The Scientist & his Muse ...

He tinkers with timers and jars ...
Solves formulas and creates new ones ...
He propounds theories ...
And, proves them right ...
All along he immersed himself ...
In work none could understand.

All was hunky dory ...
A perfect World for him to live in ..
Till she arrived ...
Then, nothing was the same....
The was something ...
That stirred within him ...
His heart skipped a beat ...
He lost count of his days and nights ...
She was all he could think.

A goddess of his dreams ...
Dreams he began to dream ...
Dreams that shattered ...
When he came to know her truth.

Yet, somewhere deep down ...
He knew she never lied ...
She was the epitome of Love ...
A love he craved ...
The Scientist immersed himself ...
In his work yet again ...
While she waited for him to Realize.

The Muse...
Aged and ripe ...
Yet untouched by vice ...
Waited upon the man she fell for ...
The man for whom she took a chance ...
The man who threw her out ...
The moment he knew her truth ....
She waited ...
For he was her truth ...
He was her fountain of youth.

A Foot & Ball inches closer ...

If words be the medium to express one's innermost feelings , a Foot & Ball situation is the most apt way to describe words spoken in misguided disguise by men and women all the same.

It is like being in the presence of a being that sees you only as an object of desire. Full of himself yet so giving , a puppy dog yet a roaring raring Lion elsewhere maybe.

In other circumstances, a man speaking to me about Bed, bath & Linen would have got my knees hitting them hard in the balls but I guess this is one child exploring his options in a virtual world.

Well,  a one hour talk ain't enough time to know a person based on an auditory interaction. Sometimes, even a lifetime ain't enough. Guess, need to give this Football fan some time before he freaks out or is brave enough to weather a personality stronger than his own and her whims and fancies.

So, till further notice and interaction with an interesting person hooked onto Hookah and self obsession with Footballs , let's close this chapter here with a foot in the mouth and the balls in the crotch where they belong ;-)

Identity Versus Individuality

Identity in Philosophy : Also called sameness, is whatever makes an entity definable and recognizable

As per any dictionary :

i·den·ti·ty

  [ahy-den-ti-tee, ih-den-]

noun, plural i·den·ti·ties.

1.

the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, as under varying aspects or conditions

2.

the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another

3.

condition or character as to who a person or what a thing is

4.

the state or fact of being the same one as described.

5.

the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time and sometimes disturbed in mental illnesses

Well, if a name identifies me , then I am who I am just because a word says so. 

But, am I just a name. Is my identity defined by my name or my personality and my work?

I won't take any other example but my own. 

My maiden name is very different from the name I currently exhibit. I was popular even with that name, successful and happy. With my new name, I am infamous, popular of course, successful for others but the name itself sets my life in shambles. 

Why so? You may ask and the answer is ....

Your name defines your fate. 

Example; It was Lord Krishna's Birth Anniversary a couple of days ago and I was tagged with him... People tag me as Radhe Shyam, Radhe Govind etcetra etcetra. Why tag me as Lord Krishna's love interest? Why should that name define me or my fate? But, it does to some extent.

My identity is my work, my children and their actions. 

I had an identity as my father's daughter ... Am proud of my legacy

I had an identity as my in laws daughter in law ... Am proud I was a good Daughter in Law

I had an identity as the wife of an upcoming Naval officer ... I was proud of that identity and still am, despite a divorce from the said person

I have an identity as a mother to two very bright individuals ... am proud of it

But, somewhere in enacting all these roles I never realised I was Someone, That I had an identity of my own. MY OWN INDIVIDUALITY.

So, I won't say that changing names changes who I am ... My own individuality should remain as it is untouched by any aspersions as such.

So, It's not Pushpalata Chauhan  or Radhika Nanda that my Identity is, My identity is the family I represent, the children I gave birth to, The people I touched in my life ... The work that defines my personality.

My identity is the legacy I leave behind in the form of well informed youth of tomorrow via my School and the work I do. My identity are the countless coworkers, colleagues and my staff that have benefited with my presence in their lives.

I am proud to be known as my Father's Daughter

I am proud to be known as Angad and Anusuya's Mom

I am proud of my legacy ... not only as a daughter but as a daughter in law and now as an Individual in my own right.

My identity changed with every role I played ...

Despite a divorce, I maintain my marital name... for that is the identity my children identify with... Do I have the right to change it for them? Will it be right for me to do so? 

I am proud of being known as Radhika Nanda ... The Phoenix that rose from her ashes ... No identity crisis here ... but an individual born of conflict and pain Once Again.

By changing my name, I didn't change my destiny nor myself ... I grew stronger and developed my own individuality.

So, it is not identity that matters but your uniqueness.

How Unique and different are you from the rest of the World?

Name can be changed but NOT YOU. You stand out alone in a crowd different from the rest because of your uniqueness and your personality.

So, when you change your name and tag someone's surname to your name, you embrace that person as your own, you melt in with their personality and emerge a victor with a new name and a stronger person Because, you have added more vitamins and energy boosters to your already defined personality.

