Sorry doesn't make a dead woman alive.....

My today was shaped by you yesterday.....
Sorry doesn't make a dead woman alive.

All the events of my life....
Good and bad....
Were the outcome....
Of your betrayal....
Were the result of ....
You walking away....
Without a word.

Today, you are back...
Back for what?
There's nothing here....
But, a cupboard full of skeletons.

All the events...
And, my today....
Were written by you....
Two decades and five years ago.

Really.....
Sorry doesn't make a dead woman alive....
I am dead....Long dead and gone....
From your life ....
The nightingale sings no more....
The Lark doesn't hop....
On your branch anymore.

There is another....
Give him a chance....
That's what my heart says today.
So, don't take my today away....
It belongs elsewhere....
Let it be peaceful...
And, full of love.....
Let no afterthought kill the romance.....
Let you not be the catalyst of doom anymore.

Sorry, really doesn't make a dead woman alive.

I am having afterthoughts....

Yup, I am having afterthoughts. Did I act in haste? Did I not give the other person a chance to defend himself?
Did I do what I did in my rage, just to spite the other person?

But, whatever I did, I did and there is no turning back. There is no remorse.Yet, a nagging feeling ..... an afterthought... Did I do right?

What should I do now? What's the course of action to be? Am I to turn back or move on? Dilemma.....

I am having afterthoughts..... Is the person I am with really committed to me coz' of me or who I am?
Is it purely a feeling of being with me or just a professional relationship for better service at work? Dilemma....

All evidence so far only suggests that I made a mistake in recognising the person. Maybe, am right.... maybe, am wrong in my judgement. Who am I to judge? But, It's my life and career at stake. Am I in this relationship really for love or just a momentary lapse of mental faculty at the attention I got? Dilemma....Dilemma....

An afterthought so powerful after the many events of the recent past, making me think and rethink the decision I have taken...... Some thoughts that I try to shut out by numbing my senses with alcohol.....

Will that ever help? I need to come to a conclusion, before I slip into a coma, a state  from where there is no turning back. Dilemma..... An afterthought, of course!

No matter what.....

No matter what....Stand by me....

I like....

This song echoes the feelings I feel and my desires. The desire to have you stand by me no what happens...come hail, thunderstorm or an Earthquake.

Today I stand alone as always....just need to know you are around no matter what....my mistakes and my anger. My anger has destroyed my world....shredded it to pieces..no matter what I do, to control my anger, it just erupts and all is lost.

My impatience to hear and feel the words, echoing in my ears....I LOVE YOU... I lose them all. But, as you rightly queried ..." Where are the ones who said those words to you?" I understood.... you won't say it but in your actions you mean it and over the past couple of days you have truly meant it and made me feel special.

My heart goes all out to you, coz'  know at the end of it all...you will stand by me. And, even if you aren't there charted in the course of my life later... I know, there would be a star that would be shining just for me in the night sky. In fact, honestly... there are many... but like I said..Star in the night sky..all far away....shining bright, no matter..... but, FAR AWAY.

No matter what, as I believe in the moment..... This moment is yours .... snatch it, grab it.....do what you want to... But, just stand by me. Understand that I have my times of ups and downs and highs and lows... no matter what.. I am there, just that my mood ain't right for communication at that moment.

No matter what... Just stand by me.

Missing Diwali Sparkles.....

Yes, we all have our demons to kill and move on ....A Diwali celebration. Bringing in the new dawn with cheer and happiness. Memories long past flooding back to haunt you and your conscience.... What happened? Was it meant to be ever?

A Diwali.... long hidden in the recesses of a troubled mind and a broken heart, brought back in the forefront with a message early in the morning. Remembering a partner, a companion, lost somewhere in the by lanes of painful memories. The message, a spark that sparked SPARKLE's emotions and lo behold! She recedes into a melancholic silence once again. Lost in her memories of a family that was to be, but couldn't be.

This year, there are no celebrations. No one to look forward to celebrate the day and the night of lights with. No family to call one's own.

Somewhere along the path, Sparkles lost the sheen and shine and is just a plain shadow of once a resplendent self. This Diwali brings no happiness, but memories to torment the soul.

