I saw a dream...Give me a reason to stay....

I saw a dream...
I dreamt you being in it...
But, I realised...
It was just that....
A dream....
Coz' when I woke up....
I was all alone....
You weren't there....
You never were.

I walked the extra mile .....
To be with you....
You tried to be with me.....
But your obligations ....
They held you back....
And, I had to walk alone....
That extra mile and beyond.

Am thinking...
Am always thinking....
What is this relationship all about....
You want to keep it a secret...
Why?....
What is it that you are afraid of?....
Am I just a time pass?...
If I am, let me know....
Don't make me dream....
Don't let me commit.....
Am committed always from day one...
In any relationship....
But expect the same passion from the other end.....
If it's not visible....
I give up and walk away....
Don't let me do that in our case.....
I am fidgeting....
I am restless.....
There is only so much I can do....
After which, all I do is ......
Walk away.....
And, when I turn around....
I never look back.....
I won't look back...
My resolve is strong.......
 My decision is never changing.....
My belief is staunch....
Once I go...
I go away for good.

I saw a dream.....
You were there....
Now, I don't dream....
You might not be there....
So, I don't dream.
Give me a reason to stay....
There is none as yet.....
I can't always give...
I need love too..
If I don't get it....
You don't get me.

I saw a dream.....
That was last night....
Give me a dream tonight....
Or walk away....
I won't follow you....
I won't call out your name....
It will be business as usual....
Life will go on....
Give me a reason to stay.....
Give me a dream to dream.

Skeletons in my cupboard.....

There are skeletons in my cupboard....

Of ghosts from the past...

Of spirits long gone away....

They left their remains behind....

I guess am the Bone collector....

The very thought sends a chill up my spine....

Thoughts of the souls returning to spite me.

Yes, there are skeletons in my closet.

They left not just like that...

They took a piece of me with them....

All they left behind are .....

The skeletal remains of a naive and good woman.

They robbed me of my jewels...

A novelty not found anywhere..

The vanity of a woman....

The dignity of a lady....

They robbed me of my soul...

And all that was left behind were the bones.....

Bones of  discontent...

A closet filled with the stench of rotting flesh....

A cupboard full of cluttered remains....

Of a mind scared and at wits end.

The skeletons in my cupboard...

Make a lot of noise....

They make me go bonkers....

The thoughts are a mess....

All jumbled and a puzzle....

Am not good at solving puzzles...

So I trash them all.....

The hollow eye pits....

The gaping jaws.....

The bony and cold feel....

The skull makes me jump...

A cackled laugh in the foreground....

An ashen face flashes past....

I wake up shivering and with a cold sweat....

It's just a nightmare.....

Of days to come.

The day I shall open...

The cupboard wide ajar...

I know the skeletons will come...

Tumbling out and strewn apart.

Then what will you say.....

Then where will you look....

Will you still stay.....

With all the mess around me?

And the journey begins.....

Today I embark on a journey of self realization and self actualization. I start to recognise myself as an individual on my own... a force to reckon with.... an identity that has created itself and carved a niche' for herself in this big bad world.

Today, I promise myself happiness.... my self and my freedom. Today, I let go of all my weaknesses . I won't let anyone take me for granted, I am me, myself and need my space. I have given enough of myself and now it's payback time. Pay up or leave me alone. I don't trust you , I trust my instinct and it says stay away from the evil one.... Steer clear of the devil. You are the devil, the very reincarnation of Satan, I can see it... I won't let you pull me down... or pin me down.You have raped me of my sanity.... No more shall you rule the roost.... you are a non entity in my life as of now.... I am over and done with you.

And , lo behold!... The journey begins.... I know not what lays ahead... all I know is that I embark on this path all alone.. with the intention of covering the distance all alone in tranquil peace and harmony with myself.

Walk away, if you want to.......

Walk away, if you want to.....
Run away, if you want to...
Am not coming after you....
That's me, the one with a heart of stone.

You are free to live your life....
The way you have always lived.....
Am no one to bind you....
Coz' I too live life on my terms......
And that don't include being in bondage.

You have made your choice....
I have made mine too....
Am totally blanked out....
Memories erased.....
None to keep me awake waiting for you....
None to make me remember you.
You are just another name....
Another person in the room....
Not someone once I knew....
There is nothing.....
No feeling, nothing at all....
Walk away..... You have already done that....
I shall walk the other way.

Sometimes.........

Sometimes I wonder...
What is it that makes me tick...
Sometimes I wonder...
What is it that inspires me....
What is it beyond the yonder....
That is my pulse ....
And my heartbeat.

