In her thoughts

Alone in her thoughts...
She cries silently ...
Weeps a river ...
Paces back and forth ...
Lulls herself to sleep...
But, sleep ...
It doesn't come ...
It teases her ...
Worrisome in her state ...
All she does is ...
Take to alternatives....
Drugging her senses ...
She wails and wallows in self pity ...
Dizzy with kaleidoscopic images ...
She imagines him with her ...
She weeps silently ...
He watches her ...
Not a word uttered ...
Those silent brooding eyes ...
Just watch her ...
And he vanishes ....
She takes more to calm her nerves ...
She seeks him ...
In those colourful flamboyant dreams ...
An addiction ...
That is killing her slowly.

Day and night ...
Toxic substance in her veins ...
She does her chores for the world to see...
But within ...
She plays hide and seek with her feelings.

A hue of colours ...
Washing over her senses ...
She goes into another realm ....
Where nothing hurts ...
She is happy ...
She sobs her tormented thoughts away.
Shame, that a life is wasted ...
In the trauma of a lost love.

Alone in her thoughts ...
She builds a world of happiness ...
Him , her, their little ones ...
Alas! Just an overactive imagination ...
Of a woman lost in the world of psychedelic drugs.

Damn these feelings ...

You are dead for me henceforth ... she wrote...
She avoided him ...
She went into her shell...
To no avail ...
He lives ...
In her thoughts , he lives ...
He lives within her ...
She can't shake him off ...
A leech ...
The feelings for him just don't vanish ...
They remain ...
Tormenting her day in and day out ...
She dies every moment ...
Regretting having hurt his feelings ...
Having written those words ...
She prays for his success...
She prays for his long life ...
She wishes death upon herself.

Love doesn't die ever...
Once you love someone ...
You can never hate them ...
You can never wish them bad...
You might shout and scream at them ...
But deep within...
You never stop loving them ...
Not when you have cherished ...
And nurtured that love for three decades.

She sits in her sombre state ...
Aloneness her companion ...
And ponders ,
How it would have been different ...
Had destiny not separated them...
She spins dreams ...
She lives in a world of fantasy ...
Where they are together ...
Happy and merry ...
Content in each others company.

Damn those feelings !
Damn the mushy mushy feelings!
Damn being human.

Motherhood

The most beautiful feeling ever ... being born again ...
Born with the little one emerging  from within you ...
Motherhood , the most beautiful feeling ever.

Watching your little ones grow up ...
In front of your eyes ...
Bouncing with boundless energy...
Happy being with you ...
Happy with everything they have ...
Content under your umbrella of love...
Motherhood has no explanation ...
It just thrives in the veins of women.

Each time a woman gives birth to a baby ...
Each time a mother is born ...
Each time a new life is born ...
Each time life salutes a woman...
So, why stifle what is growing within you ...
One born of  love ...
No, motherhood is what she  chooses...
Come what may.

This would be her gift to mankind ...
One born out of wedlock ...
One born of love ...
Intense passionate pure love ...
A selfless sacrifice to be made....
Walking away wasn't easy ...
Nor will life be henceforth ...
For lonely and alone she treads ...
Upon a difficult path ahead.

Being born again is what she seeks ...
Motherhood once again beckons her.

Before the wall caves in ...

A stoic stance taken ...
She braces for the final showdown...
Before the wall caves in ...
She takes  deep breath ...
And dives in ...
Into the depths of her inner self ...
Into the realms of her being ...
Introspecting ...
Brooding ...
She weighs the pros and cons ...
To face or not ...
The final face off...
To rip the mask of the face ...
The face of the conman.

In the wake of the aftermath...
Of her destruction...
She suppresses the anger within ...
A stream of volleys of words ...
All set to be unleashed. ..
Before her patience  caves in ...
She battles the inner demons ...
To expose or not ...
The cunning fox that roams free.

In her aloneness she seeks solace...
Her words her companions...
She walks further...
Finding bliss in her passion...
His blood her favourites ...
She misses him no more...
Until the wall caves in ...
She mafches on ...
The rickety bridge of life...
Creaking below Her feet...
She explores a new World.

The landing of the Stork

A flight due to a landing in Summer...
The Stork readies itself for the final flight.

Grasped in its beak ...
A knotty bundle of delight...
The culmination of unabandoned love...
The Stork preens its feathers...
For the final flight.

The damsel...
Glowing with health...
Gaining in weight ...
The seed within nurtured with love...
She musters courage ...
To face the harsh World...
The Stork smiles ...
A sign ...
For the damsel ...
To ready herself for its arrival.

The feelings of impending motherhood ...
A mixed bag of affairs...
The mother to be smiles shyly...
Looking at the growing bump...
The belly distending ...
A warm feeling taking over ...
The Stork readies for its final flight.

Motherhood. ..
Long forgotten ...
Being revisited ...
The damsel is no more distressed...
She smiles at ghe thought of baby smells...
She feels warmth ...
When imagining her baby...
She is happy ...
Glowing with the growinb seed within.

The Stork waits for the signal...
All set to deliver ...
The product of uninhibited gay love ...
That surpasses all surprises ...
Motherhood revisited again.

I want to ...

I have a dream ...
A bucket list of things to do, places to  visit...
Yes, Paris ... France first in the list , with you ... hand in hand ... walking the lanes and bylanes ... watching the moon over the Eiffel tower...

 The green lawns of Lyon ... all the way to the Alps ...  the  country famed for its Chocolates ... the canals , Belgium , a dream come true .. Bruges to visit , to strengthen our vows. 

A dream , wishes to fulfill... dreams to live.

Sipping coffee your favourite and the bubbly Champagne , mine ... by the road side cafes ... whispering sweet nothings by the Sienne, ... yes , lovely walks along the Sienne ... a dream come true it will be.,

When , how , where ... is it possible... only time can tell ... waiting for the signs ... the telltale signs of unbridled love ... making love under the  clouds on moonlit nights ... howling joyous cries ...
That's love ... the essence wafting in my consciousness.

Buoyed by hope ...

Hoping against hope ...
Bobbing to surface again ...
The whirlpool of life ...
Dragging her within...
She is buoyed by hope ...
To live again ....
The lifeline severed ...
She still searches ...
Sometimes frantically....
For that flicker of light ...
That flame from the Lighthouse...
In a  stormy sea....
She tries to find her hope..
Buoyed by hope ...
Bouncing back to life ...
Little hands tugging at her dress....
She wants to try again.

Grief becomes her ...

Sadness engulfs her ...
She the aggrieved ...
Tearless stare ...
Into the oblivion ...
A horizon none can fathom... Grief becomes her ...
An intolerable part of her pain ...
The memories come flooding back.

Eyes red ... hurting and sore ...
Swollen and puffed ...
Sleepless nights become her....
Grief becomes her...
She retreats into her shell.

All she wants is to vanish ...
Not fade away ...
Just go far away ...
Far far away forever....
Loneliness becomes her ...
Grief becomes her.