He has a mind of his own....

He has a mind of his own.....
Yes, he has....
Yet, I know...
He is mine....
Not to own....
But to experience....
To understand....
To love uninhibitedly.

He has a mind of his own.....
But, he is mine....
His mind is mine....
I occupy a space there....
That none other can...
Yes, with my size....
I occupy it whole....
Completely, body and soul.

He has a mind of his own...
But, with me around...
He is the puppy dog...
The sweet, loyal puppy dog...
With nothing but pure love ...
In those mesmerizing eyes.
He minces his words not...
He is clear....
No commitments....
But, an unsaid bond...
On an uncharted journey...
Love the idea of an adventure...
An adventure not foreseen...
A journey which unfolds....
With each passing moment....
An experience of a lifetime.

He has a mind of his own...
Yes, he has....
I am but a synapse in it....
A link to his feelings...
A link that stays him rooted....
A link that is grounded in his values....
A link in his system...
I am the link... to his heart.

I know not, what tomorrow holds...
I know what, my today holds....
A heart of gold in my palms.....
Throbbing and beating for me....
A heart that brings a smile to my lips...
A heart committed to me today.

He has a mind of his own...
But, his heart is mine.

My Hairstylist....

This blog is dedicated to my Hairstylist 'Dev'....
Dev is so goodlooking....
Dev is so sauve....
Dev is so sophisticated....
Dev is so alive....
Dev is my life....
Dev makes me come alive...
Dev makes me live again...
Dev makes me cry.
Dev makes love to me...
Yes, he does....
With his scissors....
Dev makes me feel like a woman...
Dev makes me FEEL.
Dev, Dev, Dev....is all I am about....
My boss is curious....
Who is this Dev?
And, I tell her.....
Dev is my lover today....
I have set a date with him....
Every fourth weekend ...
I visit Dev.
I ask her, Should I fix a date with Dev for you?....
So that he can make love to you too....
She says, no ways I have my husband at home...
And, I say...
He is not DEV.
Time to go...
Coz' I have a promise to keep..
Today is my date with Dev...
In an hour we meet.
Come, meet my Dev....
Come, meet the man....
Who gives me what I want....
A makeover, all the time.
His scissors going clippity clop...
Music to my tired soul...
His soft hands brushing my crop....
Ummmm......Lemme go.

Senseless sensibilities....

Senseless blogging is what I am all about....
Senseless sensibilities is what my blogs are about...
Senseless absolutely senseless...
That's the watchword for today....
That's the catch of the day....
Senseless lamentations...
About unfair life....
Senseless nagging of the soul...
Senseless sensitiveness....
Senseless absolutely senseless.
Am in a state of trance.....
Senseless trance....
You could very well relate to it...
It's the state of being drugged.
Drugged by my woes...
Drugged by my burden..
Drugged to numb the senses....
Yet still sensibly sensing.
It's all about me always....
But, isn't it so for you too....
All about yourself....
You and your senseless chatting....
You and your senseless anger.
My anger too is senseless...
No doubt....
But, you got it ignited....
You aired it and watered the sapling...
Into a strong tree of doubt.

Senseless actions....
Yours and mine....
Culminating in a rift....
A ravine that keeps us apart....
A deep abyss from which....
There is no return....
We are torn, torn apart.

Senseless sensibilities of lovers...
Senseless jealousy...
But, what to do...
Am senselessly possessive...
So are you.
The harm has been done...
The bird has flown...
Swearing never to be caged again.

Family, family, family....

It's all about Family.
Family, family, family...
It's always family....
Then, you should have asked your family first .....
Before taking me on.....
Asked your family...
Before going for dates with me....
Asked your family first....
Before making love to me...
Damn!!!!......
What's with Indian Men?....
Anyways, no harm done....
Am in my senses....
I had a good time....
Rollicking time indeed.....
You were good time pass...
I enjoyed spending time with you.

Commitments galore....
That's the mark of a true man....
A man that loves his family...
I look at him with a sense of awe...
I respect his sentiments...
The sentimental fool that he is....
I love that man itself.

Family, family, family.....
No issue....
If you love your family...
Surely you will love me too.