Thursday, September 1, 2011

My love is unwell....

My love is unwell, down with  cold and fever; followed by bodyache and my constant bickerings  and nagging about how little time we spend in each others company. I am missing him of course, but I know he won't be able to meet me today and for quiet some time now. Yet this heart knows not patience but is always demanding his presence. The passion of his kiss on my lips fresh from day one makes me yearn for more and more . Guess I have led to exhaustion in him and the consequent low immunity due to late nights and early mornings... this is what lack of sleep does to a person.

Missing him is my favourite passtime now. Am so full of questions for him yet when he meets me, I only end up in his arms and looking into his eyes and my heavy head rested on his chest.... warm chest all for me. I love my man. He has made me love life.

He entered my life by default at a time when I was clueless and hurting from a recent infidel revelation of a relationship gone BLAND...yup, bland and not sour. No flavour in it just a relationship for the sake of having one. I was wary and on the defensive, alert and suspicious.... but, he dispelled all fears with his child like laughter and cheery outlook on life. A no strings attached relationship has blossomed and I must say, he is cute and yet a very understanding person, who understands every move I make, the lowering of my eyelids or even a sly smile on my face and he knows what my thoughts are at that moment. I always wonder, how he knows me so well... as though he is residing in my brain and my thoughts.

He is a man of few words. He doesn't say anything but says a lot by his looks. One look from him and I melt.
He is younger but far more mature than many double his age. He makes this  world a better place to be in. For me, he is a blessing.... someone who has changed my outlook. Nope, he doesn't pamper me. He believes that I should become rough and tough. Ah! What all have I done to meet him..... the lengths to which I have gone to be with him. The adventure that we have undertaken. Whoa! What a drive.... The man is amazing.... talented human being and different from the rest.

For now, all I know is that I love him. The past is erased, just a faded memory and this is NOW.... a beautiful moment to live and relive with this one man.

My love is unwell, yet I am there with him in spirits and giving him my energy to overcome the virus that's inflicted its wrath on him. My man shall become well soon and we shall embark on some new adventures soon. 

No pain, no gain....

The phrase 'No pain, no gain'....doesn't just apply to me. It applies to one and all. All and sundry. We all learn from our mistakes and cry over the aches and heartbreaks. But yaar, we all get over it and walk on. We don't remain stuck to that one person and the pain. It all ends up in the bin ultimately.

Move on that's what military discipline advocates and I moved on coz' that's the doctrine I follow. Today, am at peace with my status.... Single ready to mingle but no not ready to share my feelings with you anymore. You were given another chance, you squandered your baubles away in frivolous pursuits. This time round, I watched silently, didn't react and moved on as silently as I watched every move of yours. Family is right, family was always right. I wasted time and energy on you but you know what ... YOU WERE GOOD TIME PASS. That's the attitude I am  gonna keep, to keep myself away from falling into the deep abyss of unhappiness and depression. You don't deserve me or the kids not even your own. No need to feel guilty about it, you paid the price for it and believe me there won't be any REFUNDS.

No pain, no gain.... Good times have come again...... you are out of the picture..... to all their OWN. I have moved on and I am happy being with someone who doesn't commit.... No strings attached relationship... I guess that's the best thing to happen to me in a long long time. I am loving it.

No pain, No gain...... I am loving it....








Sunday, August 28, 2011

I saw a dream...Give me a reason to stay....

I saw a dream...
I dreamt you being in it...
But, I realised...
It was just that....
A dream....
Coz' when I woke up....
I was all alone....
You weren't there....
You never were.

I walked the extra mile .....
To be with you....
You tried to be with me.....
But your obligations ....
They held you back....
And, I had to walk alone....
That extra mile and beyond.

Am thinking...
Am always thinking....
What is this relationship all about....
You want to keep it a secret...
Why?....
What is it that you are afraid of?....
Am I just a time pass?...
If I am, let me know....
Don't make me dream....
Don't let me commit.....
Am committed always from day one...
In any relationship....
But expect the same passion from the other end.....
If it's not visible....
I give up and walk away....
Don't let me do that in our case.....
I am fidgeting....
I am restless.....
There is only so much I can do....
After which, all I do is ......
Walk away.....
And, when I turn around....
I never look back.....
I won't look back...
My resolve is strong.......
 My decision is never changing.....
My belief is staunch....
Once I go...
I go away for good.

I saw a dream.....
You were there....
Now, I don't dream....
You might not be there....
So, I don't dream.
Give me a reason to stay....
There is none as yet.....
I can't always give...
I need love too..
If I don't get it....
You don't get me.

I saw a dream.....
That was last night....
Give me a dream tonight....
Or walk away....
I won't follow you....
I won't call out your name....
It will be business as usual....
Life will go on....
Give me a reason to stay.....
Give me a dream to dream.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Skeletons in my cupboard.....

There are skeletons in my cupboard....
Of ghosts from the past...
Of spirits long gone away....
They left their remains behind....
I guess am the Bone collector....
The very thought sends a chill up my spine....
Thoughts of the souls returning to spite me.
Yes, there are skeletons in my closet.

