Towards the end....

Towards the fag end of the day....
I guess you can't call it quits....
Until it is well done.....
Until you really mean it.
Towards the end of a relationship...
When all else is crumbling around you...
When you see your whole world....
Washed away in your pitiful tears...
You just can't give up....
Give up you must....
If there is no response....
Give up you must when you find no respite...
Just give up... towards the end of the day....
Let go.... let them be.
Towards the end...
You will sense a wave of relief....
Take over and override everything else....
Towards the end....
You will find your salvation.
If this is The End....
So be it....
Am game for a new beginning.....
Am longing for a new dawn.
Towards the end...
Nothing matters at all...
 No emotions, no feelings....
Just a numbness....
A cold start to a fresh new day....
A revving of the spirits....
Gunning for a new dawn....
A new experience...
A new beginning....
A new seed sown....
A new ray of hope....
Someday, sometime, someone would be there....
Till then...move on... keep going...
That's what the heart says...
That's what the mind says....
The eyes just get blinded....
Is it a tear or the dew drops...
I do not know...
All I know is a warm feeling....
Trickling down my cheeks.
Towards the end....
My tears mingle with the August rain....
I walk... walk alone into the sunset.

Priorities......

Guess I need to prioritize....
Who's gonna be beside me.....
Who am I gonna meet...
Who it is that I give my time to...
I really need to draw the line....
The fine line.... that decides....
Who is in and who is out.

I need to see that....
I don't waste my time waiting...
For people, in whose priority list I don't feature....
What a waste of beautiful moments...
Waiting for someone who will never be there.....
Never be there for me ever...

I really need to prioritize....
Learnt my lesson well....
Twiddling my thumb...
Waiting upon someone...
Who had priorities set right....
Guess am just a back up plan for lonely nights....
And bored days...
Need to set my limits....
Keep people off limits....
Not giving them an inch...
To take me for a ride again.

I have set my priorities too....
And I guess you don't feature......
In the to do list no more...
You set your priorities...
And, now I set my own.

Couldn't have been possible....

Whatever that has happened so far in my life could have been avoided if I had followed the common path.... I didn't.... I made my own trail in the concrete jungle.... a trail that leads to nowhere yet reaches me somewhere. I don't expect anyone to follow suit, not even my kids.. they should carve a life out for themselves... I am just an example of what can happen if you rebel and go your own way... try it.... take it or leave it... I ain't no one to give advises.... I ain't the sort to guide.... I ain't the one to lead you.... I take you with me in my experiences first hand... I myself do not know what lays ahead but I know, am game for some adventure always.

All this couldn't have been possible for me had people not come and gone out of my life.... poof.... one moment there and the next gone.... vaporized.... but yet the experiences I felt with them... in their company for a brief while, shaped my destiny and my today. No hard feelings for anybody... but a heart felt thanks for being there for a moment and then moving on and giving me my space and time to breath.

I am what I am coz' of my experiences and am glad of those moments that changed me and my outlook on life. Am happy with whatever cards life dealt me.... feel like a winner all the way.... I gambled all my life.... am still gambling it.... the maverick that I am.

There is not a single thought of remorse.... no thought at all... just a blank page that I fill in each day with my new experiences daily.... and then erase it all and fill in again. A never ending story to be written each moment till my last breath.

All this couldn't have been possible if I didn't have a family supportive enough to forgive every rebellion of mine, to overlook every mistake I have made so far..... a family that loves me no matter what.... come hail and thunderstorm they have stood by my side.... never letting me fall.... I stumbled and they supported me..... They made it possible for me to brush off the dirt from my dress and move on.... egging me on..... That's what family is for.... Unconditional love.

If I am what I am , I am coz' of my kids, who took in all my experiences good or bad in their stride, always by my side and their snide remarks and jokes about my countless affairs.... kept the humour strong and supple and the mood light. The first ones to know the condition of my heart and the beats .... they are my pillars of strength.

All this couldn't have been possible .... but for all these people and the influence they have had on my life.... my friends, my foes ..... my family, my kids..... and my ever romantic infallible heart.

Unsure moments........

There are moments when am not sure whether he is really interested in me. Those are the trying moments when I turn melancholy and go into a pensive mood. A mood that makes me wonder whether what I am doing is right. How can I  make one person my whole and sole. A rhetoric of emotions where am always wondering whether he really is into me or just playing around.

 Am not sure.... Unsure moments.

There are moments when he goes all out and is there for me and moments when I need him and he isn't there at all. What a dilemma? Always wondering whether what I am doing is right or not.

Guess I need to take a call and get out of this uncertainty. Need to buck up. Can't keep my life on hold for one person. Need to move on. Can't waste my time waiting upon a person unsure of himself.
This insecurity is killing me. Every moment am contemplating telling him I want to call it quits. But, am unable to do so. Unsure moments... unsure emotions... unsure musings.

