Identity Versus Individuality

Identity in Philosophy : Also called sameness, is whatever makes an entity definable and recognizable

As per any dictionary :

i·den·ti·ty

  [ahy-den-ti-tee, ih-den-]

noun, plural i·den·ti·ties.

1.

the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, as under varying aspects or conditions

2.

the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another

3.

condition or character as to who a person or what a thing is

4.

the state or fact of being the same one as described.

5.

the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time and sometimes disturbed in mental illnesses

Well, if a name identifies me , then I am who I am just because a word says so. 

But, am I just a name. Is my identity defined by my name or my personality and my work?

I won't take any other example but my own. 

My maiden name is very different from the name I currently exhibit. I was popular even with that name, successful and happy. With my new name, I am infamous, popular of course, successful for others but the name itself sets my life in shambles. 

Why so? You may ask and the answer is ....

Your name defines your fate. 

Example; It was Lord Krishna's Birth Anniversary a couple of days ago and I was tagged with him... People tag me as Radhe Shyam, Radhe Govind etcetra etcetra. Why tag me as Lord Krishna's love interest? Why should that name define me or my fate? But, it does to some extent.

My identity is my work, my children and their actions. 

I had an identity as my father's daughter ... Am proud of my legacy

I had an identity as my in laws daughter in law ... Am proud I was a good Daughter in Law

I had an identity as the wife of an upcoming Naval officer ... I was proud of that identity and still am, despite a divorce from the said person

I have an identity as a mother to two very bright individuals ... am proud of it

But, somewhere in enacting all these roles I never realised I was Someone, That I had an identity of my own. MY OWN INDIVIDUALITY.

So, I won't say that changing names changes who I am ... My own individuality should remain as it is untouched by any aspersions as such.

So, It's not Pushpalata Chauhan  or Radhika Nanda that my Identity is, My identity is the family I represent, the children I gave birth to, The people I touched in my life ... The work that defines my personality.

My identity is the legacy I leave behind in the form of well informed youth of tomorrow via my School and the work I do. My identity are the countless coworkers, colleagues and my staff that have benefited with my presence in their lives.

I am proud to be known as my Father's Daughter

I am proud to be known as Angad and Anusuya's Mom

I am proud of my legacy ... not only as a daughter but as a daughter in law and now as an Individual in my own right.

My identity changed with every role I played ...

Despite a divorce, I maintain my marital name... for that is the identity my children identify with... Do I have the right to change it for them? Will it be right for me to do so? 

I am proud of being known as Radhika Nanda ... The Phoenix that rose from her ashes ... No identity crisis here ... but an individual born of conflict and pain Once Again.

By changing my name, I didn't change my destiny nor myself ... I grew stronger and developed my own individuality.

So, it is not identity that matters but your uniqueness.

How Unique and different are you from the rest of the World?

Name can be changed but NOT YOU. You stand out alone in a crowd different from the rest because of your uniqueness and your personality.

So, when you change your name and tag someone's surname to your name, you embrace that person as your own, you melt in with their personality and emerge a victor with a new name and a stronger person Because, you have added more vitamins and energy boosters to your already defined personality.

By changing your name, you don't change anything about you but you get closer to the other and his or her family. Ye, the prerogative need not be only for a woman to change her name but a man can also do the same and that is where the difference lies ... a woman is an all becoming epitome of sacrifice .... but, she can keep her name and that of her partner too yet remain single in her Uniqueness ... that is an INDIVIDUAL.

Sam & Chandru ... A love story that never started

He loved her name ... That's what he said to her. Sameekshaa ... Cutie Beauty

She sheds a few tears , still remaining at the edge ... and turns her face remembering the Night Owl ... How much he seemed to have loved her and when she really felt it ... he left breaking her forever. He had never seen her yet loved her and professed undying love and now knowing who she was, He left.

She really loved him ... keeping awake the whole night just to be with him. She still waits each night staring at the screen where she met him ... online and just stares at the screen and he never shows up . he moved on, she was just another catch that went Wrong all the way.

She was just passing by, he had contacted her. She knew it was a dead end already yet she loved him and went ahead. She took a risk when she felt he would understand and trusted him, as he would always say to her ... Trust me. She trusted him and he left.