By changing your name, you don't change anything about you but you get closer to the other and his or her family. Ye, the prerogative need not be only for a woman to change her name but a man can also do the same and that is where the difference lies ... a woman is an all becoming epitome of sacrifice .... but, she can keep her name and that of her partner too yet remain single in her Uniqueness ... that is an INDIVIDUAL.

Sam & Chandru ... A love story that never started

He loved her name ... That's what he said to her. Sameekshaa ... Cutie Beauty

She sheds a few tears , still remaining at the edge ... and turns her face remembering the Night Owl ... How much he seemed to have loved her and when she really felt it ... he left breaking her forever. He had never seen her yet loved her and professed undying love and now knowing who she was, He left.

She really loved him ... keeping awake the whole night just to be with him. She still waits each night staring at the screen where she met him ... online and just stares at the screen and he never shows up . he moved on, she was just another catch that went Wrong all the way.

She was just passing by, he had contacted her. She knew it was a dead end already yet she loved him and went ahead. She took a risk when she felt he would understand and trusted him, as he would always say to her ... Trust me. She trusted him and he left.

Except for name and age, everything she said was true ... he liked her talks then how did everything else matter ... she was still the same he had opened up to. Now, even that is doubtful, he isn't who he said he was. He lied too, didn't he. What hurt his Male Alter Ego? His lies caught or her simple truth?

It was a beautiful Love Story unfolding each night ... She would feign anger and he would love her unconditionally , putting her to sleep in his arms till dawn beckoned them apart.
Now, she waits upon him Dusk to dawn to Dusk ... but there is no one with his open arms to hug and tell her , I am here, I will be here always.

He said he would be there always .... He is nowhere to be seen.

Yes, she can see him happy in a virtual World with others and it saddens her heart to even see him interacting happily with others when he had professed his undying love to her.

The Professor of Love and Lust maybe ..  but not the man he projected to her.

More to Follow #TheTrollersPark

The Protagonist ..

The person that writes these words ...
The Woman of many shades ...
She confesses her Reality ...
Do not confuse it with a weakness ...
Her confessions make her stronger.

Know it well ...
She pours her heart out ...
Yet, she doesn't cow down to distress ...
In adversity ...
She finds her strength ...
Her morality is her conviction.

She has always loved and truly ...
Loss is just a state of mind ...
They all know ...
She loved wholeheartedly ...
With conviction ...
But, moving on is Life itself.

She is no Dead leaf ...
She lives ...
She breathes  life ...
A puff of air ..
Like smoke in the air..
A Fresh breath of life ...
She loves with all her heart ...
Her feelings never confined.

Her spirit wild and free ..
Can never be caged ...
Never contained is the Ghost of past Love.

The Protagonist of all the stories told and retold ...
Love each character that appears ...
No regrets ever ...
She learnt  a lot from each one.

No Matter What...

No matter what you say or do ... I Love You.

The day I realised that I exposed myself to you .... you hated me for that. But, I was always the same ... Yet you never realised it.

Loving you is all I know. Against all hopes , I shall wait upon love to really dawn upon you.
You feel otherwise but Love sees no barriers ... age ain't a criteria to ever fall in love.

Am happy in the knowledge that I shall love you unconditionally and for a moment you did love me.  I read our notes of love exchanged in days afore .... and relive those thoughtless, reckless moments.

Life is one jelly bean jumping from place to place .. but, love hath cometh and thou shalt never forget me.

No matter what the World says ... I will never stop loving you.

No matter what you think ... I will always love you.

Parameters for Love ...

I have realized one thing for sure; There is no age that is a set parameter to ever fall in love.

I have time and again been in an amorous relationship with men younger than me for no apparent reasons and thanks to the so called Social Taboos of our mindsets and societies, have ended those relations.

But, this time round ... no way am I gonna back out. I love this intelligent young man  and loving him is all I know. I listen to what he says , I allow him to take the decisions too. it feels nice when someone takes charge and calls the shots  rather than you.

He is smart, suave, sophisticated and intelligent .. Originally from Lucknow. What else can a Lady ask for?

There's an unseen chemistry that allows for communication to flow between the two of us. One look from him is enough for me to know what to do.

The decade long age gap shouldn't be burden if all is well. He doesn't need to commit ... my commitment is enough for the fire to burn within me forever.

I ask not for his share of love .... I only give mine.

He is mine for keeps ... in mind, body and soul and I don't need to ask for anyone's permission or approval . Not even his.

My love and feelings are mine and for me to express freely.

There are never any set parameters for and in love. There are none in our case.

Legend has it that all the immortal Lovers had the female lover always older than the male. Then, why such a taboo today?

Lynched Words ...

What worth is a Writer for ...
If their words are curbed ...
What worth is a Wordsworth...
If his poem is cut short?

My words you have slashed ...
like my wrist ...
A bleeding Heart ...
Shall write no more of love.

The bloodbath of my story ...
The Gory end to my Lovetales.

By deleting my words ...
I have committed Harakairi ...
All for your senseless Love ...
All to please ...
Your false alter ego.

You can not destroy ...
What is within me ...
It is mine to keep ...
Keep your false social taboos to yourself ..
I shall forever love you.

Lynched words ... you are the Hangman ....
But, feelings not deleted ...
They are mine and ONLY mine to keep.