And, to live happily ever after again.

Your love is all that I ask for,

Nothing else will do.

Your trust is all that I seek,

No one else is there.

Your faith in you and me is all I ask,

None shall breach it ever.

Walk with me into the twilight hours...

For a new dawn awaits us.