Except for name and age, everything she said was true ... he liked her talks then how did everything else matter ... she was still the same he had opened up to. Now, even that is doubtful, he isn't who he said he was. He lied too, didn't he. What hurt his Male Alter Ego? His lies caught or her simple truth?

It was a beautiful Love Story unfolding each night ... She would feign anger and he would love her unconditionally , putting her to sleep in his arms till dawn beckoned them apart.
Now, she waits upon him Dusk to dawn to Dusk ... but there is no one with his open arms to hug and tell her , I am here, I will be here always.

He said he would be there always .... He is nowhere to be seen.

Yes, she can see him happy in a virtual World with others and it saddens her heart to even see him interacting happily with others when he had professed his undying love to her.

The Professor of Love and Lust maybe ..  but not the man he projected to her.

More to Follow #TheTrollersPark

The Protagonist ..

The person that writes these words ...
The Woman of many shades ...
She confesses her Reality ...
Do not confuse it with a weakness ...
Her confessions make her stronger.

Know it well ...
She pours her heart out ...
Yet, she doesn't cow down to distress ...
In adversity ...
She finds her strength ...
Her morality is her conviction.

She has always loved and truly ...
Loss is just a state of mind ...
They all know ...
She loved wholeheartedly ...
With conviction ...
But, moving on is Life itself.

She is no Dead leaf ...
She lives ...
She breathes  life ...
A puff of air ..
Like smoke in the air..
A Fresh breath of life ...
She loves with all her heart ...
Her feelings never confined.

Her spirit wild and free ..
Can never be caged ...
Never contained is the Ghost of past Love.

The Protagonist of all the stories told and retold ...
Love each character that appears ...
No regrets ever ...
She learnt  a lot from each one.

No Matter What...

No matter what you say or do ... I Love You.

The day I realised that I exposed myself to you .... you hated me for that. But, I was always the same ... Yet you never realised it.

Loving you is all I know. Against all hopes , I shall wait upon love to really dawn upon you.
You feel otherwise but Love sees no barriers ... age ain't a criteria to ever fall in love.

Am happy in the knowledge that I shall love you unconditionally and for a moment you did love me.  I read our notes of love exchanged in days afore .... and relive those thoughtless, reckless moments.

Life is one jelly bean jumping from place to place .. but, love hath cometh and thou shalt never forget me.

No matter what the World says ... I will never stop loving you.

No matter what you think ... I will always love you.

Parameters for Love ...

I have realized one thing for sure; There is no age that is a set parameter to ever fall in love.

I have time and again been in an amorous relationship with men younger than me for no apparent reasons and thanks to the so called Social Taboos of our mindsets and societies, have ended those relations.

But, this time round ... no way am I gonna back out. I love this intelligent young man  and loving him is all I know. I listen to what he says , I allow him to take the decisions too. it feels nice when someone takes charge and calls the shots  rather than you.

He is smart, suave, sophisticated and intelligent .. Originally from Lucknow. What else can a Lady ask for?

There's an unseen chemistry that allows for communication to flow between the two of us. One look from him is enough for me to know what to do.

The decade long age gap shouldn't be burden if all is well. He doesn't need to commit ... my commitment is enough for the fire to burn within me forever.

I ask not for his share of love .... I only give mine.

He is mine for keeps ... in mind, body and soul and I don't need to ask for anyone's permission or approval . Not even his.

My love and feelings are mine and for me to express freely.

There are never any set parameters for and in love. There are none in our case.

Legend has it that all the immortal Lovers had the female lover always older than the male. Then, why such a taboo today?

Lynched Words ...

What worth is a Writer for ...
If their words are curbed ...
What worth is a Wordsworth...
If his poem is cut short?

My words you have slashed ...
like my wrist ...
A bleeding Heart ...
Shall write no more of love.

The bloodbath of my story ...
The Gory end to my Lovetales.

By deleting my words ...
I have committed Harakairi ...
All for your senseless Love ...
All to please ...
Your false alter ego.

You can not destroy ...
What is within me ...
It is mine to keep ...
Keep your false social taboos to yourself ..
I shall forever love you.

Lynched words ... you are the Hangman ....
But, feelings not deleted ...
They are mine and ONLY mine to keep.

I want to break free ...