Those moments whence he showered his undivided attention on me are mere memories to me which bring a wry smile on my lips .... that's all. It has no meaning now, when I need him he ain't there. What's the use of remembering a bygone era... moments that are not going to come back again.

Unsure moments for me.... a big decision to make.

And, I thought I was the only one.....

Yes, I thought I was the only one...
But I was all wrong....
An assumption gone awry.....
Dreams shattered and heart broken...
I lay there on the bed....
Looking up at the ceiling....
Muttering to myself...
And, I thought I was the only one.

Dark eyed from lack of sleep...
Stammering a few words...
I walk into the walk of life.....
A hollow self of mine...
Everyone notices....
The stagger in the walk.....
They all can feel the alcohol in my breath....
I tried to drown my sorrows in it.....
I tried to stifle my cries....
I tried in vain to camouflage....
The everlasting pain.
And, I thought I was the only one.....
When there was another...
Lurking in the shadows....
Behind your veiled eyelashes....
And, seriously all along....
I thought you loved me only....
Whence all you ever wanted from me....
Was a moments pleasure.....
A feeling of having conquered ...
And gained the most prized possession...
I ain't no jewel in your crown...
I ain't the doormat you seek....
I am every woman.....
And I walk away from you....
Today and forever, I shall never speak...
Coz' I know..... I ain't the only one...
I can never be.....
I have learnt my lesson well....
You are history Mister....
You do not feature anywhere.....
In my list of favourites anymore.
And, you thought you were the only one?

Love knows no bounds......

Love knows no bounds....
No age ... no caste... no creed...
It is just a pure sensation.....
A feeling running through your veins....
A river flowing in your body...
Boundless by time....
Limitless by emotions....
Feelings that hold forth...
A promise for a beautiful time to come.

Love knows no bounds....
I have seen it happen .....
Over and over again....
Every time a new experience....
A new game to begin....
Game because....
That's how it begins and ends....
And I term it love.....
Is it truly love?
Only time can tell...
But each time a deep imprint was left....
Each time I cried....
Each time.... I mourned....
The death of a relationship....
Each time I bid it adieu...
Each time it grew and grew.....
A monster, they call Love.

Love knows no bounds....
And yes I have loved....
A thousand men....
I have lost count.....
A thousand kind souls...
A thousand broken hearts somewhere....
But I broke too....
I broke my promise to myself each time....
Yet I was in a relationship always....
Falling in love but never in grace....
Coz' I am meant to love... not grieve...
I am meant to pick up the threads...
And move on....
Move on I shall each time...
Go on loving each time.

Love knows no bounds....
No walls ....
No age... no caste... no creed and no colour.

Oops! I did it again....

Oops! I did it again.....
I promised myself...
I won't fall in love....
And I did......
So here I am.....
Once again in a soup.....
Oops! I did it again.

The heartache has begun.....
The pain is back....
I fell in love...
And hurt myself once again.....
Another number added to the long long list...
As you would like to put it...
It should make you glad.....
Am off your back.
You are free to go....
Wherever you came from...
Wherever you wanna go...
Never the one to hold anyone back....
I set you free....But...
Did I ever shackle you?
No, I didn't  do that...
Am not the kinds to tie anyone...
Am the one who lets you remain free...
Oops! I did it again..
Sorry dear heart of mine...
I know you are feeble and not fine...
I can't help but fall in love....
For you are made to give....
Just one more time.....
Brave the pain....
I promise....Dear heart...
Never to fail you again....
I swear, love is not for me....
I realise after the fall.....
It's from our mistakes we learn...
I seem to forget all the time.

Oops! I did it again.....

No clarification to give or needed............

Need no clarification....
Nor feel the need to give one....
That's how I am...........
Unpredictable, just like you.

No assumptions...
I ain't assuming.....
Done with all that before....
Am in no mood at all....
No mood for arguments....
No mood for clarifying....
I am just like that....
Take it or leave it....
Like it or lump it.

My life sucks...
I have no choice...
I made the choice....
And am paying the price for it...
A lifetime of struggle....
To create an identity I lost.....
Am lost n this maze....
That you call life....
It ain't for me.....
I am made for pain....
And that's what you get....
When you hold my hand...
A lifetime of pain.

Let me be by myself....
Or come join me....
The choice is yours to make....
Not my liberty to take.

I have nothing to lose...
You would have to stake....
All that you've got....
To be by my side....
I don't think you are ready for that.............
It's a rough road to take....
Too many potholes...
Not ones you can navigate.

So, be the free bird that you are...
Let me be alone....
I was made for solitary life....
Not a companion  to take.

No clarification to give or needed.....
Go live your life your way.....
Lemme walk alone my way.