Flavor of love....

Ice cream, honey, almonds, peach....Nope that's not the flavor of love...The flavor of love lies in...The word itself. So self explanatory and delicate. So soft yet so strong.... a strong flavor indeed. It has me gasping for air.... exploring for new words to describe the feeling each time.

Flavorsome indeed it is. Having the flavor of the season within arms reach and looking at a new experience each day. People look at us with raised eyebrows... a physical mismatch... no eye candy at all.... but still so much in love and with batting eyelids and love struck looks within. The love speaks it all.... the flavor lingers on... in the air, in the looks and in the eyes. The aroma of fresh love wafting all over the countryside... for all to sample and partake of and pull my legs of course...lol.
The flavor of love is varied. Not one to ever describe it's value. When it's there in your life, you are the happiest. When it's gone..... the flavor turns sour or bitter. But, flavorsome it is , in all seasons at all times. Am loving it..... tasted life through love and mind it... It's beautiful...very tasty indeed.

Going Bonkers...Absolutely Bonkers...

Zoink!
Yup, am going bonkers...Bonkers about life....No, not exasperated....But, separated....from reality....Actually overlooking it. Hahaha! One could really comment... Radhika... You are going Bonkers.
Am doing things that aren't me at all. Am experimenting with life all over again. All because I believe I am in love all over again. But, this time round, there is a reality check and at every step there is a doubt..... of course, I overlook it always as before.
I take risks. Am taking a risk but what the heck! It's my life. And, my life has always been about risks and decisions that have backfired or gone down the drain, yet I stood up every time I fell and moved on.
Now too, am all over mooning about the new love and excitement in my life and am happy being with the person who doesn't mince words, who doesn't say 'I Love You' frivolously. In fact, he doesn't say it at all. And, that is what turns me on coz' without saying he says it all ... his actions speak louder.

He is different. So unlike the countless others in the past. Maybe that's why he caught my eye. He is DIFFERENT.

Am bonkers and in love again and am loving it. Eeeeeeks...... am having fun at my expense and am loving it. There will be more in this series of this seasons love affair.

My blogs, my reality.....

My blogs are my reality...They bring me alive, they keep me going.... Had it not been for my blogs, I would have been lost somewhere in the meandering lanes of the city.... wandering listlessly, wondering what to do. MY WORDS KEEP ME TICKING, THEY ARE THE JUICE OF MY LIFE... FLOWING AND EXPRESSIVE. They help me let the steam out.... my companions when I have nothing to do... I read them over and over again.  People come and go, but my words remain ; rock solid by my side.... I know, the world can  take my all but not my thoughts, not my words.... They are my reality... am the wordsmith .... I am the owner of them all.

The letters of the alphabet are my magic spells. All I need is to wave my wand and they turn into reality, a sensuous flow of emotions... a sporadic flow of thoughts.... words, words everywhere and lots to write about. This life ain't enough for my words to spill out of my wand.... It would take many more lives to live to get it all. Time i running out, am short of time.... my words are dammed and jammed in my head.... my fingers can't type faster than my thoughts... need to move faster, write more... getting it all out...throwing up words of passion... lines of verse unknown.... paragraphs on life and its bounties.... stories untold... secrets unfurled.....dramas unfolding..... that's my life....a  basket of words... a bouquet of verses  and songs unsung.

My blogs are my reality.... they are my story, my life and my REALITY SHOW.

Living a lie.....

Today, Life is all about living a lie.
A lie to be told.
A forced smile on the lips for the world to see.
But, an aching heart within.

Hard to believe....
Right said... it's hard...
But, I live a life of true lies...
Lies that know no bounds....
Lies that make people happy....
Lies that make work happen.....
Lies that pain me....
Smile that's hard to paste on my lips...
But, smile I do....Day in and day out....
A forced existence for the loved ones.....
My life is all about living a lie.

I live a lie...
But, I don't lie....
And, it hurts...
It hurts people.....
My truth hurts them bad....
It hurts me to hurt them...
But, I can't lie....
And, hence am alone and single....
Coz' people can't face truth....
They can't look me in the eye.....
I am the mirror they don't wanna see....
I am the lie they hide behind....
I am the truth they are running away from.

Living a life of lies...
True blue lies.....
Severing of all ties....
No one close....
Not even the ones whom I care about.

Dunno whom to open up to...
Dunno whom to dpend upon...
Dunno where to turn to...
When the sun sets in the horizon.

Living a life of lies....
Blatant truths and reluctant lies.

Of love and much much more...

I can write on and on.....
Volumes on .......
Love and much much more....
Theory comes easy to me....
Practicality isn't my forte'.