Sometimes I wonder...
Whether what I am doing is right or not..........
Sometimes... just sometimes I pinch myself....
To feel the sharpness of my nails....
To feel real....
To feel alive... and kicking....
Sometimes ... just sometimes... I want to experience....
Who I truly am.

Sometimes... I want to peel off that mask.....
I want to be without the make up....
That hides the fine lines of experience... good and bad...
Sometimes.... just sometimes....
I want to look my natural self.....
A beautiful, genuine human being...
Naked in her thoughts...
Naked and open in her opinions....
Just myself....
Sometimes... I just wanna be me, myself.

Sometimes I believe....
In the power that lies within...
Sometimes I believe in myself...
But those moments are rare...
More are the moments ....
When I am down and out...
Bogged down by the moralities of life....
Morality set by an insane society....
Morality that degrades...
Morality that has no moral values....
Morality that is unjustified....
Morality that sometimes.....
Can mean the end of any relationship...
Morality that has no meaning....
Sometimes I believe...
We live in a moral society....
Based on it's own baseless thoughts.

Sometimes... I want to fly....like a bird......
Sometimes I want to swim ... like a fish....
Sometimes I wanna be free.....
Free and dancing in gay abandon....
Rejoicing the gift of life.....
Sometimes... just sometimes....
I want to be free.....
Free from the age old bondage of being a woman.

Sometimes.... sigh!.... Sometimes.....

The swagger in my walk...

The swagger in my walk...
Shows how confident I am...
The lilt in my voice....
Shows how at ease I am....
The look in my eyes .....
Though give me away....
The look of a woman ...
Scorning the rest of the lot....
The look that says....
I am above you all.

The swagger in  my walk...
The steps that I take...
The quiet heel down and the tip toe ...
Shows am a lioness on the prowl.

The cool look in my gaze...
Hot enough to put you in a daze.....
The looks of a killer.....
The dazzled eyes and their sparkle....
It could kill anyone...
If I wanted to...
But I don't care...
Coz' am above them all.

The smile on my lips....
Something that they look forth to...
A billion dollar smile....
A 24 carat shine...
A thousand watt brightness....
A smile to die for....
Countless lost their hearts to it....
Countless more to go....
When will all this narcissism end...
Who knows...This is just the beginning...
Am all set for a new match...
A brand new innings.

The swagger in my walk...
The smile on my lips...
The twinkle in my eyes....
The confidence in my stride....
It says all....
Guess what....
This is the brand new gala day...
When I go ahunting again....
The maneater from Kumaon....
Am known not just like that.

Towards the end....

Towards the fag end of the day....
I guess you can't call it quits....
Until it is well done.....
Until you really mean it.
Towards the end of a relationship...
When all else is crumbling around you...
When you see your whole world....
Washed away in your pitiful tears...
You just can't give up....
Give up you must....
If there is no response....
Give up you must when you find no respite...
Just give up... towards the end of the day....
Let go.... let them be.
Towards the end...
You will sense a wave of relief....
Take over and override everything else....
Towards the end....
You will find your salvation.
If this is The End....
So be it....
Am game for a new beginning.....
Am longing for a new dawn.
Towards the end...
Nothing matters at all...
 No emotions, no feelings....
Just a numbness....
A cold start to a fresh new day....
A revving of the spirits....
Gunning for a new dawn....
A new experience...
A new beginning....
A new seed sown....
A new ray of hope....
Someday, sometime, someone would be there....
Till then...move on... keep going...
That's what the heart says...
That's what the mind says....
The eyes just get blinded....
Is it a tear or the dew drops...
I do not know...
All I know is a warm feeling....
Trickling down my cheeks.
Towards the end....
My tears mingle with the August rain....
I walk... walk alone into the sunset.

Priorities......

Guess I need to prioritize....
Who's gonna be beside me.....
Who am I gonna meet...
Who it is that I give my time to...
I really need to draw the line....
The fine line.... that decides....
Who is in and who is out.

I need to see that....
I don't waste my time waiting...
For people, in whose priority list I don't feature....
What a waste of beautiful moments...
Waiting for someone who will never be there.....
Never be there for me ever...

I really need to prioritize....
Learnt my lesson well....
Twiddling my thumb...
Waiting upon someone...
Who had priorities set right....
Guess am just a back up plan for lonely nights....
And bored days...
Need to set my limits....
Keep people off limits....
Not giving them an inch...
To take me for a ride again.

I have set my priorities too....
And I guess you don't feature......
In the to do list no more...
You set your priorities...
And, now I set my own.