They left not just like that...
They took a piece of me with them....
All they left behind are .....
The skeletal remains of a naive and good woman.
They robbed me of my jewels...
A novelty not found anywhere..
The vanity of a woman....
The dignity of a lady....
They robbed me of my soul...
And all that was left behind were the bones.....
Bones of  discontent...
A closet filled with the stench of rotting flesh....
A cupboard full of cluttered remains....
Of a mind scared and at wits end.

The skeletons in my cupboard...
Make a lot of noise....
They make me go bonkers....
The thoughts are a mess....
All jumbled and a puzzle....
Am not good at solving puzzles...
So I trash them all.....
The hollow eye pits....
The gaping jaws.....
The bony and cold feel....
The skull makes me jump...
A cackled laugh in the foreground....
An ashen face flashes past....
I wake up shivering and with a cold sweat....
It's just a nightmare.....
Of days to come.

The day I shall open...
The cupboard wide ajar...
I know the skeletons will come...
Tumbling out and strewn apart.
Then what will you say.....
Then where will you look....
Will you still stay.....
With all the mess around me?

Monday, August 22, 2011

And the journey begins.....

Today I embark on a journey of self realization and self actualization. I start to recognise myself as an individual on my own... a force to reckon with.... an identity that has created itself and carved a niche' for herself in this big bad world.

Today, I promise myself happiness.... my self and my freedom. Today, I let go of all my weaknesses . I won't let anyone take me for granted, I am me, myself and need my space. I have given enough of myself and now it's payback time. Pay up or leave me alone. I don't trust you , I trust my instinct and it says stay away from the evil one.... Steer clear of the devil. You are the devil, the very reincarnation of Satan, I can see it... I won't let you pull me down... or pin me down.You have raped me of my sanity.... No more shall you rule the roost.... you are a non entity in my life as of now.... I am over and done with you.

And , lo behold!... The journey begins.... I know not what lays ahead... all I know is that I embark on this path all alone.. with the intention of covering the distance all alone in tranquil peace and harmony with myself.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Walk away, if you want to.......

Walk away, if you want to.....
Run away, if you want to...
Am not coming after you....
That's me, the one with a heart of stone.

You are free to live your life....
The way you have always lived.....
Am no one to bind you....
Coz' I too live life on my terms......
And that don't include being in bondage.

You have made your choice....
I have made mine too....
Am totally blanked out....
Memories erased.....
None to keep me awake waiting for you....
None to make me remember you.
You are just another name....
Another person in the room....
Not someone once I knew....
There is nothing.....
No feeling, nothing at all....
Walk away..... You have already done that....
I shall walk the other way.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Sometimes.........

Sometimes I wonder...
What is it that makes me tick...
Sometimes I wonder...
What is it that inspires me....
What is it beyond the yonder....
That is my pulse ....
And my heartbeat.

Sometimes I wonder...
Whether what I am doing is right or not..........
Sometimes... just sometimes I pinch myself....
To feel the sharpness of my nails....
To feel real....
To feel alive... and kicking....
Sometimes ... just sometimes... I want to experience....
Who I truly am.

Sometimes... I want to peel off that mask.....
I want to be without the make up....
That hides the fine lines of experience... good and bad...
Sometimes.... just sometimes....
I want to look my natural self.....
A beautiful, genuine human being...
Naked in her thoughts...
Naked and open in her opinions....
Just myself....
Sometimes... I just wanna be me, myself.

Sometimes I believe....
In the power that lies within...
Sometimes I believe in myself...
But those moments are rare...
More are the moments ....
When I am down and out...
Bogged down by the moralities of life....
Morality set by an insane society....
Morality that degrades...
Morality that has no moral values....
Morality that is unjustified....
Morality that sometimes.....
Can mean the end of any relationship...
Morality that has no meaning....
Sometimes I believe...
We live in a moral society....
Based on it's own baseless thoughts.

Sometimes... I want to fly....like a bird......
Sometimes I want to swim ... like a fish....
Sometimes I wanna be free.....
Free and dancing in gay abandon....
Rejoicing the gift of life.....
Sometimes... just sometimes....
I want to be free.....
Free from the age old bondage of being a woman.

Sometimes.... sigh!.... Sometimes.....




Monday, August 15, 2011

The swagger in my walk...

The swagger in my walk...
Shows how confident I am...
The lilt in my voice....
Shows how at ease I am....
The look in my eyes .....
Though give me away....
The look of a woman ...
Scorning the rest of the lot....
The look that says....
I am above you all.

The swagger in  my walk...
The steps that I take...
The quiet heel down and the tip toe ...
Shows am a lioness on the prowl.

The cool look in my gaze...
Hot enough to put you in a daze.....
The looks of a killer.....
The dazzled eyes and their sparkle....
It could kill anyone...
If I wanted to...
But I don't care...
Coz' am above them all.

The smile on my lips....
Something that they look forth to...
A billion dollar smile....
A 24 carat shine...
A thousand watt brightness....
A smile to die for....
Countless lost their hearts to it....
Countless more to go....
When will all this narcissism end...
Who knows...This is just the beginning...
Am all set for a new match...
A brand new innings.

The swagger in my walk...
The smile on my lips...
The twinkle in my eyes....
The confidence in my stride....
It says all....
Guess what....
This is the brand new gala day...
When I go ahunting again....
The maneater from Kumaon....
Am known not just like that.