Long long ago....
I lost touch with reality....
A really long time ago.....
I became humanly inhumane.

I am what I am....
Because of my life experiences....
I am the  monster that I am....
Because of the decisions I took.
Yet, even in my name....
I never took your name....
I never looked back again.

Each that came along....
Was lost along the way....
Coz' none could be you......
And you could be none.
My life is colourful....
With experiences galore....
Yet, it is sepia.....
Black and white.....
With darkness to the core.

I could write on love and much more.....
Of love and wanting more....
Of pain and days of yore....
But words fail me....
They are at the tip of my tongue and fingers...
Yet am not able to express them....
Human feelings and expressions.....
They are a part of my museum....
My museum of history....
No more a topic of today....
More a chapter from a tattered and torn book.

I definitely want to love....
I really want to give of myself....
But, to whom?
They are all so shallow.....
The men that enter my life...
Why can't I see through their lies?
Why can't I discern between good and bad?
What is it that clogs my memory?
What is it that blocks my vision?
What is it that would really make me happy?
No, not a man again!!!

Wilted Lily....

Jilted in love......
With no fragrance left to share.....
Am a wilted lily....
On the guillotine  board.....
Ready to be beheaded.....
By my own guilt.

Wilted beyond recognition.....
Wrinkled and shaved head......
Held down in shame.....
For the lost vanity of days of yore.

A youth lost early on.....
A day escaped from the sunset.....
You took it all away....
All too soon.

Your escape changed the course of my life...
Your lies changed the  history and geography too....
I became a homeless wreck.....
I became the abominable vixen....
Viewed by all in pity.....
Draped not in virtues, in sin city.

A blooming rose once....
A wilted lily now.

No words to express....

No words to express the feelings being felt these days....
These days am not myself.....
These days am seemingly lost....
Lost to myself and others.....
Friends and colleagues wonder.....
Where has my smile gone yonder.....
Here and there beyonder....
Up and down under.....
Somewhere with the receding monsoon thunder.

No words.... just feelings....
Expressive eyes and a sly but wry smile.....
Where has the bubbly laughter gone....
Where has the wrinkly closed eyes gone....
Where has the dimpled cheeks and cleft chin gone?

Now all that is there is....
A person skeptical....
A person wondering....
A person full of thoughts....
Filled with apprehension...
Looking at every person with distrust....
No words to express the change in persona...
No words to express the vanity lost....
No words to express the trust hindered...
No words to express the values compromised.

Oops!!!! Once again.... All over again....

Head over heels in love once again...... Done it again!!!!

I swore I would never fall in love again after the last break up and I have fallen in love once again. The hopeless romantic that I am, I just can't keep my feelings to myself, and always end up expressing them some way or the other.

Falling in love over and over again comes naturally to me always. Am a natural. Lol!!!!

The guys must be wondering what is she..... insatiable hunger for love always.

I am looking towards making it work for me and the person in my life today. It's not that I never worked at making it work other times also, I did... but I guess you can't clap with one hand.... you need two to tango.

Tango I did....but the mango had no juice in it. Lol!!!!

Am so afraid of commitments now. Somehow commitments don't seem to work for me. The moment I commit myself, everything falls apart. The bricks of the building start falling down upon my head, like Chinese torture. so much for commitment and fidelity. It sounds good only in financial commitments... fidelity bonds. Have seen the ups and downs and the innards of the men so far.... dunno where I lack in my fidelity and commitments. Guess, am not made for the men of this world.

So, in this new relationship there is no commitment..... just fun and companionship. No expectations..... just the feelings but unquenched desires so that it doesn't hurt once again. This time round no dreams, no imaginary world of togetherness, just a need based relation. A need to be there to listen to each other but no expectations that the other person really ought to be there. I WON'T  COMMIT THIS TIME ROUND.

Yes, am in love with a person per se, an individual with some chutzpah and a different on the word around us. But, am afraid to commit. What if he is lost somewhere in this journey of life. I don't want to be left behind hurting.

I am not looking at any commitment from him. He doesn't seem the type to commit..... more the rolling stone type..... my type..... gathering no moss. Let's see what time has in store for us..... as it is, it's a mismatch all the way. No further comments..... just feel the music, the feelings and let go of the past and all the future apprehensions..... coz' there can't be apprehensions if there is no future. Future there seems to be none so far.... he is non committal... and am too afraid to commit. Lol!!!

I Lol a lot..... just a way to express my frustration at the irony of life..... what it serves on a platter is a surprise..... albeit am waiting for something pleasant to turn up one fine day.... hopes of a hopeless romantic..... Till when?..... Good Question!!!!