I want to break free ...
From the belief that I am perfect....
I want to break free ...
From the belief that I can't cry ...
I want to break free ...
From the shackles of a perfect life.
I want to break free and be reborn ...
I want to walk away ...
from responsibilities ...
I want to be free from being a Woman ...
I just want to BE.

How can I ?
When they all depend on me ...
No one is indispensable ...
Yet, this feeling ... What if ...
What if I walk away ...
Who will Run the School ?
What if I run away...
Who will take care of my kids?
This chain of What ifs is killing me slowly ...
I feel so claustrophobic ...
Hound by thoughts of freedom ...
Freedom from Human bondage ...
Freedom from being Ms. Perfect.
Haunted by statements of endearment ...
I run helter skelter ...
Trying to keep these loving voices out...
I want to break free from being humane.

Why can't I just walk away?
Why do I turn back and return?
Why can't I be emotionless?
Why Can't I break free?

The Princess and The Frog Prince ... Story Retold ...

She was born with a Silver Spoon ... In a large Palatial home ... To the Manor born was she ...

A background loaded with Colonial tales and British stiff upper lip upbringing. A princess to her Daddy ... A strict disciplinarian. She never saw the Outer World ... beyond the gates of their Grounds.

She would read books on the World Beyond ... Tales of Around the World in 80 days ... yet, she knew not what lay ahead.

One day, A crestfallen Mother took this Child out ... The Daddy was no more and the Princess no more a Princess. Mother and Daughter started living in a cottage by the Countryside... Mother went out looking for Work one day ... And, never returned. Some say, she ran away from her responsibility towards the Princess , some say she jumped off the cliff. The Little girl was taken in by a Wealthy relative who took pity on her. She went to the City with his Family.

She studied in a convent governed and run by Nuns. Under strict vigilance , all thoughts restricted; She grew up to be  a fine Lady. Then, One day the Wealthy Uncle too passed away. They branded her a Witch, the relatives, none ready to take her in... for misfortune followed anyone who kept her. The Nuns found her a job with a baker.

The Princess now a baker, would wake up each morning at 4 am set the oven on and bake the best of breads, baguettes, pastries and pies. The baker became rich on her talent. He was a good soul and a great person. He had a son, who was a paraplegic; He would always sit at the counter of the bakery and look at the girl work relentlessly day in and day out. He was head over heels in love with this beauty but was afraid to open up to her.

She always wondered , why the shy young man stared at her and when she looked he would turn his face away.

The Baker and his wife knew. But, they were helpless; How could they ask her to marry their Handicapped Son?

The Worried Baker one day fell very sick and on his death bed mustered the courage and asked the Girl if she would accept his son as her Husband. She looked at the Son and and the Kind old soul who had sheltered her in er trying times and said Yes. The baker heaved a sigh of relief and his soul escaped in that one moment. He was liberated.

The funeral over and done with ... The Baker's wife One day approached  the Girl and said 'I know you are bound by your promise to my late husband to marry my Son, but; i don't want you to marry him out of compulsion. you are free to lead your own life and marry anyone you feel like. " And, she hung her head low and walked away.

The next morning after the baking was done, the Girl went to the local church and met the Nuns. told them the whole story and asked them for their advice. the Principal Matron said,'Child, Follow your Heart. do what you feel is right."

The Girl came home smiling and hugged the Baker's wife and said ," Can I call you Mamma? I need a Mother , and a Man who would have eyes only for me; That man is your Son. Can I marry him Mamma?"
The Bakers wife was thrilled , the Son in the other room who had overheard it all ... burst into the room where the Girl was and stood up from his Wheel Chair and said , "Your love will cure me soon Dear. I Love you."

The Girl turned around and said," I have always loved you but I was afraid of loving you for I didn't want to lose you . who ever loved me left me, so I was afraid to lose you."

The next few days, saw a lot of festivities and the Girl in the meanwhile massaged  and therapeutically got the Young lover walking again all the miracle of love. Pure blessed love. She would bake the best of pastries and bread and became very famous.

They were married the next Spring and they all lived happily ever after. The curse that followed her from Childhood was lost forever.

The Princess and her Prince lived and baked and they say that the bread from their bakery has magical powers. It heals anyone who consumes it of any illness. They bake each loaf with love. The secret is LOVE.